Chapter 9

Chapter

Nine

VICTORIA

“I don’t like that we still have to keep things secret for now,” I admitted as Devin snuggled me into his body on my couch.

“I know, baby. It won’t be for long this time. We’re both on the same page about things now and all I need to do is find a way to compel a DNA test from Justice to set this right.”

“I heard they could be done during pregnancy, but how accurate is it?”

Devin shrugged and then tightened his hold on me. “Not sure, but the DNA test might not even be necessary if her due date doesn’t line up with when she claims we were together.”

A shiver ran up my spine. “I hate that you don’t know what happened while you were alone with her. My imagination goes to all the places I hope you didn’t, but it seems like we’ll never know the truth.” I always felt sick when I thought about them together, but knowing how he had been so adamant that he didn’t remember it happening made it a little worse.

“If you don’t remember, and it turns out that you did in fact have sex with her, then it’s possible that it was rape. You realize that, right? If you were so inebriated that you can’t remember, there’s no way you could have consented.”

“Not talking about that right now.”

“Devin, we have to…”

“No! I’m not going to think about that being possible. It’s bad enough knowing you weren’t the last woman I was naked in a bed with. I don’t want to imagine that she also took advantage of me like that because it would mean you also weren’t the last woman I had sex with and that is not acceptable to me.”

“You married her because you believed she was the last woman you had sex with.”

“I can’t explain it to you and make it make sense. Something happened between Justice and me. I am sure about that, but I don’t want to… I can’t think about it.” I felt the hitch of his harsh intake of breath and it rattled me on the inside. There was something he wasn’t telling me about that situation, and I didn’t think it was because he wanted to keep me in the dark. It was more like he needed to.

“There was evidence that we’d been together, Vic. I don’t want to tell you more than that because I don’t want to hurt you with the details.” He didn’t have to, since I’d already imagined the worst. “And it is true that I don’t remember, but I was so angry about the secrecy, about having to give my time and attention to another woman, about you being with another man. Yes, I was drinking. No, I don’t remember, but that doesn’t absolve me of cheating on you. It happened. I was angry and jealous enough that it is possible I allowed it to happen. Maybe I hoped that it would cure me of wanting you so much.” He shrugged and I moved back so that I could see him fully.

What he was saying broke my heart all over again in a way that finding out about the situation hadn’t done before. It broke me because my need for secrecy caused this. It broke me because he got to a point in our relationship where he was willing to throw it away. Mostly, it turned me inside out because he believed what happened was cheating and not that vapid bitch taking advantage of a completely fucked up situation.

“The marriage part was a panic response to finding out I might have cheated on you and gotten her pregnant as a result. The logistics of that being possible didn’t even set in until much, much later, Vic. One truth hung in the air the minute Justice told me she was pregnant.”

“What was that?” I asked, though I honestly wasn’t sure I could handle anymore truths.

“I knew if it was true and I got another woman pregnant that you would never forgive me and we would be over. That was what made me go through with it before I could even wrap my head around the fact that Brody stood a bigger chance of being the father. Hell, I didn’t even question if she was really pregnant. She showed me an ultrasound photo, but that could have been from anywhere. I was in a panic and thought I lost you completely at that point.”

“I hate this.” I hated it more because he didn’t feel he could come to me before acting on impulse about the impossible situation of having to remain a secret even longer, even if he was right about Justice lying to him about the baby being his.

“You and I both. So, let’s do something different. Can I kiss you again, baby? I need to know your lips are mine again.”

“Do you now?” I teased and turned in his embrace. He wasn’t the only one who needed that reassurance. Maybe I was a fool for thinking we could get past everything. Maybe it would all fall apart again tomorrow. The truth was, I missed Devin. I missed the way I felt complete when we were together.

“I do,” he answered and those two words sent another shiver of apprehension down my spine, but I tucked them to the back of my mind as his lips met mine. I leaned back as he came forward and we never stopped until my back was on the couch and Devin hovered over me, our lips fused, tongues tangled, and hearts on a line that felt too precarious to even think about.

“I love you,” Devin whispered as he pulled back from our kiss. His eyes took in everything as he scanned my face and used the fingers that cradled my face to swipe away a rogue tear that fell. “I love you so much, Vic. I can’t imagine my life without you in it.”

“I love you too, Devin. I don’t know how in the hell we’re going to get past this, but we need to try.” I didn’t tell him that there was no way I could continue to live with the misery of our separation. I also didn’t tell him that having to keep us a secret any longer would hurt me too. There was no getting around the secrecy until he found out for sure if that baby was his.

“Take me to bed, please,” I whispered. Part of me didn’t want to go there. The other part of me needed it more than my next breath and there was no logic or reason involved. My heart demanded to be close to him while my head worried about the damage it would cause if…

“Are you sure, baby?”

His voice anchored me in the now instead of the ‘what ifs’ that plagued our future. My answer was a simple nod of my head before Devin picked me up off the couch and carried me to my bedroom. Maybe it was a mistake, but there was a part of my heart, or maybe it was my soul, that craved his presence.

His touch.

The closeness we once shared.

“Last chance, are you sure?” The man I couldn’t stop loving asked me as he gently laid my body on the still unmade bed.

“Condoms?” I asked. It wasn’t something we bothered with over the past year of our relationship because we were monogamous and I had an IUD. I could see that the light of excitement diminished from his eyes a bit.

“I was tested after…” I had been too, from the moment I found out they had slept together. “It was only that one time.”

“I…” How in the hell was I supposed to tell him that I no longer trusted his word, despite the fact that I wanted to?

“Do you still have that box in the bathroom cabinet?” I tipped my head up once and he left me there to go to the bathroom. When he came back, he brought the entire box with him.

“Are they expired?” It had been a long time since we’d bought that box and then quickly decided we didn’t want to bother with condoms any longer.

Devin shook his head. “They’re still good.” His eyes moved from the box in his hand to meet my nervous stare. “We don’t have to, Vic. If you changed your mind or you’re worried…” He swallowed thickly as his eyes drifted back to the box in his hand.

“I want this, with us. I guess I just realized that there are lingering trust issues we need to work through.”

“Maybe we should wait on this part until we figure that out.”

I shook my head. “It’s probably the smart thing, but I can’t stand the thought that she was the last person you were with either. You are mine. You were supposed to always be mine. If we’re doing this, then we need to start by reclaiming this.” I waved a hand between us. “The intimacy we lost, the trust, all of it. We need to… I need…” I didn’t know how to finish that thought, but Devin did. He dumped a few of the condoms from the box down beside me and then leaned in to steal a kiss from my lips again.

“I know, baby. You don’t have to find the words because they live in here too,” He whispered as he took my hand and tapped it on his chest, over his heart. “You’re the piece I’ve been missing in here, the one that wouldn’t let this thing beat properly. I need you just as much.”

“Dev…” I whispered, but the rest of his name was lost to another stolen kiss. My free hand wound up and around his neck to hold him close to me. It felt like any minute I would wake up from this dream too only to discover that he had never been here making breakfast in my kitchen this morning.

“You’ve been my dream girl since I was 12, baby. Not letting you go now that I have you.”

“I need you inside me,” I urged. “Please.” I don’t remember ever begging Devin before, but it switched him into high gear as he lifted off me and started to remove his clothes.

“Get that robe and whatever you have underneath it off, Vic.” His demand was laced with carnal heat and made me move without really giving the fact that it was an order much thought. I unknotted the robe, and slid it from my body, though it remained trapped beneath me. Then I lifted my bottom and pulled my panties down my legs. Just as I moved my arms to lift the tank top over my head, Devin’s hands came down on mine.

“No, I want to unwrap the final part of my present, baby.” He murmured the words as his fingers traced under the tank top and over my belly so slowly that it felt like the best kind of torture. With each inch of exposed skin, Devin’s eyes grew heavier and darker. When my breasts were finally exposed, he gave up the slow seduction and attacked my left nipple with his mouth while his hand caressed my other breast and pinched that nipple. My tank top was left to linger around my neck and while it was slightly uncomfortable I couldn’t bring myself to finish removing it because my own hands were too busy exploring Devin’s shoulders and then his biceps.

“You’re bigger,” I mused, though my thought ended up spoken aloud.

“Nothing to do but work and work out when you refused to speak to me.” He moved up and kissed my lips before he pulled my tank top the rest of the way off my body and tossed it to the floor.

“It’s different. You feel like a different person.” My admission startled him as his eyes swept back up to meet my own.

“Is that a bad thing?”

“No. I guess it just took me by surprise. We weren’t apart that long, despite it feeling like an eternity. Still, you changed in that time and I guess it’s messing with my head a bit.”

“Turn it off, baby. Let it all go and just be in the moment with me.” The last was another demand before he leaned in and nipped my earlobe. Then he explored my neck while leaving open mouthed kisses all along the column of my throat and down across my collar bones. “You with me now?” He asked.

I nodded, but he must not have seen. His tongue swiped across one nipple, then the other before his eyes came up to meet mine again. “You with me?”

“Always,” I whispered in response. The smile he gave back made butterflies dance in my stomach. He was a gorgeous man, but even more so when he smiled at me like that.

“Good, then I want you to stay right there while I worship your body. If you can’t handle that, I’ll tie your ass to this bed until I’m done reacquainting myself with every inch of you.”

I shivered despite his threat being hot as hell. Devin noticed and chuckled. “You like that idea, don’t you pretty girl?”

“Yeah, I think I do.”

“Noted. For now,” he leaned in and kissed me in the center of my chest and then planted another kiss a little lower and then another lower still. I glanced down as Devin groaned into my lower belly. “Missed the way you taste, smell, and move beneath me.” He ran his nose along my abdomen and down further between my legs. “Victoria’s sweet honey flavor. I would pay to have it bottled for me if I didn’t enjoy getting it direct from the source.”

I giggled. “You’re an idiot,” I managed to get out through my laughter.

He shook his head and swiped up my sex with his tongue. “Nope. I’m a lovesick fool. There’s a difference.”

I’d like to say I thought about all the things that were more important than having sex with my boyfriend - ex boyfriend - maybe on-again boyfriend, but beyond not knowing what we were to one another anymore, I couldn’t really think because Devin’s mouth descended on me and worked magic on my body.

I hadn’t realized how much I had missed the way he worked me over with his mouth, but then he added his hands to the mix and pumped two fingers into me. When he curled them to hit my spot while he nibbled and sucked my clit, I lost my damn mind and screamed out for him to never stop.

“I’d spend forever feasting on you, if you’d let me.” His promise came just before he leaned in and joined our mouths, so I could taste myself on his lips and his tongue. Devin slid his cock deep inside me as he did this. I had a moment of panic when I realized how quickly he made it up to my mouth and inside my body.

“Devin, wait.”

He shook his head. “Look down, baby.” I did as he asked and noticed what he wanted me to see. Despite not knowing when he managed to sheath himself with a condom, he had done so. “Not doing anything that would make you want to walk away from me again.” He thrust harder. “Never again, Vic.”

“Promise?” I asked as he continued to hammer into me with a ferocity that we’d never had in our love making before.

“On my life, baby.”