Chapter 22

The Indigo Vixenhad remained virtually unchanged since the 90s. Stepping inside the packed lesbian bar was like stumbling into a time machine. If Natalia ignored the touchscreen registers, she could convince herself that she was twenty-one again. That life was still full of endless possibility.

Thumping music made it impossible to hear anything, and the lights were so low that Natalia could only see where she was going when a search light happened to illuminate her path before darting away. If Natalia didn’t already know where she was going, she’d be blindly stumbling her way through the crowds.

Moving through the stale air, thick with sweat and unleashed energy, Natalia found Candy sitting at her usual spot at the bar. Wearing her trademark white buzz cut, she looked much like she had the first time Natalia had walked into the place. Maybe a few more wrinkles on her dark skin, but the same vigilance in her bright eyes.

“Well, look who flew all the way from paradise for me,” Candy said, without a smile or hint that she was happy to see her, but Natalia knew the woman well. She didn’t have to show her emotions for Natalia to know she appreciated her effort.

“It’s not every day a friend turns seventy,” Natalia said before throwing an arm around Candy and giving her a hug.

“Wait till you get to be my age, babe. It’ll get old quick. No pun intended.” Candy squeezed her back before asking her to take the stool next to hers.

Candy called for the bartender to bring a couple of shot glasses and a tequila bottle. “I didn’t think I’d see you,” she admitted after pouring them each a shot. “Adriana told me you’re up to your eyeballs in movie stars.”

“Not quite.” Natalia picked up her shot, stomach burning in advance. “But there’s no way I’d miss your big birthday.”

Candy knocked back her tequila shot and poured them two more. They sat with their backs to the bar and facing the stage. Three shots later, Roxy appeared on stage, her blonde hair loose and wavy.

The second the crowd heard Roxy’s voice, they erupted in a deafening chant. It took a second to realize that the masses were calling for Adriana to join Roxy on stage. When Adriana did, she was bright red and waving to the crowd.

“I never thought she’d grow up,” Candy said, with her attention on Roxy, who was inexplicably carrying Adriana on her back. “And now look at her.”

“Remember the day I scouted her?” Natalia grabbed the tequila bottle. She didn’t like feeling sentimental. She needed to drown it in booze.

“You mean the day I called you and told you something special had made their way to my stage?”

Natalia tilted her head to the side before filling Candy’s shot glass. “How right you were.”

While Roxy sang to Adriana, their love so strong it was swirling around them and squeezing every heart in the room, Natalia let the warm tingle from the tequila spread over her skin. Roxy had started out so young, she still had decades of a career left ahead of her.

“When did we become the old guard?” Natalia mused half to herself. “When did it become our turn to rail against the coming dark?”

“You think you’re old and on your way out?” Candy let out a bark of laughter. “Let me ask you this,” she said with more amusement than Natalia had ever seen her show, “can you still eat pussy without throwing out your neck?” Candy laughed at the surprise on Natalia’s face. “Yeah, just you wait for all the surprises coming on the sex front.” She shook her head.

Natalia had considered herself Candy’s equal, not some kid so much younger than her. She let the buzz set in while she listened to another one of Roxy’s songs.

Slipping between the past and the present, Natalia vacillated between being a wide-eyed baby gay and a hardened veteran who’d thrived in hostile environments despite all odds. Even with society regressing in some distressing ways, she could never have imagined the progress they’d made as a community.

Her attention drifted away from Adriana and Roxy and over to Lola and Carmen. The feisty lawyer had managed to get Lola dancing. The love that vibrated off the two couples was almost blinding.

Natalia’s chest filled with something like pride. She expected to be invited to a wedding soon. An incredulous chuckle nearly vibrated in her chest. The moment she’d seen Adriana and Roxy together, she’d felt the chemistry between them simmering. It wasn’t long before it had grown to something staggering. But she’d trusted Adriana not to cross any lines, despite Roxy’s predictable attempts to charm her.

Taking a deep breath, Natalia tried to chase away the annoying sentimentality with more tequila. Her girls had found tailor-made partners. People who brought out the best in them. Who see them, value them, enhance them?—

“You know,” Candy interrupted her mushy thoughts by taking the tequila bottle from her and pouring them two more shots, “I hate when people say something is their whole life.” She set the bottle down, not looking nearly as drunk as Natalia felt. “And it’s like okay Betty Davis, cue the violins.” She wiped at her glossy eyes. “But this place,” she took a deep breath while Natalia swallowed her mouthful of tequila, “this is seriously my whole life.”

Natalia rested a hand on Candy’s shoulder, giving her an encouraging squeeze.

“This is the wife and kids I didn’t have.” Candy’s eyes were brimming with emotion Natalia was shocked she couldn’t identify. “And now what do I have left after I’ve given them everything?” She twisted on her stool to face Natalia. “Don’t let what you do become who you are, Natalia. Take it from me. You have plenty of life left to live. Don’t let it pass you by. Give yourself a chance.”

Natalia didn’t have a response. Didn’t have a pithy comeback. She didn’t even have an empty platitude to throw her way. At a loss, she almost divulged to Candy that she’d turned forty-nine without telling a soul and she had no idea what to do about a woman she liked. That change felt terrifyingly close, and she didn’t know what to do about that either.

Instead of saying anything, she lifted the shot glass that would blur her vision and compromise her decision-making skills. Without giving herself time to think, she opened her mouth and poured in oblivion.