Chapter Four

Genesis

YESTERDAY WAS SURREAL. Two people got fired, Gavin was arrested for stealing, and the dancers will be helping on the floor until Devil hires two more waitresses. Not all of them are happy about it, but they won't speak out either. Devil is on a firing spree and we're all worried about walking in to find out we no longer have a job. At the end of the night last night, my tip jar went from one that's usually full to two overflowing containers. When I asked where all the money came from, Kat told me I'd earned it over the last several months and it's what everyone owes me. I can say out of all the changes, Kat behind the bar is the one I like the most. She's fast, friendly, and doesn't take anyone's shit. Dream tried to tell her how to do her job and Kat put her in her place really quick. It took every ounce of willpower not to laugh my ass off. I don't know Kat well but she's a great person and hangs out with Morgan a lot. They're both at the clubhouse and spend their time together there. I honestly want to get to know her just based on how I've seen her act at Enchantment one night.

Enchantment was busy as fuck last night and I'm glad Devil had the girls help me on the floor. If they weren't here, I don't know what I would've done. I told Morgan when I got home that I was covered in sweat, lost about five pounds, and was so damn exhausted I could fall asleep standing up. Morgan laughed and told me if she weren't babysitting for me, she'd get a job there for the money alone. Yeah, I had a good night last night. I don't see it lasting, but I'm sure I will be able to put away money for a rainy day until new waitresses are hired. That's something I'm rarely able to do and I can't wait to add to the extremely small nest egg I've started so I can get Matie and myself out of this shitty one-bedroom apartment.

After seeing Morgan out of the apartment last night, I quickly washed up and changed into a pair of shorts and a tank top before checking on Matie in the one bedroom the apartment has. My bed is in the living room now and I've made it work so far. It won't last for long, but for now I'm doing the best I can. Making sure the baby is covered and warm enough even though it's warm in the apartment, I hesitantly walk back into the living room and climb in bed with the baby monitor right next to my ear so I'll wake up when Matie does. It's the same thing I do every night when I go to bed. Thankfully, I've gotten the baby on a schedule and he really doesn't get up throughout the night unless he's sick or something. Malinda is really missing out on one of the best little guys ever. Matie is such a good baby and I will make sure he knows how much he's loved on a daily basis.

Getting up before Matie this morning, I take a quick shower in the lukewarm water my apartment has. After dressing and running a brush through my short hair, I get his breakfast ready so I can go in and wake him up. Walking into the bedroom, I find Matie playing in his crib. It's one of the cheapest I could find when Malinda first dropped him off with me. I spent every last penny I had to my name on the baby to ensure I had everything he'd need.

"Good morning, sweet boy. Let's change your diaper so we can get you fed," I say, moving around the room to grab a fresh diaper, his wipes, and an outfit for the day.

Walking back to the crib, Matie looks up at me and smiles, gibbering in his baby babble that makes my day because it makes me feel as if he's trying to have an actual conversation with me as I change him and explain everything I'm doing.

"Let's get you out of these pajamas, Sweet Boy," I tell him, unzipping them and pulling them off as Matie starts kicking his legs and swinging his arms around. "You're so silly. Time to change your diaper."

I take care of changing Matie and putting a pair of little sweatpants on him with a tee-shirt proclaiming him as the world's best eater. It's true in his case. Matie was underweight when Malinda dropped him off to me, but he's made up for it in the months since I've had him. He's put weight on and is now in the correct percentile for his age. The doctor is very happy with his progress in the months I've had him. Dr. Craven is an older man who has been in Pine View for the longest time from what I've overheard. He's never once asked me questions about Matie's parents and that makes me happy as hell. Especially since I've seen him looking at me more than once as if he can see the truth of the situation I'm in with this baby boy.

"I've got your breakfast at the table. Let's go eat," I tell him, lifting him from the crib and cradling him close because I know it's just a matter of time before I won't get these baby cuddles from him any longer.

Sitting down at the small table in the kitchen area of the apartment, I hold Matie on my lap and feed him the cereal I've mixed with baby food. I used his favorite fruit today and will use what's left of the container for lunch. Today will be relaxing even though I have errands to run because I'm not working tonight. I always feel on edge and like I'm under a microscope when I'm at Enchantment. Especially lately with the way Devil's been watching me as I work my shift. Anyway, we should be back in plenty of time to feed Matie before I clean the apartment from top to bottom when he lays down for his afternoon nap. While we're shopping he'll take his morning nap. It's not ideal, but I'll work around it as I always do.

I walked with Matie to the store this morning. It's a beautiful day outside and the temperature isn't too high to make us sweaty and uncomfortable. I try to walk as much as possible when I have him with me. My car isn't exactly trustworthy and I refuse to get stranded with the baby somewhere. Even in the city where a hundred cars will pass me by. I don't trust anyone and a stranger stopping to help me when I have Matie isn't a risk I'm willing to take. So, we walk everywhere and I point out different things to Matie when we're outside. I'm always trying to teach him things even if he can't understand me yet. Dr. Craven told me it's a good thing to do with little ones so I've been keeping it up every day as much as possible.

Walking through the city, I know it's not the best move to make with the baby. Beggars can't be choosers though. If I thought public transportation would be any better, I might take it. However, I'm scared of the public transportation here and have never been brave enough to take it. Add in Matie and I refuse to do that shit. I've got my taser on me and I'm not afraid to use it. If it comes down to protecting Matie or someone coming after us, I will do everything in my power to protect this little boy. Including giving up my life in order to ensure he gets to live his. Thankfully, it's early as hell and the sun is shining bright. If it were darker, I wouldn't even attempt to walk to the store and would pray the car ran long enough to get us to the store and back again without hesitating.

Crossing the street after walking the four blocks to the grocery store, I only hesitate long enough for the cars to pass before jogging across the road. Traffic is hell here and on the way back I'll stay on the side of the store until we get close to the apartment. I'm talking to Matie the entire time we cross the street and make our way through the parking lot of the store. I don't notice much around me once I pass something. However, my eyes are always rotating around the area in front of us. If any enemy comes at us head on, I want to know. It's not good enough if someone comes up behind me, but I'll do everything I can to get away with as little damage to myself as possible.

We enter the store and are hit with a cold blast from the air conditioner. Matie gurgles in his baby babble while closing his eyes. I can't help but laugh at him as I grab a basket and place it on my arm while pushing the stroller around the store. We bypass the produce section. I'd love to have fresh vegetables and fruit in the house to snack on, but I can't afford it when I have to buy formula, baby food, baby cereal, diapers, and everything else the baby needs. I often go without because of the things Matie needs. I'd give up everything possible to make sure he has everything Malinda never provided for him. That's why I want to save as much money as possible. I'd love to buy a home for us. I'll settle for the ability to move us out of the crappy apartment we're currently in to somewhere new and better.

Walking up and down the aisles, grabbing the bare necessities for myself and everything Matie needs, I feel someone watching me. Their eyes are drilling holes in my back as I discreetly look around and find Raptor following me. He's currently hiding at the end of the aisle with his head and upper body showing just enough that I can tell it's him. I'm not sure what he's pretending to look at right now, but his eyes are darting around so I know he's not paying attention to the item in his hand. I'd laugh if anger wasn't starting to fill me with the thought of him following me around to threaten me again. He better not try a fucking thing with the baby here. I'll gut him the next time I see him alone and make sure he knows that's beyond inappropriate.

Pretending I don't notice him walking behind me through every aisle of the store, I get what I need before heading to the cashier to checkout and bag everything to take home. Loading everything from the heavy basket onto the belt next to me, I pull out the bottle of water I made Matie before we left the house and hand it over to him. Giving him water is new and something I'm trying to get him used to drinking once a day to start out with. It doesn't always work, but I'll keep trying. It's why I have a case of water loaded in the bottom of the stroller already. I won't give him tap water and use bottles of water to make each bottle he has throughout the day.

"How are you today?" the cashier asks me, a friendly smile on her face that lights up even more when she puts her attention on Matie who smiles at her in return.

"We're doing good. Thank you. How are you?" I return, noticing Raptor in the next aisle over and pretending not to listen in on our conversation.

"I'm doing good. Thank you," she responds as I take in her name tag. I've been to this woman before and never knew her name is Angie. I'll have to remember it for the next time I come in here and come through her line.

Angie rings up the groceries as I watch the total get higher and higher. My heart starts pounding in my chest because I know I'm not going to have enough for what I need for the week. Tears fill my eyes as I start deducting my food from the total. Embarrassment courses through my veins and I know Raptor is going to hear me tell Angie I need to take things off because I don't have the money.

"I'm sorry. I have to take things off the total. There's not enough money," I tell Angie once she gives me the total. A lone tear slides from my eye and rolls down my cheek before falling to the floor at my feet.

"Sure, Honey," she says, a sad smile on her face as she looks at me with pity filled eyes.

I pull off all the food I added for myself and the small container of chocolate milk. It's been so long since I've had any milk and today the chocolate looked so good. Oh well! Maybe another time I'll be able to afford getting something like that. After all, it's a luxury and not a necessity. Once all of my food has been removed, I pay the bill for Matie's things and quickly load the bags up in the bottom of the stroller.

"I'm so sorry, Angie. I can put all of this stuff back," I tell her, reaching over to grab the things I took off the bill.

"That's not necessary, Sweetheart. You get that sweet baby home and let me worry about this stuff," she says as a younger guy walks up and grabs the food I just had to put back.

"Thank you," I say before leaving the store with blurry vision from the tears filling my eyes.

The second I'm out of the grocery store, the dam breaks and there's no stopping the tears from spilling. I try to remain quiet so I don't upset Matie as I quickly walk through the parking lot of the store and toward the sidewalk that will lead me to the apartment. Again, I feel as if we're being followed but I can't bring myself to check it out. I have a feeling deep in my gut that it's Raptor and I can't deal with his stupid ass right now. He requires too much energy and time that I don't have to give him. I'm not at work and this is my private time.

With every step I take, the pain, hunger, and guilt eats away at me a little more. I'm literally doing the very best I can for Matie, but I can't help but wonder if he'd be better off with Mr. and Mrs. Pratt. They have a good home, money to get him everything he'll need and want, and they'll love him because he's their grandson. I'm a broke waitress at a strip club with no future ahead of me because I can't afford to go to school despite it once being my dream and what I worked so hard through high school for. The realization quickly hit me that I would never attend more than a community college and even that's out of my price range. Every cent I'm not hiding away for us in the future is being spent on Matie right now for clothing and all the other necessities he needs on a daily basis.

"Raptor, you can quit following me. I know how to get to my apartment just fine. If you think I'm going to allow you to yell at me and threaten me again, it's not gonna happen in front of the baby. Please, leave me alone," I call out, my voice breaking as my steps become quicker and I can hear the booted steps behind me moving quicker as well. "Go. Away!"

My voice cracks and a pain fills my already raw throat. The steps behind me falter and I know it's time to cross the street and get away from Raptor. Checking both directions, I make sure there's no traffic coming either way and head across the road at a fast pace. Again, the steps behind me follow and frustration fills me as more tears spill faster and faster from my eyes. Matie is falling asleep and I really don't want to wake him up or startle him by yelling at the asshole behind me. So, I keep my mouth shut and try to pretend he's not here again. It doesn't work, but I try my best to get away from the prick and home as fast as I possibly can.

By the time I reach the front door of the apartment complex, I see the normal dealers out front as they look me up and down like I'm their next meal. This happens daily and I know they just want to fuck me so they can get close enough to bring me into their stable of prostitutes. These fuckers aren't too smart and they like to talk amongst one another very loudly when my windows are open. I listened to them lay out their plan in great detail about two months ago and I've tried avoiding them ever since.

Today, they look over my shoulder and don't say a word to me. It's not normal for them and I know immediately Raptor has something to do with them remaining quiet the second I walk up to the unlocked door and head inside while maneuvering the stroller. No one helps me and I don't ask for help at all. I've never asked for help and no one will find me doing so now. With the door closed behind me, I wonder once again when it will be fixed. The outer door is supposed to be one of those security doors you need a key for. This one hasn't locked for as long as I've lived here. I'm sure Raptor will have something to say about where I live the next time I see him. He can kiss my fucking ass.

Getting to my apartment at the end of the hallway, I unlock the door and get Matie inside. Leaving him in his stroller so I don't wake him up, I put away his things before I look around the empty kitchen to try and find something to eat. My stomach is empty and I honestly don't remember the last time I ate anything more than a few stale saltines. It's obviously been a very long time considering the fact that I can't remember. I finally find a piece of bread left in the bag and a slice of cheese in the refrigerator. Putting it together, I eat the half cheese sandwich and grab a cup out of the cupboard and fill it with water. Drinking it down, I get to work cleaning the apartment while Matie sleeps.