Chapter 13

THIRTEEN

Asha

My heart is racing so hard that I’m worried the guys will know I’m up to something and I’ll be caught. But as the hours pass and they continue to breathe evenly in the bed next to mine, I slowly get up and inch out of my bed. I make my way across the room, grab the folder on the desk, and slip into the bathroom. Closing the door as carefully as I can, I flick on the light, then sit down and slowly open it.

Over our takeout food, we’d gone over the file. A young man, who could be my brother, had marked the vampire and several other people. More even, because the Enforcers suspected that some people were unwilling to come forward. But I don’t need to know all of that, I just need the address. The area the vampire had lost the Blood Mage.

Scanning through the words on the page, I freeze, then look at the address. There’s a map behind it with the exact position marked, and I take note of where it is, then slowly close the file once more. Taking a deep breath, I try not to feel guilty. I try hard not to think about what will happen to me if Max and Braxton find out what I’m doing.

Then I stand, turn off the light, and creep back out. Leaving the file exactly where I found it, I silently dress. Trouble lifts his head, but I reluctantly lean down and pet him until he settles back down. For reasons I don’t understand, I stare down at the beast. He’s kind of… cute, in the right light. Mostly annoying though.

On the bed, Max and Braxton are completely still except for the rise and fall of their chests. I pause, watching them, another wave of guilt moving through me. It just kind of sucks. It sucks that I so badly want to dislike them. To see them as enemies. But some small part of me doesn’t see them that way, and it bothers me.

Maybe I’m not the warrior my people need. Actually, I’m definitely not. But I also seem to be the only one, so it is what it is.

Slipping out of the room, I travel through the chilly night, ignoring the people who approach me for money. Ignoring the women on the street corner who smile at me and offer me their bodies. I pass them all, walking for nearly an hour before I arrive at the place indicated on the map.

There, I pause. This area of town is just warehouses near a big river. I get the feeling that most of these warehouses are empty or abandoned, because they look ill-cared for. Some still have lights on inside. Even though the streetlamps are broken and forgotten frequently in all directions, and the road itself is in complete disarray. But if I was one of my people, lost, afraid, and getting money for who knows what, this would be an ideal place to hide out.

I breathe in slowly, trying to pick up the scent of any of my pack members, but I get nothing. So, I just start walking, moving down the main road, winding through alleys when my instincts tell me to explore them. Still, there’s nothing. I start to get frustrated. Somehow, I thought I’d just have a sense when I got close to my family. That I’d just know where they were. The fact that things aren’t working that way makes my confidence begin to crumble.

A little further. That’s all I can go. Then I’ll have to backtrack and make sure I’ve returned before the guys suspect a thing. No matter how much I want to fucking spend the night combing every inch of this place.

So, that’s what I do. I pick alleys at random, roads at random. I circle the warehouses. I see one on the end with the lights on inside and instinctually decide it can’t be there, because picking an occupied warehouse with all these empty ones would be stupid.

But then, I stop. Like a moth to the flames, I head toward the building and round it until the scent hits me. The scent of dark magic. It isn’t what I was hoping for. I wanted to pick up my brother’s scent, but at least this means I’m on the right track.

Moving to the door on the side of the building, I turn the handle and find it unlocked. Taking a deep breath, I slowly open it and slip inside. I’m in a cleared space but huge boxes are stacked on top of each other in every direction. They provide me with protection against being seen, but also make it harder to just quickly figure out if my pack member is here.

So, I keep exploring as the scent of dark magic grows stronger. My chest begins to ache, and I freeze, wondering what the hell is wrong. Why am I suddenly upset? Then, it hits me. This could be my brother. Any minute I could be seeing him. This could be the moment I’ve been waiting for so desperately.

I never want to get my hopes up, but they soar at that moment, and I almost feel like sobbing. Which is stupid. I haven’t even seen him. I don’t even know if he’s here, but I want him to be. He’s the last of my family. The last connection I have to my mother and sister. And as of now, to my pack too.

It needs to be him. I… I need it to be him.

Emotion swells in my throat as I keep creeping around, and then I see movement and freeze. Just around the edge of a box, near the center of the room, a man is leaning over a small table with a bag filled with money. Apparently, I’d found the thief and the missing money. But who is this man? Unfortunately, he doesn’t look like my brother, but maybe he dyed his bright red hair?

And then, he turns around and my hope crumbles. It crumbles so hard that it takes everything inside of me to keep standing. But as my hope disappears, anger rises inside of me. The man in the center of the room is as familiar to me as my own brother’s face. Because I saw it so many times. Leering through the bars of my cage. Whispering about my great ass. Laughing as I fought him as he strapped me to a table.

I thought he was dead. I thought all our captors were dead.

But I’ll correct this mistake really quickly.

Stepping around the boxes, I feel my nails elongate and my heart race. “Jabez.” His name comes out a growl.

The Blood Mage spins toward me, dark eyes wide, dark hair falling slightly over his thin face. And I’m at least glad to see scars running across his face. Big claw marks that I suspect came from someone in my pack. But then, to my surprise, his body relaxes and he smiles. “Blondie.”

“Asha,” I growl, moving closer to him.

“You found us.”

“Us? I only see you. Are there more of you pricks?”

He shakes his head, and he’s just as cocky as he was before. Just as… inhuman with his alien-like smile and his big eyes focused on me like I’m an ant who amuses him. Perhaps, just as insane as he was when he was torturing me.

“Well, the Enforcers are on your case. And if they have their way, you’ll be in handcuffs tomorrow.”

That smile never leaves his lips. “Too bad for them I’ll be long gone by then, with the kind of money that will keep me hidden forever.”

I take a step forward. “Too bad for you they didn’t find you first because I have no intention of letting you walk out of here in handcuffs.”

His eyes seem to burn through me. “Blondie, you talk a big talk, but we both know you don’t have the stomach for murder.” He takes a step closer to me. “I remember you. I remember the way you would cry and beg us to leave your people alone. I remember the look on your face when we’d drag the bodies of your pack members past your cell.”

I swallow around the lump in my throat. “I’m not that person any longer. I’m what you made me now.”

He cocks his head. “And what we made you is so much better than you were. Better than we are. Your magic can either be fueled by blood or by the darkness all around us. We don’t have that choice. It’s the dark, or nothing.”

And it’s like his words have power because in that moment I swear I can feel it. I can sense the darkness all around me. It calls to me. Always there. Always a temptation. But I don’t want to taste it. I don’t want to go near it.

But tonight, I might have to.

“If that’s true then you should be scared right now,” I tell him, “because I’m stronger than you. And because I plan to kill you.”

He doesn’t look worried. “I’m not scared. I’m excited. You have so much potential inside of you, but like the others, you don’t know how to control the darkness when you touch it. You don’t know to purge yourself of it. Instead, every time you taste it, it’ll build inside of you until you’re consumed by it. But if you join me, I can teach you how to ignore the whispering. I can show you how to silence it. To be free of it. And I can help keep you fueled with blood so you only need to use the darkness in desperate situations.”

“I don’t need you for any of that,” I lie. “The only thing I need is for you to die.”

He smiles. “We both know that isn’t true.”

I watch as he tilts his head and his eyes begin to glow. Not red, not the color I imagined, but a sinful gold. One that’s impossible to look away from. One that burns through to my very soul leaving me feeling alone and afraid. A sob explodes from my lips, but I still can’t look away as he draws closer.

“You are the reason for everything that happened to your people. You watched as your mother died in front of you and heard the sounds of your sister being slaughtered. Your only hope is your brother, even though you didn’t see him in one of our cages. And that little piece of hope that he’s still alive is the only thing that keeps you going.” He touches my face, and I try to remember how close he was before, but I can’t. “But I’m afraid I have to destroy that final piece of hope. I saw your brother. He was kept away from the rest of you for a reason. He was the first one of you we experimented on. And while we tried to create better versions of ourselves, with him, we created something far worse. So, he needed to die.”

My pulse fills my ears. I want to look away. I want to pull away as he continues to stroke my face in a way that’s almost sensual, but I can’t. His words dig so deep into my soul that it feels like he’s tearing me apart. Like he really has destroyed the last piece of me that loves, that has hope, that’s capable of caring about anyone or anything.

And now I just want to die.

“Let’s see those claws,” he whispers, and I feel my hand lift and my claws extend. “Now, bring yourself peace, Blondie. You were the reason everyone you ever loved died. Use those claws to finally end it all. Finally walk away. You know it’s what you want.”

I feel tears rolling down my cheek as I move my hand to my throat. As I feel the sharp tips press into my skin, slowly drawing blood. This was how my story was always going to end. Always. I ended the lives of everyone I loved, and it only makes sense that now I would end my own life too.

Everyone I loved is dead.

Everyone.

“It’s time to finish this,” the Blood Mage whispers.

And all I see is gold. Gold like the mage’s eyes. Gold like the sunset. Gold like Trouble. And then other colors begin to float through my mind. Max’s eyes. I always called them light brown, but they were almost hazel with little flecks of gold. And his skin, it’s tan, a shade or two more tan than my own. It seems to brighten when he smiles, the rare times he smiles. Unlike with Braxton, who smiles all the time. Who has pale blue eyes that contrast so much with his black hair that he’s hard to look at.

They’re both hard to look at. So beautiful. They separate the grey of this world and remind me that other colors still exist.

Colors outside of grey and gold.

And while they don’t love me, I know they care about me. And I care about them too.

His golden eyes seem to fade, and before I know what I’m doing, I launch into action. My claws rip away from my throat and slice across his. Blood flies across my face as his eyes widen, and then I just can’t stop. I tear into him, a scream building in the back of my throat. I saw his whole damn head off, and then I claw across his chest, his arms, his legs. Blood is everywhere, and I’m sobbing, screaming, crying, and attacking.

It’s not until I’m kneeling in the mess of flesh that was this man that I seem to come back to myself, and then I cry harder. I almost killed myself. I did kill another person. A Blood Mage who tortured me. Who hurt the people I cared about. The loss of his life could only be a good thing for this world, but it was a bad thing for me.

My soul might not be white. It might be greyer. But this? Killing like this? Did it make me as bad as him? If I could reach inside myself, would I find a black soul? There has to be some way to help my people that doesn’t lead me down such a dark path.

“Asha?”

I spin around, heart in my throat. A young man stands in front of me wearing a dark hoodie that covers his face in shadows. He’s carrying a brown grocery bag that drops at his feet as he sees the scene in front of him.

Standing, my hands in fists, I square off with him. “How do you know my name?”

Every muscle in my body is tense as he reaches up and pulls the hood down. My breath catches, and then it’s hard to breathe. Clinton. He’d been what… thirteen or fourteen when our village was attacked? He’d been there in the cages with us. Quiet. Painfully quiet. But there.

“Clinton,” I say, and there are tears in my throat as I race over to him and embrace him.

To my relief, he hugs me back. He’s aware enough of who I am, aware enough that he hasn’t been lost to the darkness. This is someone I can still save.

I pull away from him a little and reach up to touch his face. His eyes are green, like his mother’s, a deep intense color that makes it hard to look away from. His hair looks like he’d cut it himself, a little wild, but the same dark brown as when I’d seen him last. And then, I see my own hands, covered in blood, my knuckles bruised and bloody from beating the Blood Mage, even though I don’t remember punching him.

“What are you doing here?” I finally manage as I drop my hands.

He gives me a weak smile. “I didn’t know what to do when we got free. I didn’t know where to go. So,” he shrugs, “the Blood Mage taught me some things I could do with my magic. We were going to get money here, a final big score, then move on to somewhere no one would know to look for us.”

“You were working with one of them?” I try not to sound shocked, but I am.

He winces and rubs the back of his head. “Asha, I’m sorry. I was just so… lost.”

Working with a Blood Mage… I think I’d rather die. But he’s maybe sixteen now. After all he’s been through, it’s not my job to judge him for what he did to survive. I’m just glad that he had.

“Were you the one marking people?”

He looks embarrassed. “Yes.”

I release a slow breath. “Clinton, what’s done is done, but we need to get you out of this town. The Enforcers are on this case, and they’re going to find you.”

His eyes widen. “The Enforcers? Shit.”

“It’s okay,” I reassure him. “I’m working with them, and I can buy you a little time, but you have to go.”

He nods but seems confused.

“Clinton, where did… you two plan to go with the money?”

“I don’t know… but he had a plan.” He sounds so damn young that it breaks my heart.

“Well, I have a plan now. I’m going to find what’s left of our pack and put us back together. We’re going to find another safe place, and we’re going to start over.”

He’s staring at me in the strangest way. “Is that even possible?”

“Of course! I don’t have all the details worked out yet, but now we have each other, and soon we’ll have the others.”

His expression doesn’t change. “But… we’re not the same any more. We’re different. We’re dangerous. Can we really pretend to be a happy family again without just killing each other?”

I take his hands in mine. “Clinton, you did what you had to in order to survive. No one will judge you for that. And now that we’ve found each other, you don’t need to do those kinds of things any more. Okay? None of us needs to be perfect, but we’ll find a way to live together in harmony again.”

“You seem so sure.” His voice is distant. “Don’t you… don’t you hear the call of the darkness?”

“All the time,” I admit.

His gaze moves back to me. “And you think you’re strong enough to fight it?”

“I do,” I begin, but I’m not done, “and I’m strong enough to fight it for all of you.” I take a deep breath. “If I leave with you now, the Enforcers will have a better chance of finding us. If I stay, I can try to cover up your involvement in this. So, you need to leave, tonight. I want you to head to Lake Town, Colorado. It’s a remote town where we can hide out while I build our new home nearby. Do you think you can do that? Just get a bus pass and travel until you reach the town.”

He seems off as he says, “The Blood Mage said our goal was to mark people and take their money. There was a next step, but he didn’t tell me what it was.”

I grab his face and force him to look at me. “The Blood Mage is gone. It’s just us. Can you do this, Clinton? Can you leave tonight and meet me at Lake Town, Colorado?”

He hesitates. “Yes, I can. So, the new plan is that?”

“Yes,” I tell him, but his behavior is worrying me a little.

“Okay.” He draws his shoulders back.

I point to the bag of money. “We need to leave enough that they feel like they got the person responsible. Just take enough to get there and survive until I can come, okay?”

He nods, but he still seems off as he goes to the bag of money and starts hiding the bills in his pockets.

“Clinton?”

He looks at me.

“Are you okay?”

He gives a small smile. “I don’t think any of us will ever be okay again, but I think I can do this. I hope I can ignore the darkness and start over with you. With anyone else.” Then, his expression changes. “Have you heard anything about my mom and dad?”

I’d seen them die. “I’m sorry.” I don’t say more. I can’t bring myself to destroy his last bit of hope. First, I’d give him something good.

“Well,” he sniffs and looks down at the money in his hands, “maybe we’ll find them too.”

We talk a little longer, but he seems distant. Not surprising. And then I know I have to go or I’ll be caught. He gives me clothes to change into, and I do. Then, I hug him. I hug him and will all my love and strength into him so he can do what needs to be done next. We say our goodbyes, and I find a random dumpster to toss my clothes in.

Back at the motel, I slip in silently, wash the blood and gore from my skin, change, and slip back into bed. But I’m shaking when I get there, and I can’t sleep for reasons I don’t understand. I just stare up at the ceiling wiping away tears that I hate are falling.

Trouble is sleeping on top of Braxton like he thinks he’s a tiny puppy instead of a giant dog, but I hear him get up. He goes to my bed and stares at me like he’s annoyed. Am I keeping the beast awake? But no, maybe he’s not annoyed. Maybe he’s… worried? I don’t know.

And then, Braxton moans in his sleep.

Goosebumps rise along my skin, and I turn to stare at him. Braxton starts to toss and turn violently, making sounds like an animal in distress. Anyone else might be confused, but it’s like staring at a kindred soul. I know what those sounds mean, and, hell, my heart breaks for him.

Max wakes with a groan as his brother turns and flails again. “Braxton.” He sounds exhausted as he sits up. But a second later, I see it hit him, and he frowns. “Braxton, you’re having a dream.”

But the man on the bed continues to twist and thrash, seeming more and more agitated by the second. Max gets out of the bed and stands, looking helplessly down at his brother.

“Do I wake him?” he finally asks me, like I’m the expert on the best way to pull someone out of their own personal hell.

I’m about to tell him I don’t have a clue, but I glance down at Trouble once more. The dog just keeps staring at me in the strangest way. So, I climb out of bed and move to stand next to Max. It’s dark in the room, but not pitch black with the light from the streetlights peeking through the cracks of the blinds. And Braxton’s expression? It’s one of pure misery. So miserable… and afraid, that it breaks my heart.

Whatever he’s dreaming about, it’s hell. I know that for certain. Maybe even from experience.

“What do we do?” Max asks again, running both hands through his hair. “Do I… hold him, like I did with you?”

I glance at him, but he’s staring down at his brother, pain in his face. Which, of course, makes my heart ache. It makes me miss my own brother, makes me wish I had a chance to do it all over again and protect my family.

“Let me try something,” I say.

Max just looks lost, so I take a deep breath and circle to his side of the bed. As I’m climbing in, Max’s voice stops me. “What if he hurts you?”

“I can handle him,” I tell him, even though I have no clue. If he freaks out, I might make things worse, but I can definitely take a punch if that’s the worst thing that comes from this.

Laying down, I wrap myself around him in a way I’ve never wrapped myself around another person. My leg goes over his hip and my arms encircle him. I press myself against his back and feel a deep shudder roll through his body. And then? Then his whimpering and tossing stops. I can’t tell if he’s out of whatever nightmare was hurting him, but the tension slowly melts from his body. And then I know he’s calm.

I glance up at Max, and he looks completely frozen. His gaze is moving from our feet beneath the sheet up until his eyes meet mine. We stare at each for a long moment, and it’s strange. Max seems… upset, and I have no idea why. Isn’t this what he wanted? For me to calm his brother down?

But then he turns away from me, fists clenched, and quietly goes into the bathroom and shuts the door before turning on the light. For a while, I wait for him. The room is silent though, and then Trouble climbs up onto the bed and lays on our feet. He’s a little heavy, but I’m surprised that he doesn’t bother me.

I’m bothered by the fact that Max seems upset, but I let my eyes close. And before I know it, I’ve slipped off to sleep, although in my dreams Max’s face haunts me. I see myself touching him. I see our lips meeting over and over, and my wolf practically purrs as he touches me, as if to say she approves of Max’s wolf.

Which is a strange dream. Right?