☽ Chapter 10: Rejection Feels Like Death ☾

?Chapter 9 - Graduation Blues?

I quietly stand off to the side while wolves in their graduation gowns run around, chattering away with their friends. The well wishes and “I’ll miss you” sound around the room. Left alone, I realize that although no one caused me trouble here at school, I was left with no friends and spent my “golden years” in high school as a literal lone wolf. The halls behind the gymnasium where graduation will take place buzz with an excited and nervous energy. “Geminie, are you ready?” Mrs. Horris asks. The wolf with graying hair looks around the halls and smiles. As our Principal, she has been the wolf who mentored and helped me through many things since entering grade nine. She understood me right away on the first day we met, when she watched me faint during my first day at school. As we sat in her office, my heart was racing, thinking that I would be in trouble. Mrs. Horris surprised me by handing me a warm meal from the cafeteria and a glass of orange juice. Her calm eyes carefully took in my thin body as she asked me one question: Are you an Omega? I felt compelled to explain everything to her, from my life as an Omega and what led to that position being placed onto me, how this small chili and warm bread she placed before me was my first meal in four days, and how I never intended to faint and be late. It was this honesty that led to the Principal into helping me, and without her help, I would not have been able to graduate today. I would not be valedictorian or have the highest grades at the end of each and every class. “I think I am.” I answer, seeing Mrs. Horris nod as she fixes the golden sash placed across my body and gives me an encouraging smile. We make our way to the front of the graduation line, faculty nodding at me while the four other students with exceptional grades silently wave a greeting. The excited buzz in the halls slowly dies down as the music begins to play, and the doors to the gymnasium swing open. The faculty begins their entrance first, taking slow, measured steps as they walk forward, barely paying any attention to the crowd. The rest of us follow behind as parents shout their children’s names in praise of their success in graduation once they catch sight of them. Envy swells inside me, wishing I had their luck, that I had parents that loved me and were proud of my accomplishments. But wishing leaves an empty feeling and a bitter taste of resentment that I did not need. Tomorrow I will be far away from everyone and, with time, will find my own place in this life. With the procession leading to the stage, I force a happy smile on my face and follow the few students with the honour of sitting amongst the faculty while the rest of the graduates file into the rows of seats below. As the last row takes their seat, the ceremony begins. “Please welcome this year’s valedictorian, Geminie Blake.” After the introductory speech made by the principal congratulating us on a job well done in our success as graduates, as well as how much of an honour it has been teaching the future of each pack in the area, my name is called. I take a deep breath before standing, knowing my speech will be the last one before diplomas are handed out. I take careful steps towards the podium, shake hands with Mrs. Horris, and turn to face the crowd, waiting for the few cheers and wolf whistles thrown my way to quiet down, the crowd shocking me with their excitement for my speech. “Good afternoon, faculty, parents and guardians, visiting Alphas and, lastly, my fellow graduates.” I begin, taking a look around and spotting the Beta couple watching me. They were only here for appearances and nothing more, as representatives of the pack. Even though I hate the feeling, disappointment still washes over me. I hide it behind the smile I keep on my lips. "Four years ago, we stepped into these doors as new students, eyes wide in curiosity at the building that would mould us for our future. I remember the first days of freshman year, and one thing that stuck with me was the quote, "Even if you take three steps forward, you'll find yourself being forced to take one step back; but keep moving because great things await." Those were the first words said to us by Mrs. Horris as she greeted us at our orientation, and to this day, those words ring true for each and every one of us.” I continue, take a deep breath and try to imagine the future I will have after today, the obstacles I will face when I leave my pack. I think of the people and wolves I will one day meet and where I want life to take me. A life I can call my own. “As we move forward from these moments and friends we’ve made, we will face more challenges along the way, meet new people and learn new things. We will go through new experiences, from leading a pack, to protecting the ones we love, to even going on a journey to find ourselves. But today, know this.” I pause again, the smile on my face morphing from fake to a genuine grin as the endless possibilities in front of me after today bring me peace of mind, my own words encouraging me to look towards my own future. “We did it, we made it through high school, and we will make it through anything as long as we look forward to a new tomorrow and try our best to live our lives to the fullest." A cheer erupts after my words, and the staff thanks me for my speech as I take my seat once again. Just another few hours and today will end, and my freedom will begin. I could do this.

◆◆◆

"Geminie Blake. Honour student, valedictorian, Artistic Paw Award, Silver Literature Award, and the Golden Halo Award for most community hours served in the graduating class of 2019." I stand as my name is announced, walking up to the podium once again to shake hands with the faculty standing there; the heads of the English department, Arts department and the Vice-Principal each hold an award and envelope in their hands while I take my diploma from Mrs. Horris. The trophies gleam in the light as I accept them, quickly hiding the envelopes with the monetary awards into the folder my diploma comes in while I thank each of these wolves for their teachings and guidance throughout my years in the school. I take my seat again after pictures are taken for the school website, pictures I plan to save and print for when I find my own home and take the time other wolves are called to the stage to look at the halo in my hands, the paw covered in dripping paint and the "silver" quill on a silver book, each set on a wooden base. These awards reminded me of how well I had done these last four years while living in hell within Hidden Claws, and that I will thrive wherever I go. My determination to leave is growing stronger once again. As the list of graduates receive their diplomas and awards, and the ceremony ends, I make the trek back to the pack house alone, taking the time to enjoy the fall surroundings, reminding myself that my fate is in my own hands.

?Chapter 10 – Rejection Feels Like Death?

I sigh as I look at myself in the small mirror hanging from the wall. After the graduation ceremony, I made my way to my small attic room to see all the bags I had packed gone and a large gift box sitting on the bare mattress. The smile I had on my face had not left after noticing the pale pink dress inside and a note from Alex to enjoy the party—a party all Omegas had to help set up, from cooking all the food to placing all the decorations. Now showered and dressed in the flowy, off-the-shoulder knee-length dress with a simple pair of black flats on my dainty feet, I sigh and look towards the open window behind me where the sounds of music drift in on the wind. The party is in full swing, and whether or not I want to go I know I could use the last night as a pack member to just enjoy some form of normalcy. “Gemie?” A soft knock on the door catches my attention as Alex pops his head inside, giving me a soft smile and stepping into the small room. “You look incredible.” I blush at the compliment, my hand instinctively going to my stomach that sports a black, blue, and purple bruise from this morning. I know he means to spark some form in confidence in me, but the years of bruises and small scars left on my body are small reminders that although I am a werewolf, I will always be the weakest in the pack. Tomorrow, I will be with the humans, and no longer the weakest. I hear a long sigh as Alex tugs me into a hug, his warmth reminding me that my brother will be by my side after tonight. That he will give up the pack he’d be second-in-command of as Beta for me. He’d do his best to live amongst humans or help us find a pack that will accept us for who we are eventually. “I know what you’re thinking, Geminie, so stop it. You do look amazing, and these idiots will regret their treatment of you one day.” His arms tighten around me while his words give a small reassurance. Alex is right. One day these wolves will regret how they treated me, as the truth is always revealed eventually. A moment passes and I push away from my brother, sending him a small smile to show that I will be okay, and getting a relieved one in return from him. “Let’s head downstairs before I chicken out.” I suggest with a nervous chuckle, running my fingers through my hair as Alex motions for me to take the lead. The walk down the stairs from the attic to the first floor is quiet, with older Omegas running around back and forth while the music from the party outside slowly gets louder and louder with each step. Although this morning I promised myself to not look weak in front of everyone, I can’t help but hesitate as we grow closer to the back door. The Betas made sure to spread the word that it was my fault the beloved Alpha and Luna were murdered. Many of the wolves outside, whether they were the younger generation, my generation or older, despised me. The thought of my last night being filled with hate-filled glares and whispers about why I’m at the party even though I’m a graduate myself makes me want to just turn around and leave without hesitation. “I- I can’t do this.” I whisper meekly, pausing just inside the sliding doors to the patio as I catch a glimpse of wolves mingling with one another as some dance on the homemade dance floor. I could smell the bonfire on the wind, the smoky scent of pine logs burning giving the fall air a warm feeling. “This is your day too, Gem. You deserve a night to just let loose.” Alex encourages me and with those words, I feel hands on my shoulders as Alex pushes me out the door without hesitation. A squeal of surprise leaves my lips and once I catch my balance, I turn to glare at my brother only to notice him gone. As much as I love Alex, my brother could be such an asshole at times. With a deep breath, I stand straight and turn to face the crowd of recent graduates from my pack. Some just nod at me while other ignore me, their focus more on the alcoholic drinks in their red solo cups. As expected, I am ignored, but the worry and anxiety I felt before being pushed outside slowly eased away. And then I catch it, a strong scent that causes my heart to flutter. [What’s wrong?] Alex links me and I shrug, looking for the source of this scent. [A scent. Something that is calling me towards it like a moth to a flame.] I answer, taking small steps towards the table full of food. [Shit. Your mate is here.] I stop mid-step, shock filling me at realizing my mate is in this pack. This complicates the plan of leaving. [Just enjoy your night, and if you meet him, you meet him. For now, focus on yourself, okay, Gemmy?] Alex advises before the link shuts off. Sighing, I take his advice and focus on enjoying my last night in this pack. Mate or not, I no longer want to be in Hidden Claws. Spending the next hour either roasting marshmallows by the fire, keeping warm in the chilly fall night, and regretting that I didn’t bring a jacket, I listen to the chatter of wolves who will become full-fledged Hunters and Trackers. These wolves will be taking over their parents’ positions in the pack, and others will go off to college to learn professions needed in the pack, like doctors, teachers, and nurses. This makes me start to question where I want to go. I have money from scholarships now, so I could go to college and make a living amongst humans. As I think about my future plans every so often the wind will carry a faint trace of this scent, one that causes my heart to skip a beat and make my thoughts muddled. I know my mate is walking around, but I ignore this feeling, turning my thoughts back to my future. Now would be a suitable time to leave with everyone busy at the party and only Omegas running about the pack house and grounds, giving me a great way to sneak out unnoticed. I could figure out my future after Alex and I leave the pack. "Attention please!” I stand, ready to leave when Beta Bastian’s voice calls loud and clear above the music. The chatter dies down and someone turns off the music. I curse my luck, wanting nothing else but to leave unnoticed. Unfortunately for me, with the attention on the Beta and Mika standing next to him, no one can move without being punished. “Our dear future Alpha, Mika, says he can smell the scent of his mate in this crowd.” Beta Bastian continues. The chatter begins, this time the focus being on who in this pack might be the next Luna. My mind wanders back to the days Alpha Sorus used to tease Mika and me as being the next Alpha and Luna pair. Lace would jokingly say her and Luna Reena would plan my ceremony. Those memories feel like a lifetime ago, a life that was no longer mine. “With this information, can we have all the unmated she-wolves line up in front of the bonfire? Today we will not only celebrate the graduates of the high school, but we will also welcome our future Luna.” I roll my eyes at their excitement, knowing many will have their hopes dashed. Unfortunately for me, though, I will have to join the line as Beta Bastian will not let anyone walk away. With a sigh, I watch the line grow longer and know that if I don’t join soon, a beating will ensue quickly. With that thought in mind, I join at the very end. The line moves quicker than I thought, with girl after girl walking away dejectedly or escorted through tears by a friend once deemed not Mika’s mate, while he stands there impatiently. Soon, only twenty girls out of the forty remain. A scent is blown my way carried by the wind, one that has been taunting me all tonight. “Not her.” A deep masculine voice says, my mind focusing intently on the timber and pitch. A brunette in a slinky black dress walks out of the line, tears falling from her cheeks. I feel sympathy for this wolf, an Omega I have rarely talked to and only in passing while doing our chores. More girls are declined with a “Not her” or a “Next she-wolf.” I frown. The line is growing closer and the wind brings the scent of mint and pine, reminding me of a fresh summer breath in the valley with nights spent laying beside Lizaria and the Unicorns. Then it came. The sparks snap me out of my daydream journeying from where a hand held my shoulder across my body and into my heart, kick-starting it into an unsteady rhythm while the delicious scent wraps around me once more. “Mate.” The word escapes my lips in a whisper while another hand slowly caresses my cheek. My closed eyes open to see Mika looking at me with a gentle gaze, the backyard so quiet that all you can hear is the crackling of the bonfire. It felt like eternity as the two of us gazed into each other’s eyes and the plans I had focused on today begins to vanish from my mind. As the Luna, my life will change forever if I stay. Then the unexpected happen. The hand on my cheek is gone, replaced by a burning sting as Mika slaps me. I stumble back shocked that my mate would hit me, but that shock soon fades. This is Hidden Claws and no one likes me, as the blame of Alpha Sorus and Luna Reena’s deaths hangs above me like a noose waiting to tighten around my neck. “I refuse to be your mate.” Mika seethes, anger radiating off of him in waves, causing lesser wolves to cower around us. I stay silent, unable to voice a reply. The Moon Goddess had cast her net of fate on us before either of us were even conceived. There was nothing he could do. “You are the reason my parents are dead!” He continues, his fist shooting out to punch me, but I had enough of being beaten and dodge, using his momentum to throw him into the crowd behind me. “You and I both know I never killed the Alpha and Luna!” I call out in rage, sick and tired of this accusation. “I was seven, fucking seven years old when they were killed. You and Lace were there. You saw the same thing I did, those wolves demanding to know where the child of the Moon Goddess was!” I continued. I felt a wave of unease in the air, my eyes moving to where the Beta couple stood. Something felt off about them, but my focus right now is on my mate and his baseless accusation that spent eleven years weighing down on me. “You could have done something!” Mika screams back and I growl, shocking not only myself but those around me. “And what, dear mate, do you expect a seven-year-old to do? You were twelve and had more training than me at that time in combat.” I counter, crossing my arms across my chest and glaring at him. I could see the hesitation in his eyes as he glares back. He knows I have a point and can’t refute me. We were only pups and could do nothing but watch. “You all have your heads up Bastian and Jasmine’s asses that you can’t even see what’s right and wrong with this filthy pack.” I continue, seeing Alex silently slink onto the porch and giving me a nod. He had everything ready if I wanted to leave now, considering how finding my mate is going. But this could be my chance to help Hidden Claws. “Maybe it’s a good thing I am your mate Mika, its about time this pack chan-” “You are not my mate. I refuse to have someone as weak as you as Luna.” He cuts me off, shocking me as I notice a look in his eyes. It’s one I know too well and the feeling of helplessness slowly gathers in the pit of my stomach. I already knew what was coming and I couldn’t stop it. “I Mikael Alibaster and future Alpha of Hidden Claws reject you, Geminie Blake, as my mate and future Luna of this pack.” A stabbing pain rips through my heart as if a million shards of glass tear it apart. I can feel my vision turn hazy from the pain as a whimper, causing another surprise reaction from the crowd, escapes my throat. Whispers begin to float on the air at the turn of events as I force my body to stay standing. I felt like death is trying to tear me apart and bring me into it’s silent slumber. “Anything you want to say?” Mika asks, a smirk on his smug face as he slowly saunters towards me. He and I both know I have two options. Accept the rejection and have the pain ease for me or fight for the bond. I wanted to fight for this bond, one that I have been hoping for to change my life, one that I dreamt about each night, hoping for my mate to save me. I didn’t want Mika and the cruel reality that came with him, but I wanted my mate, so I stay silent, glaring at the man while the pain pulsates through my body. “Geminie, say it!” Bastian growls in warning, but for once in my life, I ignore his order. A fist is thrown my way at my insolence, and instinctively I catch it, glaring at Bastian whose face of anger turns into one of fear. The pleasure I feel knowing my so-called father fears me numbs the pain of the rejection initiation. “Say. It. You. Bitch!” He growls through his teeth, his body shaking. I just chuckle and apply force to Bastian’s wrist until the satisfying crunch beneath my hands rings in the silent yard, followed by a scream. With a small throw, I push Bastian aside and turn my attention back to my mate just in time to catch a slap across my left cheek that sends me sprawling onto the cold ground in burning pain. Mika has once again slapped me. A fist entangles into my hair, pulling me up from the ground while an angry Mika towers over me. “Geminie Blake, you have two minutes to accept the rejection or I will kill you.” I whimper with pain; his threat being processed through the ringing in my ears. He was serious, and I realize in this moment that I have no choice but to do as he says. “I, Geminie Blake,” I start off slowly, fighting to hold back my tears. If I continue this, I will feel the pain for three long years, but Mika will feel nothing. He will be able to go about his days as normal while I wallow in misery every time he sleeps with another she-wolf, the bond pining for it to be fixed with my soulmate. I couldn’t let that happen. He deserves the pain for not only this rejection but also the last eleven years of hell I faced. With a silent prayer to the Moon Goddess and a sudden burst of strength, I reach up and clasp my hands around his hand, feeling multiple bones break with the precision of my movements as Mika releases me and screams. Being harmed by your soulmate must have felt like a thousand burning knives slicing through him, just like how it’s felt for me each time he slapped me tonight. Now free from his grasp, I slowly stand, my breath ragged from the pain this process has brought. I know I only have a few minutes until I black out and have to do this next part fast. “I, Geminie Blake, refuse your rejection. Instead, I reject you as my mate and your existence in my life.” The air stills, and a wave of panic fills the yard as the crowd around us looks to Mika the moment he lets out a blood-curdling scream. Their future Alpha should be feeling a skull-crushing pain now that his existence has been rejected by me, and a marking of a blood-coloured ring slowly appears around his neck. He would have that mark displayed for the next three years if he could not repair the bond before it snaps. Once we no longer share a bond, the mark will vanish. He will definitely need to hide this mark for the next three years or be ridiculed by other Alphas. Mika will be considered weak, and so will this pack. If I’m being honest, I enjoy this thought. The wolves forget about me as Mika falls to his knees, clutching at his neck and head and begging for the pain to stop. Now, no longer the focus of attention, I make my way toward the front of the house, leaning against the exterior as the pain coursing through my body blurs my vision. I focus on only one foot in front of the other, praying that I would be able to make it to safety before the pack hunts me down. “Geminie!” Strong arms scoop me up, holding me close to a solid body as Alex’s scent fills my nose. Relief washes over me as the pain begins to consume my body. “I hooked up the portable tow in the back of my truck and have your car hooked up. I need you to stay awake, Geminie, to make it out of Hidden Claws.” His words are muffled as if trying to reach me underwater, but the urgency is clear. I have to stay awake for us to make it out safely. My consciousness fades in and out of darkness, the pain increasing with the distance away from Mika while the bond urges me to go back, but I couldn’t go back. Going back meant death. Only the cold air flowing over my body and the scent of pine keeps me grounded the farther away from the pack house Alex carries me until the next moment, I find myself laying on a seat with a wool blanket over me. “Geminie, listen to me right now.” Alex is yelling, it’s clear he is mad. About what though? “I already denounced myself from Hidden Claws. I need you to say the words. I can’t cross the borders until you do.” Ah, he is mad because of me. My mouth opens and closes, trying to fight the burning pain that constricts my throat to say the words. I can hear the howls of wolves and the revving of engines as the pack behind us slowly grows closer. But my body will not cooperate with the fire that threatens to consume me. A straw is placed in front of my mouth, and I greedily drink the ice-cold liquid that is offered, taking in the panicked look in Alex’s eyes. “Say the words, please, Gemie, before they reach us,” He begs, the haze clearing slightly while I look at my brother. I take a deep breath and open my mouth. “I, Geminie Blake, denounce myself as a member of Hidden Claws and enter the world as a Rogue.” Relief radiates off of Alex, and the truck moves forwards. As we cross the border that hides the pack from humans and their technology, the bond fizzles away, and emptiness fills my mind as the pain of the rejection takes hold once again. Knowing that I’m safe, I allow the darkness to consume me while Alex drives us towards safety.