CHAPTER 20

Nitiel woke up feeling disoriented. What had happened? He remembered talking to Loe, and then… Had he lost consciousness, leaving her unprotected? He had lost the ability to stand, let alone fight, but he could have put his body and wings between her and danger. Anything to keep his precious female from harm.

A look around revealed he was no longer in the Arboretum. Above him was a high silver-gray ceiling with soft lights. To his right were rows of beds, currently empty and thus not enclosed in a privacy bubble. His own bed was levitating by the wall, marking the end of the spacious room.

Though Nitiel was well familiar with the medical bay, there was something new that he had never had on the many visits here during his previous recovery. Someone new.

Loe was sitting in a levitating seat by his bed, her head resting on the edge by his forearm as she snored softly.

A relieved smile tugged at Nitiel's mouth. Despite his failure – yet another on an ever-growing list these days – Loe was alright, and she had stayed by his side. His naked chest was bandaged, and they must have done something to numb the pain in his hip, so there was no reason for her to be here. Yet, here she was, her soft hair spilled over his hand in her sleep. A sensation he was growing addicted to.

When he flexed to get the stiffness out of his body, she jerked awake, eyes immediately zeroing in on his face. "You're awake!"

"I didn't mean to wake you up. Forgive me."

"Forgive you? I shouldn't have fallen asleep in the first place. The adrenaline crash must have hit me." She gave his hand a squeeze. "How are you?"

"I am well." Now that she was touching him, even better. "The doctors must have told you I'm in no danger… Why did you stay here regardless?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Loe gave him a sheepish smile before she added, "When else would I get to drool over you? If the jelly didn't absorb the drool, there would be a wet spot in your bed." Then she strengthened up, hand returning to her lap, and a serious look overtook her face. "The doctor said the bite was not life-threatening by itself, but the slowed blood-clothing was truly dangerous, Nitiel. If you had kept flying with that bleeding wound–"

"I am fine now, Loe." There would be pain when whatever they had given him wore off, but he was no stranger to that. "Do not worry about me."

She shook her head. "You could have died! Because of me. Because I insisted on having a stroll. Had I went to meet the Commander after breakfast as initially planned, you wouldn't be in a hospital bed now. The doctor said you tore several tendons in your chest by flying me to safety. Your hip will be achy for at least several days. And it's all my fault!"

A rumble rose in his chest, and he took her hand in his. That made her stop with the nonsense and meet his gaze. "It is I who is to blame, Loe. I took you to the Arboretum. I had to protect you from any harm. I was supposed to fly us away the moment I heard the young cibiris approaching." His wings fluttered under him in indignation. "I deserve worse than a tiny bite and some torn tendons for my distracted state, which could have cost you your life."

"A distraction? You mean…" A flush colored her cheeks.

His wings fluttered once more, this time in shame; that was another matter to feel guilty about. He let go of her hand. "I shouldn't have taken my eyes off our surroundings, is what I'm trying to say. I am your guardian, Loe. I should always be on high alert, even when in a supposedly safe environment. Therefore, what happened was my fault and mine alone."

Loe crossed her arms in front of her chest. "I also participated in the distraction part of our walk, Nitiel."

"It was I who lost control. I turned my back on the Gaenthian code and behaved like a beast." He felt like smacking his head in the wall for what he had done. "I wish I could go back in time and stop myself."

Her green eyes flashed. "In case you've forgotten, I was fully on board with every single thing we did. And if I could go back in time, I would tell myself to do it all over again. Just in a different location far, far away from the evil ponies. But I do not regret us. Do you?"

He closed his eyes on a sigh. Did he regret bringing Loe to ecstasy, seeing her lost to the rapture he had taken her to? Absolutely not. But his behavior spat on all honor and made letting go of Loe that much harder. Not to mention it had nearly cost Loe her life.

"Well?"

He met her gaze. "We should forget about it, Loe."

She gaped. "Forget about it? How am I supposed to forget my best experience ever?"

"The best?" He knew he should not focus on that, but it was hard not to. He who had never tasted a female before, had been Loe's best lover.

"Well… Yeah…" Another beautiful wave of pink overtook her face.

Nitiel felt the urge to cup her cheeks and pull her on top of him for a proper kiss. One that would keep Loe flushed and give her a new memory that she wouldn't be able to forget. Not even in the arms of her niel.

For Loe would be in Siriniel's arms very, very soon.

That reminder brought searing pain to Nitiel's chest that had nothing to do with the bite wound. A type of pain he was not familiar with. His hands balled into fists as he forced himself to not reach toward Loe.

"Has the Commander called? Sent a message while I was unconscious?" Nitiel asked, gaze averted.

She scoffed. "No. Vrixiel waited to hear what the doctor had to say before going outside to call your boss and let him know what had happened. I had already declared I would not be leaving the medical bay without you, so Vrixiel came back inside later only to say to call him if I needed anything. That was hours ago, I think." She put her hand on Nitiel"s fisted one and gave him a firm look. "You're not getting rid of me yet, Subcommander."

"I–I…"

"And you're not diverting the topic that easily." She tenderly caressed his forearm. "I'm not going to simply forget about the events in the Arboretum. The pleasurable ones."

"Loe…" He didn't know what to say. Her touch, her smile, the memory of him feasting on her to his hearts' desire – Nitiel was at a loss for words. And before he could decide whether to firmly tell Loe there could be nothing between them, or to get her in his bed for a devastating kiss, Lady Trixie rushed into the medical bay.

He stifled a rumble of displeasure. He shouldn't be rude to a lady; besides, this interruption might be what he needed to pull himself back together. And do the right thing.

Vrixiel's niela half ran toward them, nearly trippingin her bright-yellow dress in her haste. "Guys, you okay?" she yelled across the medical bay. "Vrixiel just told me what happened! No one is dying, right?"

Loe sighed, as if unhappy about the interruption either. "Nitiel nearly did, but he's stable now. Dr. Multi-horn said he needs at least two days of rest. If the doc can be trusted."

"If you're referring to Dr. Variel of the Multitude Horn Clan, he's legit." Lady Trixie stopped at the foot of Nitiel's bed, hands on her hips and taking long gulps of air. "Fucking hell, I should do more cardio, or I'll be a patient here soon. I thought sweaty sex several times a day was enough exercise, but I stay corrected."

Nitiel cleared his throat. Such intimate details were not to be shared in public and in the presence of a lady. What Vrixiel was up to when in his private quarters was not for Loe's ears. "Where is your niel, Lady Trixie? There are matters of importance I need to discuss with him."

"My man is busy with the Commander now. With… stuff. He told me to tell you to stay in bed, Subcommander Nitiel, and to leave my friend in my care."

Nitiel's brows flew to his hairline. "I'm expected to let you protect Lady Loe? Right after a trained soldier failed to keep her safe?"

Loe rolled her eyes, and Lady Trixie snorted. "There is no danger where I'll take her. She has had too many stressful situations already for me to add another. My girl here deserves to see a Gaenthian ball, does she not?"

"A ball?" Nitiel and Loe said almost simultaneously.

"That's right. It's organized by Millie's niel to satisfy her princess fantasies, just like last week"s ball. But it's how typical Gaenthian cocktails truly look like. Sounds fun, yes?"

Loe bit her bottom lip. "I'm not sure I want to leave Nitiel."

"Sure you do. He is recovering, so why stay here and die of boredom when you can go see how Gaenthians party?"

"I don't know… I…" Loe met Nitiel's gaze, a silent plea in her eyes.

Nitiel knew what she wanted. She wanted him to ask her to stay, to finish their conversation, to simply stay together, be it in the medical bay. He craved the same.

"Lady Trixie has a point, Lady Loe." Every word hurt as he said it, but Nitiel could not give in to his hearts' wishes. He had thought himself strong enough to resist temptation while staying next to Loe, and what had happened? His weakness had nearly resulted in her death. He had to be strong now. "A ball should be entertaining to a Terran. Go and have fun. I'll be sleeping, no need to keep me company."

Loe's hesitant look turned stormy. She was on to him, the smart female that she was.

"We won't be long," Lady Trixie noted.

"Actually, we will be long," Loe said firmly, eyes on Nitiel as she stood up briskly. "My lord needs a long rest. That way, he will be fully rested when we resume our conversation."

He winced inwardly, but he knew he had done the right thing. By the time she returned, they would both be more clear-minded. It would be easier to tell her the pleasure they had shared in the Arboretum was to be their last together.

In his case, it might be his last with a female. Because as he watched her leave and tried to imagine never seeing her again, he realized Loe already owned his upper heart.