17. Michael

17

MICHAEL

I stayed with her in my arms for hours. I couldn't think of a single thing to say, and she just clung to me as if those men were going to come back and attack her again. She had struggled with these demons for five years, and while I knew she was hurting, I thought it was from the attack. I had no idea she was raped also.

When I arrived at the hospital, she was already out of surgery. Nobody said a fucking thing, but I guess she wanted it that way. And it haunted her for years. I shouldn't have fucking walked away. I should have stayed beside her, refusing to leave her side.

I looked around the room and shuddered. She had been attacked here and came back to live here by herself. How the hell did she do that? I didn't want to stay here and I wasn't the one who was viciously raped by multiple men.

"Michael, you're squeezing me," she whispered.

I instantly released her, not realizing how hard I was holding her. Rage consumed me with every minute that passed. I tried to keep it at bay for her sake, but all I could think about was killing those men. The problem was, nobody knew who they were.

"Did you have a rape kit?" I asked suddenly.

"I don't know. I was out of it for weeks."

"We should call the hospital."

She pulled away and looked up at me. "Why?"

"Because if they did a rape kit, we might be able to find out who they were."

She shoved to her feet and walked away, clearly distressed. "I don't want to know. Why would I want to dig it up after all these years?"

"Dig it up? Claire, they're living in your head every fucking night. You relived it with me as if it had just fucking happened. We need to know."

"No, you need to know. You want to know. There's a difference."

"Yes, I fucking want to know so I can kill them with my bare hands!" I shouted. I was losing my cool really fucking fast. I wasn't sure how the hell she could walk around here, not knowing the assholes who attacked her.

"I just want to move on!"

"That's not going to happen until they're fucking dead! Why are you still living here? How the fuck could you come back here after what they did to you?"

"Where else was I supposed to go?" she snapped. "I owe more on the house than it's worth."

"I paid it off. Why the hell?—"

"Because I had to fix the house! I couldn't sell it after they trashed it. I had to fix it up, and when that was done—" She stopped and dropped her gaze to the floor. "With the hospital bills and therapy…it wasn't possible."

"I left you money."

Her gaze snapped up. "When?"

"I left you money in our account. There was enough there to take care of you for two lifetimes."

She shook her head slowly. "It wasn't there," she whispered.

I had no fucking clue what was going on. She should never have had to worry about money. She stayed in this fucking house not because she wanted to, but because she had to.

I slid my hand through my short hair and released a ragged breath. "I'll get to the bottom of this. You were never supposed to?—"

Fuck, I was so angry. I should have dug into why she was here. I should have pressed to find out how she was doing. I had my connections. I could have paid someone to get the information for me. After all this time, there was so much I had failed at.

"You have to let this go."

I spun on her, my anger barely bottled up inside me. "Never. I'll never fucking let this go. It's bad enough that you almost died because of me, but the things they did to you…" I clenched my fists, closing my eyes as I tried to gain control before I put my fist through the wall. "Never fucking again."

She pursed her lips, nodding as she slowly stepped toward me. "Okay."

I wrapped my hand around the back of her neck, pulling her closer to me. I knew I was holding her too tight, but I couldn't let go. I needed reassurance that she was here and she was okay. I would hold her all day, but there were things I needed to take care of. As much as I wanted to keep her by my side, knowing what I did now, it was best if she wasn't around for it.

"I have to meet with the guys. Will you be alright here by yourself?"

She scoffed at me, bringing out a little of the woman I saw yesterday when I arrived. "I've been here all this time without you. I think I'll be okay."

Ever the smartass, I wanted to smack her ass, but held back. As much as I didn't want to let my newfound knowledge change the way I treated her, there was a hesitation in everything I did now. I didn't want to cause more damage than had already been done.

"I won't be long."

"I won't be here when you get back."

My breath caught as I repeated the words in my head. "What?"

She walked over to her dresser and started rummaging through it.

"I thought we talked about this."

She turned, cocking her head at me curiously. "What are you talking about?"

"No more running," I growled. "You fucking promised."

Her eyebrows shot up in amusement. I found it strange that she was able to be so animated when just six hours ago, she was a fucking wreck in my arms.

"I have some errands to run."

"Like what?"

"Like getting food," she grinned, biting her lip playfully. "I'm assuming you're sticking around."

"There's not a chance in hell I'm going anywhere."

"Then unless you want to eat salad, I have to get some groceries."

"And that'll take you all fucking day?"

"No, but I also have to stop by the shelter. There are new kittens that came in yesterday. And Samantha has been working seven days in a row. I need to go in so she can take the day off."

I didn't know who this Samantha was and I frankly didn't give a shit. I didn't want her going anywhere—not even to help some kittens. "Then I'll send someone with you."

"I'm going to a shelter, not into a war zone."

"Still…it would make me feel better. If you want, Rae can go with you. She's…probably the most normal out of any of them."

"If you want. But really, I'll be fine."

"I'm sure you would be, but humor me."

I must have looked really fucking desperate because the playful smile on her face vanished and she nodded sincerely. "Okay."

"Did you send Rae over to the shelter?" I asked as soon as I walked through the door.

"Nice to see you too. Yes, we've been working on a plan."

"I'm serious," I snapped. "Did you send her over?"

Cash turned to me with raised eyebrows. "Of course I did. What's going on?"

I glanced around for the other guys, but didn't see them. "We're not going through with the op."

"Excuse me?" His stance said it all. Crossed arms, pissed-off look on his face, and the growl to his voice that said I was treading on dangerous ground.

"I said we're not doing it."

"Are you forgetting that your son just fucking sacrificed himself to save your own fucking daughter?"

"I haven't forgotten, but it's not worth the risk."

I knew when I came over here that I was going to get my ass chewed out for my decision, but knowing what I did, I couldn't go through with it.

"Not worth the risk? That's my fucking brother out there on that island. If we don't do something, he's going to fucking die, along with your daughter, whom you claim to love."

"I do love her," I hissed. "I know what's at stake here. But I can't do it."

"Why the fuck not?"

"I just can't!"

"Not fucking good enough," he growled. "If you want me to cancel everything we've put in motion, you'd better give me some fucking answers."

I knew he would ask this, but I couldn't betray Claire in that way. He didn't know what he was asking of me. "Rafe made his decision. I didn't ask him to go there. He did that all on his own."

"And what about Isabelle? She's innocent in all this. She's been a fucking captive for thirteen years! Does she not deserve our loyalty?"

"Cash—"

"No, I want a fucking answer!"

His shouting drew in an audience. Jack burst through the door moments later, followed by Johnny and Jason. Drawing their attention would only make matters worse.

"Put a pin in it," I rumbled, refusing to discuss this any further.

I turned and stomped toward the door but was tackled from behind. I hit the gravel, skinning my hands as I fell. Cash punched me in the side and I tossed him off, refusing to fight him.

"Enough!"

"Not a fucking chance," he sneered. "Your son needs you. Are you really going to walk away?"

"I'm not walking away. We need to find a different way to get them out."

"There is no other way!" he shouted. "This is what Rafe was working toward for years because he knew the only way to rescue Isabelle was by getting on that fucking island. He has no escape route. We need to provide it for him!"

"We can't!"

"Give me one good fucking reason."

"I said drop it."

"No, you wanted this. You fucking asked for it and now you're walking away."

"I have my reasons."

"Then you'd better fucking share them with me."

I vaguely heard someone talking in the background, but kept my focus on my son. "Cash, there has to be another way. We'll find it and get them both back."

"You don't fucking know that! We don't even know if he's still alive!"

"Exactly," I snapped. "You want me to risk everything when we have no intel!"

"Risk what? Rafe is the one taking all the risks. He literally put his life in your fucking hands and you're walking away. What the fuck kind of father are you? You've got two kids that need you, and you won't lift a fucking finger to help them!"

"Because I can't!"

He scoffed, shaking his head at me. "You know, I always looked up to you. I thought you were this amazing dad, always off fighting for your country. It turns out, you were fucking women all over the country, impregnating them and leaving them with cash on the table. I bet your other son is just as fucking grateful to have you out of his life."

He had no idea how close he was hitting home with his cutting remarks. I was a shit father, but I wasn't off fucking every woman I could. Maybe my reasons were all wrong, but it wasn't for sheer pleasure.

"We're done here."

I turned to leave until he shouted. "I'm sending my guy in anyway. With or without your help, I will do what you don't have the fucking balls to do!"

The world spun around me. My throat closed up at the possibility. Tears already dotted my eyes as I turned back around. "You'll be killing her," I croaked out.

"Killing who?"

"Me."

I closed my eyes as her sweet voice washed over me. I had hoped to take care of this without involving her. Yet, here she was, exactly where I didn't want her. When I opened my eyes again, Cash was looking over my shoulder in confusion.

"Don't," I whispered, but he didn't hear me.

"Five years ago, we tried to get Isabelle back. We were desperate," Claire said, her voice strained. I could feel her walking toward me. She wrapped her hand around mine and I squeezed, hoping she would stop talking.

"Claire—"

"He has a right to know," she murmured. "Zavala was… is horrible. He taunted us, sending us messages about…things he did to Isabelle. It was too much…The last message was about how he planned on impregnating her so he could carry on his legacy. Michael lost it. He was desperate to find a way to get to her. After all those years of her being gone, we just wanted her back."

I slid my arm around her waist, pulling her closer to me. I didn't want to relive what happened back then, and I didn't want her spilling her guts to my son, but this was her choice to make.

But this was my mistake, and I would be man enough to tell what I had done to her. "Zavala's sister was the only person we knew of who had access to the island. I thought—" I cleared my throat, still ashamed of what I had done. "I thought that I could get to Zavala through his sister. I seduced her, but what I didn't realize was that she was never alone. Zavala found out what I had done, and he took his revenge on Claire."

Cash's eyes filled with sadness as he looked at Claire. What she told him was enough, but she didn't drop it there.

"His men came to my house in the middle of the night and attacked me."

Her hand shook in mine. I squeezed it again, begging her to stop. I lived through the story once. I didn't want to hear it again. But she took reassurance from the way I held her hand instead of the warning it was and continued on.

"I was raped multiple times," she said, her voice strong and unashamed. "His men beat me within an inch of my life. The only reason I lived was because they left me to die and someone found me. I'm sure Zavala liked that Michael got to see me suffering."

"Claire," Cash started.

"I don't want pity. I just want to move on."

Cash's eyes flicked to mine. I hoped he realized why we couldn't go through with the plan now. It was bad enough that she almost died. But the rest…I couldn't stand the thought of anything happening to her ever again.

"You have to do it."

My head whipped in her direction. "What?"

"You have to go after them. I couldn't live with myself if anything happened to them because we didn't try out of fear."

I gripped her arm, dragging her away from them. "Claire, I won't do this."

"Yes, you will," she said, looking up at me with bright eyes. "You have to. If this is our last chance to save our daughter, then we're going to take it."

"He'll come after you. What are we going to do? Run for the rest of our lives?"

"If we have to," she said fiercely. "If he comes after us, we either run or we kill him."

"If I could have killed him, I would have done it already," I snapped. "It's not that easy."

Her eyes softened as she looked up at me. "It never is. I trust you, Michael."

But I didn't trust myself. I couldn't do it. I couldn't risk her life again. When I first set out to talk to her, I didn't think she'd really give me the time of day. Maybe it was more wishful thinking that she would talk to me more than wanting her help. I just wanted to see her again.

And now all that had turned into her practically begging me to risk her life yet again. "Claire…don't ask me to do this."

"I trust you," she repeated. Her hand slid against my cheek as she leaned up on her tiptoes and brushed her lips to mine. She always had a way of undoing me. Even after all this time without her, I was still desperately in love with her. But that love had grown into something fierce that I never understood when I was younger.

Back then, she was a woman I had fallen for. I didn't give any thought to what my actions would do to her or our daughter. And after Isabelle was taken, I still didn't truly understand what lengths I would go to for Claire. But being separated from her for five long years had twisted my heart and tormented my mind.

Seeing her screaming like that last night had shredded me and forced me to face the fact that I acted out of rage and it cost me dearly. The woman I loved most in this world suffered because of what I did. The depth of guilt I felt was unlike any other. And I was finally able to admit to myself that what I felt for her far exceeded anything else I'd ever felt in my life.

She was my one and only—the woman I wanted to grow old with. The smile I wanted to wake up to every morning. Even if she never let me touch her again, I would be content with holding her in my arms and knowing she was safe. She was mine to protect, and she would be until I took my last breath on earth.

Turning back to my son, I nodded slightly. I knew I wouldn't win this one. But I could make damn sure she was protected.

"As soon as we move on this, she goes into hiding at your facility. You'll be able to protect her there."

"Done."

I walked over to my son and placed a hand on his shoulder. "You fucking swear to me that you will protect her with your life."

"I swear."

I looked to the others, who nodded as well. Swallowing hard, I knew the moment had come. "Let's get to work."