19. Mila

NINETEEN

If you want a single mom to fall in love with you,

love her child well.

~ Patty H. Scott

"Did someone die, Schmidt?" Chloe asks my bookkeeper.

"It's Johann."

"I know. Johann … Schmidt. Your last name is Schmidt."

"And you can call me Johann."

"So, was there a death, Schmitty?"

Johann's face is a mask of indifference with only the slightest sneer of his left nostril.

"Not that I know of," he answers my bestie.

Chloe's always poking the bear whenever she and Johann are at the inn on the same day. Thankfully, he only comes in for a few hours a couple times a week.

"Well, tell your face," my bestie says like she's in seventh grade all over again.

"If my face looks like I'm in mourning, I'm only grieving the blessed silence when you are elsewhere. Instead, you insist on being on Mila's payroll while spending your time trying to get a rise out of me. You're wasting her money."

"A rise? Oh. I got a rise. You see that one hair in the middle of your right eyebrow? It flinched. No. It actually wiggled like it was doing the hula. The hula, Schmidt! You have a hula-dancing brow hair. What are you going to do about that?"

"I will pluck it later. Now, get to work."

"I'm sorry, did you just tell me to get to work?"

"I did."

Chloe beams. She's having far too much fun.

"I'll get to work when you flash me a smile, sir."

Johann turns to Chloe and the smile he gives her is thriller-level spooky. He's not a bad man—obviously. I wouldn't have him do my bookkeeping if he were. He's just … stoic. Reserved. And, okay. Grumpy.

"Chloe, a word?" I tip my chin in the direction of the kitchen.

Chloe ignores me. "That was frightening, Schmidt. Good thing Noah's still at school. He'd have nightmares."

"Noah doesn't bother me."

"How lovely. He doesn't bother you? The world's most precious boy doesn't bother you? Oh, Schmidt. I pity you. What do you do on weekends? You know. For fun?"

"Are you asking me on a date?"

"Of course not! I have a husband. You know that. My man doesn't smile like a clown in a horror movie, either. I'm just curious. So, back to my question. In fact, I might die of curiosity. What do you do? Roast squirrels over an open flame? Collect sand dabs with tweezers and pin them to a cork board to hang on your walls? Dust the doorjambs until they pass the white glove test?"

"Chloe?" I call my bestie again.

"I smiled." Johann grins again, both sets of teeth bared and clenched, his eyes wide. It's very Jack Nicholson as the Joker. "Now shoo."

"It's the squirrels, isn't it?" Chloe says from over her shoulder while she walks toward the kitchen and toward me—finally.

"You're going to run him off," I whisper once she's inside the kitchen.

"And that would be a bad thing because …?"

"Do you have another bookkeeper who does house calls and also helps me with my taxes hanging around in your back pocket?"

"I know my rear is plenty wide, but it's not that abundant."

I chuckle. "Well then, play nice."

"I do play nice. He's just so fun. Have you ever seen someone so serious?"

"I'm going to be that serious if you mess up my one and only bookkeeping situation."

"Okay. Okay." She holds her hands up, the rag she had been dusting with in one.

"By the way, you look like crud." Chloe eyes me. "What happened to you? Up late with your boyfriend?" She wags her eyebrows suggestively.

"No. And thanks. I was up late researching how to integrate an estranged dad back into a child's life."

"Oh, babe. I'm sorry. What did you find out?"

I sigh. I was up late. Too late. But I had a rush of anxiety once I realized I really wasn't getting around allowing Brad to re-enter Noah's life. The whole situation has me in knots. I can't tell Brad no without some sort of battle or struggle ensuing. He's being friendly now. But I know that would shift if I were to decide he couldn't come around. And besides, Noah deserves to know who his biological father is. I'd never want to be the one to keep him from Brad. Noah could end up resenting me. It's not my place to keep them apart. If Brad were a danger, it would be different.

"I didn't find much. The courts can get involved …"

"Please, no." Chloe's brows go up toward the center.

"I know. That's the last thing I want." I plop onto one of the barstools. "One blog said I should get Noah into counseling, which could be great, but I'd rather not see someone here on Marbella. And I don't want to ferry over to the mainland weekly. Online isn't viable for kids. Not in my mind, anyway. Plus therapy might freak Noah out. His life is so stable and normal. I don't want anything to change for him. And I don't want to shine a spotlight on meeting Brad. I'd rather ease into it. Several articles suggested that. And a therapist I emailed sent me to a website suggesting the same thing."

"What are you thinking?"

"I think I just have to follow my intuition and take it slowly … as if Brad's a stranger."

"Because he basically is."

"Yeah. He is."

The man I loved and thought I'd spend my forever with is basically a stranger. The only thing we have in common now is Noah, and it's the one thing I don't want to have in common with him.

"Knock, Knock!" Kai's voice comes in through the front door.

I hear him greet Johann on the way in.

"Hey," he says casually as he walks into the kitchen like he lives here.

Kai's wearing a surf T-shirt that's obviously been worn in, it fits him as if it was made for him. His hair is properly tousled and his skin is glowing like he's been out in the sun. The thing that makes my belly tighten and tingle is the way he looks at me, and the broad smile that fills his face. It's like he's been saving that smile all day, letting it simmer and marinate until it was just right and he could serve it up to me. I smile back instantly, and all the worry over Brad and how I'm going to draw boundaries while inching toward revealing his true role to Noah disappears.

Poof. No more anxiety. Just like that.

"Hey there," Chloe says. "Well. I have some cleaning to finish up. So, I'll just leave you two lovebirds to it."

"Chlooooee," I warn, dragging her name out the way her mom did when we were little and she got in trouble.

"What? I'm the third wheel here. So I'm making myself scarce so you two can have your little middle-of-the day rendezvous."

"That's right," Kai plays along, even though he knows Chloe knows. And Chloe knows he knows.

I'm getting a dull headache just thinking of who knows and who doesn't know and all the things we have to keep track of just to keep Brad at bay for the time being.

Kai playfully smirks in Chloe's direction and then he steps up beside me and wraps his arm around my shoulders. "I came here to have a little middle-of-the-day rendezvous with my girl, so skedaddle."

"That's what I'm talking about!" Chloe grins and wags her eyebrows at me.

"Don't encourage her," I warn Kai.

"Like that would make a difference?" His smile fills his face.

"It totally wouldn't," Chloe boasts. "Mkay, lovebirds. Keep it down in here and make it snappy. Noah's due home any minute."

Chloe heads back out into the main room to finish cleaning.

Kai turns to me, shaking his head at the ridiculousness of my best friend.

"Actually, Noah's why I'm here. I have something for him. I wanted to bring it by after he got off school."

"You didn't have to get him anything. Is this for his birthday?"

Noah turns seven this month and it's pretty much all he can talk about.

Kai looks down at his hands and back up at me. Then he takes a seat at the island. I smile shyly at Kai now that we're alone. My body is reacting to him in ways my heart knows better not to. I feel like walking over and collapsing into his arms. I don't, but I really, really want to.

"I wanted to get him something. This thing. And you have to promise not to freak out. I've got plenty of cash and investments and I own my home outright—well, Bodhi and I co-own it, but still. I'm not hurting, Mila. I'm not about to purchase an entire cove of an island, but I'm fine."

"What did you do? This sounds way too extravagant."

"It's not. But I want you to be happy about this and not worry about what it cost me. Okay?"

I'm about to say it's not okay when Noah comes bounding through the house and through the kitchen doorway like a cartoon character with spinning circles under his feet. He drops his backpack on the floor.

"Hi, Unko! You're here. Did you park the golf cart out there?"

"Yep. I did."

"Let's have a snack!" Noah announces.

He goes to the fridge and pulls open his drawer where I keep all sorts of after-school food.

"Let's see. We've got applesauce. Grapes. Cheese Sticks. Hummus. That's gross. You could have it, though. And I think we've got chocolate chip cookies. Right, Mom?"

"We have a few left. But have something healthy with them. Okay?"

Noah comes out of the fridge carrying a bunch of things in his folded arms and then he releases his haul in a heap on the island.

"Plates?" he asks as if that's optional

"Yes." I answer for Kai.

Then I grab two plates, put them on the island and pour a glass of milk for Kai and one for Noah to go with the cookies I place on each of their plates. When I turn from putting the milk back in the fridge, the sight of the two of them at the island slams into me with the force of a fast-pitch softball to the gut.

They're smiling at one another, ripping open their cheese sticks, and Kai's making a mustache with his and talking to Noah in a goofy voice. Noah copies Kai right away and they burst out laughing.

They dig into the menagerie of snack items, talking and eating without any idea how this exchange is traveling straight to my heart, wrapping around it, and squeezing in a way that simultaneously aches and soothes.

"I got you something," Kai says when Noah pauses his stream of endless after-school chatter for a breath and a bite.

"You got me something? Can I guess?"

"Sure. Take a guess."

"Is it a puppy?"

Kai chuckles. "No. Not a puppy. I still want your mom to like me, so a puppy is not happening."

"She likes you," Noah says matter-of-factly.

Kai looks over at me. I hold his gaze, studying the warm caramel of his eyes.

"Is it … an Xbox?" Noah asks.

Kai looks back at Noah. "Nope. Not an Xbox."

"Thank goodness," I say.

"Mom doesn't like those things. I played one at Forrest's house. He's got Minecraft. Did you ever play Minecraft?"

"I don't really play much. Bodhi does."

"Minecraft?"

"No. Something else."

"You didn't get me clothes, did you?" Noah's face scrunches up.

Kai chuckles.

"Noah." I give him a mom-look.

"What? Clothes are boring."

"He's not wrong," Kai says.

Except that T-shirt Kai's wearing. That's not boring at all.

Agh. What's wrong with me? Probably the lack of sleep. And that shirt. Kai needs a different shirt. Baggier. A bag. That would work. A big burlap bag. I would feel nothing right now if only he'd wear burlap.

"Do you want to keep guessing?" Kai asks Noah. "Or do you want me to show you?"

I can feel the eagerness rolling off Kai in waves. He's got a gift and he's dying to give it. It's adorable. This precious, generous, thoughtful man is as giddy as my son right now.

"Show me!" Noah shouts. "Is it here? Right now? Can we, Mom? Can we?"

"Sure. Clear your plate first."

Noah grabs both plates, dumps what's left of the mostly-eaten snacks into the trash, sets the plates next to the sink and bolts after Kai toward the main room. I trail behind them, loving the sight of the two of them more than I should.

When we're all on the porch, Kai turns to me and Noah. "Close your eyes. Both of you."

He gives me one last look, his one eyebrow raised and his finger pointed at me in a gesture that seems to say, Settle down, Mila. Let him have this.

I nod and close my eyes.

"Are your eyes closed, Mom? Are you peeking?"

"They're closed. Are you peeking?"

"No way. Peeking ruins the surprise."

Even with my eyes closed, I can feel Noah's energy buzzing next to me like a hive of bees in springtime.

The door opens behind us.

"I'm done for the … What's going on out here?" Chloe asks.

"Shhhh, Aunt Chloe. Unko has a gift for me."

"He does, does he?"

"Yep. Close your eyes."

"Okay, sweetie."

"I'm almost seven," Noah says to Chloe. "You have to call me Noah now."

"I can't call you sweetie anymore?"

I feel Chloe's pain. My son is growing up far too fast.

"No, thank you." He pauses, obviously thinking this through. "You could call me dude." Noah pauses again. "Or bruh."

"In that case, I'll stick with Noah."

Kai's heavy footfalls hit the steps. There's a clunk of something heavy being set down.

"Okay," he announces with his smile seeping through his words. "You can peek."

I open my eyes, shut them, and open them again to make sure I'm actually seeing what I'm seeing.

Kai is standing one step down from the porch, and his hand is proudly wrapped around a surfboard that stands taller than he is. It's red with a white stripe down the middle. And Noah is jumping up and down like a frog on a hot tin roof. Which sounds awful. Okay. He's not a frog with his wee little froggy toes getting all blistery and crisp. Let's just say he's got springs in his feet. And he's squealing, "Unko! Unko! Unko! That's for me?"

Kai beams at my son. It's the kind of smile that isn't for me at all. As a matter of fact, I think I could slip into the inn and neither of them would notice. I look over at Chloe. She's clutching her hand over her heart and mouthing, "Put a ring on that."

"What?" I mouth back to her, hoping I misunderstood her.

Maybe she said "Buttering a cat," or "Pooh Bear isn't fat." She can't seriously be telling me …

"Put. A. Ring. On. That," Chloe mouths again, clear as day.

I shoot her a glance that says, "Put a cork in that." That, being her mouth.

During our little exchange, Noah leapt at Kai and now he has his arms wrapped around Kai's waist in a grip that looks like we'll need a crowbar to pry him off.

"Thank you, Unko! Thank you! That's what I always wanted! And you got it! It's my own board!"

Kai's gaze is trained downward at Noah. He's wrapped his free arm around my son. And he has a smile on his lips that leads straight into his thoughts. He's reveling in Noah's reaction, savoring it with a fork, picking up every crumb on the tines until the plate has been cleaned.

I glance at Chloe. She raises her eyes as if to say, I said what I said.

"Mom!" Noah releases Kai. "Unko got me a surfboard!"

"I see that."

And then Kai looks over at me, finally. He's got this shy look on his face, the opposite of how Brad would look in a moment like this. Brad always wanted credit for the gifts he gave. He wasn't narcissistic, but he had this part of himself that just wanted to be known as a giver. He'd wait until I was thrilled with whatever he gave me and then he'd say, "I did good, huh?" or something like that. It wasn't ever something that bothered me until now—now that I see what it looks like when a man can give without any thought of himself whatsoever.

And I hate that thoughts of Brad are contaminating this beautiful moment between my son and his Unko.

Kai's face softens and he looks at me so earnestly, I could run to him and wrap my arms around him. I'd secretly hope every single person on this side of the island has misplaced their crowbars.

Instead, I just say, "Thank you."

My words come out soft and possibly a little choked with emotion.

"I wanted him to have his own board. He needs it the way he's surfing. And I wanted to be the one to give it to him."

"I'm glad it was you."

Kai nods softly—just one simple bob of his head that speaks volumes. "Me too."

We're still staring at one another as if no one else on this porch exists. And then it occurs to me what this must look like to Noah. Chloe obviously already picked out napkin colors for a reception that's not happening.

"Well, then." I turn to Noah. "Where are we going to store this board of yours?"

Kai steps in, solving the problem like he so often does. "I thought we could keep it in the locker at the watersports shack with Bodhi's and mine and Ben's. No one will mess with it there." He looks down at Noah. "You'll be surfing with us for a while anyway, so it makes sense to keep it where we surf, yeah?"

"Makes sense to me," Noah says, sounding like one of the guys, not my son who still needs me to come into his room and sit with him in the dark hours of the night when he has a nightmare.

The line between childhood and the next stage of his life is approaching like a dot on the horizon, becoming clearer and clearer every day. One day, he'll be the man buying some boy a surfboard. And that day is not as far off as I had fooled myself into imagining it would be.

Noah smiles at Kai like he invented surfing and carved this particular surfboard with his own hands. Kai just might have. And if he did, I don't even want to know because then I absolutely will run over and wrap my arms around him … in front of Noah and Chloe and anyone else who happens to be nearby.

"It's my birthday next week, Unko!"

"I know, boss man."

"I'm gonna be seven. And you should come."

"I'd love it."

"All my friends are going to the beach and we can play in the water and surf and then eat food on the blankets my mom puts out on the sand. And you don't even have to bring a present because you got me my board already."

We all laugh.

"Sounds good," Kai says to Noah, but he looks at me when he says the next sentence.

"I'm looking forward to it."