9. Caro

NINE

Caro

Snow blows gently around us in the dark as Ricky clicks to the two black horses trotting through the snow, dragging our red sleigh.

Christopher bounces on the seat next to me and I reach out my hands with a gasp, trying to keep him still.

I know that Ricky would never let anything happen to us but this is insane! It’s the craziest thing I’ve ever done, I think.

My son points off into the woods. “What’s over there? Do you think that there’s a mountain lion out there? Are there bears in this part of the woods? Do they like people? Have you ever seen a bear up close? I don’t think I’d like to see a bear in person. How about you, Mr. Rick? Have you seen a bear in person?”

He glances back at us. “Yeah, I have. Very recently, actually.” His quick smirk locks on me. “That’s how I asked your mom to come along on this little trip.”

“Really?” His head swivels back to me. “Did you see the bear too?”

I shake my head. “No! I just saw what the bear did.”

He glances back at Ricky. “Did it dance? Roar?” He starts bouncing on the seat. “Oooh! Did it wear a hat?”

Both of us bust out laughing. “He wasn’t a bear in a circus or something. He was a wild animal. All the bears around here are so if you ever see one you should stay far away from it.”

He nods his dark head sagely. “Yeah. Wild animals can be really wild, huh?”

Ricky chokes on a laugh. “Yeah. They sure can.” One of the horse’s heads comes up and he murmurs to it softly. I can’t quite hear what he says but it settles down.

The air around us is crisp and clean and I can see our breath. The harness the ebony horses wear is lined with bells and they jingle softly in the quiet of the dark woods.

“I know this is a strange time to do this but I wanted to bring y’all out here to help me with a little project I’ve got going on.”

“Whoa!” He pulls at the long reins and the horses come to a stop, quivering and snorting, their breath frosty clouds in the chilly air.

There are soft lamps set up on iron holders like candy canes all around us. Christopher’s eyes are wide. I think mine might be just as wide.

“What are we doing here?” I ask quietly.

“I’ve marked off a couple of trees in this part of the woods and I’m trying to pick one for the house.”

“You don’t have your tree yet?” Christopher runs ahead of us and studies each of the marked trees seriously, his little fingers rubbing along his narrow chin. “Santa won’t like it if you don’t decorate.”

I choke on a laugh as Ricky sighs dramatically. “I know. That’s why I knew it was time to get out here before I make Santa too mad. I’ve got some things on my list that I’m really wantin’ this year.”

His dark eyes slew my way and my whole body lights up like one of those lamps. A soft humming of electricity skims along my skin. Goosebumps raise as my eyes dart away from the heat in his gaze. I clear my throat and try to ignore the flush painting my skin.

“Well, hopefully Santa gives you everything you want,” I whisper.

“From your mouth….” he says.

“How about this one?” Christopher hollers and I whip around, realizing that I completely lost my head and lost sight of my son. I giggle when I see the tree he’s pointing at though. The scrawny little thing is not even as tall as my six-year-old son.

My eyes dance and I stifle a smirk when I hear Ricky mutter, “Why does that cartoon stick in every kid’s head?”

“Everybody loves an underdog,” I giggle.

His dark brows life and he smirks. “So that’s what I have to do then? Lose everything?”

I flush beet red. What the heck is going on with the two of us? We’re dancing around each other and all the electricity around us like we’re little figures in a music box. Tethered to each other forever, whirling around and unable to move away no matter how hard we try.

I have to admit…I’m not really trying that hard. But I’m confused as to why he’s all the sudden on board with the sparks that fly between us. I know he was angry. I think that he’s still angry.

I push those thoughts away and go to my son, kneeling in the snow and grimacing at the cold, wet snow seeping into my jeans. “Baby, I think that Ricky probably has more than one ornament he wants to put on his tree. This poor thing won’t even hold one without falling over.” Tears fill his eyes and I rush on as his bottom lip quivers, making my own heart stutter.

“I know that you like it but this tree is a baby. It needs more time to grow up and be a big tree so that it can decorate someone’s home someday.”

“It’s gonna be amazing, isn’t it, mommy?”

I sniffle and hug him close. That little boy smell still clings to him and I dread the day when he won’t hug me or kiss me. Won’t care about silly little things like Santa and a scrawny Christmas tree’s future.

“It absolutely is, baby.”

Ricky comes closer to us and bends down until he’s on a level to stare right into Christopher’s eyes. “Hey, buddy. I promise you that I will keep an eye on this tree and one day…I’ll make sure that you get to see it in all its glory.”

“Promise?”

Ricky leans down and holds out his hand, smiling when my son slips his hand inside of his big paw covered with his leather gloves. “Promise, buddy. I’ll make sure that you’re around to see it.” His dark eyes lock onto mine and there’s a different promise in his eyes. Gold sparks fleck the hazelnut brown and I clear my throat and look away, my whole body flushing with hunger.

Lord, I’ve missed him so much.

Christopher nods his head and moves away to study the other trees around us. Ricky stands up and holds out his big hand. I take it gingerly and he immediately pulls me to my feet. I trip and fall against him, gasping, my head flying up to stare at him.

His dark eyes bore into mine, hot and hungry. His hands slide down until they’re locked around me, settled on my backside. I can feel his warm touch even through the layers of clothes on both of us.

I still, my heart hammering, my breath huffing faster and heavier. My whole body feels lit from within. I sink against him, wanting to rip our clothes off and finally get what I’ve been wanting for so long. Him.

“Hey mom! What about this one? It’s a lot bigger!”

Ricky grunts as I shove him away and I almost cry at the horrible feeling of loss.

“Which one, baby?”

Christopher glares at me, his lip curling and for some reason it reminds me so much of Ricky that I almost laugh. It must be a guy thing.

“I’m not a baby, mom!”

I screw my lips together to hold in the laugh. “Of course. I know. You’re a big boy now.”

It seems like that day where he doesn’t want a hug and kiss might be getting closer than I want.

Ricky saves me from bursting into tears and looking like a complete idiot. “That’s a fine one, Christopher! Is that the one?”

He studies it closely, tapping his lips. I grin and then cover it up when Ricky looks to me, his eyes sparkling with laughter.

“I like it!”

“Okay.” He grabs a spray can of paint and makes a little red x on the tree trunk where it’s hidden by the needles. “I’ll come back tomorrow and cut it down.”

My son bounces on his feet. “Can I come back tomorrow, mommy? Please, please!”

I sigh and shake my head. “I’m sorry. I have to work tomorrow and you’re going to the babysitter.”

He huffs and his bottom lip pouts out. “Fine.”

Ricky turns away and rubs his bottom lip. Then he strides around the tree, disappearing from view.

“Are you ready to go, Chris? It’s getting cold!”

He nods his head but I can tell he’s still stuck on coming back out here.

I move towards him and reach out to him, stopping stock still when cold, wet snow hits me in the back of the head.

I whip around and glare at Ricky, his eyes glinting with laughter even as Chris falls over laughing.

“He got you, mommy!”

I glare at him, eyes narrowed as I bend down and grab a handful of snow, rolling it idly in my hands. “Yes, he did. I think this means war!”

I rear back and fling the ball of snow at him, giggling when it smacks him in the chest, harmlessly falling apart.

He grins. “I think you need more practice at making a decent snowball.”

He reaches down and grabs a huge handful of snow and darts behind the tree.

I grab more snow and dart after him. “You’re not getting away that easily!”

I come around the corner and find myself facing both Christopher and Ricky bouncing snowballs in their hands.

I back away. “Hey, buddy! I’m your mother! You can’t hit me with a snowball!”

He grins. “I know!”

Then he smacks Ricky in the chest with one and I bend over, laughing, at the stunned look on his face. “Hey, man! I thought we were in this together! How could you?”

Then he falls over in the snow, faking the finest death scene I’ve seen in a long time. “Oh, I’m going! It’s…I can’t believe this! I’m a goner!”

Christopher laughs until tears roll down his pale cheeks flushed with the cold and I can’t stop the tears from spurting to my own eyes. I miss this. I miss the way a person can just make you feel like you belong with them without even trying.

He comes to his feet and dusts off his pants. “How about we head back and have some hot chocolate and then I’ll follow y’all home?”

“Oh, you don’t have to do that,” I demur.

His eyes lock on mine and there’s something in them that makes me suck in a gasp. It looks like… possession.

“Yes, I do,” he growls. Then he helps me into the sleigh and wraps the blankets around Christopher and I, his hand curling around mine under the cover. His eyes meet mine and I can’t look away. Can’t breathe fully. Our breaths huff between us, clouding the air.

“I’ll see you home, angel.” He looks at Christopher who’s cuddling into the blankets and yawning lightly. “Both of you.”