Chapter Thirty-Five

Sephie

“What? How?” Stephen asked when I told him he’d get to help Viktor with his trauma. “Are we going to get the guy who tortured him?”

I laughed. Ivan said, “I asked the same thing.”

“No. Adrik told you that you were going to level up. He wasn’t lying,” I said. I smiled at his obvious confusion. I walked to Stephen’s side, sliding my arm across his shoulders. “You spent so much of your life trying to figure out how to transmute your pain that now you’re going to be able to help other people do it. You can break a person, but you can also help people heal from things that are slowly killing them.”

Stephen was quiet for a few moments. He looked at Adrik and very seriously said, “This was not the level up I was expecting, but I’ll take it. Demon crushing is still on the table. Just putting that out there.”

“That’s the reason you’ve been so happy after breaking Armando, Stephen. We all thought it was because you got high off Boss’s supply. But you’ve been happy because you know you helped Sephie feel better,” Ivan said.

“Ivan’s right. He also said last night that this whole time we’ve all thought you were a serial killer, but it turns out you’re a saint. Honestly, I could not agree more,” Adrik said.

I had tears in my eyes. I wasn’t expecting them to tell him what they said, but I was happy they did. I could see the emotions flash across his face as he took in everything they’d just said. He looked up at me, still somewhat bewildered. “It’s true?” he asked quietly.

“It’s true. You took all the bad and turned it into something good. You should be able to do it on a smaller scale soon too. You have arguably the most badass gift out of all of us and somehow you keep making it better. I don’t know if the world can handle demon crushing,” I said.

I watched as his smile stretched across his face, making his entire demeanor brighter. We could all see how much stronger his light was. His entire childhood, he’d had to endure his sisters telling him he was anything but good and had to endure their horrific torture regularly. Now, we were telling him that not only was he ultimately saving souls, but he was also helping others deal with their trauma in ways that they wouldn’t be able to otherwise. He stood up, pulling me into his vampiric vice-grip of a hug.

As his grip on me loosened, he turned toward Misha. “Guess we’re going to have that conversation about what to do with your hatred toward Giana after all,” he said.

I laughed. Adrik looked at Misha, smiling. “I still can’t believe you got so angry with her. I didn’t know you had it in you,” he said.

“Honestly? I didn’t either. I don’t quite understand why what she did made me so angry, but it did,” Misha said. He thought for a moment, then looked back up at all of us. “Yeah, still does.”

“Usually when you have that strong of a reaction toward someone, it’s because they’re showing you something you don’t like about yourself. It’s the same reason Viktor is uncomfortable around our demons. He’s not comfortable around his own and ours serve as a reminder of that. It’s why he asked for his to be removed. Same thing for you, my adorable Russian guardian. There’s some part of the way Giana acted that you see in yourself and you don’t like it,” I said. “Let Stephen help you with it, but don’t stop trying to figure out why it made you angry to begin with, so you can learn from it. Stephen is not here to be your trash compactor,” I said, trying to look at him sternly.

Misha flashed his handsome smile at me. “I would never take advantage of such an opportunity,” he said innocently. He managed to get the entire sentence out before he laughed, then added, “Yeah, that’s a total lie. You’re going to have to set firm boundaries with me, Stephen.”

“Noted,” Stephen said, laughing with him.

Adrik looked between Andrei and Misha. He asked, “Are you two able to communicate with each other now?” They both looked at each other like they’d been caught doing something they shouldn’t have been doing. It made Adrik laugh. “You’re not in trouble for it. I’ve just noticed a few silent conversations where you seem like you make a decision without saying anything. I’m curious,” he said.

“I don’t think it works the same as you and Sephie or you and Ivan. It’s more like snapshots we can send each other. It just started,” Andrei said. He looked at me, silently asking if he could tell everyone that he and I had figured out a way to communicate with each other. I smiled at him, nodding my head. “It’s similar to how Sephie and I communicate. We show each other what we want the other one to see when we look in each other’s heads. It’s kind of the same with Misha, but since he doesn’t really look in my head, I have to send it to him differently.”

“I know you and Sephie figured out a way to communicate. I caught your signals to each other,” Adrik said, winking at me. “But since you two are the same, it makes sense. I’m impressed that you figured out a way to communicate with Misha.”

Andrei looked slightly relieved, his handsome smile stretching across his face. Misha added, “It’s getting easier the more we practice. I haven’t figured out yet how it would work with Stephen, but there’s gotta be a way with him too. Everything got stronger when Stephen broke Armando.”

“Have you started to feel Ivan the same way you felt Adrik after that happened?” I asked.

“Not as much. Boss is stronger. Not as strong as you, but he’s a close second now. Maybe it has to do with anger. Maybe Ivan needs to go nuclear and then it’ll be stronger for him too,” Misha said.

“Or maybe we feel Boss more strongly because your connection to him is stronger and it comes through from you, spider monkey,” Andrei said.

“Both theories make sense, honestly. I have no idea what it actually is. I like it though,” I said, grinning at all of them.

“Do you think Viktor is going to feel left out that he doesn’t have as strong of a connection to the rest of us?” Misha asked.

I sighed. “Kostya told me he prefers it that way and I have to agree with him. Viktor has so much on his mind at any given point that having to deal with the hot mess that is me feels very overwhelming to him. Kostya even said that the little bit he has felt from me has almost been too much for him.” I stopped what I was doing, looking at Adrik first, then at the other four. “I think it’s harder to take because everything is so strong between us and we all enjoy it. We just want Viktor to be a part of that.”

Adrik walked up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. “Viktor is a big boy. He made his choice and we need to respect that. Kostya told Sephie that he’s still all in, so until he does something to make me question that, I’m operating as if he’s all in. He has a very specific gift. If he doesn’t want to be a part of the rest of it, then he doesn’t need to be. I think between the rest of us, we can make any situation work.”

“If his connection to Sephie isn’t as strong, he might not be of any help in other situations anyway,” Ivan said. “That might be by design, now that I think about it.”

I chewed on my bottom lip, trying to find more answers when I didn’t really know the questions. “I feel like I want to protect Viktor from everything weird happening now. Like now I’m not sure he can handle it,” I said.

“I think that will get better once I figure out how to help him with his trauma. When you have unresolved trauma, any little thing suddenly becomes a very big thing. If he’s still struggling that much with his time in prison, then he’s not able to handle anything else. He got rid of the grief, which clouded everything, but it also uncovered other stuff he hasn’t dealt with,” Stephen said.

I smiled at Stephen. “You’re so wise, Stephen. I’m glad you finally decided to show everyone.”

Stephen surprised both Misha and me by asking if he could go with us for a run the next morning. “I figure I need to take advantage of it now while you’re still keeping it short and slower so I can ease myself into it. I know Boss doesn’t like the idea of just Misha running with you when we’re at the penthouse, but he might eventually warm up to the idea of both of us going with you. I just need to get better at it.”

“That, my favorite enabler, might be one of the more thoughtful things anyone has done for me lately,” I said.

The three of us set out for a short run. Misha, who used to dread going the long route at the house, was now slightly disappointed that we were taking the short route. I could feel his sullen mood before we left the house. “Don’t worry, my adorable Russian guardian. My lung is getting better really quickly. We’ll be able to go the long route again soon,” I said, hooking my arm through his as we walked around the pool and past the gardens.

“I never thought I would be disappointed with the short route, but here we are,” he said, laughing at himself.

Stephen was able to keep up without much trouble the entire time. It wasn’t as easy for him as it was for Misha, but Misha had also started out much in the same spot as Stephen was in now too. As we slowed to a walk, Stephen said, “I’m probably going to regret that tomorrow.”

I was still working to catch my breath, but managed to say, “You’ll be fine, Stephen. You kept up the whole way.” Misha looked down at me, suddenly alarmed that I hadn’t caught my breath yet. I smiled at him, but stopped walking to try to make it easier. “I’m okay. I’m not panicking,” I assured them. I just needed a minute of not moving.

Misha glanced at Stephen, clearly worried. Misha hadn’t seen me not able to catch my breath before. He was used to me running for hours and barely breaking a sweat. I could feel his worry turning to panic with each second that I struggled to control my breathing. “You’re not helping,” I said, in between breaths.

“I can’t help it, gazelle. I’ve never seen you like this. I don’t know what to do and I don’t like it,” Misha said. “I think I should carry you back to the house,” he said. “Boss is going to kill me if you come back broken.”

“He makes a solid argument there, Seph. It’s easier for you to catch your breath if you’re not moving. It’ll also help him feel less panicked, which will help you feel less panicked. I can see the white swirling in your eyes, but I think it’s from Misha, not you,” Stephen said.

“How?” I asked, as Misha squatted down in front of me so I could hop on his back.

“Everything from you always has heat behind it. Your fear and panic slightly less than other emotions, but it’s still warm. Much warmer than I am. This isn’t warm enough to be from you. You said he runs cooler like I do, so it must be from him,” Stephen said as we continued walking to the house.

“You’re getting better, Yoden,” I said.

He flashed me a grin. “I’ve been thinking about what you told me last night too. I have ideas,” he said.

I squeezed Misha’s neck a little tighter, asking if he was ready to be a guinea pig. He turned his head so he could see me out of the corner of his eye. “I just have one question. Do I get pancakes later if I say yes?”

We were still laughing when we got to the house. Adrik was concerned when he saw Misha carrying me back. I knew it wasn’t worth trying to keep it from him. “I did struggle to catch my breath. I think we might’ve went a little too far this time. Misha helped me out by carrying me back,” I said as Misha deposited me on the kitchen counter. Ivan had walked in right after us, mirroring Adrik’s concern when he saw Misha carrying me.

“I think you’ve done too much this week, princess. You might be overdoing it,” Ivan said.

“I agree. You’re still at risk for pneumonia again,” Adrik said, handing me a glass of water.

Misha was still somewhat worried and mostly shocked. “I haven’t seen her not able to catch her breath before. That was alarming.”

“Did you panic?” Adrik asked. “I didn’t feel anything.”

“She didn’t, but Misha did,” Stephen said. “She stayed calm while she worked to catch her breath, but he made her eyes swirl with white because she could feel his panic.”

Adrik looked at me, surprised. “That’s three times now that your eyes have changed in response to someone else and not you.”

“You’re looking at me like I have an answer as to why that is,” I said, trying not to laugh at him.

“Sephie feels everything so much more intensely than the rest of us, it makes sense that her eyes would be more responsive to everything around her as she becomes more responsive to everything around her,” Stephen said.

“Yeah, what he said,” I said, grinning at Adrik. He clicked his tongue as he stepped in front of me, standing between my legs, his hands on my thighs.

“What happened when you felt his panic?” Adrik asked.

“I told him he wasn’t helping.”

“It didn’t make yours worse?” he asked.

“My panic didn’t make an appearance at all. I think it might have if Misha had continued to panic. I could feel that coming on, but once he started carrying me, he calmed down,” I said.

Adrik looked at me thoughtfully. “Good. You’re learning to control it,” he said as he pulled me to the edge of the counter quickly. It made me wrap my legs around him to keep from feeling like I was going to fall. He wrapped one arm around my waist, picking me up off the counter, and walked out of the kitchen with me.

“Okay, bye!” I called out to the guys as we left. We could hear them laughing as we went up the stairs.

It took until Sunday afternoon before Stephen felt ready to try to help Misha with his anger toward Giana. “I might’ve been overanalyzing everything. Try not to be surprised,” Stephen said after they came back.

“And?” I asked, looking between him and Misha. Misha looked even happier than normal.

“I think it worked. I don’t feel anything when I think about Giana now and I couldn’t be happier about that,” Misha said, laughing.

“Was it easy?” I asked Stephen. He had said he felt like he didn’t need anyone’s help for this one. He really had been thinking about it since finding out that he’d be able to do it. I was sure he had a complete standard operating procedure written out in his head on what needed to happen.

“Yeah, much easier than breaking a person. I don’t know how much Viktor is carrying around, but I might be able to do it on my own with him too. Misha was easy. It really was just his anger for Giana and nothing else,” Stephen said.

“That’s because he’s too adorable to be bothered by anything else,” I said, grinning at Misha.

I sighed, hopeful that Viktor would get even more relief from the trauma of his past and that it would help him to feel more comfortable around all of us. I wanted all of us to feel comfortable around him as well. I didn’t want to constantly feel irritated when I was around him and I knew the guys didn’t either. One more step in whatever this was that was happening to all of us.