Chapter 4

Amale voice enters the cabin. It's the same one who found me earlier. The same one who gently picked me up and placed me in the bathtub. The same one who owns the clothes Nan dressed me in before tucking me into his bed.

Kade.

"Where is she?" His voice is gentle despite the deep timbre.

"She's resting," Nan answers.

"How is she?" Another male voice asks, this one rougher.

"Outside of scratched up, dehydrated, and traumatized, she's okay. It could've been much, much worse. I gave her some electrolytes and pain reliever, cleaned out all the wounds and dressed them with antiseptic and a salve. I'll want to check on her tomorrow to make sure there's no sign of infection."

"Is she asleep?" That's Kade again, his voice soothing like a warm blanket.

"I doubt it. I offered her a sleep aid, but she refused."

"Let's go outside."

Tears seep out of my eyes, even though I was sure I was all cried out. If they have to leave the house, then they either didn't find Jimmy, or worse, they did and they don't want me to hear the heartbreakingly gory details.

I clasp my hands under my chin and close my eyes. "Please God, accept Jimmy into your heavenly arms. He's a good man with a gentle soul and deserves his place by your side. I don't believe you are a God who smites those with sin like the elders said. We never sinned, not really, but only told little white lies to protect ourselves from those who didn't understand your all-encompassing love for your children. Jimmy taught me that, so please take care of him as he took care of me."

A motorcycle roars to life as a truck door slams shut. The commotion outside dies as quickly as it starts, and I lie here staring at the door highlighted by the sliver of light shining from the living room while waiting for my next clue of what's coming.

Voices, footsteps, doors opening and closing—something.

The bedroom door cracks open without a sound and Kade whispers, "Are you awake?"

"Yes," I whisper back to his large body filling the doorway. I didn't realize how big he was earlier, his head touching the top of the door jamb and his shoulders blocking out the light from the living room.

He enters, his broad chest bare with a pair of well-worn jeans hanging loose on his hips. I've never seen a man like him—with or without a shirt on. Jimmy is the only man I've seen naked, and even that was rare and purely out of necessity. Every time it happened, we would giggle and talk about our futures away from the commune when we could be our authentic selves.

Kade grabs his T-shirt off the ground and pulls it over his head before sitting on the edge of the bed near my feet. "We found Jimmy alive and rushed him to the hospital."

I sit up with a start and clutch the pillow to my chest, tears falling even faster down my cheeks. "Can I see him?"

"Yes, soon. I've sent Nan to him and she'll call us as soon as they have news. Meanwhile, you should rest."

"Where are the hunters?"

Kade looks away. "They're gone. They can't hurt you anymore."

I'm not sure what he means, but something tells me they aren't sitting in a jail cell. If they were, someone would come get me. Wouldn't they? "Are you going to call the police?"

Dread fills my belly as I wait for his answer. Mr. Johnston and his friends should be arrested or worse—much, much worse—but what if the Family is looking for us? Mr. Wilcox guessed that our community lives outside of the law and he was right. Our plan was to disappear and keep our mouths shut. That way they'd have no reason to come after us. But if they were contacted, I'm thinking the elders would drag us home to keep their secrets.

"I was hoping you would answer some questions, Dinah."

Questions. Questions. Everyone always has questions. I wish I had the answers they wanted to hear. I really do. But I never do, and the punishments for not having the right answers are never pleasant.

I slide my legs off the edge of the bed, prepared to run again. Nan told me I was safe here and Kade wouldn't let anything happen to me. But now that I know Jimmy is alive and the hunters aren't heading my way, I realize staying with a strange man is stupid. He can turn on me at any minute and there isn't a thing I can do about it. Getting comfortable is the last thing I should do right now.

"What do you need?" Kade eyes my bare legs and the bandages around my feet. "Water? Tea? A sandwich? Whatever you need, I'll get it for you."

"I think I'll use the bathroom." I stand up and immediately lose my balance on the soles of my blistered feet. Before I can fall to the floor, Kade has me in his arms.

"Careful, Dinah." He inhales deeply and closes his eyes. When he opens them, they are golden brown and reflect the dim light in the room. "Do you want me to take you to the bathroom?"

"No." I shake my head. My brain says to be afraid, but looking into his eyes, the serenity of his beautifully tortured face, I feel nothing but safe. The nervous energy triggering my fight-or-flight for the last forty-eight hours is non-existent, even though my brain screams Be Smart, Stay Vigilant. How can I trust this stranger when everyone but Jimmy has hurt me my entire life? "You can put me down."

He shakes his head, a friendly smile curling his lips. "I don't think I can. You can't walk, and yet you're determined to run."

Biting my lip, I glance down at the knee-length T-shirt I'm wearing. Once again, I'm bare underneath, but I don't feel half as vulnerable as I did in the skirt yesterday. Maybe it's because Kade doesn't make my skin crawl like every man I've known my whole life except for Jimmy.

With Kade, I feel protected. But how can that be? "I'm scared."

"Of me?"

"Of everyone."

Kade frowns. "How about some food?"

"Okay."

He carries me to the living room and sets me down on the edge of a giant sofa, pulling a large blanket over my legs. In the kitchen, he grabs two cans of soup out of the cabinet and shows them to me. "I know you don't believe me, but I won't hurt you."

"I do believe you, which scares me in a different way."

He nods without addressing my comment that I barely understand myself. I don't fear for my life with him—something tells me I can trust him—but I'm not sure I can trust myself around him. He makes me feel comfortable in a way that is uncomfortable. The only other person I've ever felt I can relax with is Jimmy, but maybe I also can with Kade?

"Baked potato soup okay?"

"Yes, please."

"Coming right up." He turns and prepares our meals, making sure I can see everything he is doing. Electric can opener, dump the soup into a bowl, pop a top on and place in the microwave for three minutes. While that cooks, he grabs a plate and an unopened box of crackers. The microwave dings and he puts the bowl on the plate, lines it with crackers, and grabs a spoon out of the drawer. He sets it down on a tray beside me. "I'll be back with your herbal tea."

A few minutes later, he's sitting on the other edge of the couch with his own bowl of soup. I watch as he digs in, waiting a minute before tentatively taking a couple of bites of my hearty stew. The first few bites hit my stomach like rocks dropping in an empty cavern, but then I become ravenous, shoveling spoonfuls into my mouth as quickly as possible.

Kade chuckles. "I knew you were hungry."

"How can you know that when I didn't know?" I chomp on a cracker and rest my hand on my belly.

He smiles, but again, doesn't answer the question. "Do you want more?"

"Not yet, but thank you." I cup my hand around the mug and blow on the hot liquid, sipping the creamy sweet brew. "This has honey in it?"

"And milk." He nods. "I should have asked you how you take your tea."

"This is perfect." I stare at his profile as he finishes his bowl, bringing it up to his mouth and sucking down every drop. He's handsome in a rugged, outdoorsy kind of way—brown hair and eyes, square jaw with stubble dotting his cheeks. Much too handsome to live in the woods alone. "Where's your wife?"

He chokes and pulls the bowl away. "What?"

"I was thinking you are attractive, and if I think so, I'm sure lots of women do. You are of age, so shouldn't you be married?"

Licking his lips, he turns his gaze to me. "That's a hard question to answer, Dinah."

"Why?"

"I guess…" There is something akin to sadness on his face. "I haven't found her yet."

"I'm sorry." Shaking my head, I realize how stupid I must sound. This is the real world, outside of the commune walls. He doesn't have to marry, doesn't have to sire babies, or find work that pays under the table to bring back to the Family. That's the only reason I know the very little that I do, because Jimmy worked construction in Idaho Falls, and I cleaned houses in a neighborhood with two of the other girls around my age. That's where I watched my first daytime television show—Guiding Hope or The Young and the Bold—something like that. The lady called it trash TV, but she absolutely loved it and I did too until one girl told the elders and they beat me for breaking the rules.

Kade stands up and stacks his bowl on top of mine. "Will you tell me how you ended up on Johnston's Ranch?"

Sucking in my breath, I shift in my seat. "That's also a hard question to answer."

"Is it?"

I nod. "Jimmy said we shouldn't tell anyone."

Of course, he told me that before we snuck out in the middle of the night and hitchhiked to Idaho Falls. I don't think what happened at the ranch was what he meant when he said we should keep our plans secret.

Kade retakes his seat, this time facing me. We are on opposite ends of the couch, my legs stretched out, his right leg kicked out on the floor and his left tucked up underneath him. "If I'm going to protect you—both of you—I need to know what kind of trouble you're in."

There's something about the earnestness on his face. I can trust him. We can trust him. I know it. "A guy offered Jimmy a job working on a cattle ranch. He jumped at it because it was a way out of Idaho, and our only chance to get away from the Family. We hopped on a bus and a man named JoeJoe met us in Bozeman. They didn't expect me. He took us to a big house where they fed us and gave us a room to sleep in. Everything seemed okay mostly, but the next day they gave us a medical exam and some woman dressed me in her clothes. Later, JoeJoe drove us to a parking lot where we met Mr. Wilcox, who drove us to the Johnston Ranch."

I glance down at my hands in my lap. "We knew something was wrong when we got into the SUV, but at that point there was nothing we could do."

Kade's eyes are fixated on the door across the room. "What's your connection to Jimmy?"

"He's my…" I don't know why, but I can't seem to call him my husband now. He's not. Not really. It's not a marriage outside of the Family, and we've never consummated our relationship. We love each other like best friends do, or even a sister does a brother, and we normally tell people we're married only as a layer of protection. Like, when JoeJoe picked us up at the bus station and looked me up and down with something other than brotherly love, Jimmy immediately put his arm around me and introduced me as his wife. But I don't want to tell Kade I'm married when I'm in fact not. We planned to shed that lie once we got settled in the real world. "Best friend. He protects me and I protect him, and we have since we were toddlers."

"So, he's not your husband?" Kade stares at me, intently.

Husband? Yesh. Where did he get that idea? "Not in the way you understand husband and wife."

"Please explain."

I launch into my life story. Born in what I now know is a cult—even though they never used that word within the confines of the commune walls—I'm not absolutely sure who my biological mother and father are. I had a handful of women who were my "mother", and the men were only fatherly when applying discipline or punishment. I have my suspicions about which of them were my biological parents, just as Jimmy has his suspicions, but "it takes a village" was doctrine within the Family. When I got older, I witnessed one woman give birth and then watched someone else take the child away. There were enough women pregnant around the same time that it was easy to lose track of who birthed whom. Only the elders knew for sure. That's why I believe Jimmy and I aren't biologically related, because they wouldn't have put us together if we were.

I tell Kade about squirreling away change over the years so we could run away. We were desperate when Jimmy learned about the ranch job, because we knew the Family was days away from giving me to another man. Husband and wife are the terms they use for men and women who may have sex for procreation. There was a celebration on the day we were supposed to consummate our union, but that was it.

"So, you and Jimmy have never—" He looks away, his jaw clenched, his fingers digging into his thigh. "—consummated the union?"

"No," I say softly, bringing my eyes down to my lap. This conversation seems to be more uncomfortable for Kade than it is me, and that's saying a lot. Is he disgusted by my past? Does he think I'm lying about Jimmy? Would he be intolerant of Jimmy's sexuality like the Family would have been if they'd known?

The phone rings, breaking the silence that has descended between us.

"Hello?" Kade answers, his eyes coming to me. "She's fine. I fed her soup."

I sit patiently and wait for him to include me in the conversation.

"Okay. Yeah, I can do that. Later."

Kade sets the phone down and smiles. "Good news. Jimmy is stable and they expect him to make a full recovery. I'll take you to see him at the hospital in Great Falls tomorrow."

"Is he awake?"

"No. He'll sleep through the night, maybe longer."

"What happened to him?" I ask, dreading the answer.

He shakes his head. "I don't think the details are important right now, Dinah. They'll give you nightmares. After you see him tomorrow, if you still want to know, I'll tell you. Okay?"

Nodding, I glance down at my hands—the tears falling again. Another wave of relief hits me. Jimmy is alive, safe, and will be fine. I'm alive and safe, and honestly, feeling fine. But I can really use a hug right now. Jimmy is the only one to give me those, and he's not here. How do I ask a stranger for a hug when I couldn't get one from the people who claimed we were family?

Kade leans forward and places his hand gently against my calf. "Don't cry. He's okay. You're okay. I won't let anything happen to either of you."

"Can I have a hug?" I whimper, unable to stop the words from rolling off my tongue.

"Absolutely." Kade is off the couch and pulling me into his arms before I realize he's removed his hand from my calf. He sits in the recliner with me curled on his lap, the blanket tangled around my legs, my arms wrapped around his shoulders, and my face buried in his neck while silent tears stream down my cheeks. Something about his comforting touch releases the floodgates, and all the emotions I've been avoiding most of my life come barreling out. Gratitude and relief—my first taste of solace in years—comes to the surface as I tighten my arms and put Kade in a stranglehold.

Don't let gois all my mind can think, but I'm not sure if those words are for me or him.

Kade seems to know what I need, tightening his arms around me as he lets out a deep breath that sounds like a growl. His scent is a rich tapestry filling my nostrils and sparking images I've rarely experienced—rich hot chocolate, salty caramel, a warm sun-kissed blanket, and something earthy and raw that causes my belly to tighten. I melt into him, fully prepared to stay here for the rest of my life if he'll allow it. Before I realize what I'm doing, I'm rubbing my mouth against his hot skin, the scruff of his growing beard tickling my nose. "You smell so good."

"Yeah?" His voice is deeper than usual, and I'm suddenly aware of the hard muscles under his T-shirt.

I continue to inhale deeply until I'm panting, my fingers sliding across his chest, my thighs pressed together. Dear God, I'm turned on and practically rubbing against him like one of our barn cats in heat. The realization pours cold water on my awakening libido, and I pull back to look him in the eye with a blush hitting my cheeks.

Gold eyes stare back at me. He closes them and shakes his head.

"I'm…" I gulp down the lump in my throat. "I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me."

Kade lets me go, his own breathing labored. "It's late and you've had one hell of a day. You should get some rest."

Glancing over my shoulder at the big bed in the otherwise empty bedroom, I know he's right. But I can't do it. Not tonight. Not by myself. While Jimmy might have been nothing more than my platonic best friend, we've been sleeping side by side for five years. And after the events of the day, I can't fathom sleeping alone for the first time tonight. "Will you sleep with me?"