Chapter 11

Luke

I looked around the hallway, completely confused. I wasn't sure how long I'd run; all I knew was that I had no idea where I was. This place was a maze.

The panic had struck me unexpectedly, as it usually did. Everything had suddenly seemed overwhelming. Everything was too bright, too loud, just…too much. All these people looking at them, all their hopes and expectations. I'd seen my own face flash on the giant screens in the hall, and I'd recognized the frightened look in my eyes. It was the Panicked Prince all over again.

Several of the Somas who had passed him on the stage had caused a tingling sensation in his hands as they brushed by, but instead of joy at a possible match each one seemed to only add to the weight on his shoulders.

After I saw Deliah match with a young male Soma, I had stumbled away from the other Mageia and the passing Somas, ignoring the concerned questions from Tik and the others until I'd finally turned and fled. I'd run and run until the panic finally receded, leaving me an exhausted mess—and completely lost.

I'd been wandering the halls of the building for what seemed like hours now, but was probably only a few minutes, unable to find my way back to the auditorium and my friends.

The rooms I passed had confusing numbers and names that meant nothing to me. No one was around, most of the offices were closed with the lights off.

Occasionally as he passed a closed office I tried the door in desperation only to find them all locked.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

How could I have left my friends like that? I was supposed to stay with them, take care of them as they got settled in this strange place with all these strange people, with strange customs. Instead, I had abandoned them. Elex would be so disappointed in him. That, more than anything else drove me on when all I wanted to do was collapse. Elex would never have run.

Just as I thought I saw something familiar, I rounded a corner only to find myself at a dead-end hallway. The door on my left was locked, my face reflecting back in the dark glass. Fuck.

I collapsed backward, hitting the wall and sliding down until my back was in the corner and pulled my knees up to my chest, resting my head on my arms, sobs wracking my body as I tried to remember how to breathe. My heart was racing and sweat beaded my forehead.

Goddess, I was useless! The faces of my parents, my teachers, and even my brothers seemed to hover in my head, laughing at the Panicked Prince. That wonderful nickname had come to me courtesy of Master Aurelius, of course.

I'd been thirteen when a delegation from Nova Roma was scheduled to arrive. It had been just a few months after my mother had started giving me the potion that suppressed my Mageian powers. The serum seemed to make my panic attacks worse.

I had watched from the balcony as my parents had welcomed the visiting delegates, including Prince Adrian and Princess Valentina of Nova Roma.

The pageantry had been amazing, but I'd had eyes for no one but Prince Adrian. He had seemed so… dashing. Tall and blond, he'd held his sister's arm as she walked up the broad steps. He had been fifteen and already developed Elusian abilities. He would be named Crown Prince of Nova Roma when he turned sixteen. I'd watched as the young man had paused to whisper something in his sister's ear that had made her giggle. The Princess was only ten, but she had been remarkably resilient with her brother there to support her. As she smiled up at Adrian, I couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like to have someone like the prince whisper in my ear, maybe hold my hand, maybe brush his lips across mine…

I'd stayed hidden on the balcony for hours after they had passed, my daydreams finally broken when a young page found me and delivered a summons from my father. Admittedly, I'd dragged my feet in answering. Visits with my father rarely went well for me, but finally I had faced the inevitable.

I'd entered the King's office and presented myself as ordered. I bowed to my parents, my father behind his goddess-bedamned desk, my mother working on needlework nearby. It was unusual to see her in my father's office.

"Lucien," my father had said, his cold voice biting as he sat behind his desk, Master Aurelius at his side. "You need to make an excellent impression with the Nova Roma leaders. You are being considered as a possible consort to Princess Valentina."

"Seriously, Cyrius? The boy is only thirteen," mother had said from her seat near the fire. "And she is barely ten."

"We need the oil the Nova Romans can provide. This war with Illyria is taxing our reserves," Father had replied coldly. "Besides, most royal marriages are often contracted far in advance of the actual wedding."

"B-but she's a girl!" I'd gasped in surprise.

"Yes, most Princesses are," Master Aurelius said sardonically from his spot next to the King.

"I-I mean…" I'd stuttered, unsure how to explain to my parents that I wasn't interested in girls. "I don't even know her," I finished lamely.

"You don't need to know her. You just need to show up, be presentable, and try not to cause a scene," Father had said. I knew his admonition wasn't unfounded, which made me feel even worse. I'd managed to cause more than one diplomatic incident as a child.

Master Aurelius, however, had caught what I had really intended.

"Oh, my, your Grace," he'd tittered behind his hands. "I think what Prince Lucien is saying is that he might be more interested in Prince Adrian than Princess Valentina."

I could feel the flush spread up my face. I'd known my own preferences for some time, but it wasn't exactly something I could explain to my father, of all people. The King had made clear to both Maalik and me that guaranteeing the succession would be our priority. Maalik had already fathered a number of bastards on some of the slave women.

The King's eyes narrowed, taking in my deep blush.

"So. Human andomofylofilos? Elus preserve me," he'd sworn, slamming his drink down on the desk before considering for a moment.

"I don't give a damn what you think you want. You'll marry who I tell you to marry." Father had stood and moved to the front of his desk and stared angrily down at me. I'd felt so small, so insignificant in that moment. It didn't matter what I wanted.

"Woman, man, or goat. You'll marry as I tell you. Am I understood?"

I'd nodded mutely and been sent back to my rooms in disgrace. Again.

That night had been the welcome dinner for the Nova Roma delegation, and it had been my own little corner of hell. The Princess had been polite, but she was only ten years old and didn't seem to know anything about the topics I had been coached to discuss.

The prince, however, had been…everything. I'd listened raptly as he had talked about Nova Roma and the economic opportunities the country could provide Alexandria. We had discussed history, the arts, and politics. Even talk of war hadn't seemed so boring when it was with Adrian.

Eventually the Princess had been shuffled off to bed with her maid and entourage, but I'd barely noticed. Adrian and I had continued talking for hours until finally the delegation prepared to withdraw.

Adrian had extended his hand to me, and I'd taken it without thinking.

"It has been an unexpected but exceptional pleasure speaking with you this evening, Prince Lucien," Prince Adrian had said, his eyes flitting over my face, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. Was it my imagination, or did Prince Adrian's gaze seem to be focused on my mouth?

"I think we will become friends. Very good friends." Rather than releasing my hand the prince had brushed his thumb over my own, a knowing look in his eyes.

That was when I realized I was in an embarrassing predicament. The current fashion in Alexandria was tight pants for men. Very tight. I realized suddenly that if I stood the arousal I'd been feeling all evening at the nearness of Prince Adrian would be clear. To everyone.

I panicked. I hadn't known what to do. I couldn't hold anything in front of me, but if I stood… For seconds I was torn, then my father had caught his gaze, his eyes narrowing at my rudeness. One did not remain seated when a Prince of a visiting nation stood. I felt like the ground was going to open and swallow me, actually wished for a moment that it would, but another brush of Prince Adrian's thumb across my wrist made me panic.

Without a word I'd stood and fled, yanking my hand out of Prince Adrian's and running out of the hall, ignoring my father's voice calling after me, my panic like a living thing inside me. I'd finally come back to himself in the Great Library with Master Tarek's strong arms around my shoulders.

The head Librarian had sent word to Prince Adrian that I had suffered a sudden indisposition that had resulted in my hasty departure, but it hadn't been enough to save me from the beating my father had given me for embarrassing him in front of the trade negotiation. It had taken weeks for the bruises to fade enough for me to appear in public again.

Mother had seen the whole thing and been sympathetic, but her solution resulted in even more problems for me. My parents decided it was time that I be trained in the sexual arts. Mother secured the services of courtesans to train me in the art of sex, which was how I had met Master Bacillus and his family.

I shook my head, refusing to remember those humiliating sessions. Master Bacillus had been nothing but pleasant, and most of the courtesans had been kind, but I had felt the scorn of some of the female professionals as they hid behind their polite smiles when I was unable to perform with them.

I had ended up paying off the courtesans with money I had saved from gifts I'd received over the years, and finally the "lessons" had stopped.

Back in the here and now, I tried to focus on something, anything, other than my memories, but all I could feel was my heart racing and the awful feeling of being unable to catch my breath. I inhaled but it felt like my lungs weren't inflating enough to do me any good, so I would try and take a deeper breath, then another, over and over. Logically, I knew I was hyperventilating, but my body wouldn't listen to my brain.

This was worse than Suppression. At least Suppression was something that was done to me. My panic was something that welled up from my own soul.

The dizziness was overwhelming, and darkness started to pebble the edges of my vision. Beneath my feet I felt the tremble of the earth. Shit. I had to get ahold of myself. If I lost control, with my Earth powers, I was terrified of the amount of damage I could cause this city, but my terror at my lack of control only fed back into the panic, causing a loop that began to escalate.

The sound of someone clearing their throat snapped my attention back to the moment and I looked up.

Memories of Prince Adrian paled in comparison to the young man in front of me now. His straight black hair was about chin length and was brushed back from the young man's face. His skin was almost a translucent white, but it was his eyes that arrested my gaze: they were a beautiful emerald green. The green was warm, like sunlight in the forest, with glints of gold flashing in them. He looked confused as he examined me, crouched in the corner of the hall in obvious terror, but the expected judgment for my situation was absent. His gaze held only concern.

The color of his eyes reminded me of the moss that grew beside a stream that ran near the Summer Palace. It had been one of my favorite places to escape during the heat of summer. I'd once seen the young fox in the palace garden, and that fox had had eyes the same shade of green and gold.

I must look like a fool, I realized. Feeling like an idiot, sweating and crouched in the hallway as though I had been chased there by the hounds of hell merely because I was scared of people. Shame and an overwhelming sense of worthlessness struck at me, making me wish I was anywhere but here.

"Hi," the young man said, waving his hand slightly, his voice oddly accented.

"H-hi," I responded, dashing tears from me eyes. I was discombobulated by his appearance from nowhere, so I said the first thing that came into his head.

"You have beautiful eyes," I blurted out.

"Thanks," the young man said, smiling suddenly, the light catching the blue-black highlights in his hair. He was lean and muscled in all the right places and was wearing the uniform of the Illyrian army.

"Are you lost?" The young man asked, pointing at me, then his hands sweeping out in some kind of movement.

"Sorta," I responded, gesturing toward the man's uniform. "You're a Soma?"

The young man grinned wryly, his fingers flowing into a fist and flashing down.

"Sorta," he said, his voice oddly accented. "You're a diasothike, right? One of the rescued Mageians?"

This time he pointed at me, his hands making a movement like they were pulling something between them. His movements were fluid and graceful and seemed to carry more import than just emphasizing his words.

I nodded in response to his question.

"Would you like some company?" He asked, again pointing at me, then his fingers formed an odd pointing gesture, the pointer and little finger extended as he took his hand across his chest, then held his right hand up into the form of a letter c.

I nodded again, fascinated by his movements. They tickled something in the back of my brain. Something I had read or seen somewhere. Something to do with scribes...

"S-sure," I responded absently, trying to recall where I had seen the movements before.

The man settled himself against the wall opposite me. I couldn't help but appreciate how his muscles moved and flexed as he settled himself. The neck of his uniform left a small square of skin at his Adam's apple bare. The sudden urge to touch him had me clenching my fists to keep from reaching out. What the hell was wrong with me?

"Are you okay?" the young man asked, his eyes strangely intent as they remained glued to my face.

I rested my head on my knees as I realized with growing humiliation that my body was responding to this handsome stranger. Shit. It hadn't responded to anyone like this since Adrian. My years in the Legion had left me so terrified that I hadn't had time to really pursue a physical relationship with anyone. Plus, Elex, right? He was a little overprotective. But now here I was, and it was just like Adrian all over again. Except… I realized, suddenly, that I had no desire to flee. In fact, the panic that had overtaken me in the auditorium was completely gone.

I took a tentative breath, realizing that my breathlessness had disappeared as well.

"Yeah," I said, surprise tinging my voice. I was okay. I was breathing normally, the fear seemingly evaporated. I didn't want to flee from this man. In fact, I wanted nothing more than to stay right where I was.

"Yeah, I am, thanks," I said in wonder.

"They're a little overwhelming at first," the man said, his hands continuing the fluid movements. "The Touchpoints, I mean. I guess they'd be especially overwhelming from the point of view of a new Mageia. I'm getting to the point where I hate them."

"Why?" I asked, suddenly curious.

"A man can only take rejection so many times before it begins to feel personal," he said. He smiled conspiratorially at Luke as he spoke, but his smile had a touch of sadness and, maybe, a little bitterness? But the overarching feeling from him seemed to be one of…longing.

I thought for a moment about how the hundreds of Somas in that room who weren't selected must have felt. There were only sixty Mageians on the stage. I quickly calculated the odds of one of the Somas in the room finding a match in one of the Mageia we had brought, and I began to gain a sense of the desperation the Illyrians must feel.

"Were you at this Touchpoint?" I asked. The young man's eyes never left my face as I spoke.

"The Touchpoint? Yeah, I was responsible for escorting the unmatched Mageia," he said, looking away, a strange sadness seeming to overtake him. "Seems like I wasn't needed today."

"How many have you attended?" I asked, mentally calculating the likely ratio of Mageia to Soma in the country.

He didn't respond so I paused and waited for an answer. He still didn't respond, and didn't even move. My thoughts flashed furiously, processing everything I had seen from the young man so far, my mind coming to a strange conclusion.

I reached out as if to touch my companion's shoulder, but stopped at the last moment. I knew what it felt like to have someone touch you against your will. Instead, I made myself just wave my hands in the periphery of the man's vision and the young man turned to look back at me. I was struck again by the beauty of his green eyes as I repeated my question.

"Too many," he responded.

I looked at him, and couldn't help feeling an odd kinship with the man.

"My name's Luke," I said. "Lucien, I guess, but my friends call me Luke."

"Hi Luke. I'm Rhuyin," the young man said, smiling at me. His smile was heartbreakingly beautiful, and I had to remind himself to breathe, but this time for a completely different reason. "My friends call me Rhu."

"I—I don't want to offend you, Rhu, but… do you have a hearing problem?" I asked, then wanted to kick myself at the look of surprise on his face.

"Yeah, I do. How did you know?" he asked, flushing slightly.

"The gestures. It took me a minute, but I remember reading a book written by the Scribes guild in Alexandria. It was about how they use their hands to communicate. I think they called it sign language?"

Rhu nodded eagerly.

"That's right! Not many people I know of have ever even heard of it," he said excitedly.

"It was such an intriguing idea! I was thinking of all the ways we could use it—" I paused suddenly. I'd been about to say "how we could use it in the war with the Illyrians."

Rhu didn't seem to notice my hesitation.

"I know! It's a great way to communicate when you can't make a sound. A bit harder to use when you're carrying groceries though…" he said, laughing.

I surprised myself by joining him.

"I can see how that would be a challenge," I responded, then looked at Rhu curiously. "How is it you are able to understand me when I don't know how to make the signs?"

Rhu pointed at himself, laid one hand flat and placed the other on top of it in a closed fist with his thumb pointed upwards. He brought his hands up toward his chin.

"I read lips!" he said. "I was taught to both sign and speak at the same time. It's a habit I've had all my life."

"Really? That is so cool!" I said. "How did you learn? Is there a video on it? How does it affect your work? Do you use it to spy on people? How about—"

"Whoa! Whoa! Slow down!" Rhu said, laughing. "Too many questions too fast. I'll answer them if I can, but we need to go one at a time."

We sat and talked for a long time. I excitedly learned a few signs from Rhuyin. Simple things: our names, a few small words. My new friend showed me how to spell their names with a manual alphabet.

"This is so cool!" I said. "Are there—are there any books here? Or can I learn from someone?"

Rhuyin seemed to flush in surprise.

"I mean, if that's okay," I continued, making sure I was facing Rhu so he could read my lips. "I don't know how these things work in Illyria."

"Most people don't want to learn," Rhu said finally, his voice oddly controlled.

"But why not?" I asked, brow furrowed in confusion. "How else can they talk with you?"

"Damaged Somas aren't in high demand," Rhu responded before he looked away and I saw him swallow hard.

"Oh." I felt like an idiot. I hadn't thought how having any kind of physical disability would affect a Soma. I thought about the number of people I had seen today. I didn't recall seeing anyone who was less than physically perfect. Illyria would be a challenging world for anyone with a disability, not that Alexandria was much different. We sat in silence for several minutes before Rhu finally looked back at me.

"I should probably take you back to the auditorium," Rhu said finally. "You're probably going to want to meet with the Somas you matched with."

"Yeah, I'm sure my friends are wondering what happened to me," I said ruefully. "Though I'm not really sure I matched with anyone."

"I thought Lottie said you all had found matches?" Rhuyin said.

I shrugged.

"Some of them seemed to tingle a little when I touched them, but it was kind of chaotic. It—it wasn't what I was expecting."

"What were you expecting?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at me.

"I don't know. Something…more. My brother matched with a Soma at the Machi, and what he had seems so different from what I saw at the Touchpoint. This seems so…sterile, in comparison."

"Not every Bond is the same. My best friend looks like he might have made a match with one of your friends," Rhu said. "The tall girl with the dark hair and pretty smile. Deliah?"

"Yeah, that sounds like Deliah. She's an amazing woman. Your friend is very lucky. "

"Maybe we'll be seeing more of each other," Rhuyin said shyly. "I'll teach you sign language, and we can talk behind everyone's back, and they won't even know it."

"I'd…I'd like that," I said, grinning conspiratorially.

Rhu stood, brushing off his pants before reaching out to me to help me to my feet.

Time seemed to slow as I took his hand. The skin of Rhu's hand was hot and strong and reminded me of the heat I'd felt emanate from Helios when they'd sat near each other. Maybe it was a Soma thing? I'd have to remember to ask Hel if all Somas ran hot. Maybe an enhanced metabolism came with being a Soma?

Rhu's gaze caught mine, and all thoughts of research fled as I suddenly felt like I couldn't breathe, but in the very best of ways. Rhu's eyes had looked dark and mossy green before. Now they glowed like emeralds, as if lit from within by fire. His mouth was shaped into an O of surprise, then his thumb brushed across my wrist.

It was like lightning exploded from their hands. Both of us were thrown backwards, our bodies slamming against opposite walls. The smell of ozone was strong in the air and I felt a distant rumble from the earth beneath us as I brushed hair back from my face.

"What the fuck was that?" I demanded in astonishment.

The stood against the far wall, his hair had fallen across his face, covering his green eyes for a moment before he pushed it back. He reached out to me.

"I'm not exactly sure. Want to try again?" he asked.

I nodded, bracing himself but strangely energized by the touch. When our hands brushed together this time there was only a warm, humming sensation.

All trace of sadness had been erased from Rhu's face, and his smile seemed to light up the hallway.

"I think it's a sign we're going to be spending a lot of time together," he said, laughing.