35. Chapter Thirty-Three

Chapter Thirty-Three

Three days later Lara was walking down the street feeling cold again. The sun was shining, the afternoon light a particularly beautiful golden blue, the kind that made trees greener and flowers brighter. And still, she’d had to put on a jacket.

As she walked, she thought of all the ways she’d finally lost control of bonfire night. It had always been her thing, her place to organise, to build connections in a way she could control and feel safe. The night she’d been let free she’d been home with Tilly - filled with joy at every glimpse of her daughter, the beautiful mundanity of getting to sit next to her on the couch, sharing a bag of chips and wondering what to make for dinner - when she’d heard the first car arriving.

Within half an hour everyone had shown up, completely uninvited, all piling into her house to hug and kiss her, to laugh and weep and haul her out the back of her own damn paddock where Sara was already setting the twigs alight. It was no longer Lara’s bonfire night, but their bonfire night; not Lara’s role to take care of them all, but for them all to take care of each other, her included. For fuck’s sake would Lara ever stop crying? Jesus christ.

Chloe arrived a little later, tentative, unsure of her welcome, and Lara wrapped her arms around her tightly. She wanted to tell Chloe that no matter what the hell had happened out the back of her property she was safe here, and loved. But as she was hugging her, she glanced over Chloe’s shoulder and found herself meeting Esme’s eyes. Esme nodded at Lara, just once. Then she turned away and started chatting to Gina Webb and Lara was suddenly not quite sure if she’d imagined what she’d just seen in Esme’s eyes. An image flashed through her mind, Esme Walker, the gentle demure tuck shop lady, raising a shovel in her hands. She blinked. She glanced at Esme again and almost laughed at herself. Nah.

Chloe was safe. No one was going to jail. And Eva announced that night, as the fire danced, that Dan had consented to signing both a financial agreement and a child custody plan without anyone needing to be dragged through the court system. Now she could see a way through to getting a job that could keep the roof over her child’s head and start to rebuild their lives.

All was right that night, under the stars in Ribbonwood.

And it would stay that way. Until the next time .

Now Lara stopped beside a forest green letterbox on a gate post outside a little house in the inner north of Melbourne. Taking a deep breath, she opened the small gate and walked up the short path to the door. She tucked a stray wisp of hair back behind her ear and steadied herself. And then she knocked. Silence followed. Lara stepped back, hesitating. There wasn’t so much a front porch as just a slight alcove, but on it stood a big pot of red geraniums, a bright spot against the tiles. There was a solid chance that no one was home, but she knocked again anyway.

She heard footsteps coming up the hall toward the door and her heart rate skyrocketed. The door opened and Lara felt shocked - even though it was she who’d come all this way, to knock on this specific door - to see Ollie Gabrielli suddenly right there in front of her.

Ollie’s mouth fell open. Her hair was scooped back in an appealing half-mess of a ponytail, soft grey track pants that probably cost three hundred dollars, a vintage Le Tigre t-shirt, bare feet. Her arms were bare too, her eyes wide. Lara maybe loved her.

They both stared at each other for a long moment.

“You’re wearing jeans,” Ollie said, her voice sounding far away. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you with your legs covered before.”

“Well, yeah, it’s fucking freezing here,” Lara pointed out, gesturing vaguely behind her at the cold city beyond Ollie’s front gate .

“It’s probably twenty-three degrees,” Ollie disagreed.

“Like I said,” Lara repeated, unable to believe she’d been derailed into talking about the weather at a moment like this. “Fucking freezing. No one should have to live here.” She felt herself frown. “Especially not you.”

Ollie sunk her teeth into her lower lip at that.

“What, exactly, are you doing here?” she asked quietly.

Lara couldn’t take her eyes off her. Her skin looked so warm, her lips soft. She could remember, viscerally, the scent of citrus in Ollie’s hair.

“I’ve never pursued anyone,” Lara said carefully. “Not once. My whole life I’ve only ever been pursued.” She looked at Ollie’s dark eyes, thought of the light in them when she laughed. She wasn’t laughing now. “You scared the shit out of me Ollie,” she told her. “Wanting to stay. I only let you in because I thought I could control it… that I could have you, without risking everything.” She swallowed, glancing down at Ollie’s bare feet. Something about them felt absurdly vulnerable. That was enough to make her keep going. She gazed up at Ollie’s face. “I was wrong,” she said, struggling not to let her voice crack. “I can’t control it. I am risking everything. But I know now that I can take that risk,” she swallowed hard, “and that I want to. ”

It had hit her, sitting around the bonfire, surrounded by the women who’d risked their freedom for hers, the women who knew, even when Lara hadn’t, that she was worth it, that she was good inside. That maybe - just maybe - Lara deserved Ollie Gabrielli after all. That perhaps Ollie would in actual fact be incredibly lucky to get to spend her time with the Queen Bee of Ribbonwood. That maybe Ribbonwood was a goddamned beautiful place to live, especially if you were loved well.

And, if it all went to shit, Lara would never find herself alone. She knew that now, all the way to her bones.

“What are you saying, Lara?” Ollie’s eyes were soft, but she wasn’t exactly throwing herself into Lara’s arms.

Lara straightened.

“I’ve never pursued anyone, but I’m pursuing you,” she said, her voice firm, her eyes on Ollie’s. “I know that you left… and maybe you might think I’m too late to ask you to come back. But if you think that, it would only be because we are both fucking idiots who are always going to be better together than we are apart.”

Ollie burst out a small laugh. Okay, sure, maybe that wasn’t the most romantic of lines, but Ollie had always known what she was getting into here. Her eyes, Lara couldn’t stop staring at the light that was dancing in them now. Oh fuck, how had she gone without this for even a day? Before Ollie could say anything, before Lara even knew she was going to do it, Lara was kissing her, fingers slipping into her hair, surprised intake of breath against her mouth. She felt Ollie’s hands firm on her hips, pulling her in and Lara was smiling against her lips and fuck was she crying again?

Ollie kissed her and kissed her and Lara was fucking drowning.

“Shit.” She made herself pull back. “Sorry. I didn’t even wait to let you say anything.” She let her hands drift from Ollie’s shoulders to the waistband of her pants and oh fuck she was so warm and Lara was way ahead of herself. “I’m way ahead of myself.” Lara scrunched her eyes closed. When she opened them again she made herself look at Ollie. “You went back to Melbourne,” she added, with a small frown. “Your life is here. I know what I want but I also know it’s not as straightforward as all that-”

“I’m not sure I’ve heard you ramble before,” Ollie interrupted. “Are you nervous? It’s fucking cute.”

“I’m not nervous,” Lara bit back. “Why would I be nervous?” She looked at Ollie, at the smirk on her perfect smug mouth and just managed not to kiss her again. “I fly across the country begging women to give me another chance basically every other week,” she told her. “I’m just super casually asking if you would still consider uprooting your entire fucking life for me, so, no: I’m not nervous at all.”

Ollie watched her flail for another three excruciating seconds .

“I want to show you something,” she said.

Lara blinked. It wasn’t quite the affirmative answer she was looking for.

Ollie took her hand and pulled her inside her house.

“Nice digs,” Lara said, hugging herself, very unsure where this was going. There were old polished floorboards, off-white walls, a long narrow hallway. Ollie pulled her all the way down to the living room, afternoon sunlight throwing squares of gold from the window to the opposite wall, a big comfy couch, a table and chairs, some pot plants, and a mess.

Ollie’s possessions seemed to be strewn everywhere. Haphazard piles of books and crockery, folded towels, sheets and utensils were tumbled across one side of the living room. On the other was a much neater stack of cardboard boxes. Records , one was marked in extremely precise permanent marker, Misc kitchen appliances, said another. Lara stared.

“Why would anyone need that many extension cords?” she managed, looking at a truly epic pile of tangled cables.

Ollie laughed .

“I was always coming back,” she said. She was still holding Lara’s hand. “Whether you’d have me or not. I meant it.” She turned to look at Lara, a splash of gold light hitting her features. “There’s a whole world in Ribbonwood I don’t want to miss out on. Even if it meant I had to spend the rest of my life unable to purchase my own ginger gummies since I couldn’t set foot in the general store without bumping into an ex-lover,” she said, her teeth sinking into her lower lip again, just barely holding back her smile. “It’s that kind of shit that makes a place home.”

Lara gazed at her in wonder. At least seventeen feelings hit her at once. Ollie was coming back. Ollie was looking at her like ex- lover was absolutely not what she wanted to be.

Without letting go of Ollie’s hand, Lara walked backwards and bumped herself up onto the dining table, tugging Ollie in between her legs. Ollie bit her lip and watched her intently. Her hands rested on Lara’s thighs, thumbs stroking just slightly, the same way they had the very first time they’d gone to bed together. This time there was a lot more clothing in the way, Lara reflected, already annoyed by the denim between Ollie’s hands and her skin. Still, she couldn’t stop her smile or her racing heart.

“Do you think you could still feel as nostalgic about Ribbonwood if we downgraded that drama to current lover?” Lara asked her, leaning back on her hands and looking up at her. “Maybe as of, more or less, right now?”

Ollie pretended to consider for almost a second and then gave up .

“Oh fuck yes,” she said, the words barely out of her mouth before she was kissing her.

——

Later - much later - stupid jeans long gone, darkness fallen, low golden light from the lamp at the bedside, Lara lay in Ollie’s arms, tangled in the sheets, her head on her warm shoulder.

“Hey, quick question,” Ollie said to her, stroking her hair. “Did you happen to kill a guy?”

Lara tilted her head up to look at her, eyes narrowed.

“Did you deliberately wait until after you’d gotten laid to check if I was a murderer?”

Ollie laughed. Then her face suddenly turned serious.

“I wanted to be there for you,” she said. “I actually got as far as buying a plane ticket.”

“You did?” Lara frowned .

“Yeah,” Ollie confessed. “Then I realised it was Lara fucking Bennett I was dealing with. That if I tried to ride in on a white horse to save you, I’d have just been another damn thing you had to manage and you’d probably never have spoken to me again.”

Lara thought about that for a moment, Ollie’s fingers running through her hair, turning her to liquid.

“It’s like you’ve met me,” she said after a while.

Ollie laughed again. Then she wrapped her arms around her to hold her tight.

“I hope you appreciate me abandoning you in your time of need, because it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I’m quite sure I’ll never manage to do it again.”

“I think,” Lara said softly, “that maybe next time I get arrested for a terrible crime, I might just be okay with that.”

“That means a lot,” said Ollie. She didn’t let go of her though. “Are you okay?” she murmured.

“Yeah.” God it felt good to be held. “You did help though,” she pointed out. “You hired that lawyer. ”

Ollie eased back just enough to smile and roll her eyes.

“No,” she said, “I didn’t. That was my mother. Well, both my parents actually, but mostly my mother.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Lara was crying again.