Sur ma route

"We're late already," Enzo signed at Florian, who was carrying their four-year old daughter,Ma?lis, in his arms.

"We're not late," Florian replied out loud because his hands were too busy.

"The Eurostar is leaving at one P.M. sharp."

Florian nodded. "Yes, and we'll be on time…unless the SNCF goes on strike again."

The public transportation system was excellent, but the constant protests that disrupted everyday life, not so much. The plan was to drive to the Nancy station, then take the train to Paris before catching the Eurostar to London.

"We're meeting Rapha?l for lunch too," Enzo signaled.

Florian shook his head, set a struggling Ma?lis in her seat, clicked the belt, then circled the car to close the trunk over the three suitcases and one toy bag they'd packed. He went to sit behind the wheel while Enzo took shotgun. Florian leaned forward for a small kiss on his husband's lips and smiled before gesturing, "Rapha?l isn't expecting us until eleven. The train to Paris should reach the capital way before ten-thirty. He's meeting us at Paris Gare du Nord. We'll be fine."

Enzo nodded. His anxiety concerned Florian. Having an infant during the pandemic hadn't helped. It had taken a long time to convince Enzo to return to a normal lifestyle. Giving classes online as a teacher for deaf teenagers had taken its toll on him, to the point where Enzo almost gave up on his job. As for Florian's tourism business, it had nearly sunk from the lockdown. It was now flourishing again, and he had made sure to give his employees as many hours as possible, sacrificing some of his own to ensure they could survive.

This weekend was the first trip they'd taken in over two years. Though they had chatted online a bunch, Florian hadn't seen Rapha?l in just as long. Rapha?l wasn't allowed to travel to Lorraine at all during the pandemic, and Florian had taken care of Rapha?l's parents—his chosen family, for lack of having a blood family. This would be Ma?lis's first time meeting Rapha?l in person, though she knew him well from all their online video-chats and the gifts he and Adrien sent her multiple times a year.

The drive would be mostly silent. In spite of his cochlear implant, it was difficult for Enzo to hear Florian talk with the sounds of the engine and traffic around them. But they both enjoyed the peace of a tranquil ride. They'd never needed pointless fillers and empty conversations.

Florian started the ignition, and the first notes of "Daniela" by Elmer Food Beat blasted through the speakers. He shut it down right away so Ma?lis wouldn't hear it, then turned in his seat just in time to see Enzo's face close off.

"Gross!" his husband signed, his brow furrowed.

"I don't see what's so gross about it," Florian gestured in return.

"A song about a guy sharing his girl with his friends… "

Florian raised an eyebrow, and Enzo puffed, his mouth twisting.

"It's just a song."

"It's sexist," Enzo replied, using his voice.

"It's not sexist if she's consenting. What's sexist is you saying a woman shouldn't enjoy more than one lover at a time." Florian rolled his eyes.

"I feel the same about men," Enzo signed.

Florian sighed and shook his head. He cut off the engine. Again about Rapha?l and his past threesome with Florian? The tirade was getting old, alright.

"Are we going to have this conversation every time we visit Rapha?l?" he asked, not so kindly. These talks triggered memories of his ex Marlène. She too had issues with Rapha?l and their past sexual history.

Ma?lis began fidgeting and whining in the back. Enzo shrugged. Florian would be truly upset if he didn't find his husband so damn cute when he sulked.

"Rapha?l is like a brother to me. He's married. Yes, we fucked. I wasn't with you then. I won't fuck him ever again. Okay?" he signed out of Ma?lis's sight so she couldn't tell what they were discussing. She was as good in French Sign Language as she was in spoken French, which was a plus to Enzo, but a disadvantage when he and Florian fought.

Enzo nodded just once.

"Rapha?l is married," Florian snapped.

"It's an open marriage," Enzo exclaimed a bit too loud .

Florian shot a glance at their daughter and shushed his husband before motioning, "No, it's not. They're not open to others anymore. They stopped playing with others after getting married." Not that it mattered in the least.

He regretted telling Enzo what Rapha?l had told him about their couple's struggles.

"You can be so judgmental, I swear." Florian tried not to get angry, but he hated it when Enzo held prejudices against his friends. "Adrien's been struggling a lot. Okay? Can you cut them both some slack?"

Enzo shrugged again.

"It's none of our business who they're fucking. The only thing that's your business is that I am not fucking anyone else." Florian did not want to start their vacation like this. The pandemic had put a strain on their relationship, and he sure hoped traveling would help.

"I don't think Adrien likes us."

"Well, considering how you keep judging him, I don't blame him." Florian made a face. He didn't think Adrien disliked them at all. It was just that he wasn't the most social person. He was more of the artistic brooding type. Florian wasn't going to criticize a guy plagued with depression. He'd been there before and knew too well how that felt.

"I'm not that bad," Enzo signed with a grumble.

Florian's jaw clenched in spite of himself as he signed back, "Then stop talking about who Adrien is fucking. I really, truly do not give a flying fuck whom Adrien is fucking. Okay? Not my business. "

"Okay."

Florian breathed deeply and grabbed Enzo's hand in his, intertwining their fingers together before kissing the top of his knuckles. He hated fighting like this. He knew this talk wasn't about Adrien, and that was where the problem stemmed from. Enzo wasn't comfortable with Florian's past concerning Rapha?l, and Florian was triggered each time Enzo seemed to judge others for their sex lives.

He closed his eyes and took a deep inhale before looking at his husband and caressing the scar on his cheek. "Enzo, I love you. I'm not going to leave you. I promised ‘never again,' and I meant it. Do you trust me?"

He'd left Enzo twice before—once through no fault of his own, being forced to do so by his family after the homophobic attack that cost Enzo his hearing. Then because he wanted to protect Enzo from blatant biphobic bigotry, a choice that had proven misguided. Now he was here to stay, permanently, come what may.

Enzo nodded, and Florian kissed his lips delicately. "Okay. Let's go. We have a train to catch."

Florian pulled out of their driveway.

***

Enzo watched as Raphael pulled Florian and Ma?lis into a warm embrace upon their arrival. Rapha?l had aged slightly, but he was still handsome, his dark brown skin not wrinkled by time the way Florian's was. He had come to the train station wearing a black suit over a white buttoned-down shirt and gray tie. He looked dashing for sure. His bright white teeth shone when he smiled, while two dimples cut into his cheeks. A ball of jealousy dropped in Enzo's stomach. He was being ridiculous, really.

Stop it, he scolded himself silently.

Rapha?l's hazel eyes twinkled with kindness as he patted Florian on the back. Then he dragged Enzo into a hug and held Ma?lis, rocking her up and down in the air, making her giggle before he kissed her cheek.

"Tonton Rapha?l, you're tickling me."

Rapha?l laughed. They sat at a table of the station's only café. While waiting for the menu, they ordered an espresso, except for Enzo, who got an apricot juice for himself and one for Ma?lis.

"How are things going?" Florian asked Rapha?l, signing at the same time for Enzo to understand.

"Good," he lied with a fake smile that didn't fool anyone.

"You can talk to us, you know?" Florian replied.

Rapha?l let out a sigh.

Florian tapped his back. "I understand, frangin . Don't worry. You can talk when you're ready."

Enzo blinked. He still couldn't get over those two calling each other "brother" when he knew all the depraved stuff they'd done together in college.

"So what are you going to visit in London?" Rapha?l asked to defuse the tension .

"Since we are with Ma?lis, we selected kid-friendly activities. We're going to go to the London Eye," Florian said.

"Because he wants me to die of a heart attack," Enzo sighed.

Florian rolled his eyes. "It won't be that bad. I know you're terrified of heights, but it's safe."

Enzo pursed his lips. "Like that helps."

"Anyway, we also have a bus tour for kids, and Madame Tussaud. We'll see the Royal Mews since Ma?lis loves horses. Enzo insisted on doing a special British afternoon tea, so we're doing that."

Enzo licked his lips right then and wriggled his eyebrows.

"You're an adorable dork," Florian signed. "And the main things: Big Ben, Tower Bridge, etc."

"I can't wait!" Enzo cheered, fidgeting on his chair.

"To finish, some British toy stores for her and bookstores for Enzo."

Enzo beamed on cue. The waiter came back right then to take their orders—a ham and butter sandwich for Florian, a salad for Enzo, fries for Ma?lis, and a croque-madame for Rapha?l.

The latter still looked sullen, pushing Enzo to distract him.

"How is work?" he voiced while signing.

"It's good," Rapha?l replied. "Charlotte and I were working on a new building outside the peripheric. Now I'm on my own with the team for a few months while she's taking her maternity leave. It's going to be a lot more livable than some of the insalubrious buildings there, and totally green. Or as green as it can get, anyway. I'm excited. The kids there need plants and eco infrastructure."

"I can't believe you work with your ex," Enzo replied. "I hated working with Cyrille."

"It's not like that between us at all. She's a friend. I'm happy to work with her at the same company. Hopefully, in a few years, we can build our own."

"That'd be awesome," Florian said, "to have your own company. Let me know if you need tips on opening one. Do you have long hours?"

"A bunch of overtime, yes. Which is good, but it also stinks because I hate leaving Adrien alone for too long."

"He still paints at the apartment?"

"Sometimes at his store, but when he's not well enough, he stays home."

"Right." Florian was well aware that Adrien hadn't been at his best this past year. He shifted in his seat before a sound came out of his cellular.

***

Florian froze when his phone beeped in his hands. He glanced at it. The number shining on the screen sent a wave of shivers down his spine, with goosebumps rising up on his arms. He recognized the digits right away and hated every single one of them. It was the same number she had all those years ago .

"Are you okay?" Rapha?l asked as if picking up on his mood.

"Yeah."

Such a lame liar.

He ran his hand over his mouth and sighed. He looked at Enzo, who hadn't noticed anything because he wasn't looking up and couldn't hear Rapha?l's words with the commotion of the train station around him.

Florian had already warned his husband about the person stalking them. He'd seen her at the corner of some street, and she'd followed him to the apartment, albeit stealthily. She wasn't aware Florian was too hypervigilant to be tailed without realizing it.

Seeing her had sent chills throughout his core and nearly paralyzed him. But he was stronger now. He wasn't who he used to be anymore. It might be best for her never to find out the kind of man he had become—especially if she tried to get close to his daughter or Enzo. He wasn't the sweet boy he used to be. The streets had taken care of that innocence a long time ago.

Enzo had refused to believe she could stoop so low as to stalk Florian after everything she'd done to him—all the pain she'd put him through. But Enzo didn't know her at all.

Old habits die hard, particularly for those of her kind. Without treatment and the will to improve, a narcissist would remain a narcissist. If Florian had once hoped she might change, those expectations died along with his youthful naivety .

Florian inhaled deeply and forced himself to read the message, his teeth already clenching.

03-83-**-**-**: I am still waiting for you to contact me regarding my visiting rights. I want to see my granddaughter, Florian. You can't legally prevent me from doing so.

This was his worst nightmare right there: his mother demanding to see his daughter, possibly to have her visit during vacation or for entire weekends—times Florian wouldn't be there to supervise and ensure his mother wasn't emotionally scarring his little girl.

Florian had never worried about such a plight before. He'd thought for sure she would never dare ask. It hadn't even crossed his mind until recently that she could find out he had a child. That was so na?ve of him.

Of course she'd have the gall to make such a demand. She showed no shame, no remorse, no sign of self-awareness. She was the worst, really—almost as bad as his ex, Marlène. Being treated like shit by his own progenitors had set him up for drastic failure early in life, leading him to mistake toxicity for care, love bombing for attention, until he fell for Marlène—the snake who'd poisoned his life worse than even his parents had. Then he found Enzo again, a love long lost but never forgotten.

He clenched his jaw and erased the message. He didn't bother replying. He swallowed on a gulp all the same. This was the second time she bugged him already. Last time, the message was a voicemail. He'd deleted that one too. Just hearing her voice had made the hairs on his arms stand up.

Since then, he'd looked up the law. Multiple times. His mother did have rights indeed. He wasn't sure she could have them applied after what she'd done to him, though. Parents had too much power over their kids in France, if you asked him. Though, technically, she had broken the law herself all those years ago.

According to French law, parents were to provide for their children until they could take care of themselves. His parents hadn't done that. They'd left him to starve in the streets of Nancy like some damn leper, as if his bisexuality was a contagion that could sicken the whole household and rot it from the inside out. What they had done was illegal alright. He was still a minor then.

03-83-**-**-**: I've hired a lawyer. You'll be hearing from me soon enough.

"For fuck's sake," he growled under his breath.

His nostrils twitched as he grasped his phone hard and typed furiously, his eyebrows narrowing deeper the more he squeezed his cellular. He barely paid attention to the waiter bringing their meals.

FLORIAN: I wouldn't play this game if I were you. Father and you kicked me to the curb when I was still a minor. That's absolutely illegal. Unless you want everyone in your village to hear what you two did to me, I would advise you to leave me and my family alone.

03-83-**-**-**: I sure hope you are not raising my granddaughter to be a queer. It's hard enough to swallow that she has two fathers. I have certain rights over her education. I know. I looked it up.

FLORIAN: You lost the right to have an opinion on my life the day I called you crying for help and you hung up on me. I'm going to ask you kindly once, and once only: LEAVE. ME. ALONE.

03-83-**-**-**: Marlène was right about you.

Florian froze. Rapha?l was observing him, and Enzo had finally caught on to the fact that something was wrong. He held out his hand to grab Florian's and squeezed it.

Florian pulled away and kept on typing. His breath was coming in and out fast. He was close to hyperventilating in his growing fury. He knew better than to engage. He knew he should let it go. She was a narcissist, after all; she thrived on drama and pulling him into it. But he couldn't help himself. He wasn't going to let her ruin his life and happiness.

FLORIAN: How the fuck do you even know who Marlène is?

He hadn't seen his parents since high school and had dated Marlène in college. It didn't add up.

03-83-**-**-**: I ran into her at the Leclerc supermarket the other day. We had a chat.

FLORIAN: How do you even know what she looks like? !

He was mad at himself for feeding her need for drama.

03-83-**-**-**: I still can't believe you left that beautiful woman for a man. I don't know what I did to deserve a son like you.

FLORIAN: How do you know Marlène? I won't ask again.

03-83-**-**-**: They talked about her that year your business was attacked. I looked her up. She was easy to find and contact.

FLORIAN: You're even more insane than I thought! Leave me alone!

03-83-**-**-**: I will ask for the right to see my granddaughter…

Florian nearly screamed at this point. He was shaking, out of control, his nervous system triggered into fight mode. He wanted to punch the table so badly, but he knew Enzo hated it when he got this way. He took a deep breath, but it hardly worked.

FLORIAN: LEAVE. ME. ALONE. It's the last time I'll ask.

"Dude, what's wrong?" Rapha?l asked out loud when Florian nearly threw his phone.

He was close to tears. He shut his eyes tightly and breathed in deeply. He couldn't believe his mother still had that kind of power over him, after years in therapy and all the work he'd done on himself. That alone was reason enough to be pissed.

He talked and signed at the same time so both Rapha?l and Enzo could understand him but still used code words so Ma?lis wouldn't be the wiser. "She wants to see the little one. It's the second time she's asked. Now she's threatening to call a lawyer."

"Who?" Rapha?l asked, shrugging.

"I'll let you guess."

Rapha?l crossed his brows before his eyes bugged out. "Noooo! You're shitting me, right?"

"Shhh," Florian scolded upon hearing the curse word, glancing at his daughter who didn't seem to be listening. She was focusing on her fries while also feeding some to her doll.

"Sorry." Rapha?l shot a large apologetic smile that showed a bit too many teeth to be genuine. He wasn't sorry at all. "Just to make sure: we're talking about your mom, right?"

Enzo was reading Rapha?l's lips intently and gasped just then. He signed, "What do you mean ‘she wants to see the little one'?"

Florian made a face and exhaled through his nose loudly, then signed, "I told you I'd seen her outside my business. She tailed me and Ma?lis a couple of times already last month. She didn't approach me to talk, but who knows what she was up to. I'm sure she knows where we live too."

Enzo blinked and said out loud, "Is the little one in danger?"

Florian shook his head. "My mother is a narcissist, not a psychopath. She'll try to mess with us as much as possible, but she wouldn't hurt our girl. Not physically anyway. Not because she cares, but for fear it might tarnish her perfect reputation. But she'll see our daughter over my dead body. I know the mind games. I know the tricks. She's not doing that to my child. Period."

Rapha?l's face was tight now. "How dare she?!" he snarled. "God fucking damn it!"

Florian rounded his eyes at him and motioned toward Ma?lis with his head. Then he sighed before laughing low in his throat. It wasn't a happy laugh. "What else would you expect from her?"

"Just before our trip too," Enzo whined out loud. "I hate this."

"I hate her ," Florian retorted. He shook his head as he placed his lower arm on the back of his chair to look out the window. The ball in his throat wouldn't let up, and he didn't want to break down in front of the three of them. "She's been talking to Marlène too," he signed without looking at Enzo.

His husband gasped.

"What did you say about Marlène?" Rapha?l asked, only understanding the one name because he'd seen Florian sign it enough in the past.

Enzo used his voice to explain the situation.

"For fuck's sake," Rapha?l cursed again.

Florian's head whiplashed toward him, and he sighed angrily.

Rapha?l looked at Ma?lis, then at him. "Sorry again. I'm just mad, you know." He tore a bite of his croque-madame and chewed on it.

"Maybe we can change the subject. What else is new with you? "

When Florian wouldn't stop looking at him, Rapha?l let out, "Adrien hasn't been well. At all. I'm worried sick about him."

"I'm sorry, buddy." Florian tapped him on the shoulder from across the table.

"Yeah, I thought I might lose him last year, you know. He came damn close."

Florian licked his lips, feeling like shit for bringing more drama into his best friend's life. "Do you need to talk about it?"

"This year has been hell. And I don't think Adrien is out of it yet. He's been real low recently, and he won't tell me why. I've barely seen him these past few days because he locked himself in his studio with the music blasting."

"I'm sorry," Florian said with a grimace. "Is there anything we can do?"

"Do you know a magic recipe against depression?"

Florian sighed. "Sadly, no."

Ma?lis looked at Rapha?l just then. " Tonton Adrien fait une dépression? C'est quoi une dépression? "

Enzo read her lips and said out loud while signing, "Depression means being sad—very sad."

"I can give Tonton Adrien a hug if he's sad. Where is he now?" She looked all around, and Rapha?l's face darkened like a cloud.

"He's at home." He looked at Florian. "I'm sorry he wasn't well enough to come, even after not seeing you for so long. He really wanted to meet Ma?lis." Rapha?l's eyes brimmed with tears that he pushed back through multiple blinks as he let out, "I'm not making him happy. "

"Aww, come on. That's not true," Florian shot back.

His best friend clicked his tongue. "He can't stand being mono."

"He's told you that?"

"No. I just know. I've been with him for a long time now. He isn't a very good liar. I think he still has feelings for Noah."

"I thought he'd always denied that?" Enzo asked out loud after focusing really hard on Rapha?l's lips before forking his salad.

"He always did. I know better. You haven't seen the way he looks at Noah."

Florian blinked. He had seen it. Even on his wedding day to Rapha?l, the affection in Adrien's eyes when he looked at Noah was undeniable. Florian thought he'd imagined the fondness in those glances at first. But that was before he knew for sure the two of them used to fuck regularly. Florian had no doubt Adrien was still polyamorous, even if he was faithful and forcing himself to stick to one partner only.

"So, what's new with Charlotte?" Florian asked. He'd only met her once, at Rapha?l's wedding.

"She's on her maternity leave for the moment, as you know. She just had her baby last month."

"So you two are considering opening your own business, huh?" Florian asked.

"Yeah. It's our dream. It might take a while. I never realized how many laws there were in this country for those who want to open a company. "

"Tell me about it," Florian said. After the pandemic, all his savings dried up when he tried to keep his business afloat without firing his employees.

Florian sighed, just as the station called out the number of their train. "Wait, what?" He looked at his phone and frowned. His eyes bugged out when he saw the time. " Merde! "

"What?" Enzo signed quickly.

"The train is here now."

Enzo's eyes widened. He tried to rush and gather all of Ma?lis's stuff as well as his luggage, dropped cash on the table for the waiter, but Florian knew in his heart it was already too late. If the travelers weren't on the platform when the train arrived, it was no use trying to run for it. But they did anyway.

The four of them hurried to find their track, Enzo holding Ma?lis in his arms as best he could while sprinting. When they reached their platform, their train was leaving.

" Eh, merde! " Florian groaned again. He tsked and sighed. "Our seats are reserved and nonrefundable."

He shook his head and signed to ask Enzo if they should go to the counter and book the next one. Enzo nodded, clearly defeated.

"We don't have that kind of money to waste," Florian complained, but they had no other choice.

They made their way to the line at the counter and waited for the agent to be available before telling her they'd just missed their train and would like to book the next one. There wouldn't be a chance to leave until the next morning, she said. Thankfully, there were three seats together, which they took right away.

After purchasing the tickets, Florian stressed about having to pay for an additional hotel room in Paris for the night.

"None of that," Rapha?l interfered. "You'll stay with me and Adrien."

Enzo shot a glance at his husband. Florian remembered quite well the last time they had stayed at Rapha?l's apartment. He and Adrien had spent the night fucking. He didn't want Ma?lis around those sounds.

As if reading his mind, Rapha?l shook his head. "I'll make things clear with Adrien. Don't worry." He bit his plump lower lip. "I can't guarantee he'll be social, though. Something happened last month, and he won't tell me what it was, but I can tell it was bad. He might lock himself in his studio and not come out. Please don't take it personally. He's just been so unwell."

Florian nodded, and they headed out to look for the nearest metro station.

***

Enzo had forgotten about Adrien's artwork on the walls. Thankfully, Rapha?l had texted his husband to take it all down because Ma?lis was coming. The walls were bare as they stepped into the living room, but nails indicated where the erotic drawings used to be .

Hard rock music was pouring through the door of Adrien's studio—which used to be Rapha?l's library but got reconverted into both during the pandemic. Rapha?l sighed and stepped toward it, then knocked, waiting a while for the lock to click and Adrien to step out.

The smile on Adrien's face when he looked at them was so fake, it made Enzo hurt just to see it. Adrien's dark eyes were filled with intense pain that he couldn't conceal even though he tried.

Ma?lis shouted and ran to her uncle. Adrien bent down to grab her, groaning under her weight as he pulled her into his arms. The grin he gave seemed genuine this time, but it didn't erase the agony coming like a wave of dark energy from his entire being.

Enzo took the brunt of it and swallowed hard. He hadn't imagined things were that bad, and he wondered how Rapha?l could live with such a desperate vibe filling the apartment on a daily basis. In sickness and in health… Rapha?l had taken the pledge seriously and was supporting his husband through one of the worst crises of their lives.

Adrien gave a kiss on Ma?lis's cheek and said something Enzo couldn't quite make out from reading his lips, though it sounded like a French "I'm so happy to meet you in person, kiddo." He tightened his embrace around Ma?lis and let her down before waving at Florian and Enzo. They would have done the typical kiss on the cheeks, if the two of them hadn't forgone that tradition after the pandemic .

Adrien's smile fell. He wasn't scowling exactly, but he seemed preoccupied, his brows furrowed.

"Look, you guys," he articulated as best he could for Enzo to understand, "I'm excited you're here. But I'm feeling awful. I don't want to ruin the mood."

"Don't worry. It's fine," Enzo said out loud. "We understand." Before Adrien could leave, Enzo asked, "Are you painting?"

Adrien gave a nod. "Do you mind the music?"

Florian shook his head and tapped Adrien on the back before replying something Enzo didn't catch. Adrien gave a closed-mouth smile and disappeared in his studio before locking the door and blasting metal.

The look on Rapha?l's face right then was too painful to sustain. His chest rose and fell in a heavy sigh before he led the guys to the guest room. Ma?lis followed them without a word, but she looked back a few times when the music echoed from the studio.

Rapha?l made a moue. "Can you believe the music isn't even as bad as it was this morning? At least he's making an effort to tone it down for you guys."

The hard rock was still loud. Enzo almost felt like taking his hearing aids off right then and there. Not wanting to be rude, he didn't. They entered the guest room and realized the guys had repainted the walls. It was now a light yellow. The furniture was the same Ikea items Rapha?l had gotten when he first moved here with Adrien. They didn't have a bed for Ma?lis, but they had an extra mattress she could use to sleep on the floor.

Florian and Enzo dropped their luggage on the ground and agreed on an evening of board games with Rapha?l, knowing full well his husband wouldn't be joining.