Chapter 17

How ismy body still moving?

How do I have any blood left to roar through my ears?

I’m pretty sure I left my heart back there.

My feet keep moving forward through the wet, dewy grass, but the ache in my chest keeps begging me to turn around.

Torch takes my hand. Guilt crawls over my skin. What am I doing?

“Hungry?” he asks.

“Sure.” I could choke down a burger. Anything to try and appear normal.

He steers me toward the patio and his uncle’s grill.

Uncle Pax smiles wide when he sees me. “How you doin’, sweetheart?”

“Pretty good.” I force a weak smile, wishing I’d opted for a full face mask tonight. “I like the costume night.” I tap my bunny ears. “It’s fun.”

Or it was fun until Griff showed up.

“Ella’s idea.” He grins wide. Eraser always jokes that his uncle likes Ella more than him. “School’s good?”

“So far.”

“Well, eat a burger or two, you’re gettin’ too skinny.” He drops two greasy patties on a plate and passes it to me.

My stomach tightens as I stare at the food. How can I eat when my stomach’s twisted into one giant knot?

Torch carries our plates. He tries to move toward one of the picnic benches near the back. Nope. That’s where Griff and I sat on my eighteenth birthday. If I sit at that table I’ll unravel, for sure.

“How about there.” I point out a table with two chairs closer to the bleachers. “So we’re not interrupted.”

“Sure.” He sets our plates down. “I’ll be right back.” He clasps my shoulder. “You all right?”

“I’m fine.” I slide into the metal chair, wincing at the chill on the backs of my legs.

I nibble on the plain burger and squishy bun, barely tasting a thing. My gaze scans the racetrack. Not for Griff. Nope.

Did Remy know Griff would be here tonight? Why didn’t he warn me?

All sorts of muddled feelings converge in my chest as I spot Griff crossing the asphalt, heading toward the stands. He didn’t bother to put his mask on again. Why was he wearing it in the first place? To ambush me? As if some cheap mask would stop me from recognizing the man I loved with all my heart.

Two girls approach him. Slim and blonde—Heather? The other blonde I recognize as Lyla, a ring girl who hangs around the guys. They giggle, fawn, play with their hair, and touch him in a shameless display.

And he’s not exactly telling them to get lost.

Why should he?

A larger crowd swarms toward him. Oh, great. That stupid show made him some sort of celebrity.

Griff turns his head, and across the distance our eyes lock. No joy or spark lights up his face. If anything, he looks tired and annoyed. His jaw tightens and he tears his gaze away, focusing his attention on the blondes.

A bottle of ketchup drops on the table. Torch slides into the chair across from me. “You all right?”

I blink and swallow hard. Did he catch me staring at Griff? “Yup.” I grab the ketchup and squirt a big dollop on my burger. “Thanks for getting this.”

“No problem. Never seen you eat a burger without it.”

My lips curve. “True.”

I can’t risk letting my gaze stray past Torch’s shoulders. Thank God he’s tall enough to block the view. The girls could be doing a strip tease for Griff or asking for his autograph for all I know.

“Do you want me to come out and visit next weekend?” Torch asks.

“Huh?” I haven’t heard a word he’s said since he sat down. “No, I think I’m coming home again.”

He breaks into a wide smile. “Yeah? There’s a carnival coming into town we can go to. If you want.”

My heart stutters. Griff and I were supposed to go to that carnival when he came home. Can I really go with someone else?

Torch watches me with raised eyebrows, waiting for an answer to his invitation. Why can’t I feel a fraction of what Torch seems to feel for me?

“Maybe.” I force a smile. “I like the games and carnival food. But I never trust the rides at those traveling carnivals. A few bolts go missing and you end up sailing through the air.” I swish my hand over the table.

He chuckles. “I think you’ve watched Final Destination too many times.”

“It’s possible.” I grin at him and bite into my burger.

* * *

No matterhow hard I tried, I couldn’t stay at the track any longer. I lost sight of Griff but that didn’t mean he wasn’t lurking in the shadows somewhere.

Hiding at home seems like the safer option.

The ride in Torch’s car is full of awkward, uncomfortable silence. Usually, we have plenty of stuff to talk about.

Not tonight.

He pulls to a stop in front of my house.

“Sorry I didn’t want to stay longer.” I press my hand to my stomach and lie through my teeth. “I think I ate too many burgers.”

“Pax makes them with extra grease.” He’s too kind to call me out. Somehow that makes me feel worse.

I lean over the console to pop a quick kiss on his cheek. At the last second, he turns his head, and our lips meet.

The contact’s brief but warm.

He pulls away and lifts his hand to cup my cheek. “You all right?”

“Yes, why?”

He runs his thumb over my bottom lip, probably smudging my lipstick. “Seeing Griff seemed to rattle you.”

My heart lurches. He knows. He saw right through my act tonight.

“I’m fine.” I push closer to show him exactly how perfectly fine and not at all rattled from seeing Griff I am.

He pulls out of kissing range and shakes his head. “I like you, Molly.”

My eyebrows pinch together. “I like you too.” I force a quick laugh. “Obviously.”

The corner of his mouth lifts at my sarcastic tone. “I like all the time we’ve been spending together.”

I sense a but coming and fall into my seat. “Me too,” I whisper.

Embarrassment prickles over my cheeks. Torch is ten years older than me. He’s probably used to dating women who are eager to do a whole lot more than kiss his cheek at the end of the night.

And oh, how I’d love to get even with Griff by sleeping with one of his friends. But Torch—despite his road name—doesn’t set me on fire. My feelings for him are warm. Friendly. Maybe they could be more—one day.

I’m not in a hurry to have my heart broken again, though.

“But it’s pretty clear your heart’s still in Griff’s hands,” he finishes in a gentle, patient tone.

Misery threatens to swallow me whole. Why can’t I get over my boyfriend like a normal person? Who the heck ends up with their first boyfriend forever, anyway? Breaking up was inevitable. Why can’t I just move on?

“I don’t want it to be.” At least that’s true. I don’t want to feel so torn in two. I don’t want to have the urge to jump into Griff’s arms the second I see him.

I don’t want to hurt anymore.

Torch inhales a long, slow breath. “I can’t believe I’m about to say this,” he mutters.

My heartbeat thuds in my ears. “Say what?”

“Look,” he continues in a more confident voice, “I didn’t watch the show myself. I hate reality TV. But I’ve known Griff for years.” His lips quirk into a wry hint of a smile. “Even in our little morally gray circle, he’s known for his fairness and honesty.”

Morally gray circle. What a way to describe my brother’s friends.

Torch shakes his head. “Any idiot can see how much he loves you. Even me. Even though I don’t want to.” He inhales another slow breath. “Are you sure you saw what you think you saw?”

I stare at him, slack-jawed. Anger simmers in my chest. Does he think I’m stupid? “The whole world saw it, Torch.”

“What I mean is are you sure it wasn’t a trick of the show?” He grips the steering wheel and drums his fingers against it.

“It’s not just the…” I swallow hard. “It’s not that he cheated on me. On television.”

He clucks his tongue. “Shit, that’s brutal.”

“No kidding,” I snap, then soften my tone. “It’s not just that. It’s other stuff too.”

Stuff I can’t even figure out how to put into words myself, so please don’t ask.