Epilogue

EPILOGUE

P ressing the red button to turn off the TV, I let the hotel room lapse into silence, the darkness surrounding me only interrupted by the snores of my bandmates. The rhythmic sound is as familiar as my own breathing, but it's not relaxing my troubled soul enough for me to sleep tonight.

My eyes land on the bed I should be sleeping in, one side of the covers pushed back and empty, the other wrapped tightly around him—the reason I can't sleep.

I stare at his unmoving frame, wishing he were as troubled as I was. I wish he understood why everything is changing yet staying the same all at once.

We are on our way to the top, finally getting our big break with this tour. The world knows our names, and all the tiny shows and empty audiences are finally worth it. All the hours driving in crappy vans across the country, promoting our music, are coming to fruition.

I can't help but miss that simplicity though.

The contract we signed today burns a hole in my bag, the words echoing in my head and heart, reminding me why I am so restless.

I can' t have him.

I signed it. It didn't say it in so many words, but it might as well have.

Can I stop these urges and feelings?

I have to if we're going to make it to the top where we all want to be. Right now is our time, and I won't ruin that for us all because of this forbidden love inside me.

He isn't mine, and he can't be, so why do I wish he were?

Why do I wish he would look at me as more than a friend, a bandmate? It's a hopeless dream.

No, I must resist.

I have to.