Chapter 36

CHAPTER 36

Skye

M addie spends the next few hours watching TV, curled up on the couch, Kangy on her lap. I spend them snuggled next to her in deep thought, my emotions all over the place. Sadness and regret wrestle with jealousy and anger.

There's a reason Finn's with Kayla. Not only is she stunning, but she's also been there for him in a way I never was. She made his career her priority and brought him fame and fortune. Made him a shining star in the art world... helped him achieve his lifetime dream.

Maybe in retrospect, I was never really there for him. I let Finn do his thing, but I never treated his passion for painting as anything more than a hobby. A hobby I could support. Maybe my relentless ambition and shameless self-promotion blinded me from seeing that he was as driven as me. That he wanted recognition. For the world to see him for the truly gifted artist he is.

I put myself first, driven by my own ambition. My career. Finn used to half-joke that I was married to my job. My stories were my babies, the truth my sustenance, adrenaline my drug. Danger and the impossible were never part of my vocabulary. I risked my life time and time again when I had a husband and a child who needed me. And then I put them in harm's way. How selfish I was! How stupid! I wasn't the good wife. Nor the good mother. Maybe I deserve my fate.

Maddie's laughter gets me out of my tumultuous thoughts. My attention turns to my precious little girl, cuddled next to me, engrossed in a silly cartoon. The sweet sound of her voice makes my heart melt with love until a shiver skitters down my spine. Last night was a game changer for me. Her near-death episode made me remember that life can change in an instant. It did for me. Finn had no idea how terrified I was of losing her. I had to be strong for him.

Maddie is linked in my thoughts and heart in a way that's so powerful it defies description. I'm breathing her with every breath. Her breath is my breath. We share the same air. If she can't breathe, I suffocate. If she can't see, my world is dark. If she can't hear, there's no music in my life. If she dies, a part of me dies too.

Consumed by my turbulent emotions, I'm surprised when the closing credits of the cartoon come on. My bubbly, very alive girl tells me she's hungry. Turning off the TV, I collect myself.

"C'mon, sweetie. Let's have lunch." We both bounce off the couch, and taking her hand, I head toward the kitchen. The warmth of her little hand in mine radiates to every part of my being.

Fifteen minutes later, we're seated catty-corner at the kitchen island. Kangy's on the counter. I watch as my darling daughter takes a big bite of the simple sandwich I've whipped up.

"Scarlet, you make the bestest grilled cheese in the whole wide world."

"Really?" Though she also loved my spaghetti casserole, my cooking skills have never been anything to write home about.

"Totally! It's yumma-roo!" She tears off a small crusty bit and pretend-feeds it to Kangy. "Here, Kangy, you have some too." Holding the morsel to the kangaroo's mouth, she makes munching sounds.

"Does she like it?" I ask.

Grinning, Maddie nods the plush toy's head. "Uh huh! A lot!! She wants more!" She "feeds" the kangaroo another bite.

"Drink your milk, sweetie," I tell her.

"Mmm, chocolate milk! Kayla never lets me have chocolate milk."

The mention of her name sends a chill to my skin. My blood runs cold in my veins.

"Why don't you like her?" I ask, picturing my daughter's tongue stuck out at Finn's despicable fiancée.

Maddie blows bubbles with her straw and then looks up at me. "She's super mean. I think she hates me."

How could anyone not love this adorable, precocious, big-hearted child? "What makes you say that?"

"She yells at me a lot. And she never wants to play with me!" She pauses, making a face. "I wish she wasn't marrying my daddy."

So do I! My stomach twists and my heart clenches. "Why do you think your daddy likes her?"

Taking another bite of her grilled cheese, she shrugs. "Maybe because she's pretty. But I don't think so. She looks like the ugly old Barbie she gave me."

Despite the ache in my chest, I can't help but laugh at her barb. "Maddie, can I tell you a secret?"

Her eyes light up. I take that as a yes.

"I don't like her either." Skank. "And she's really mean to me too."

Maddie frowns, then smiles at me. "You're the nicest person in the whole wide world. And the prettiest and smartest too."

I'm touched by her words. And humbled. She looks at me earnestly.

"Scarlet, can I tell you a secret?"

"Sure."

"You promise not to tell anyone?"

I nod.

"Do you cross your heart and hope to die?"

At her last words, I inwardly tremble. I never want to be in death's way again. Taken away from my husband and child. Eschewing her question, I give Maddie my word.

"I promise . . . not a soul."

"Kangy and me . . . "

"I," I correct.

"Kangy and I wish my daddy was marrying you and you could be my new mommy."

I'm speechless. Tears cluster in the back of my eyes. I AM your mommy.

The words ripping through my heart, I look down at Kangy. Solace. Taking the worn toy in my hand, I reach into her pouch. Nothing's in it.

"What happened to Kangy's baby?"

"I don't know. Maybe it got lost when we moved here."

"Do you know a kangaroo's baby is called a joey?"

"Joey? That's a boy's name. Kangy's baby was a girl!"

I can't help another laugh. Oh, the joy my daughter gives me! "My sweetness, all baby kangaroos are called joeys. Whether they're a girl or a boy."

"That's weird!" She looks wistfully at her plush kangaroo. "Kangy looks sad. I bet she misses her baby."

I glance down at the stuffed animal and a gust of sadness sweeps over me. Babies and their mothers should never be separated. I've missed so much of my little girl's life. All those milestone occasions—from saying her first word to taking her first steps to celebrating each birthday. A painful lump forms in my throat.

"Yes, I think she misses her baby too."

"Scarlet, do you think Kangy will ever find her baby?"

A melancholy smile forms on my lips. "Yes, I do."

Closing her eyes, Maddie folds her hands on the counter. As if in prayer. "What are you doing, sweetie?"

"I'm praying that Kangy finds her baby. And that my daddy doesn't marry Kayla. Rosita says that God can hear me."

I battle the tears that threaten to fall. My love for this child—my child—is so all-consuming it hurts. For most of my life, I've had a love-hate relationship with God, but suddenly I want to believe there is someone watching over us.

And that unicorns exist.