16. ETHAN

Chapter sixteen

ETHAN

I feel like I’m dying.

Not in some dramatic, heart-clutching way, but slow. Constant. Like something’s burrowing into me, hollowing me out from the inside. It’s been three days since the diner when I saw him—my beautiful Beta—and it feels like I’ve been dragging myself through quicksand ever since. The harder I try to claw my way out, the deeper I sink.

I thought maybe work would help. Or fiddling with my nest, rearranging pillows and blankets like some kind of frantic bird. But nothing sticks. The ache is relentless. Every breath feels heavy, every second stretches out too long. I can’t shake this ghost of him, of his scent, of those hazel eyes that looked so... tired.

The bedroom is dark, the curtains pulled tight against the daylight. My laptop screen glows faintly, but it’s more for show than anything. I haven’t done anything productive in hours. I’m curled up in the middle of the nest, blankets wrapped tight around me like they might hold me together. They don’t. My body aches, my head throbs, and the hollow pit in my chest? It’s swallowing me whole.

Zana left for work this morning. I tried to act fine, tried to keep the panic off my face when I handed her the coffee I made. She didn’t buy it, not for a second.

“Call me if you need anything,” she said, her hand lingering on my cheek, her sharp eyes soft in that way only she manages. I told her I’d be fine, lying through my teeth, trying to be strong.

She hesitated—her Alpha instincts screaming at her not to leave—but I waved her off. She’s doing so much already, pulling strings, navigating the hellscape of legal loopholes surrounding the Wilhelms and Reid. She doesn’t need to babysit me, even though I know she would in a heartbeat.

The second she left, I climbed into the nest and stayed there. I told myself it’d help, being surrounded by our scents, by the safe, familiar chaos we built together. But even that isn’t enough. Not without him.

Reid.

How is it possible to miss someone you barely know? To crave someone you’ve only seen once? My body aches for him, my chest tightens at the thought of him, and none of it makes sense. He’s just a stranger. But also, he’s not. Not anymore.

I try to distract myself—opening tabs, starting emails I’ll never send, scrolling through design templates—but nothing sticks. My hands tremble when I type, my thoughts scattering before they can land on anything useful. Eventually, I give up and just sit there, scrolling endlessly through my socials to find something that might catch my attention.

Nothing does.

Most of the content there is for my freelance work and what little happiness shows through pictures are ones with my Alpha or moments at college when I felt free. And then I see it, a lingering notification. My brows furrow as I stare at it. It’s not from an account I recognize but as soon as I click it, the notification disappears.

I don’t know how I know but it’s Reid. He found me.

I try looking up the account but it’s private, no picture, and no information. The realization just makes my heart hurt more. I roll over, curling into myself as I hold my phone against my chest.

Zana said she’d be back for lunch. That’s the one thread keeping me tethered right now. Just make it until lunch, I tell myself. She’ll know what to say. She always does.

The faint click of the front door startles me. Her voice drifts through the apartment, low as she talks to someone on the phone. It’s a comfort, hearing her, knowing she’s here. For a second, the weight on my chest eases.

A soft knock on the bedroom door pulls me out of my haze. My body tenses automatically, even though I know it’s her. The door creaks open and Zana steps inside, her presence filling the room in that way only she can.

“Ethan?” Her voice is gentle, but there’s an edge of concern that slices right through me.

I peek out from under the blankets, blinking at her like I’ve just crawled out of a cave. She looks perfect, as always—sharp suit, hair draped around her shoulders, her whole Alpha vibe commanding and steady. But her eyes betray her. They scan the room, lingering on me, and the worry in them deepens.

“You didn’t move all morning, did you?”

I shrug, pulling the blanket tighter around me. “I tried,” I mutter, even though we both know it’s a lie.

Zana doesn’t say anything right away. She crosses the room in a few steps and sits at the edge of the nest, her hand brushing back the curls that have fallen into my face. “You look like you’re about to cry,” she murmurs, pressing a kiss to my forehead.

I let out a laugh that sounds more like a croak. “I feel like I’m already crying, just... on the inside. I can’t focus on anything and I found his Instagram; I think he liked a picture. He knows about me, about us but my head is a mess.”

She frowns, her hand moving to rest against my cheek. “You’re burning up. Is it your heat?”

The question makes my cheeks flush, but I shake my head. “It’s not that. I don’t think.” In fact, the spikes that usually come with my impending heat have all but stopped. My body is hot and I’m irritable but I don’t want to fuck everything in sight.

“How’re you feeling?” Zana kneels beside the bed, her sharp eyes scanning me like she’s trying to diagnose me with just a look.

I try to answer, but my throat feels like sandpaper. When I finally speak, my voice is barely there. “I don’t know,” I rasp. “Like... I’m getting sick or something.” Even saying it feels wrong. It’s not that simple. Her brow knits together as she presses the back of her hand to my forehead. Her touch is cool and I lean into it instinctively.

“You’re warm,” she says, her thumb brushing over my temple. “Might be a fever. I’ll call Dr. Bardin and have her swing by.”

“No,” I croak, the word coming out sharper than I intended. I clear my throat, wincing at the pain. “It’s not that. I don’t think I’m sick.”

Her head tilts and her expression shifts to full-on Alpha focus. “Then what is it?”

I hesitate, trying to find the words, but my chest tightens. Tears sting at the corners of my eyes, and I blink hard, refusing to let them fall. “It’s Reid,” I say finally, my voice shaking. “He’s hurting. I can feel it.”

“Ethan, you can’t carry this. Whatever Reid’s going through, we’ll fix it. We’ll bring him home. But you have to take care of yourself too.”

“I can’t,” I whisper, shaking my head. My fingers grip the edge of the blanket, twisting the fabric. “Not without him. It feels like... like something’s ripping me apart.”

She moves closer, her arms sliding around me as she pulls me upright. Her scent surrounds me and for a moment, it feels like the storm inside me quiets. The tears spill over before I can stop them as I bury my face in her shoulder, shaking as the weight of everything presses down on me. She holds me tight, one hand stroking my back, the other resting against the nape of my neck, her fingers curling into my hair.

“I don’t know how much longer I can do this,” I manage to choke out between sobs. “It’s too much, Zana. I can’t just sit here while he’s out there hurting.”

She doesn’t respond right away, just keeps holding me like she’s trying to shield me from the world. When my sobs quiet, she shifts back slightly, her hands framing my face as she looks at me. “I’m going to be honest with you, okay?”

I nod, sniffling, though her tone makes my stomach drop.

Her jaw tightens, my Alpha looking as exhausted as I feel. “The Wilhelm pack is complicated,” she says. “They’re powerful, connected. It’s not easy to poke around without them noticing. But I’ve been trying. I’ve been pulling every string I’ve got.”

“And?” My voice is barely above a whisper, but the desperation cuts through loud and clear. “What did you find?”

She hesitates, her fingers tightening in my hair. “Their Omega, Hailey, is in heat right now. That’s their focus. Reid... he’s probably not available.”

The words hit me like a punch to the gut. “Not available?” I repeat, my voice trembling. “You mean... he’s with them. With her.”

“Ethan.” She cups my cheek, her thumb brushing away my tears. “I don’t know exactly what’s happening with him, but that’s what I was able to find out. It doesn’t mean—”

“I can’t.” My voice breaks and I pull away from her touch, burying my face in my hands. The ache in my chest sharpens, twisting until it feels like I’m being torn apart from the inside. “I can’t just sit here, knowing he’s there. Knowing he’s hurting. It feels like he’s dying .” I didn’t really put it all together until a few moments ago but the shortness of breath, the inability to focus, the pain isn’t mine. It’s his.

It’s all Reid.

Zana’s arms are around me again before I can spiral further, pulling me close and holding me before I shatter. I cling to her, my fists gripping the front of her shirt as the tears keep coming. Her hand moves in slow circles on my back, her other hand cradling my head like I’m something fragile. “I’ll find a way,” she whispers. “I’ll check on him, Ethan. I’ll make sure he’s okay.”

“Even if I can’t have him,” I whisper, the words tasting like ash. “Even if he can’t be here... I just need to know he’s safe.”

“I’ll do everything I can.”

It’s not the answer I want, but it’s enough to keep the storm at bay for now. I nod, leaning into her touch, and let the exhaustion pull me under. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, but for now, I have Zana. And her promises are the only thing holding me together.