Chapter Three

Kelly

I stare down at the envelope in front of me, heaving for air. I have no idea why I'm having a panic attack. It's paper. There's not a murderer after me. Still, though, it's more than I can handle.

The envelope is post marked from Kuwait nearly ten years ago. The corners are worn and frayed, tinged with yellow and gray. The ink on the front of the envelope is black and faded and the postage in the corner isn't the sticker kind, rather it's a stamp that looks like it was sent straight from the post office.

I hold the note to my face and breathe in the scent, wondering if it still smells like the man I remember, but there's no hint of leather or spice on the paper. Instead, there's a floral scent that reminds me more of my mother.

Why did she keep this from me?

I drag in a deep breath and let it out with a heavy sigh. I never told her how I felt about Gentry. There was no reason to. I was engaged and then married. Maybe she got the letter, slid it into the back of an album, and forgot.

No. I'm pretty sure that didn't happen. For some reason, my mother kept this from me, and I'll never know why.

The phone rings and I pick it up right away. It's my friend Jovie. She's been in crisis for a while now. I should see what's up.

"Hey."

"Where did you say you were?"

I laugh. "What? Who wants to know?"

"Not John, I promise, though I'm wondering if he's staying out of your hair now."

"So far, so good, but we'll see how long that lasts. He got weird when I threatened the restraining order in California." I pause. "Anyway… I'm in Rugged Mountain." Jovie was my first friend when we moved out to San Diego. She works at the same auditing firm. We work from home most days, but after chatting online for a few months, we decided to meet up for coffee. Since then, we made our own office at the local coffee shop. I think we do more chatting than auditing, but part of any successful team is keeping up morale, so I say we're winning.

"Well, I want to go out there."

"Why? It's a middle of nowhere small town. There's not much happening."

I can almost hear her shrug. "You talk about how great it is all the time. I could use a great town to hang in for a while. Something small. I need to disappear."

"You sound like you've committed a crime."

She laughs way too loud, sort of making me believe she may have actually committed a crime. "No. I just need a break. A real one. I need to go somewhere old-fashioned, ya know? Where I can rent a cabin, pluck the feathers from my own turkey, cut down my own Christmas tree, and get lost."

"No context for this life altering change?"

She sighs. "I broke up with Wyatt."

"Shit. I'm so sorry. What happened?"

I can see her rolling her eyes from hundreds of miles away. "I put pressure on him about the wedding and he bailed. So… that's it. I'm done. I need a restart, something new. Do you think anyone is hiring out there right now?"

"Hiring? I thought you were just visiting."

"I am, but I'm thinking maybe seasonal work or something will keep me from getting lonely. Besides, Rugged Mountain… that's in Colorado, right?"

"Yeah."

"You guys are right in line for the eclipse. You're going to get like a hundred percent coverage of the sun or something. People are traveling to see it. Maybe I should too."

"Wow! You really want out of San Diego, don't you?"

She huffs. "Yeah. So, any idea who's hiring?"

It's been a while since I've spent any real time in town. For the most part, I flew Mom to me. It's not that I don't love Rugged Mountain, I do, but after the thing with Gentry, it felt like there were too many ghosts lingering to come back here. Things only compounded when John and I divorced. In a small town like this, all people want to talk about is your personal life and everyone thinks they know best. It makes moving on that much more difficult, so avoiding this place was, sadly, what worked.

"I'd double check, but I think Evergreen Family Tree Farm is hiring this time of year. They're a pretty big deal, too. The white house picked a tree from their lot a few years back, so they get loads of attention. I could talk to some folks down there for you."

"Oh, yeah? That's perfect. Thank you!" She sighs as though she's relieved. I have a million questions to ask her, but I'm too distracted by this letter to ask any of them. "What about you? How's your visit going?"

"Good, I guess. Right now, I'm staring at an envelope my mother tucked away in a photo album."

"She wrote you a letter?"

"No. This guy I met back in the—"

"No way! Is this the soldier dude? It was Gentry, right?"

Hearing someone else say his name is wild. "Did I tell you about him?"

She laughs. "Only like forty thousand times. You'd mention his story when you had a dream about him, or when a conversation was similar to the one you guys had, or when we'd walk past a bar." I can hear her excitement as she says, "Open it! What does it say?"

I'm a little embarrassed that I'm talking about a man from ten years ago so freely with people and not even realizing I'm doing it.

"I don't know if I want to open it."

"Why?" she says, her tone lowering. "Aren't you curious?"

"Right now, I'm more curious about why my mom would hide it from me."

"It was probably an accident. I shove things into places all the time, thinking I'll remember them and never do. Just last week I found a water bill in a book I was reading last month. I'd used it as a bookmark. It's probably innocent."

"Ten years? She kept it tucked away for ten years?"

"Is it already opened?"

"Still sealed shut."

"Okay, the suspense is killing me. Read it. Read it out loud."

I stare down at the letter with a churning stomach. "I don't think I'm going to."

"I need to know what this letter says." She laughs as she says, "You have an obligation to me now to open it."

"I don't want to know."

"Why not?"

I sigh and lean back, holding the note against my chest. "What if it says something awful? Then the fantasy is over. This man that I've been holding above everyone else for years is gone."

"That's not a bad thing either. I mean, you can't measure everyone up to a fantasy man forever. You'll never find happiness."

"Well, what if it's good? What if I open it up and he's like the sweetest guy on Earth? Then what? Then I missed out on something great, and I've spent the last ten years of my life floundering."

Jovie laughs. "I mean, face it, the dude sent you an actual letter. He wrote words on a piece of paper. You already know he's perfect. Let's see how perfect."

I lean up from the couch and hold the note in my hand. "I'll call you if I decide to read it."

"Ugh," she huffs, "fine, but expect me to harass you every hour on the hour until I get that call. Also, take pictures of everything in town for me so I can get all hyped up for this tree farm. I feel like I need a Hallmark movie fantasy moment."

"Oh, like some man is coming in to buy out the tree farm, but you and some random, more handsome dude have to chain yourselves to trees to save it, in the blistering cold, right before you fall in love?"

She giggles. "Yeah, except in my version, we fuck like animals in a warm cabin and the chains are for the bed, not the trees."

I laugh. "I love you."

"Love you more." The phone line disconnects, and I go back to staring at the letter that I'm pretty sure I'm never going to open, as a rattling noise catches my attention at the back door.