Chapter 11

ELEVEN

Max

I manage to get Mr. Vangardee to agree not to report Asha’s actions to any of my superiors, but I think he mainly agrees because he doesn’t want more people to know about what happened to begin with. He hands me the file, I say goodbye, and then the second I’m free of him I’m thinking about what the hell to do about Asha. She cannot attack our leads. She cannot behave like that.

But it’s more than that. I’ve been watching for any signs of the dangerous Blood Mage within her, and I’ve seen nothing. Until now. So, was that just a woman on the edge after losing everything she ever loved? Or was that something more?

I truly don’t know, but there have to be consequences for her actions.

My mind rolls through the types of discipline we received in the army, then the discipline the Enforcers believe in. For some reason, none of it seems like things that would work for Asha. But then again, there’s a reason I don’t like having a team. Managing people isn’t really my thing. I like to give a command and simply have it obeyed. And, unfortunately, I’ve realized people aren’t like that.

Leaving the mansion, I take a deep breath of the clean air, free of the scent of vampires, and my gaze meets my brother’s. For a second, I feel panicked that Asha isn’t with him, and then I see movement behind the tinted window in the SUV and release a slow breath.

“How is she?” I ask.

Braxton gives me a knowing look. “Better. I think it’s just a lot. It’d be a lot for anyone.”

I nod. He’s probably right. He’s better with stuff like this than I am. “So, she’s… okay?”

“She’s not going crazy,” Braxton says as if he read my thoughts. “Just got a little frustrated, I think.”

I sigh.

“That girl really knows how to get under a guy’s skin, doesn’t she?” he asks with a smirk.

“That girl can probably hear us talking right now.”

We both smile. And then I remember what I have to do and feel my smile fade away.

“I need to talk to her for a second.”

He looks like he wants to say something, but then he nods. “I’ll ask one of the guards if I can see the garden. I heard him blabbering about it. Damn green thumbs.” Then he hurries off to the blond guard near the door who smiles when he sees my brother coming.

Refocusing my attention on the matter at hand, I knock lightly on her window, then gesture for her to come out. She does so, slowly, and with an instant look that tells me she’s ready for a fight. Ready for me to come down on her hard. Unfortunately for me, and her, I don’t know any other way to handle this. I have memories of my parents before they were murdered, but I was never a kid who had to be disciplined. The worst thing I ever did was steal a candy bar when I was little, and they simply had a strong talk with me, then made me go back to the grocery store with the candy, money, and an apology.

But those days are long behind me. Asha is not a kid who stole a candy. She’s a woman who assaulted a powerful man while working for the Enforcers. Anyone else would have her carted off right now.

“What? Are you just going to stare?” she asks in a clipped tone.

I draw myself up taller. Asha has this way about her. She barely comes to my shoulders in height, and she looks like she’s missed far too many meals, and yet her presence is big. Bigger than me in a lot of ways. I think naturally I intimidate more people, but the second she opens her mouth, she’s definitely the person others nervously side-eye. And that’s not the Blood Mage in her, that’s just her.

“What you did in there… it was unacceptable.”

Her brown, almost auburn, eyes flash with rage. “You heard what he said about me.”

I shift closer to her. I don’t know why. Maybe because under all that rage, I can sense that she’s hurting. “People say a lot worse about Blood Mages. You have to have a thicker skin about it.”

She glares. “I do have a thick skin. You haven’t seen me crying like a baby, have you?”

“Sadness isn’t the only emotion Enforcers have to control. Anger is just as dangerous, even more so sometimes. And fear. And jealously. We have to be above those things as much as possible.”

To my surprise, she moves closer to me. The closest she’s ever willingly been. So close that my breath ruffles her hair. “I’m not like you, Max. I’m not a robot who can’t feel a goddamn thing.”

I want to touch her. I want to smooth that long blonde hair back from her face and tuck it behind her ear. I want to run my hand along her face, the face that was covered in bruises just a short time ago, but I don’t. “I feel things.”

“Do you?” she challenges me.

Too much. That’s the problem. Even when I was a kid, I was reserved. While Braxton would rage when angry, or shout when happy, or cry when hurt, I let all my feelings well inside until they came out when I was alone. Only my mom understood that. Even when I was a teenager, she’d tap lightly on my door when I was in a bad place. She’d lay next to me on my bed, and she’d just be there for me, so I wouldn’t be hurting alone.

And then she was gone, and I was always alone.

“Yes, I have feelings,” I repeat, and her eyes widen. I wonder what I said. I wonder what she sees because I’m trying so hard to keep it all hidden. “But feelings… they ruin things, Asha.” Those unique eyes of hers hold mine, and now I don’t know what I’m talking about, her or this situation. “We’re entrusted to protect humans and supernaturals. That means using reasonable force, when needed. That means trying to end situations as non-violently as we can. You have to see that if we don’t strive for those things, then there’s no difference between us and our enemies.”

She actually looks surprised. “I was just so damn angry.”

“I know. I get angry too.” I take a deep breath, then decide to hell with it. “It was pure luck that I was there for the first case with a Blood Mage. I haven’t been forbidden from telling you about it, but I was told it would be unwise.”

“You found another one of us, before me? Before the Blood Mages with the berserkers?” Her voice cracks a little, and she wraps her arms around herself.

I nod, not sure if I’m making a terrible mistake. “She was… young. Just a child. A little thing with brown hair and big brown eyes. She couldn’t remember her name, or the name of her parents, but I tried to connect with her. I tried to get her to remember what life was like before she was taken.” Fuck. I don’t want to remember that day, because the days when children are hurt are always the worse. “She was collecting seashells on a beach, but the water was drawing further and further away as she walked straight out in the water. A massive wave was forming and people were panicking. It was the kind of wave that would take out the whole town. And on the beach? She’d sucked three humans dry. I approached her. I tried to talk with her. I got her to slowly let the wave go down and the beach returned to normal, and I thought maybe then I could help her. But… but she attacked another Enforcer, and the others reacted.”

There were gunshots. Blood. Screaming. And then just me, holding the little girl. Shouting for help. But I was the only one on that beach who cared that a young life was draining away in my arms. She was gone. She probably couldn’t have been saved, but I wanted people to want to save her.

“I don’t blame the others for what they did. The child was dangerous. She was hurting another person and might have killed him. But I wondered a lot afterward, if they hadn’t been so scared, would they have hesitated? Would it have been enough for me to save her?”

Asha has tears in her eyes. “That was Gillian. She was one of the few kids who survived. Her cage was kept away from mine, but I could hear her crying at night. I could hear her after the tests, but I couldn’t reach her. I couldn’t even see her.”

I reach out my hand and run it down her arm without thinking. She tenses, then relaxes. My hand is almost on her elbow. It’s not much. Not the hug I want to give her. I’ve thought about it a million times and wondered how much of our pain I could take away just by pulling her into my arms. Just by pretending for a little while that we have someone in this world, someone to weather the storm with.

She steps back from me and wipes at her face, even though there aren’t any tears. My hand falls away, but she doesn’t seem to notice. “So, what’s my punishment for that? What will you do to me? Lashes? Imprisonment?”

Every hair on my body stands on end. I’m pretty sure she’s already been through all of that, and worse, if her nightmares are any indication. “A reminder. Don’t do it again.”

She looks surprised, and I head to the driver’s seat because I don’t want to look at her any longer. I should have logically punished her. In the military. As an Enforcer. Based on everything I’ve ever learned, Asha needs to be punished. The fact that I hadn’t probably indicates that I’m not in my right mind, that the woman has created a soft spot within me, and I can’t think about that right now. Not when I have a mission to complete.

Asha stays outside the car. After a few minutes, Braxton and his dog appear from around the side of the house, and they all climb in. I don’t say anything. I don’t say that these two people are driving me crazy and are perfect signs that I’m not as matter-of-fact as I was led to believe. Because my brother has a damn mutt slowing us down, a mutt who he seems to need, and a mutt I want him to have. And Asha is beside me, a disaster of a person who is causing a hell of a lot of trouble on this mission, and yet, I want her with me.

Carl was wrong to believe I’d be better with a team because this is exactly the shit I wanted to avoid. Which I’m sure will only get worse when the other members of our team arrive. I need to get myself in check before then and learn how to lead two people I care about, before the consequences make me regret my weakness.