Chapter 18 Of Blizzards, Blood, and Wormwood
18
Of Blizzards, Blood, and Wormwood
"If you think there is any world in which I'm letting you do this alone," Ivy said, with that strained equanimity that I knew meant she was exerting herself mightily to keep from raising her voice, "you are out of your entire goddamned mind, Dasha Avramov."
We stood outside my cottage arguing in hushed tones, not wanting to risk the possibility of waking Maya—though she still slept like the living dead, nearly comatose every time her head hit the pillow.
"But, Ivy," I protested, my hands curling into fists by my sides, "I've never even done that before! Does this seem like the best time to try sliding over with someone in tow? When he could be there? Besides which, I need you here on this side, to pull me back."
"Not buying it," she retorted, mouth setting in a stubborn line. "If we put a timed binding spell on your garnet and anchor it to an object on this side, it'll yank us both back like a rubber band. And you've told me before that devil eaters can bring others along for the ride. It says so in your super-secret Avramov lore or whatever, even if you haven't tried it. I know I can't stop you—and frankly, it's not a terrible idea, given our lack of other viable options. But if you're going to go sniffing around on the other side, you need backup. Especially if he's there."
That was the general plan—now that I knew what the various gods' affinities were, I wanted to do a little sleuthing. I doubted that he'd still be lurking in wait, not when he'd never been there the many times I'd visited over the years. But his presence had to have exerted some effect in a place as otherwise immutable as the other side of the veil. I was willing to bet some godly detritus still lingered like psychic spoor—and if there was a chance it could provide any information about which deity we were dealing with, that meant I had to try, Elena's prohibitions be damned.
"But if you get hurt…" I trailed off, unable to even finish the thought.
"You won't let that happen," Ivy said stoutly, gathering up my hands between us. But I could feel her autumn-chilled fingers trembling in mine; despite her formidable resolve, Ivy was too smart not to be afraid of what we were going to attempt. "I know you won't. You're the ultimate expert on the other side, Dasha. You'll know if we need to leave immediately—and even if you do get a little carried away, the binding spell will encompass us both, as long as I keep touching you."
I took a long, shuddering breath, then nodded. "Okay," I said slowly, letting it out in a whoosh. "Okay, fine. I'm going to tether my garnet to the porch light." I always kept it on anyway to discourage the shades from hovering too close, but symbolically, it was meant to light your way home. Exactly the energy we needed. "After that, we should be good to go."
"Will I…feel anything?" she said, sounding as tense as I felt. "During the transition."
"It's so fast that I barely do, though I can't predict what the other side will feel like for you. Fucking phenomenal, if my experience is enough to judge by. But I can't guarantee anything, because, like I said , I haven't exactly had a chance to practice. Not a lot of takers for tours of the other side."
She choked out a brittle little laugh at that. "First time for everything, right? Now cast that bind before I lose my nerve."
I closed my eyes, murmuring the words that would link my garnet to the porch light. I could feel the gem heat at my throat, pulsing like a second heart, and then the shimmering thread, slim but resilient as spider silk, that abruptly sprang up between it and the light. It would allow us the equivalent of ten earthside minutes beyond the veil before it forcibly drew us back. I knew from my experiments that time passed much more slowly there, so we'd have plenty of opportunity to explore, and I could always shift us back earlier if I wanted to. The bind would act more as a fail-safe than anything.
"Alright," I said, squeezing Ivy's hands tight. "Here goes nothing."
The world abruptly wheeled like a top whirling around its axis—and then we landed on the other side with the same dizzying stumble I always experienced, though I made sure not to let go of Ivy's hands. When I opened my eyes, she was already gaping at the blood-rust clouds sprawled against the gray smear of sky, the listless black flowers that surrounded us like a glistening, gothic tableau, the skeletal orchards in the distance heavy with their inedible fruit.
Then her head fell back, mouth dropping open and her neck arching so hard I could see the veins straining beneath her skin.
"Oh my god, Dasha," she breathed, her lips trembling. "It's so wrong here. There's no sound, no air, nothing at all . But oh fuck, it also feels so good ."
"Truer words," I managed wryly, through the blaze of my own euphoria. Because though I was already burning with it myself, I'd known to expect it—and nothing I could have said would have prepared Ivy for its potency. Instead I pulled her close, sliding one arm around her waist, holding her steady like a different kind of anchor as it pounded through her. When she swung her head forward, her eyes were still glazed with pleasure, her chest rising and falling with each rapid breath.
"I want to kiss you," she said, her eyes locked on mine, air rasping through her clenched teeth. "Really, really bad. Is that…can we even do that, if our bodies aren't really here?"
"I don't know," I whispered, fighting the tremendous urge to throw caution to the nonexistent wind and do it anyway. "I think we can, but I don't think it's a good idea. Just let it wash over you, breathe through it like you taught me. I know it's intense, but it should recede in a bit. Not all the way, but enough to be manageable."
She nodded frantically, then pitched herself into my arms, winding her own around my neck, as though our bodies truly had been spirited here. I held her close, feeling our hearts beating furiously against each other, her breath warm on my neck. It felt so much like—and yet also nothing like—the last time I'd been here, the almost unbearable ecstasy of arousal coupled with that blazing elation.
But I knew how to weather it now. And I could do it for both of us as she clung to me, her lips hot and plush against my skin, testing me beyond anything I'd experienced before.
"You did it!" she whispered, a tinge of triumph to her tone even through all that languor, squeezing me hard. "You really brought me here with you."
"And you came with me." I squeezed her back, realizing with a shock that I could still smell the familiar creamy sweetness of her scent—as if she were just as real as my own spiritual avatar was on this side. Now the only other living thing here, besides me. "Thank you."
The fact that I could imagine taking us both back, even feeling the way I did with her in my arms, convinced me more than anything else ever had that I'd learned how to exist here in a sustainable way. And the pride that surged through me at that thought only bolstered my conviction.
Finally, finally , this world was mine. But I didn't belong to it anymore, except when I chose to.
Eventually, Ivy's death grip on me loosened, and I could hear her slowly wrestle her breathing back under control. Then she took an unsteady step away from me, sliding her hand down my arm until our fingers interlaced so we wouldn't lose contact.
"I think I'm okay now," she said, blinking rapidly. "Very relatively speaking. You?"
"Me, too," I said, leaning forward to nuzzle my nose against hers. "You did fantastic. It took me way longer to get it together in the beginning."
"Well, we do know I'm a champion at…" She trailed off as her gaze drifted over my shoulder, eyes widening. "Holy shit , Dasha! Is that always there?"
I turned around slowly, careful to keep our hands entwined. And there it was—the castle from the faraway mountain range. Except it was suddenly here , right here, looming above us with its glittering black domes and needling spires, towers topped with elaborate finials like spearheads. A sprawling dark palace landed in the field of flowers, not twenty feet away from where we stood.
"No," I said, my insides ringing with shock like a struck bell. "It's never here. I've seen it before, but only in the distance. Out on that mountain range that sits on the horizon. And the mountains are clearly still all the way over there, where they're supposed to be."
"So this must be because of him," she said, craning her neck to peer up at its impossibly distant topmost turrets. "Right?"
"Definitely," I agreed, with a sinking heart. "Which means we have to get closer to it."
Hand in hand, we crossed the flower field, our feet making no sound as the petals and leaves caught and brushed at our boots, that oppressively dead silence stoppering my ears. It should've taken longer to reach it than it did, but I knew from my previous adventures that distance here was as unpredictable as time. I'd spent what felt like a day walking to the orchard once; another time, I'd reached it in what felt like two steps, and even passed through it to discover the dead quicksilver river that stagnated beyond.
This time, it was as if we'd thought ourselves directly in front of the castle's shimmering surface. We stood so close I could reach out with my free hand and graze the stone—clenching my teeth against the sub-zero nitrogen cold that emanated from it.
"Well, we have winter vibes for sure," I said to Ivy, my teeth chattering. "Too bad that one's three for three."
"Right, but look closer," she said, peering at the glittering wall. The entire castle seemed to be not laid of stones or bricks but carved like a chess piece, from a single colossal block. There didn't appear to be any visible doors, and the arched windows with their Moorish peaks were set with panes of the same polished stone, revealing nothing within. "Look at that cloudy marbling. Dasha, this is black blizzard stone."
"Chernobog," I breathed, exchanging wide-eyed looks with her as we both remembered what we'd read. "But we have to be sure, don't we? I don't want to go to Elena with just blizzard stone and ‘it was super cold.'?"
She nodded, fixing her gaze on the glistening surface again. "Then we have to touch it. Touch it properly, feel for the magic. You ready to do that?"
I set my jaw, splaying my free hand. "Yeah. Count of three?"
She nodded brusquely, gritting her own teeth as I counted us down.
As soon as my skin pressed against the stone and I allowed my senses to extend past it, the howl of a winter wind rang in my ears like baying wolves.
I could feel the iron tang of some gamey blood welling in my mouth until it felt like it would choke me, hear the dry rustle of snakeskin as if skeins of it had been wound around my body. My nose filled with the sharp, sagey scent of wormwood, and somewhere in the back of my mind, a pair of tremendous stag horns branched out at the same time as wings unfurled, billowing and flapping, so dark and endless that they blotted out the entire living world. I had the impression of something like the nemeses of stars…as if I could see black holes, only the entire universe was made of them. Because they'd eaten everything, glutted themselves on light until the very last living speck was dead and gone.
"Child of dark." A silken whisper threaded through my mind, somewhere above and beneath all that overwhelming noise, utterly inhuman and sublimely amused. "With that bright star upon your brow. Is it you, calling for me once more? I would not come for almost anyone, save to tear them asunder and feed their bones to the everlasting void. But you . You, child of dark, brimming with the smell of light…I would come for you."
Gasping, I ripped my hand away from the castle wall, tightening my desperate hold on Ivy. "Did you hear that?" I asked her, panic thrashing in my throat. "Just now? He…he's coming . He wants to come for me, Ivy!"
"I didn't hear that, but I sure as shit felt something ," she said, making a face as she scraped her tongue through her teeth. So she'd tasted that rank blood, just like I had—and heard that howling, terrifying cacophony, the echoing din of the void. The roaring silence at the end of the world. The end of all worlds. "It's Chernobog, it has to be. So let's get the fuck out of here before he does decide to pull some Hades shit and come snatch you away."