Chapter 8

They still had two more days of travel before they were out of sight of the Lifreet ship.

Or so Kipexo thought.

When he checked in with Reethis the next morning, however, the captain kicked Natalie from the cockpit yet again and turned to Kipexo with an even graver look on his face.

“What is it now?” Kipexo asked.

“They saw us,” Reethis said. “They musta got a hit on us before I got the cloaking system up and runnin’.”

“How do you know?”

“They’re movin’ toward us. It’s not a direct path, but it’s close enough not to be a coincidence. They musta calculated our trajectory from the point where they last saw us and plan to intercept us. We ain’t losin’ ‘em anytime soon.”

Kipexo swore. “Can you find the power for a hyperjump?”

Reethis shook his head. “I don’t dare try it. It’ll fry the whole system for sure.”

“Then alter course. They’ve plotted us on our current heading, right? Change it, and we’ll lose them.”

“To change it enough to avoid them entirely, it’ll add weeks to our trip. I don’t know that we got the food to feed everyone that long, not ta mention my ship’s barely holdin’ together as it is. If a fokan farts wrong in this shit heap, she’ll fold.”

“So, what’s your plan?”

“Stay the course,” the captain said with a nod.

“If we do, how close will they get?”

“Close enough we’ll all hafta hold our breath and we can wave at ‘em out the window as we pass.”

Kipexo cringed.

“Yeah, it ain’t ideal.”

“How long?”

“Four days.”

Kipexo shook his head. “I have to tell Ethan.”

“If you do, see to it he don’t tell none of the others. We don’t need everyone panickin’ until there’s something to panic about.”

Kipexo crossed his arms. “You should tell Natalie as well.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because she’s your copilot. She probably already suspects something is wrong. Just tell her the truth.”

Reethis snorted irritably.

“It’s called ‘trust’, Reethis. You want her to fly with you after you drop the others off, don’t you?”

“I never said that.”

“You didn’t have to. You’ve got her up here sharing the cockpit with you day after day. You were disappointed when she told you she plans to stay on Earth. You let her hijack the loud system in the common area for a human dance party, for fuck’s sake. Just tell her what’s going on. Trust her to help you figure this out, and maybe she’ll stick around.”

Reethis puffed on his pipe and grunted.

“Gotta start building that crew somewhere, don’t you? What have you got to lose? Besides your pride, of course.”

Reethis glared at him and went on puffing.

Kipexo left the aging Raugon with his thoughts and returned to the common area where Ethan was deep in a game of cards with Sam, Sara, and Andrew, who had the baby out of medical for once, bouncing her gently in his lap as he played the game one-handed.

Kipexo sat at the table next to his Earthling.

“Want us to deal you in?” Ethan asked.

“I’m no good at your human games, remember?” The last time they tried to show him how to play one—a game called poker—it had done nothing but frustrate both Kipexo and his human teachers.

Kipexo patiently watched the humans until Ethan played his last hand and was defeated, kicking him from the game. When Ethan stood from the table, Kipexo stood too and put his hand on the Earthling’s back, steering him toward a vacant corner of the room. Ethan, thankfully, didn’t comment until they were alone.

“What’s wrong?” Ethan asked.

“We have a bit of a situation,” Kipexo explained. “Forgive me for not telling you sooner, but I’d hoped I wouldn’t have to.” He checked they were still well out of earshot of the others before he continued. “Yesterday, right before Reethis restored more of our power and was able to engage our cloaking system, he discovered a Lifreet ship nearby. We were hopeful they hadn’t spotted us before the cloaking system hid us from their scans, but it seems they picked up our trail after all. They’re headed our way. Reethis hopes our power holds out until we pass them and are free of the danger.”

Ethan’s eyes were wide. “The Lifreet,” he uttered. “The ones who killed your squad and left you wounded? Those Lifreet?”

“Yes. We’re still cloaked, but we’ll pass by very close to their ship. As long as our power supply holds, we should slip by undetected.”

“Should?”

“Space is a very large and open place. Unless they run right into us, they won’t see us.”

“What will they… do to us, to you, if they catch us?”

Kipexo hesitated before replying. “I don’t know.”

“What are our chances? Be honest.”

“As long as our power supply can keep the cloaking going, very good.”

Ethan continued to gnaw on his lip until Kipexo reached down and tugged it out.

“I didn’t tell you this to scare you,” Kipexo said softly. “I told you because you’re my denmate, and denmates don’t keep secrets. I should’ve told you before. I’m sorry.”

Some of the tension released from Ethan’s shoulders. “It’s ok. I understand why you didn’t.”

Kipexo ran his fingers softly down the back of Ethan’s neck until he shivered. “Can you keep this between us?”

“Why?”

“Do you remember how Tom acted the other day? The fearmongering and the fighting?”

Ethan nodded.

“If we told the others, it would get so much worse. Everyone is scared enough as it is, or at least they were. When Reethis restored the power, morale lightened considerably. If we bring this news to them, it’ll only darken it again.”

Ethan glanced around the room at all the smiling, happy faces of the humans as they chatted and played games. He looked back up at Kipexo and nodded again. “Ok. I won’t say anything. For now.”

“If things become more dire, we will, I promise.”

“Ethan?” Sara called from their table. “We’re starting another game. Do you want in?”

“I’ll be there in a second!”

Kipexo petted Ethan’s hair. “Go have fun. Everything will be alright.”

Ethan tugged Kipexo down for a kiss before rejoining his friends. Kipexo leaned against the wall, alone with his thoughts but not for long. Grolpre soon joined him, and she leaned against the wall beside him so close their shoulders touched. She was silent for a long time, but Kipexo could sense her tension and knew what was coming.

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” she finally asked.

Kipexo sighed. There was no use lying to her, he knew. She was far too shrewd for that. “I’m not supposed to.”

“Don’t you trust me?”

Kipexo looked at her, and she met his eyes with a look of soft understanding. He wanted to tell her. It felt wrong not to, and he knew she’d never tell a soul if he asked her to keep a secret.

“There’s a Lifreet ship not too far from us,” he said, barely above a whisper. “They’re looking for us, but our cloaking system is hiding us from them for now.”

Grolpre raised both brows. “That’s unsettling. For you most of all, I would imagine. After your accident and losing your squad—”

“Yes, yes, I know what happened, Grolpre,” Kipexo huffed.

She hooked her arm around his, and his irritation faded away as she said, “You know I’m here if you need to talk. And I don’t mean as your doctor but as a friend.”

Kipexo looked down at their entwined arms then back up at her face, and something passed between them that left him temporarily speechless. By the time he realized he was staring, enough time had passed to make the moment awkward.

Grolpre took back her arm. “I’m sorry,” she said softly.

“Don’t be,” Kipexo replied. “I’m just not very well-versed in friendships. I had the same friends my entire life, and you know how well that ended.”

“I do.”

“But I respect you, Grolpre, and I do trust you. For what it’s worth.”

“Considering you’re one of the most stubborn and cantankerous Raugon I’ve ever met, I’d say it’s worth a lot.”

“Cantankerous?” Kipexo said with a snort of laughter.

“Disagreeable, uncooperative… a damn grouch on your best days, though you’ve softened a bit since Ethan came around.”

Kipexo grunted. “It’s a miracle Ethan and I are what we are today, considering how miserable I can be.”

Grolpre smiled slyly. “You have your charms.”

“Such as?”

“You’re fiercely loyal, but not blindly so. And for as stubborn as you are, you’re not afraid to admit when you’re wrong.”

Kipexo half smiled. “You’re not half bad yourself. That day you stood there and lied to Vesvon’s face in your office… I was blown away by your audacity. Not many have the nerve to stand up to him like that.”

She waved away his praise. “That was easy. I knew it was the right thing to do.”

“I could’ve been lying about it all.”

She laughed. “No, you couldn’t. You’re a terrible liar.”

He chuckled. “You’re right. It’s partly why I could never be an officer. I was better built to fire a gun than keep military secrets.”

“That just means you’re meant to be an honest person.”

“An honest killer, you mean. Is there such a thing?”

Grolpre thought about that for a moment. “I don’t know. I think so. If you know what it is you’re fighting for and can pull the trigger free of a guilty conscience.”

“Ever since the Veil demoted me and told me I was to ship out again, I’ve tried several times to picture myself back on the front lines. Every time I imagine myself pulling the trigger and watching the life fade from some lesser creature’s eyes, I feel… ashamed. It feels wrong when it didn’t before.”

Grolpre tilted her head. “Where do you think this realization comes from?”

Kipexo looked across the room at Ethan where he sat laughing and playing cards, surrounded by his friends. “We considered humans lesser creatures,” he explained. “Before we got to know them like we do now, our people saw Ethan’s kind as little more than pets to be gathered and sold. ‘Adopted’,” he said with disgust. “I long ago started seeing Ethan as my equal. I can no longer see humans as lesser in any way. It’s made me question our understanding of other creatures we consider lesser than ourselves.

“That scares me, Grolpre,” Kipexo said softly, daring a glance up at her. “If we enslaved one group of people out of ignorance, who’s to say we don’t go to war with others for the same reason?”

“And if we war with creatures who don’t deserve it,” she surmised, “then that would mean you’ve possibly killed innocents. Innocents like your Ethan.”

Kipexo winced.

She touched his arm again. “Do you remember what I told you that day in my office before Vesvon burst in?”

He shook his head.

“I told you we don’t have to have all the right answers all the time. What matters is what we do after we realize the truth.”

He nodded. “I remember.”

“You were raised to be a soldier by a soldier and had nothing but soldiers for friends all your life. What else were you supposed to believe but what that life taught you? The important thing is that when Ethan came along, he opened your eyes, and you allowed it. You let in the truth instead of shutting it out. Not only that, but you challenged that old life. You defied the Veil! Would the old Kipexo have done that?”

“Never.”

“And look at what you’ve accomplished through that act of defiance.” She waved her arm at the room full of humans before them. “You’ve saved over two hundred lives.”

“I’ve taken a lot more than two hundred.”

“If the score means that much to you, you have several more centuries to work toward making up the difference.”

Kipexo lowered his eyes. “I don’t plan to be around that long.”

Grolpre frowned. “What does that mean?”

“Ethan is human. His life will be much shorter than mine. I don’t plan to outlive him by more than a few hours at most.”

“You’ve thought about this already?”

“Extensively. Once my Ethan passes, I won’t be far behind him.”

Kipexo didn’t fear the komitaifra. That he didn’t end his miserable existence with it after his accident was due only to the fact that he wanted so desperately to go back to the outer borders and reclaim his lost pride. Though the guilt of losing his men hung heavy in his heart—and his own injuries did a fine job of knocking him on his ass—that pain was nothing compared to how it would feel to lose Ethan.

A life without Ethan was no life at all, and when that day came, Kipexo would end it with dignity before he’d allow himself to fall back into that pit of miserable regret he’d been in when they first met.

“Have you not considered what you’ll do when you outlive your own Earthling?” Kipexo asked.

“I hope I’ll have a few more things to live for when that time comes. Maybe you will as well. Haven’t you and Ethan talked about having children?”

Kipexo had nearly forgotten about that. Since both Raugon males and females could carry and birth children, he and Ethan could have their own someday. They’d talked about it a couple of times and both agreed that, once they found their forever home, it was definitely something they were going to discuss more seriously. It was barely more than a fleeting thought, a distant promise, which was why it hadn’t occurred to Kipexo that, once Ethan’s short human life was over, there might be others who could still need him.

Instead of voicing any of this, however, Kipexo said, “I thought you and your Earthling don’t mate. How do you plan to have children?”

“I haven’t decided yet if I want children, but Sam and I have an… understanding. Though they don’t desire sexual intimacy, they understand that I am not like that. We’ve agreed together that, should someone else ever come along who can fill those desires for me, Sam and I would welcome this other person into our life together. I suppose I hope that, by the time Sam would ever leave me, there would be another who I’d love just as much, who would make the pain of that loss worth living through.”

“I… don’t know that I could ever love someone as much as I do Ethan.”

Grolpre sighed. “Yes, I too find it hard to believe there is anyone who could touch my heart the way that little human has.” She nodded toward Sam across the room. “But, even if you find no other reason to live and do in fact perform the komitaifra, you should try to find peace within yourself about your past first, Kipexo. You and Ethan could have everything you ever dreamed of, but if you carry too much past guilt with you into that future, there’s a good chance it will fester and taint an otherwise happy life. You and Ethan both deserve better.”

“There’s the behavioral specialist I know and love,” Kipexo said with a smirk.

She gave him a stern look. “Mock me all you like, but you know I’m right.”

“You always are. It’s one of the most infuriating things about you.”

“And there’s the cantankerous soldier I know and love.”

They laughed together and turned to watch their humans, and it was several minutes before Kipexo realized she’d looped her arm around his again, and this time, she didn’t move away.