Chapter 19

Chapter

Nineteen

Maxxon

T he low hum of the space station's engines rumbled through my bones as I sat at the long, ebony bar in the officer's lounge. It was one of the few places on the Boat that wasn't all sleek white surfaces and bright lighting. Here, the darkness wrapped around me like a comforting blanket, broken only by the soft glow of lights that hung low over the bar.

The lounge was quieter than usual tonight, with only a handful of officers scattered around the dimly lit room. Soft, unfamiliar music played in the background—probably something from Earth circa the 1980s, like almost everything else on the station.

I swirled the Noovian whiskey in my glass, watching the golden liquid catch the light. Its rich, smoky aroma tickled my nose until I downed the drink in a single gulp, savoring the burn as it scorched my throat. If only it could do something about the ache in my chest.

I should have gotten over her by now. The station had been a hotbed of activity since the official reveal to Earth, but there had been surprisingly little for me to do now that my job had been eliminated. Which meant I'd had much too much time to think about what I'd lost.

Allie.

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying not to conjure an image of the beautiful brunette while also wanting nothing but to see her again in my mind. I should not have missed her as much as I did. I'd barely known her. I'd only spent a day or two with her. So why did memories of being with her haunt my every moment? Why could I think of nothing but her smile, her laugh, her sparkling eyes?

I couldn't stop replaying my last moments with Allie in my mind. The softness of her skin, the warmth of her lips, the way her eyes danced when she laughed. And then her words, cutting through me like a plasma blade: "This was just fun with no strings attached."

But it hadn't been just fun for me. Somewhere along the way, between the stolen moments and secret smiles, I'd fallen for her. Hard. And now, with the new volunteer program in place, I'd lost any chance I might have had to make things right.

I opened my eyes again, forcing myself to return to reality. There was no point in torturing myself. I was not returning to Earth. Since establishing the volunteer program, there was no need for tribute bride procurers. That meant there was no reason for me to return to Earth unless I hijacked a ship.

"Don't even think of it," I murmured to myself.

"Think of what?"

I'd been so lost in my thoughts that I hadn't noticed that Commander Dorn had slid onto the stool next to me. His dark hair was as unruly as ever, and his cheeks were covered in the scruff of a few days' growth. Despite leaving Inferno Force and taking his brother's seat on High Command, the warrior looked every bit the Inferno Force commander he'd been for so long.

"Maxxon." His greeting was a grunt, but his stern expression softened slightly as he took in my posture. "Still thinking about the invasion?"

I could answer this one honestly. "No, Commander." It wasn't the invasion that occupied my thoughts.

Dorn's eyes narrowed, and I knew he sensed deception. "There is no shame in being rattled by the Kronock invasion. I still shudder when I think of doing battle with the beasts."

I took a sip of the fresh whiskey the bartender slid to me. How could I explain what was bothering me without revealing what had happened on Earth? Without admitting that I'd broken protocol and gotten far too close to a human female who had not been my target? The program might not be running as it had been, but I did not relish admitting to an Inferno Force officer that I had violated one of the basic tenets of my post. Not if I wished to join Inferno Force myself.

"Actually, sir," I said, "I was wondering what you thought about the new volunteer program."

Dorn blinked at me and cocked his head. "Since it was Mandy's idea, I could never speak against it, could I?" He chuckled, a sound that surprised me coming from the usually intense commander. "But truthfully, I think it's a good change. I prefer the idea of females being eager and willing to join us."

I nodded, remembering all too well the chaos that had ensued when Mandy first arrived on the Boat. She hadn't been one of the females I'd procured but there wasn't a soul on the station that didn't remember the chaos that occurred when she realized the truth of her situation. She had been far from eager, and unwilling would have been an understatement. "Your mate was outraged to be taken from Earth, if I remember correctly."

Dorn's laugh deepened. "That's putting it mildly. I doubt there's anyone on this station who doesn't remember her almost drowning me in the pool. We fought like Zarnian wildcats for weeks."

I tried not to smile at the memory but failed. It had been the talk of the station for months. But eventually, Mandy had warmed up to Dorn, and they were now happily married with a new baby.

"You know," Dorn continued, his voice taking on a serious tone again, "we're already getting so many volunteers that we'll be able to find mates for every Drexian on the list. You should be happy, Maxxon. You'll get a mate sooner than you ever expected."

The thought made my stomach churn. A mate that wasn't Allie? It felt wrong. I downed the rest of my whiskey in one burning gulp, hoping it would drown out the sick feeling rising in my chest.

"That's great news," I said, though the words tasted bitter on my tongue.

Dorn clapped me on the back, nearly knocking me off my stool. "It is! So why do you look like someone just told you we're out of Noovian whiskey?"

I shook my head, trying to clear it. The room was starting to spin slightly, and I realized I'd had far more to drink than I'd intended. "I think I need a new assignment."

Dorn reared back, as if he'd just realized that I was out of a job. "You haven't been sitting around all this time with nothing to do, have you?" He didn't wait for me to answer before shaking his head. "No wonder you're like this. I'd be going mad without a battle to fight or enemy to engage."

I bobbed my head. It would be accurate to say that I was going mad, but not for reasons he thought.

He pounded my back again. "We need to find you something, a position that draws on your skills and experience."

"I have applied for Inferno Force," I told him, my speech slow and plodding.

A low rumble slipped from his throat. "Good. There's nothing like Inferno Force to give you purpose. As much as I adore my family, I miss my Inferno Force crew every day."

I managed to nod, even though I doubted that even the intensity of Inferno Force would douse my desire for Allie. "I should get some sleep."

Dorn slammed back his own whiskey. "Especially if Inferno Force is in your future."

I staggered from the officers' lounge, hoping that he wasn't watching my uneven gait. The corridors of the Boat seemed endless as I made my way back to my quarters, the stark white walls a harsh contrast from the soothing darkness of the lounge. I flinched at the lights that made my head pound. Or maybe that was just the whiskey.

As I reached my quarters, I leaned against the cool metal door, trying to gather my thoughts. How was I supposed to join a new crew when my heart felt like it had been ripped from my chest? How could I even think about taking a mate when the only woman I wanted was on Earth?

I stumbled into my room, not bothering with the lights. In the darkness, I could almost pretend I was back on Earth in that dank cave with Allie. If I concentrated, I could smell the loaminess of the air and hear the distant plink of water dripping from rock formations.

But the illusion shattered as soon as I collapsed onto my bed. The mattress was clearly not rock, and the air on the station was too sanitized. Everything here was a reminder that I was back on the Boat, and Allie was not.

I stared up at the ceiling, watching the faint patterns of starlight that filtered through my wide window overlooking space. Usually the view was captivating, but now it only reminded me of the distance to Earth.

What was I going to do? The thought of taking another mate made me want to retch. But I knew I couldn't avoid it forever. I would be expected to take a mate. But how could I, when my heart belonged to a woman who saw me as nothing more than fun with no strings attached?

As I lay in bed with the room spinning around me, I tried to convince myself that I could forget her. That I could move on and be happy with one of the eager volunteers who would soon be arriving on the Boat. But that was a lie.

I couldn't go on like this, torn between my duty and my heart. I needed to see Allie one more time, to find out if she'd meant it. To find out if I had truly been nothing more than a diversion. Now I just needed to figure out how.

"Come on Maxxon," I whispered in the dark. "You traveled to earth without ever being suspected, you sweet-talked women into believing you, you never failed in your missions. You can do this."

My heart pounded as determination surged through me.

One way or another, I was going to see Allie again.