Chapter Four

Derek

I stare into the starless night. It"s dark and formidable, much like the next year as a married man. I have no idea what life"s going to be like moving forward, but I have a feeling that a lot is going to change.

It"s strange. I"m usually good at dealing with women, but it"s different with Grace. Everything is different with her.

It"s like the more I try to understand her, the farther behind I fall. Ever since that night, she"s completely locked me out. Sure, she smiles politely and engages in conversations when necessary, but it feels like she has erected a wall around herself, one that keeps me and everyone else at a safe distance.

I wish I knew how to scale her defenses. I want to know her. I want to get rid of that deep sadness I sometimes glimpse in her eyes. I want to hear her laugh and watch her eyes light up.

I want so many things with her. Maybe too much.

"Are you there?"

Josh Layman"s deep voice cuts through the silence in my study. I move away from the window to my desk. Josh is my marketing consultant and also a good friend. We"ve been on a business call for about an hour, but he needed to attend to another urgent call, so he put me on hold for the past five minutes.

"Yes, Josh," I reply, taking my seat behind the huge mahogany desk.

"I"m sorry for the hold-up," Josh says, his tone apologetic. "You know what? How about I send an in-depth report to your office by Monday? I don"t want to keep you away from your bride for too long, especially on your wedding night."

I glance at the small digital clock on my desk. It"s very well past midnight. Grace is probably asleep right now. She looked tired when we arrived home earlier from the reception venue. She"d declined my invitation for a nightcap and opted instead to head straight to bed. I wanted to say something, anything to break the ice between us, but nothing seemed appropriate. So I excused myself to the study and buried myself in work as a means to distract my mind from thoughts of her.

Not like it worked. She"s been on my damn mind the whole time.

"Yeah, I should go," I mutter to Josh, closing my eyes and leaning into my seat with an inaudible sigh.

"You know… I never thought the day would come when you"d be conquered by love like the rest of us," Josh says with a hearty chuckle. "Congratulations, my friend."

"Thanks, man."

For a while after the call ends, I sit back in my chair, wondering what it meant to be conquered by love. Will I ever know?

Ignoring the urge to review more files and stall some more, I push away from my desk and head out of the study to my bedroom. I suppose it"s a good thing I"m not sharing the same room with Grace. That would only complicate things between us anyway.

As I walk down the long corridor that leads to my room, I find myself fighting the urge to check in on her. I"m just about to walk past her door when I hear a whimpering sound from inside. I pause to listen, wondering if I was mistaken the first time, but the sound comes again: a little, heartbreaking sob.

My God.

I slowly push the door open and I"m surprised to see she"s sleeping. She"s lying on her back, her wild red curls strewn across the pillow like a fiery halo. The soft glow of the bedside lamp casts gentle shadows across her face, highlighting the deep sorrow etched onto her beautiful features. Her lips part slightly as a low whimper emits from deep within her chest. Her brows furrow deeper as a lone tear slides down from the corner of her left eye.

She looks so tormented that my heart aches for her. I walk over to the bed and lower myself beside her, reaching out to smoothen the crease on her forehead.

"Hey, baby," I say, shaking her gently. "Wake up."

She stirs a little, then opens her eyes slowly. She colors up when our eyes meet, then her face crumbles and she buries her head in the sheets. Her shoulders start to shake and it dawns on me that she"s sobbing.

"Hey, baby… Come here," I say, pulling her into my arms. She instantly crawls into my lap and buries her head in my neck.

"I"m sorry," she murmurs after a while, sniffling. "God, I"m such a mess."

"No... No, honey," I counter, running a hand down her back in comforting strokes. "I read somewhere that it"s not unusual for new brides to feel overwhelmed."

I"ve never come across anything like that, but I"d say anything to comfort her in this moment.

She shakes her head. "That"s not it."

"Want to tell me what happened?"

"It"s just… I fell asleep thinking about what I always imagined my wedding would be like. I believed in things like fairytales and happily-ever-after, but reality just slapped me so hard. Who"d have thought I"d be sleeping alone on my wedding night?"

God, I"m such a jerk. I shouldn"t have left her all by herself.

"I"m sorry, Grace. You seemed tired, and I…"

"No! No," she interrupts quickly. "It has nothing to do with you. I mean, this isn"t even a real marriage, so I shouldn"t be feeling like this."

She"s right, yet her words feel like a physical blow.

"I always thought that being married really meant something. Here I am, saving myself for my husband, and when I finally get one, it's not because he loves me or wants me. It's because he's cutting me a check." She sniffs and shakes her head. "I just feel so stupid. And cheap. And ugly."

Who was it that made her feel like this? I pray to God it wasn't me. I don't want to have to kick my own ass.

"You"re none of that, Hun," I say, gently stroking her hair. "You"re gorgeous, that"s for sure."

"You don"t have to lie just to make me feel better," she replies with a small snort. "Men are attracted to women like Red. Sexy. Bold. You wouldn"t have approached me that night if I wasn"t dressed like that."

"That"s not true," I say, looking down at her face.

"But it is," she counters. "That night, you looked at me – at Red – with so much lust. You haven"t looked at me like that after that night."

"Oh woman, you have no idea…" I mutter with a humorless laugh. "Do you know how hard it's been to hold myself back from kissing you senseless in the past week?"

She blinks rapidly at me, her eyes going blank for a moment. "W-what?"

How can she be naive and so temptingly adorable at the same time?

"I want to kiss you, make love to you, fuck your brains out until my name is the only sound on your lips. Honey, I want to do so many things to you."

"W-why…?" She trails off, nervously running her tongue over her upper lip. "Why don"t you?"

My eyes fall to her lips, and I let my gaze linger before looking at her again. "You clearly weren"t ready for me," I reply. "You said you've been waiting. So have I. I've been waiting for you to want me like I want you."

"But I do want you," she says, averting her eyes as her cheeks grow redder. "I"ve wanted you since that very night at the club. It just... didn"t feel right then."

"And now?"

She looks up at me through her long lashes. "Now, we"re married. It"s not wrong to want my husband."

I brush her hair behind her ear, my thumb caressing her cheek. "Are you sure?" I ask, searching her face. "I want to make sure your first time is really special."

"With you, it will be. Kiss me, Derek," she says, her gaze imploring and inviting all at once. "Please…"