Chapter 18

The ringof Natalia’s cellphone pierced the silence in her pristine home office. She hadn’t realized that while she’d been staring at a script, her mind had wandered away. Had gotten lost in Samantha’s kiss from last night. Had replayed the moment near her car over and over, wishing the evening hadn’t ended there. Annoyed that she hadn’t gotten her way.

She shouldn’t be thinking of her. Shouldn’t be allowing Samantha to distract her. Even if she wanted to consider her offer of going on dates, which she didn’t, the fact that she derailed her focus was reason enough to discard the idea as ludicrous.

Sex and exhilarating banter and the contact high of Samantha’s contagious passions were not enough to make Natalia ignore all the downsides. All the perils of emotional entanglement. She needed to keep Samantha at arm’s length, only getting close enough to get what she needed and go.

Getting to her feet, Natalia decided on a shower before leaving for the office. She needed to do something with her body and tangled racing thoughts. It hadn’t worked.

Even on her drive, Natalia couldn’t make herself relax. Her muscles were coiled and her senses were on high alert. She was stuck in fight mode without a sparring partner. It was like she wanted to wrestle herself, but couldn’t get a good grip.

The moment Natalia pulled into the parking garage, she took in a lungful of air and exhaled the part of her that wanted to throw a pity party. She had nothing to feel bad about. She was successful, by all measures. She was important, and so was her work. Any nagging feelings to the contrary were a product of antiquated societal expectations that people needed to be in couples to be fulfilled. Well, fuck that.

Striding through Dominion was like slipping into a favorite sweatshirt. It was comfortable and right and offered her the jolt she needed to shake off the nausea gripping her belly.

She was passing the glass-encased conference room between the assistants’ bullpen and her own corner office when she spotted Adriana and Lola sitting at the long table. Adriana was at her usual place to Natalia’s right, and Lola was across from her with her back to the door.

“Did I miss a meeting invite?” Natalia asked while holding open the glass door.

Adriana pulled off her glasses while looking up. Lola twisted around in her chair, big eyes wide and startled. It was the expression of a child afraid of trouble, and it choked the air out of Natalia’s lungs. If Natalia ever got the chance, she would destroy Lola’s mother’s life for the damage that she did to the poor woman.

“Candy is turning seventy,” Adriana explained. “Roxy wants to do something big for her at the Indigo Vixen.”

“God, seventy.” Natalia took her seat at the head of the table, pushing down the mass of emotions trying to take root in her chest. She got them as far as her belly. “I first walked into that bar in 1996, absolutely convinced I’d found Heaven on Earth. There were some gay bars in Miami, of course, but I’d never been in a place packed wall-to-wall with other gay women.” She took a deep breath, memories carrying her to complicated but sometimes happy times. “And she’s managed to keep it alive all these years.”

Lola’s eyebrow twitched. She hadn’t expected Natalia to join them. Hadn’t expected her to talk casually about something. Natalia caught herself in Lola’s expression and straightened.

“We should partner,” Natalia said decisively. “What is Roxy planning?”

Adriana picked up her tablet and rattled off some ideas for a birthday bash, which included big-name musical talent and performances by a troupe of drag kings coming out of retirement just for Candy. In response, Natalia suggested inviting some of the agency’s clients. Not everyone had a personal connection to the San Francisco bar, but everyone knew it by reputation. It was an institution, and so was Candy. She deserved the biggest party they could muster.

Nearly an hour later, Natalia was back in her office and booking a flight to California. Maybe the change of scenery would get her back in sorts. Even just one night away would give her the room she needed to gather herself. She couldn’t put it into words, but it was like her strangle hold on herself was slipping and she couldn’t let that happen.

A text popped up on her phone. Before her eyes registered the name, electric excitement buzzed on her skin. Jesus. She seriously needed to get the hell out of town.

Samantha: Busy tonight?

Natalia: Yes.

Samantha: Can I see you anyway?

Natalia’s thumbs hovered over the screen. No. The answer was no. It had to be no. She reminded Samantha that she was busy.

Natalia: I have a dinner tonight.

Samantha: Plans for dessert?

She stopped herself from replying that, judging from the night before, Samantha obviously had no interest in dessert. But she didn’t. That would give the false impression that she cared. That Samantha had left her with a craving for more. Left her with an aching desire after pressing her against the car in a charged kiss goodnight.

Natalia: I’m busy.

Samantha: Coffee? Nightcap? After dinner mint?

Clenching her teeth, Natalia refused to reward Samantha with her amusement. Even if she couldn’t see her.

Samantha: I’ll walk you to your door. Carry your purse to the car. Lug your books to biology class.

At the strange visual of Samantha in a 1950s letterman’s jacket with her hair slicked back while strolling with her down some idyllic high school hallway, Natalia chuckled. Then she coughed and pretended she had a tickle in her throat.

Natalia: I’ll be at The Capital Grille on Brickell. In the off chance the mood strikes me, we can meet for a drink at the place on the river next to it.

Despite doing her best to sound put out or indifferent, Natalia read too much interest in her own words. She should have said something else. Should have stuck to no, but there was no use pretending she didn’t want to see her again. That’s okay, she reminded herself. Arm’s length — just close enough to seal the deal.

Samantha: I’ll be waiting with bated breath.

Natalia flipped her phone over to hide the screen. It was the only way to save herself from saying anything else. Something absurd like me too.