27. Kai

TWENTY-SEVEN

What I love most about my home is

who I share it with.

~ Tad Carpenter

I'm in my office, finishing payroll.

That kiss.

It invades my mind again.

And here I go, like the manliest version of a teen girl after her date kisses her goodnight on the porch, lifting my fingertips to my lips as if by doing that I could conjure up the feeling of Mila placing her mouth on mine.

What? Don't judge. I'm touching my mouth in a totally manly, manly way. I'm a dude, sitting here running my fingertips across my lips with a dreamy look in my eyes. It's a masculine as heck look of dreaminess. Pondering, really. Thoughtful. Not at all twitterpated.

If Ben walked in right now without knocking, which, yes, he is prone to doing, I would be the recipient of his grade-A level of teasing for years. YEARS.

I drop my hand.

Ben and Bodhi's conversation at the front of the shop tells me I'm safe, but still.

What am I doing?

Mila kissed me.

It still blows my mind.

I kissed her back. Of course, I did. But she was the one who initiated the kiss. If I focus, I can nearly feel the touch of her hand on my jaw, the way she turned my head. I see the invitation in her eyes. And then the feel of her lips, soft, pliant, responsive.

It seems like a year, not a week, since I've seen Mila in person. Ever since that kiss, I guess I've been keeping my distance without really planning to. It has been busier around here, but I could have made time to pop by the inn.

I text her every day. And sometimes I call. But there haven't been any handyman emergencies at the inn, no events to attend together, nothing to make us have to see one another. I had gotten into the habit of showing up for no reason. Now I'm staying away for no reason. No reason except that kiss.

I've been trying to sort my thoughts.

Yes. Mila needed to throw Brad off. But that kiss felt like more. So much more. Maybe that's just how she kisses. Can you imagine? If it is, I don't know what I'd do if we really were dating. I'd never get anything done. I'd either be kissing her or thinking about kissing her all day long. I'd start messing up at work. Things would get so bad, I'd lose my job. Without steady income, I wouldn't be able to keep the house. I'd end up homeless. All over that woman's kisses. She'd kiss me right into being a vagrant.

I chuckle to myself.

I'd like to believe our kiss meant something to her. I'm terrified it didn't.

I've already fallen for her. Fallen head over heels, madly, deeply in love.

I never thought it would happen—not like this. I had started to believe I was too much of an over-thinker, too prone to rule-following, too often the protector, always on the lookout for the people I cared about. I had thought I was just too intense and keyed up to experience the kind of overwhelming longing I feel for Mila. My feelings for Mila are so completely out of my control. As a guy who likes predictability and being in charge, I'm not quite sure how to handle something so unruly and consuming as love.

And I'm not just pining away for another kiss, though I definitely want to kiss Mila again. I want her. All of her. I want us curled up on the pantry floor like two kids sneaking dessert after bedtime. I want her laughter, her smiles. I want to hold her when she needs strength, and to be the man she comes to when she celebrates her victories. I want her highs and her lows and everything in between.

I'm like a piece of paper whose corner touched the match and singed. I am certain the next time Mila touches me, I'll go up in flames. And that's why I'm keeping a healthy distance. I miss her. Our daily texts and calls don't do anything to quench my thirst to be near her. I allowed myself to get accustomed to being around Mila and now I'm aware of her absence like I'm missing a limb.

There's a knock on my office door. I'm grateful for the distraction.

"Come in!"

Ben walks into my office and stands next to my desk as if he's in a boardroom, not a puny excuse for an office, taking up two-thirds of the space with his broad stance and golden-retriever energy.

"I'll come out there," I say.

"Okay. I've got something important to ask you, boss."

Whenever Ben calls me "boss," you can be quite sure he's yanking my chain. He's about to taunt me or poke fun at me, or get a laugh at my expense.

"What is it?"

I glance over at Bodhi as if he's going to help me out. The look in his eyes tells me he isn't.

"Well, we haven't seen you taking off for the other side of the island at lunchtime in days. We haven't heard you on the phone with Mila through that flimsy excuse for an office door. You haven't left early to run over to check on her after work. Basically, it's crickets. And I'm worried there's trouble in paradise."

"You're worried, huh?" I shoot Bodhi a look over Ben's shoulder.

He pinches his lips into a thin line.

"She's been getting busier."

That much is true.

"And we've had more lessons with the season picking up."

Also true.

"But you two are new," Ben says, his brow furrowing with concern. "You need time together. You can't neglect her, Kai."

Ben looks at me with an incredibly sincere expression on his face. "You see, Kai. Women are like gardens."

Bodhi huffs out a laugh.

"Hey!" Ben scolds him. "I'm being serious here."

"Okay. Okay!" Bodhi holds up his hands, but you can still see the vestiges of a suppressed laugh in his eyes.

"Anyway, as I was saying." Ben turns his attention back to me. "Women are like gardens. And you need to water the garden. Fertilize the garden. Weed the garden."

Bodhi starts cracking up. His laughter turns into full-blown cackling within seconds. I can't help it. My laugh bubbles up from inside me. I try. I really do. I'm trying not to laugh. But it's just impossible. Then, Bodhi and I make eye contact which only makes us both laugh harder.

"Fertilize! …" Bodhi shouts out. "Kai! Fertilize the garden!"

I lose it all over again.

Ben crosses his arms like a dejected child who isn't getting his way.

"Sorry," I say between laughs. "Sorry, Ben."

"Fine, you two. See if I give you my relationship advice. Ask Summer. I make her happy. My wife is a movie star and she's happy—with me. I make her happy. I thought I'd give you some trade secrets. But now? Now you're on your own."

"Secrets like, ‘Fertilize the garden'?" Bodhi asks, bursting into more laughter.

"It was an analogy, you doof. I was going to expound."

"Water. Weed. Fertilize," Bodhi repeats. "I think we got the gist, man."

I'm wiping tears from beneath my eyes.

"Just come out with us on a four-way date this weekend, Kai. We're getting together with this guy." He waves a hand in Bodhi's direction. "I'm not sure why right now, except your sister finds him attractive. Cam and Riley are coming out too. You and Mila should join us."

"Sounds good," I say, still laughing softly and trying not to let my laughter escalate. "Let me talk to Mila."

"Good."

"Yeah. I'll bring the hoe," Bodhi says.

And we both crack up again while Ben walks out the back door of the shack throwing up a peace sign over his shoulder and saying, "Peace out."

"And the weed whacker!" Bodhi shouts after him. "Plus! Fertilizer! Can't forget the fertilizer!"

We laugh for a solid minute after Ben leaves the room. Trying to regain our composure a few times and failing every time either one of us says, "Fertilize the garden," or when Bodhi attempts to make a dead serious face and says, "Women are like gardens, Kai." We lose it all over again.

"He's not mad," Bodhi assures me, knowing I'll flip to caretaker mode in an instant as soon as my laughter runs out. "He's fine."

"Yeah. I know. The man's a human rubber ball. He always bounces back, almost immediately."

"Right?" Bodhi smiles warmly. "But seriously, bro? Fertilize? Water? Weed? Where did he get this stuff? Mister Miyagi?"

"I'm so calling him that this week."

"Dude. I'm down. Let's make him a name tag."

Bodhi pulls a blank name tag out from the drawer under the register and the silver sharpie we use for just this purpose. It's usually a setup for new employees until their official name tags come in from The Alicante. But this use is just as legit. He scrawls Mr. Miyagi on the tag and smiles.

I grab my phone out and text Mila to ask her to see if Chloe or one of her aunts can watch Noah this weekend so we can hang with my crazy group of friends and their wives.

Later that day, Ben's walking around with the Mr. Miyagi tag on and owning it. He's randomly saying things like, "Wax on, Wax off," and calling me and Bodhi, "grasshoppers." He's always been one to roll with the punches when it comes to pranks around here. I've got mad respect for him for that.

It's later that afternoon when Ben shouts back to me, "Hey, Kai?"

I'm tagging sunglasses and he's at the register waiting for a lesson to show. Bodhi's outside rinsing off some snorkels from a group he took out a few hours ago.

"Are Bodhi and Mavs moving out of your place after the wedding?"

"We haven't discussed it, honestly."

As crazy as it sounds, we haven't considered any changes after the wedding. Bodhi and Kalaine will start sharing a room, I guess. Man. We should have talked about this.

"Our situation just works," I say.

Bodhi comes in from out back. "What's up?" he asks.

"Ben just asked what you and Kala are doing after the wedding."

"Honeymoon, Dude. We're going to Bali, where it all started." Bodhi shoots me a look and smiles.

Bali. I haven't thought of those days in ages.

"Nah, bro. I'm talking about whether you and Kalaine are going to stay in the same house with Kai after you're married."

"We've got built-in dog sitting when we're gone. I guess …"

Bodhi's voice trails off as if he just realized the same thing I did. Things are about to change and not one of us thought to discuss how a transition is going to work. In my defense, I've been just a little preoccupied with this whole thing I'm doing for Mila.

Ben doesn't drop it. "Seriously, bro? What are you going to do, share one of the bedrooms while Kai is in the other room? Tell me that's not your plan."

I feel myself blanch.

Ben looks over at me. "You've thought this through, right?"

"‘Fraid not," I admit. "I should have."

I glance at Bodhi. "You're welcome to stay on. I mean, we co-own the house."

"We should have been thinking about this, huh?" Bodhi says.

"We've got time," I assure him. "Let's focus on your wedding. We'll figure out housing after your honeymoon."

Ben shakes his head.

"What?" I ask.

"Nothing. Grasshopper. You will learn the ways of the master in time. Watch and learn. Watch and learn."

Ben zips his lip. He actually zips his lip. Then he says, "No talking. Just observe."

After two afternoon surf lessons, I'm ready to head out for the day. I decide to stop by C-Side coffee for a to-go sandwich and an iced tea. I don't feel like cooking and I could use a change of scenery. I call Mila on my way there.

"Hey," Mila answers, sounding really happy to hear from me.

My thoughts smooth out at the mere sound of her voice.

"Hey. How's it going?"

"Good. I've been thinking about you."

"Yeah? I've been thinking about you too. You know, about this weekend. And about getting some time to get our stories straight."

"Yeah. Of course. Yes. We need to do that." She pauses. "So … how was your day?"

"Good. Ben brought up something this afternoon."

I tell Mila all about Ben's question about what Kala and Bodhi will do for living arrangements after the wedding. She just listens and doesn't try to solve anything for me.

We talk all the way until I get to C-Side. She waits on the phone while I place my order. Then we talk while I walk home. When I get in the door, I set my food on the coffee table, kick off my shoes and put my feet up. We're still talking—not just about Bodhi and Kalaine now, about her day, Noah's birthday party, the tourists we interacted with this week.

Our talk goes on while I eat my dinner. It turns out Noah's at a friend's for the evening, and Mila already set out warmers with all the fixings for tacos for her guests. So, she's sitting at the kitchen island and I'm sitting on my couch while we share a meal together.

It's dark out when Kalaine and Bodhi come back from wherever they went. Shaka's got his head on my lap and I'm rubbing his ears absentmindedly while Mila tells me a story about her and Chloe from years ago. I don't even know how we got on the subject, but I don't want her to stop talking.

"Hey," I say, waving to my sister and Bodhi as they settle in on the couch across from me.

I stand. Shaka jumps up and walks over to them. I head into my room. I don't need four eyes staring me down while I talk to Mila.

"Did you get my text about getting together with the group?" I ask, reclining on my bed and switching the phone to my other ear.

"Yes. It sounds like fun. And I know we need to make time to work on our get-the-story-straight stuff before the wedding. It's just been really busy."

"Here too. I'll text you some dates. Okay?"

"That would be great."

There's a prolonged silence and I think Mila might be about to say goodbye.

Then her voice comes across softer, more hesitant. "Kai?"

"Yeah?"

"Is it weird to say I've missed you this week? That's weird, right?"

"I missed you too." I smile.

She missed me. Even if it's just our friendship, it's nice to be missed—by her, especially.

I almost say, I love you, Mila. The words feel like greyhounds at the gate.

What am I thinking?

Apparently, love makes me crazy.

Certifiably crazy.