15. Michael

15

MICHAEL

I stared up at the large log cabin, remembering the last time I came here just five years ago. I hadn't seen or spoken to her since the last attempt at getting our daughter back went south. She told me she never wanted to see me again, and I had respected those wishes. But I still thought about her every day. She was the love of my life. It felt disrespectful to think that when my son was standing next to me.

His own mother had passed not that long ago, and I wasn't there when it happened. I would never forgive myself for not being the husband she needed. My life had been complicated over the years. With every job I took, it pushed me farther and farther away from the man I once was. I spent my days working in the shadows, putting politicians in their places, righting the wrongs of foreign leaders, taking out those with just a little too much power, and most recently, preventing a worldwide pandemic that would have been released by our very own government.

That stuff was easy. I thrived on quelling the whims of power-hungry men. I was good at my job, but I was a terrible husband and father. I lived for my job, and that only hurt those I loved. My daughter was a shining example of my epic failures as a father. It was because of me that she was taken. I hadn't been completely honest with Cash or Rafe.

It was because of me that Zavala took an interest in my daughter. I had him on my radar long before he became the powerful man he is today. Back then, he was merely a thorn in my side. He was gaining a following of loyal men who would reap the benefits from his rise in the cartels. That hunger he had drove him to take drastic action when he was threatened.

And now I was paying for pushing him too far.

I took only a single step forward when a shot rang out. A bullet hit the ground at my feet, making me stop in my tracks. I sighed heavily, staring at the window where I knew Claire was waiting. "Claire!"

"Take another step and I'll put one in your heart!"

"Let's be reasonable!"

Another shot fired, this time, ricocheting off her drive and lodging itself into my calf. I bit back a curse, glaring at the woman I loved. "Really? You're going to shoot me?"

"I told you what would happen if you ever showed your face again."

"Claire, I need to talk to you."

"Then you'd better talk fast because I'm reloading right now!"

I knew she wasn't lying. "I need to talk to you about Isabelle!"

"We've done all the talking we need to."

"I need to get her a message."

"Tough shit!"

"Claire, my son went down there to help her. He's in danger now."

"And I should care about that, why?"

"Because he's trying to save her. If we don't get a message to him, it could ruin everything."

Silence followed, giving me hope that she would fucking listen.

"Claire, I know you don't want to see me, but this is our daughter's life we're talking about."

"You're worried about your son."

"I'm worried about both of them!" I shouted. "My son has devoted his life to getting Isabelle off that island. He's our last hope of getting our daughter back. If he fails, she's lost to us forever!"

My heart thudded in my chest as I waited for her to either shoot me or turn me away. I was desperate to see her. Over the past five years, I'd come as far as her driveway, sitting outside and waiting for a glimpse of her. It never came. I longed to see her beautiful brown eyes staring at me again with so much love that I thought my heart would burst.

Moments ticked by in silence until it was clear that she wasn't going to talk to me. It was over. Isabelle and Rafe would both be lost to me, and the woman I loved would move on with her life, never thinking about me again.

Pain lanced through me as I turned and walked away. I had thought for just a second that things could be different. But I broke her heart and that was something she could never forgive.

"Michael."

I stopped where I was, closing my eyes at the sound of her sweet voice. Was I imagining it? I turned, holding my breath as I prayed I hadn't made up her calling out my name.

She stepped out of the house onto the porch. Her hair was pulled up in a loose bun, with wisps of white hair blowing in the breeze. In the five years since I'd seen her, her hair had faded from the beautiful chestnut I loved running my fingers through. Stress lines marred her gorgeous face, but she'd never looked so beautiful to me.

She slung the rifle over her shoulder and walked down the steps, stopping at the bottom. "Are you going to screw me over again?"

I swallowed hard, hating the choices I'd made that tore her away from me. "Never."

"How can I trust you?"

"Because I love you."

"You said you loved me then, too."

I took a hesitant step forward, not wanting to move too fast, even though I was dying to run to her and pull her into my arms. "I was a fool. I thought…it doesn't matter what I thought. I was wrong."

A huff of laughter left her lips. "I never thought I would hear you say you were wrong about anything."

"I'm telling you now," I said fiercely. "I know what I did was wrong. I was just…I was so blinded by my rage that I would do anything to get Isabelle back."

"And hurt me in the process," she said quietly.

My heart ached at the pain in her voice. The moment I'd acted, I knew I had fucked up. But I didn't know how to be anything other than who I was. I'd always done what was necessary for the job, which was how I ended up with kids from three different women.

"I swear to you, I only want to talk."

She nodded, then turned on her heel and headed inside. For the first time in five years, I dared to hope that I could get through to her. Being invited inside was a weak first step, but I'd take it.

I glanced around the living room as I walked through the door. Not much had changed since the last time I was here. Memories washed over me of lying on the floor in front of the fireplace with her.

"Don't go there," she snapped, setting the rifle down on the kitchen table.

"What?"

"I see you eyeing the fireplace. It's not gonna happen."

"I wasn't expecting?—"

"Good, because I'll never give you the chance to hurt me again."

I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat. If there was one thing I'd learned in my sixty-two years, it was that second chances didn't come around often. If I was going to earn her trust and forgiveness, I was going to have to work for it.

"So, what exactly do you need?"

"To get a message to Isabelle. Is Zavala still allowing you to talk to her?"

She cocked her head to the side as she watched me. "Yes, but I won't risk losing that connection with her. It's all I have."

"We're trying to get her back?—"

"Yes, and you've tried before and failed. What makes you think this time will be any different?"

"Because Rafe is actually on the island with her. This is the closest we've ever come before. Isn't it worth the risk?"

She dropped her gaze to the table. "Michael, for the first five years she was gone, I only got the occasional card telling me she was okay. Then I received that phone call from her and I nearly stopped breathing. Hearing her voice after all that time…The last time you tried to stage a rescue, I almost lost everything. I was in the hospital for weeks. I wasn't allowed to talk to Isabelle for a year. And you ask me if it's worth the risk?"

When she looked at me, her eyes were filled with tears. I already knew the answer without hearing her say a word. I walked over, bending down in front of her. I itched to reach out and touch her, and when the need became overwhelming, I took the risk. My fingers brushed her cheek softly as I stared into her watery eyes.

"I was reckless last time," I barely croaked out. "I thought…I thought I knew what I was doing, and I'll never forgive myself for what I did to you. I swear, I will never put your life at risk like that again."

"And your daughter?"

"What kind of father would I be if I gave up on her? Rafe is risking everything to get to her. If I don't help him, I'll have lost two children. I know it's a risk, but we could get them both back."

She shook her head, sucking in a ragged breath. Tears streamed down her cheeks and her lips quivered as she fought to control her emotions. "If I do as you ask, I could lose all contact with her. I don't know that I can risk never speaking to her again."

"But you could gain everything. You could get her back and…"

She shoved to her feet, walking away from me. I hated that I'd made her lose all faith in me. She was supposed to come to me for help, and instead, she couldn't even put her trust in me.

"There was once a time you would have let me run with anything," I said, turning to face her as I rose to my full height. "I know I've failed you. I know you have no reason to believe in me, but I have two kids who need me, and I'm asking you to trust me just one more time."

"One more time," she repeated, nodding slightly.

"Thank you."

"Don't let me down."

I couldn't promise her and she knew that. Years of trying to get Isabelle back had proved that it wouldn't be easy and the likelihood of getting her back was slim to none. Still, to see that hope in her eyes lifted my spirits and made me feel like I could do anything.

"I promise you, I will do everything I can to get her back."

With Rafe already on the island, I had little time to waste. I called Cash immediately so we could get to work.

"Tell me she agreed."

"She did." I glanced behind me at the door. "Cash, she's been let down too many times before. This is the closest we've ever gotten to getting Isabelle back. We need a solid plan."

"We'll be there in ten."

"What?"

"Yeah, the guys are with me."

"Cash, you can't just show up here."

"Really? You married another woman when you were still with Mom. She's the woman you said you love more than anyone else, and you don't think I should get to meet her?"

"Things are tense. She doesn't even trust me."

"Then you'd better find a way to get her on our side. We can't afford for her to back out at the last minute when she decides the risk isn't worth it."

"Cash, just back off?—"

"Not a fucking chance in hell. My brother went in to save your daughter—her daughter. There's no way I won't be involved every step of the way."

He hung up without another word. "Fuck!" I hissed as I turned to the door. Things were on shaky ground as it was. I didn't even know how to explain that my other son was coming here—very pissed off and ready for battle.

I stomped into the house, slamming the door behind me. Claire was in the kitchen putting together dinner. "You'd better make more of that."

"Why? Are you that hungry?"

"We're about to have guests."

"We?"

"You. Remember how I told you Rafe is a twin?"

"Your other son is coming here?" she asked, shock dripping in every word.

"In about ten minutes."

"Michael—"

"I know you don't want company, but he would do anything to get Rafe back. I couldn't tell him no."

"Yes, you could. It's actually quite simple. You say hell no ."

"And it wouldn't do a damn thing. Claire, this is his twin, and I can guarantee that if Cash knew about Isabelle, he would have been right beside Rafe, working to get her back. But Rafe is stubborn. He didn't want his brother involved in any way."

"And I have no choice in this."

I walked over to her, sighing as I slid my hand onto her hip. She flinched slightly but didn't pull away. "I wish I could go back and change what happened. The day that bastard took her…it was like my life ceased to exist."

"I know. I was there," she murmured. "But I was hurting too."

"I know you were, but I didn't know how to help you other than to fight to get her back. And every time I tried and failed, I felt like I was failing you."

"You failed me when you walked away." She stepped back from me and I instantly missed the heat of her body so close to mine. "You failed me when you slept with another woman."

"I only did it because I thought it would get me to Zavala."

"I don't want to hear excuses!" she shouted, spinning away from me. "For six months, all I heard was how you didn't want to hurt me!" She turned back to me with accusing eyes. "You fucked another woman!"

The pain of that day ricocheted around my chest like a ping-pong ball. I knew what I was doing would ruin everything with Claire, but I had to take the chance. I was so sure that it would lead me back to Isabelle and I would be taking her home. I thought Claire would forgive me the moment I walked through the door with her daughter.

But that day never came because everything blew up in my face. All I was left with was a woman who never wanted to see me again—in pain, and her body broken from the way Zavala tortured her. For months, I sat by her side, hoping she would forgive me for what I had done. And when she was finally able to speak clearly enough, she threw me out of her room, unable to even look at me.

I was no hero. I could barely qualify as a husband. The amount of damage I left in my path was reprehensible, but still, I never lost hope that someday I would see her again.

That someday, she would forgive me.

I heard the crunch of the gravel at the end of the driveway. I heard the boots on the stairs. With every sound, Claire looked at me the same way she did when she first opened her eyes. She hated me, and that pain still ran deep in her soul.

I turned for the door and opened it just after Cash knocked. I nodded to him, stepping aside to let him in. Rae followed and then Jack, Johnny, and Jason.

"Thanks for coming."

"I don't think we've met," Jack said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Michael Gage. Cash and Rafe's father."

"He never mentioned you."

"That's because he knows when to keep his mouth shut." Then I added, "And I know you do too."

"And how do you know that?" Jack asked, narrowing his eyes at me.

"I know about all of you. Every fucking detail of your lives."

Jack looked to Cash, who shrugged. "Ever heard of Shadow?"

The shocked look that met mine from the three of them was almost comical. If things weren't so fucking tense, I might have snapped and told Cash to keep his mouth shut. My identity was the one thing that kept me safe, and as Shadow, I was able to do things like step in when the United States government went haywire.

I had to do that not too long ago when some Congressmen got it in their heads to unleash a virus on the country, all for the purpose of swinging an election in their favor. Of course, there were other intentions at play, but they were wreaking havoc on the country. Someone had to step in, and that someone was me.

"I thought Shadow was just a myth," Johnny muttered.

"And I'd like to keep it that way. It's better for business."

I got the feeling none of them were actually in awe of me. More that they couldn't believe Shadow was Cash and Rafe's father. I understood the sentiment. I think even Cash held some resentment about who I really was.

"I've been following your work on taking down The Syndicate. You did good with Baz."

"I can't say I enjoyed the job. Your son is an ass."

I smirked at that. "He learned from the best."

"It wasn't a compliment."

I turned away from him, not caring that he didn't like me. I wasn't here to make friends. I was here to make sure my kids were safe. "Cash, this is Claire." He held out his hand to her, but she refused to take it. In fact, she was backing up, getting further away from all of them. "Claire, this is Cash, Rafe's brother."

"Ma'am," Cash said, ever the gentleman. He stepped forward, not getting too close as he spoke. "I just found out about you. Had I known about Isabelle, I would have done everything I could to get her back. We take care of family, and I swear, we won't stop until she's back."

"Or dead," Claire whispered.

Cash stiffened beside me. "Rafe is there. I can tell you that he's an ass. He fucks people over to get what he wants, but he always wins in the end."

"You're not making a very convincing argument."

"I know. I can tell you that he's worked for years, pissing off all the wrong people. He's been fighting to take down The Syndicate. These guys can attest to the lengths he'll go to for what he needs. I never understood a damn thing he was doing…until he led me to this."

He pulled the letter from his pocket and handed it over. Claire reached out with shaky fingers, taking the paper from him. Her lips quivered as she slowly opened it, reading the words my son had written.

As she studied the paper, I glanced at my son. He was so like his mother—strong, capable, and always stepping up to do the right thing. Rafe shared those qualities, but Cash did it with a grace I was in awe of. It was strange to think that my son could turn out so much better than I was. Both of them were. And that was all a father could ask for.

"He's very determined," Claire said, folding the paper and handing it over. "I'm very sorry…He has a wife."

"Ma'am, Rafe never does anything except what he wants to. No one could have stopped him."

"Claire," she said, smiling tentatively. "Call me Claire."

Cash nodded, stepping back. "We'll do everything we can to get her back."

"Thank you."

Claire turned to me with a tentative look and I knew it was time to go. It was enough for one day, and if we stayed any longer, we risked pissing her off.

"We'll head out and make a plan."

When she didn't say anything, I turned to leave. I rubbed at my aching chest as we walked out the door. I knew I would see her again, but it didn't make the pain of leaving any easier to deal with.

"So, that was Claire."

I nodded to Cash.

"One of these days, you're gonna tell me how the hell you fucked that up."