Chapter 17

seventeen

Rose

I frown, looking around my old room, seeing if I’ve forgotten anything while searching for something at the same time, knowing I won’t be back anytime soon, especially after catching a glimpse of Alejandro leaning against the old oak tree just outside the yard, watching like some creeper yesterday, and then again today.

I don’t want a showdown with him; I don’t want to even speak to him. He allowed Vanessa to hit me, and then told me I was dead to him.

I can’t deal with him. I refuse to.

“Where are you?” I mutter as I look around the room again, a frown creasing my forehead.

Seriously, if I don’t find this, I’m going to have to fork out another $4 for a new one, and it's money I can’t waste right now.

Frustration builds until I catch sight of something blue underneath my bed and realize it’s Diego’s pacifier.

“Ah, there you are,” I murmur with relief, and run to grab it.

This thing has become a lifeline during the night. I’m trying to ween him off the breast now that he’s one, but it’s not easy, and this little thing is a miracle worker.

For the past three weeks, he has slept through the night. I could kiss the person who invented this.

I place the pacifier into my bag and look around the room again, sadness filling me.

Yesterday was, well, weird. Everyone was celebrating, people who turned their backs on me were suddenly there for Diego’s first birthday. It’s hard not to feel bitter, and then Al moping around, hoping I’d change my mind and invite him in.

And don’t get me started on Noah’s confession in the kitchen.

After he came back into the living area with Barnett, he had quite a determined look on his face, a look I didn’t want to decipher and still don’t. He left me, listened to lies, and threw me out in the cold, with a baby to boot.

There’s no coming back from that, even if my heart wants to grab on tightly.

Things aren’t how they are supposed to be, but it’s life, and we have to make do and keep pushing forward, which means I need to go home.

I sigh as I pick up my duffel bag. My dad wanted me to stay for a little longer, just a few more days, but I don’t think my heart can take it, especially knowing Noah has his concert in two days, where he’ll sing songs all about our so-called break up. Maybe he needs to write one about his screw up and call it “I’m an idiot and should beg on my knees for forgiveness.”

I wince at my thoughts. Yeah, I need to leave….

Chewing my bottom lip, I look around my room one last time before taking a deep breath and turning to leave, placing the bag strap on my shoulder. The plan is to stay at a motel tonight, which is kind of breaking the bank a little bit, which is why I can’t afford to replace Diego’s pacifier, but I know my dad will try and convince me to stay longer, and I can’t.

Diego and I will catch the train home first thing in the morning; I just haven’t told my father yet, or Noah, for that matter.

That’s definitely not going to go down well.

Maybe I could just text them….

I wince again at how pathetic I’m being. I’m a strong, independent woman…who cries in the shower….

Hearing voices when I get to the top of the stairs, I freeze for a moment, ensuring it’s not my brother, but sigh in relief when I recognize it’s Cameron, only to freeze again wondering why he’s here.

Does that mean Noah is here as well? Crap, I knew I should have snuck out earlier this morning.

“Geeze, this kid is going to be good-looking when he’s older….”

I try to hold in my snort at Cameron’s words and put on my best resting bitch face, needing to remember what they did to me, and I walk down the stairs.

Everyone turns my way. Dad looks at the bag, and his smile vanishes, while Barnett and Cameron look at it like it’s a live bomb.

Cameron grins when Diego grabs his beard, getting his attention, and I mutter, “That should be a sign to shave it,” without thinking because it just doesn’t suit him. Then, silently, I curse when they all snort.

Jackasses.

Rolling my eyes, I walk over to Cameron to grab Diego from his arms, but he turns half his body, stopping me, and I raise a brow.

He grins. “Yeah, you're clearly about to leave, something Noah most likely doesn’t know about, but before you do go, Barn and I want to take you somewhere.”

I open my mouth to decline, but Barnett takes my bag while I’m distracted. I glare at him, but he’s not looking at me. Instead, his eyes are on my bag, staring daggers at it like it did something wrong.

I shake my head. “I’m not going anywhere with you two; I have to check in at the motel….”

“A motel, but Rose….” My dad protests.

I give him a sad smile. “I have an early train to catch tomorrow morning. I need to get home.”

He flinches at me, and I sigh while Cameron steps forward, bouncing Diego on his hip, and he says, “You never got closure.” I furrow my brows at him, and he smiles at me. “We left without making Noah speak to you, even though we all thought something wasn’t right. Your father kicked you out because you wouldn’t abort your baby, and something big happened with Al and Van that none of us know about.” I wince, and he raises a brow. “The love of your life acted like you cheated on him for two years because he felt too guilty about leaving without confronting you. You both need closure.”

Barnett steps forward. “All we’re asking is for you to come with us, just for a few hours, and if you still want to leave, then I’ll personally fly you back to Fremont.”

I scrunch my nose up and state, “Barn, you crashed like five cars and two bikes in high school; like hell would I allow you to fly an actual plane.”

Cameron snorts while my dad grins, and Barnett scowls. “Fine, I’ll have a driver drive you to the airstrip, and a pilot fly you to the place you think is your home when really your home is with Noah.”

Anger shoots through me, and I can’t help but fire back.

“And yet he ran like his butt was on fire after seeing an innocent photo of a stressed-out father worried for his disabled daughter who needed surgery,” I snap. Both boys frown, and I groan and admit, “The man hugging me was emotional because the bike I was buying off him for Noah as a graduation gift was below the price it was worth, but he was desperate, and at the time, my father had promised to help pay for half of my online college that the scholarship didn’t cover so I gave the man an extra $200. He hugged me as a thank you and, yes, I went and checked up on him. He and his new wife are very happy, expecting another baby, while his daughter survived the surgery and is healthy.”

Barnett curses while Cameron looks down with shame, but not for long, as Diego squirms to grab his beard again.

“Seriously, Cameron, what is with the beard? You look like the kind of guy who hides on street corners to mug people.” I finally give in and say something, because damn….

The thing…it takes up half his face .

He looks at me and grins. “I’ll shave it off if you come with us….”

“Fuck, take the offer, Rose; we all told him not to grow it. Women only go near him because he’s a rockstar,” Barnett remarks, and I groan while the men grin, knowing I’m giving in because I hate that beard.

“Fine, but then you have to take me home, preferably not you behind the wheel, though,” I say to Barnett, and he scowls. I ignore it, look at Cameron, and say, "That thing better be gone by the time I have to leave.”

My dad laughs, taking Diego from a sulking Cameron, then walks toward the kitchen stating, “I’ll be on Diego watch,” while Barnett wraps his arm over my shoulders, his body shaking with silent laughter at the look on Cameron’s face.

“You were going to give in anyway, weren’t you?” Barnett asks in a whisper as he guides me to the waiting SUV, and I shrug.

“Curiosity killed the cat and all that, but you have to admit, the thing is hideous. Some men can pull off a full beard, but he cannot.”

He laughs again and helps me into the car, and I shake my head, leaning back against the seat, wondering what I’ve gotten myself in for.

My eyes watch the scenery as we drive along my father’s street, only to turn down the next one, and instantly, I suck in a breath. I hold it, hoping they are not taking me to where I think they are, but the car slows and pulls in through the open massive, black iron gates, and rounding the drive before stopping in front of the Victorian mansion with a wraparound porch.

My heart bangs, my eyes stinging.

“One day, I’m going to buy us this house,” Noah whispers as we walk past the Victorian mansion only a street away from my father’s house, his arm firmly around my shoulders, my body burrowed into his side.

I smile and admit, “As long as you’re with me, Noah, I don’t care where we live….”

He grins and presses his lips against mine as we keep walking, not caring if we bump into someone.

“It’s the house he said he would buy you if we ever got signed,” Barnett whispers, bringing me out of the memory from three years ago, and a few tears fall. Cameron leans over, wiping them away, giving me a sympathetic smile.

Looking out the window to look at the home we planned for our future, I notice Noah standing on the porch, arms crossed over his chest, his eyes on the vehicle we’re in.

Damn, why does he look so good in a wife beater and jeans?

“He just wants to talk, Rose. It’s been two years, and you both—you’re still holding onto the pain,” Barnett whispers. “And yes, it’s given us our careers, but we’d rather our family not continue to hurt….”

I bite my bottom lip, trying to control the tears that keep falling, but it’s useless. With a nod, I climb out of the SUV, and Noah drops his arms, relief filling his features.

I slowly walk over to him but stop just shy of the first step.

He tilts his head, his eyes taking in my normal tee and jeans before we make eye contact. He nods to the house and rasps, “Let me show you around, Petal.” I swallow hard and look at the house, my feet not wanting to move, and he whispers, “Please, Rose….”

Everything in me is telling me to turn around and run away, the pain and fear with what he put me through clouding everything but a small part of me, the part that still holds the hope a girl should never feel when it comes to a man who hurt you…hope we could survive….

Wiping my cheeks, I climb the stairs, and Noah’s body visibly sags with relief.

I don’t accept the hand he holds up, making him sigh, but I do walk into the house, my eyes coming to the living area.

I bite my bottom lip hard, seeing the décor, something I would have picked out for my own home.

There are light gray walls, a black corner couch, a dark gray rug in the middle of the room, and a glass coffee table. There’s a box of toys underneath the large window, but my eyes go to the marble fireplace, which has pictures of Noah and me growing up on the mantel.

“The uh, couch was originally a dark gray, but I allowed Gina to stay for a few weeks after she got kicked outta college, and she…uh, yeah. So I, uh, had it changed,” Noah stutters, and I nod, understanding what he’s trying to say; his sister is a whore, after all, so yeah, I’d burn the old couch, too.

God knows which STIs his sister has.

Ignoring the curved staircase, I walk toward the open kitchen area, which has a large bar separating it from the living area. I look to my right and see an arched doorway and a glass dining table. I walk toward the double doors leading to the backyard.

More tears fall when I see the rose garden opposite what appears to be a swing set under construction.

I feel Noah stand behind me, his front just shy of touching my back as his hands go to my hips. He rasps, “It doesn’t matter what I thought when I saw that photo, Rose. My love for you never vanished; it was always there….” I sniffle, and he squeezes my hips. “You were always in my heart, Petal. If you weren’t, I wouldn’t be who I am now.”

When I don’t say anything, he sighs, pressing his lips to the top of my head, and I squeeze my eyes shut tight.

“I met my biological father,” he admits after a few minutes of silence, and I turn, looking up into his eyes instantly, and he smiles slightly. “He was a jackass.”

I don’t laugh or snort. Instead, I do something I haven’t done in a very long time, and I wrap my arms around his waist, laying my head on his chest. His arms automatically wrap around me as he presses his cheek against my head.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, knowing how much he wished his mom was wrong about his biological father.

He hums and whispers back, “It’s okay. He wanted money, and I got my revenge. I called the number Mom gave me, and his wife is leaving him. I’m just sad that she got hurt by it all.”

I nod, then step back, ignoring how my body immediately misses his, and look around the kitchen.

It’s a dream: cream and dark gray marble counters, a double oven, and an island with hanging lights above it. It’s beautiful.

Wiping more tears that fall, I admit, “Vanessa hit me….”

Two fingers go underneath my chin before Noah moves my head, causing us to make eye contact. Nothing but anger shines back at me, and he asks calmly, “When?”

I swallow hard. “A week after you left me, and Dad gave me the ultimatum of abortion or homelessness. Alejandro asked to meet halfway between here and Fremont at some café. I didn’t expect to see Vanessa with him. They both turned against me, and banned me from being near the family. She hit me while my brother stood back and allowed it. I was roughly four weeks pregnant, and uh, he told me I was as dead to him as Mom was.”

His jaw flexes, and anger pulses off him as his fingers twitch and, instantly, I know he wants a smoke.

Does he still smoke? In some of the pictures I found he had a cigarette in his hand, but I haven’t smelt it on him.

I move out of his space, trying to clear my head, and walk to the dining area, my eyes taking everything in.

The place is beautiful, magical even, everything I’ve always wanted, but he left me. He found comfort in other women….

I don’t think I can ever get over something like that, even if he owns my heart.