Episode Forty-Six Another Apology

T hallose

I think I've done an excellent job of keeping my thoughts to myself. I never let on that I'm thrilled to be on this trip alone with my mate.

The males kept a close eye on me since my first night in the encampment. They made it very clear I wasn't to speak unless spoken to, that I held second-class status among them, and that they didn't want me near Nadira unless it was to tend to her needs.

Now I can step into my role as protector. Even though I might never be able to join her in the furs, I can be her mate in other ways.

Although she didn't look happy about the stole I made her out of beaver pelts, she accepted it. I worked hard to find the perfect animal. Beaver fur is soft and will repel water if we hit snow or sleet. I used my finest stitches for the present. As I made it, I thought of a dozen other things I'd like to gift her with in the future. She's a good female and deserves the best of everything.

I contemplate whether to build a fire or not, and finally ask Nadira what she thinks.

"The fire will give us away to humanoid predators," I explain, knowing she lived sheltered in the Tower until she joined the monk in his hut. She's never been on her own in the wild. "Even though it's a beacon to humanoids, it will keep away both the chill and the animals."

"We have two guns we took from the downed hovers. I'm almost certain they still have a charge. I vote for a fire," she says. Her tone was even, but she never looked me in the eye.

I was crazy to think we could ever come to a truce. She truly hates me. Perhaps her anger will soften when she sees how well I take care of her on this trip.

I'll maintain distance from her and keep my face averted. Since she finds the monk and orc appealing, it makes sense she would find me hideous to look upon.

Because she's never flown before, she probably has no idea how many miles out of our way I went to keep her protected from wind gusts. If I had been flying solo, I might have gotten all the way to our destination before bedding down for the night. I don't regret how tired I am because of it, though. I would do anything to make Nadira's life easier.

After making a fire, I say, "Sit right there with your back to a tree and keep your gun in your hand. I'll be back soon with fresh water and game."

Dusk and dawn are the best times to hunt because many prey animals move around at that time. With my bow and arrows, it doesn't take long to shoot, skin, and gut two rabbits, then pour cool stream water into the deer bladder I brought with me.

The whole time I was gone, I moved at lightning speed, worried about leaving Nadira alone. I'm flooded with relief when I return to find my mate sitting right where I told her, her gun in her hand.

As I spit the animals and cook them over the fire, the silence between us becomes even more awkward.

"Can I apologize again for our first night together?" I ask, my back to her as I hunch to tend the fire.

"Nothing to apologize for," she snips. When I turn, I see her shiver, then move closer to the fire.

After opening my mouth to answer, I think better of it and snap my mouth closed. I haven't spent enough time with females to know how to explain myself in a way that won't increase her anger.

"I'm sorry there wasn't a way to bring pelts for you to sleep on," I say after we've eaten our fill and are about to bed down for the night. To protect her from the cold, I want to tighten the beaver stole around her neck.

"We discussed it. We all agreed the weight of the guns for safety was more important than pelts for comfort," her voice sounds reasonable even as her narrowed eyes tell me she wishes we didn't have to interact at all.

"Nadira…" I shake my head, consider long and hard how to make my offer without offending her, then start again. "I know you don't like me. It's clear you want nothing to do with me, but I consider it my duty to protect you. I would be happy to give you my body heat." I'm proud of the way I said that. Nothing I said should offend her.

"Duty. Right. It's all about duty." She shakes her head and heaves a heavy sigh, telling me all I need to know about how terribly I failed at my offer. "I'll be fine without your body heat ."

She lies curled around herself on the other side of the fire. Though she can't be comfortable with the way she's lying, I don't risk another word. I've slept that way in the past, so cold I edged too near the fire. It resulted in a face that was too warm and an ass that was too cold.

Rather than say another word, I keep my teeth clenched together. She wants to hear nothing from me. If I say something, she'll stay in her uncomfortable position longer just to prove I was wrong.

I'm tired. I haven't flown all day in months and my muscles are tired, especially since I carried her. I pretend to sleep but don't allow myself a moment's rest until she's asleep. After agonizing over the decision, I get up, lie behind her, and ease closer, my only desire is to protect her and make her more comfortable.

I keep a respectful distance, though. I wouldn't want her to think I'm taking advantage.

Starflyers don't have excellent senses of smell like her other mates, but I can't get within several feet of her without her delicious scent filling my nostrils. Too bad my mates won't invite me into their nest of furs after they've finished their bedplay for the night. Even without the intimacy, it would be heaven to be this close to her every night.

I must have fallen asleep, because when I wake up to put more logs on the fire, little Nadira is huddled against me, shivering from the cold.