2. Ricky

TWO

Ricky

She’s still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. I can’t look away. Her soft blue-gray gaze shimmers silver in the cool moonlight and her fair skin glows so pale it’s almost luminescent. Like a delicate little fairy trapped in the human world. I shove that shit down.

I cannot believe I convinced myself that I didn’t want to see her again. My arms ache to touch her, hold her and keep her safe.

At the same time, my heart aches, knowing that she left me without a damn word.

That steels my resolve more than anything. She left me. I haven’t seen her in months and she never sent a single text back no matter how many times I begged her via text, voicemail, whatever… she never replied.

Now, she’s standing in front of me like all my Christmas wishes rolled up into one.

“How’s Christopher?” I ask her.

I miss the little boy. It took a long time for her to let me meet him. I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with the kid. He’s smart. Sensitive. A little shy.

He’s the exact image of his mom. In all the most important ways even his gray eyes and dark hair.

But I don’t want to think about that right this second. I want answers. I want all the damn answers.

She sighs and runs her slim, pale fingers through her dark hair. “He’s good, Ricky. Real good.”

I nod my head, almost wishing that she’d say that he misses me as much as I miss him. Wishing that she missed me as much as I missed her.

“Where did you go, Caro?”

“Nowhere special. I just went home. I do have a home and it’s not here.”

Her voice is curt and a little angry. Which really pisses me off. I’m the one that should be pissed off. I’m the one that she left without even saying good-bye. After all the things that happened between us, I feel like I deserved to know she was leaving.

If she didn’t want to stay… fine. Well, not fine. I don’t like it at all. But all she had to do was tell me. Tell me that she couldn’t stay. Tell me that she couldn’t love me the way that I loved her.

Tell me fucking something instead of sneaking out like a damn thief in the night and leaving me showing up at her doorstep only to be told by her very apologetic parents that she was gone. I know that there’s some issues with her parents and that they divorced a long time ago. But they got back together. And we stuck them squarely in the middle of our mess.

They’d been embarrassed and upset that she hadn’t said anything to them about me. And hadn’t told me anything about leaving. Stuck between a rock and a hard place. That’s what they were. That’s what we all were.

“I don’t have to explain anything to you, Ricky. I’m an adult. I can change my mind for any reason. And it’s not like I live here. I live in…”

I nod my head. “Yeah. By all means, don’t tell me where you ran away to. Don’t tell me why you ran away from me. Don’t tell me a damn thing, Caroline. Just leave me here and run away like a child. An adult would have at least told me what was going on.”

She hisses in a deep breath.

I hate the way my voice trembles when I talk to her. Hate the fucking way she makes me feel. Weak and stupid. I hate all of it.

I turn away and then glance back at her. “I’m glad you at least came back to see your parents even if you didn’t come back for me. Or us. Have a nice life, Caro.”

I turn and walk away, pretending that I don’t hear the strangled sob behind me. She should feel bad. Hell, I feel bad saying that to her. But she broke my fucking heart without even trying.

I just can’t do it all over again. This woman owns me, body and soul. What’s worse than that?

She obviously doesn’t want to have that power. She doesn’t want me.

“I’m sorry, Ricky. I really am. But there are some things that are going on that I just can’t talk about.”

I nod my head but keep walking. “I’m okay, Caro. You take care of yourself.”

I wish I hadn’t added that last bit. I shouldn’t care about her at all. It shows more than anything else that I am a weak son of a bitch and I need to have my ass kicked for not keeping better control of my emotions.

“I had to leave, Ricky.” She says the words like they’re being forced out of her. “I had to leave and then once I got back home, I found out something and I needed time to think. Needed to figure my shit out before I came back here.”

I slowly turn on my booted heel. I nod my head. “I get it. You’ve been put in a tough spot obviously. You were forced to leave and now you’re back. I’m sure that you’ll enjoy seeing your family. I know that they love seeing you and Christopher.”

“That’s true. But there’s something else. I… I can’t give you all the details. But I needed to let you know something and I hope it doesn’t hurt you. Hope it doesn’t change how you feel about me and… things.”

I snort. “I’m not sure anything can change that, Caro. But go ahead and do your worst.”

She sighs and her head drops. “I didn’t want to tell you this way but I guess it’s gonna be bad no matter what. If you find out from my family, well, it would be worse. I guess it’s better from me.”

Running my own hands through my hair, I grunt, “Just tell me whatever the hell you have to say.”

“I… I found out that I was pregnant while I was gone.”

My jaw drops and I look at her, still curvy and slender. I can’t even think what the hell to say.

“I know you’re not gonna believe me and I know that you’re looking at me and wondering why I’m not a lot bigger. And the truth is… I had a miscarriage. It was your baby. I’m afraid that it messed me up for a long time. That’s why I didn’t come back. I just couldn’t face you or my parents.”

“You were pregnant with my child and you didn’t tell me?” Anger roars through me like an out-of-control wildfire.

“I didn’t get much of a chance to do that. I lost the baby within three weeks of finding out that I was pregnant.”

“Are you sure you even were pregnant?” I feel like I want to punch something. Someone. I want to make someone out there hurt as much as I’m hurting right this second. I want to make someone feel as angry and lost as I’m feeling.

She was pregnant with a child. My first child. And I didn’t even know about it.

“I was, yes. But I didn’t know how to come back and tell you and then the… well, you know. I told you. It just about broke me. I’m so sorry. I didn’t want you to find out from someone else.”

“I need to think about this, Caro. I need some air.”

And I walked away and left her standing there with her mouth hanging open, tears in her shimmering eyes.

I don’t know where the hell I’m walking to. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing or thinking.

But right now… I just need to move.