Chapter Twelve

Calista

The ride to Bullet's clinic was a blur. Ringo took me in an old pickup because he thought I was too shaky to ride behind him on his bike. He wasn't wrong. The thought that I might not see my friend again living and breathing and laughing and giving everyone shit clawed at me.

"She'll be OK, you know." Ringo squeezed my hand as he pulled the truck outside what I could only assume was Bullet's place. "Bullet wouldn't take a chance with her life. If she needs more care than she can get here, he'll make sure she has the best. She's strong."

"I shouldn't have called him Peckerwood," I muttered, inanely. "Then maybe he wouldn't have done this." It was a stupid thing to say, but it was the only thought ringing in my head. No matter what Ringo said, this felt like my fault. On multiple counts. "I forced my way in here, I insulted a member of your club. If Apple dies --"

"Stop!" Ringo barked out the command, then pulled me onto his lap to straddle him. I went back to burying my face in his neck because it was comforting. And because I didn't want to face the recrimination in his eyes. I should have realized at this point that Ringo wouldn't let me get away with hiding from him. He gently forced my face up, so I had to look at him. "You did exactly what you were supposed to do. Dom gave your mom the information to get you here and you used it. If anyone is to blame for that, it's Dom. What you don't seem to get is that Dom did exactly what he was supposed to do, too. If that means bringing danger to our door, you're most certainly worth it. To Dom. To me. Apple, too. I guarantee you, no one blames anyone but Illivitch and Redwood. Certainly not you."

I shook my head hard. "You don't know that."

He gripped my shoulders, giving me a little shake back. "I do. I absolutely do. This is my club. I've known most of these men my whole adult life. Since I was in the service. Certainly after coming here."

"But Redwood --"

"Was a rat bastard. Look." He scrubbed a hand over his face. "I'm going to tell you something. Should have before, but we've been getting to know each other. I had no desire to interrupt bonding with you. I wanted you solidly in my corner before we went into why this club is even here."

"I don't understand."

He gave me a gentle smile as he wiped tears from under my eyes with his thumbs. "We're not good guys, Calista. We have our own moral codes. Not everyone is the same. Some of us are OK with doing shit others aren't. But we've all done shit that could land us in prison or shot."

I narrowed my gaze at him. "What are you trying to tell me?"

"Every single person in this place -- including Redwood -- are black ops. Nothing we do is on the books. Some of it was questionable to begin with. The only universal line we have is that we don't hurt children. If we torture someone, there has to be a good reason. And, yes, a few of us have tortured and killed women."

I just looked at him, waiting for… something. Something more from him to disgust me, something that made me cringe that he'd just admitted to torturing women. He'd said there had to be a good reason.

"You're not a bad person, Ringo. I believe that Redwood is the exception rather than the rule. Otherwise, there'd be more people here trying to either kill me or help Borris get me back. You know your club better than me and know if you have doubts about any of them, but everyone I've had significant interaction with support each other." This was the one conversation he could have started to bring me out of the panic gripping me since Redwood's attack. "I believe in you, Ringo. I believe in Apple and Lemon and Dom. And I believe Rocket is not the type of man to let this go. I'm betting Rocket is currently raising hell because he doesn't seem like the kind of man to let anything go down in his club he doesn't sanction."

"He is scouring every single person in this club right now. He'd already had our tech guys working on it because of things that happened when Lemon got here, but he's pulled everyone in to work only on this. I've never heard him so angry. And that was only from the short interaction I had with him after I killed Redwood.

"I've done bad things, Calista. Killed more people that I care to think about. Some of the things I've done for the government would get me killed and probably rightly so. Though I would never hurt an innocent, especially a child, I can't honestly say that some of what I've done didn't have collateral damage. Maybe not directly, but anytime government upheaval happens, someone innocent gets hurt. So, don't even think I'm a good guy. I'm not."

I studied Ringo for a long time. His gaze never wavered from mine. He didn't say anything else to convince me he and his club were bad people. Which told me they had really done some bad shit. Also, he believed this was going to make a difference in how I saw the club. And him.

"What are you trying to say, Ringo? I'm not going to think you're a bad person. After everything you've done for me since I got here, after you taking care of me and showing me how a man should treat a woman, if you think any of your past is going to turn me against you, you're dead wrong." I cupped his face in my hands. "You're a good man, Ringo. Nothing you tell me is going to change that."

He sighed. "Mitch."

"What?"

"My name. Mitch Glout. It's not the name I was born with, but it's the only name I have now."

"Mitch."

"Yeah."

"Mitch." I thought about it for a moment. "Ringo."

"Either one, baby. As long as you call me yours." He pulled me in for a slow, gentle kiss. When he pulled back, he continued, "All the shit I just told you, all that means there will always be people trying to find us. To kill us. If that means they infiltrate our ranks, we will kill anyone we have to. Even if it's someone we respected and trusted with those people most precious to us." He brushed my bottom lip with his thumb. "This is why we've always kept to ourselves. Sure, some of us go out in public from time to time, but we've got plans in place to protect us. And now our families."

"See?" I smiled at him. "You're not a bad person. None of you are. If you were, you wouldn't care what happened to anyone but yourself or your brothers. You certainly wouldn't take their side over those of us you haven't known long." I chuckled. "And Lemon, most certainly, wouldn't be vice president."

He snorted out a laugh. "Yeah. She'd have killed us all long before now."

"I thought she'd only been here a few months."

"Yep. Six months." He raised his eyebrows, his eyes wide like he was shell shocked or something. "Seems much, much longer."

I couldn't help it. I laughed, pulling myself close against him and tightening my arms around his neck. "What will you give me not to tell her that?"

He froze, unwinding my arms from around his neck. This time, his expression was almost pleading. "Calista…"

I grinned. "Well?"

"Name your price, wench," he growled. But I could see the mirth dancing in his eyes.

"I'll think about it and tell you later." I leaned in to kiss him once more. He took control and deepened the kiss and I let him. No matter how often he kissed or touched me, I loved it more and more.

"Baby girl." He said it with such affection as he tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. "Let's get you to Bullet so he can examine you. I want to get the blood washed off your hands and arms."

I looked at one of my hands and realized it was covered with blood. Redwood's blood. Immediately, I jerked my hands back. "I'm so sorry," I whispered. The whole evening coming back in a flood. I'd forgotten for a short time what had just happened. "Apple… Oh, God!"

"Hush, baby girl."

"But I forgot about Apple! How could I forget --"

He silenced me with a kiss before opening the door to the truck and getting out with me still in his arms. His casual show of strength was at once daunting and arousing. I clung to him shamelessly. I wanted to see Apple, but I was terrified of what I would find.

"You honestly think Lemon wouldn't be raging to the heavens if Apple were anything but safe? She's hurt, yes. But the fact Lemon hasn't razed the city to the ground yet to find Illivich means Apple is still alive. The fact Bullet hasn't had her taken someplace else -- either by truck or a fuckin' helicopter -- tells me Apple might be hurt, but she's not hurt so badly he can't take care of her here."

All I could do was nod my head. I could feel myself spiraling back into fear and despair, wanting to give into all these feelings buried inside me when I had no idea how to process any of it.

"I… stabbed a man, Ringo."

"And I killed him," he said immediately. "I slit his throat on the Goddamned ground, and I'd do it all over again."

"I've never…"

"And I hope you never have to again. But I'm so Goddamned proud of you, Calista. So Goddamned proud! You defended your friend. Our family . My woman will always defend her family. That means this club and everyone in it." He set me on the hood of the truck, wedging his hips between my legs. "Listen to me. Grim Road isn't easy. We're a motorcycle club, but so much fuckin' more. We keep to ourselves, keep attention at a minimum. But we hunt those who need hunting. That means there's always the possibility some dumbass will come after us. We will always destroy them. To do that, we need our women willing and able to defend our children and themselves. We'll always come for you. We just need you to hold on till we get there. That means doing exactly what you did with Redwood."

"Apple jumped in front of me, you know. Shoved me out of the way. He was supposed to kill me. Not hurt Apple."

"Apple gets it. I guarantee you, if the same situation happened again, she'd still throw herself into the battle. Would you do any less for her? Or Gina? Or any of the children?"

"No." My answer was no more than a whisper. "Everyone here has been so good to me. I've never known caring like this from anyone other than my mother. I'd protect everyone here with my life. They deserve no less."

He nodded his head in approval. "Good. Now. Let's go see Apple and make a fuss over her."