3. Jude

Chapter 3

Jude

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.

I suspected that no amount of cursing was going to save me from this ultimate clusterfuck, but I wouldn't know for sure unless I kept trying. "Fuuuuuuck," I groaned, plowing my fingers into my hair and grabbing two fistfuls, tugging hard enough to sting.

Mate , my wolf growled, prodding at my mind with little nudges that somehow kinda felt like a wet nose to the back of my neck. Go back!

"No way, buddy," I snarled out loud, stomping through the woods in a beeline for camp. This was what happened when I let him have control. He'd taken one whiff of our mate and gone all hormonal teenager, lusting after someone who was clearly all wrong for us. He needed to use his big brain. And it didn't help matters when we'd heard the man whisper, " Mine ." Great, so he felt the connection too. Fan-fucking-tastic.

Speaking of my little brain… I grimaced down at my raging boner. I may have managed to wrestle control back from my wolf and taken my skin, but I clearly wasn't unaffected by the mating pull, no matter how much it rankled.

In response, my wolf nipped at me, and I hissed at the sharp pain behind my right eye, aggressively slapping at the waist-high ferns, sending a cascade of water droplets across my bare legs. He was growing agitated the farther we got from our supposed mate. He was fighting me every step of the way, and I tightened my grip on him.

"Nope, you're not getting your fur again until you can prove you'll behave." Which we both knew was not happening anytime soon. Now that he'd imprinted on that scent, he would likely track him to the ends of the earth, not satisfied until we marked the man as ours.

Seriously, fate! What were you thinking? Human?! No, no, no. Not if I had anything to say about it. Yes, I'd always wanted a mate and a family, a future like what my packmates had, but not like this! Was this some kind of cosmic joke?! I couldn't be with a human! Not after everything they'd done to me and my family.

An image flashed across my mind as my wolf recalled the human in the lab coat, the director, Dr. Gray. He'd wanted me to call him Dr. Bob, as if giving the brutal man a friendly name would make him less traumatic; there was nothing friendly about his cruel grin. Next, my wolf followed it up with a dozen or so images of men in camouflage gear and slapped them up on the side of my brain where I couldn't escape them.

My stride faltered, and I groaned, rubbing the heels of my hands into my eyes. "Yeah, yeah, I get it," I snapped. Our human didn't look anything like the ones who'd hurt us. I could admit the differences were glaring. First of all, he wasn't tall. I bet he would barely come up to my shoulder, even when he wasn't weighed down under a pack. Nor did he look particularly strong, the way he was sweating after a hike. Instead of the buzzcuts I'd grown up around, his dark hair was shaggy and curly, sticking to his wet freckled skin. He wore glasses with thick rims that magnified his brown eyes.

And the biggest difference to the humans of my past, of course, he was carrying a map, not an automatic rifle.

Protect him , my wolf poked at me painfully.

He doesn't need our protection , I explained. He'll go home to his big city where he belongs, surrounded by all the other humans. He'll be fine .

I wished I could believe my own words, but sharing a mind with my wolf was hazardous. His fear began seeping into me, my stomach churning. I started to imagine the most ridiculous scenarios when he might need me. What if he fell down a ravine and sprained his ankle and couldn't climb out? He would die of dehydration! Starvation! Exposure! He was so delicate, so… mortal!

Lucky for me, before I could be convinced to go back and make sure the frail human was safe, I arrived back at camp. I tried to let out a relieved sigh, but my chest was too tight. I couldn't draw in a full breath without wheezing.

"Dude, you okay?" Tristan asked, staring at me with a baffled expression.

"Sure, why?" I answered, my voice high and tight. Could he tell I was lying?

He quirked a brow. "Oh, no reason." He pointed down at my legs, and when I looked down, I saw that my legs were covered with scratches from the branches I'd barreled past. And then, of course, there was the massive erection.

"Fuck," I muttered, trying to cup my hands over it.

Tristan snorted a laugh and shook his head. "Sure, good luck with that."

With a low growl, I reached into my tent and snagged a pair of sweatpants and tugged them on. Yeah, that wasn't much better, but it was something.

"Hey, Jude," I heard Shan call. " Got a second?"

I stood up straight, and my Alpha frowned. "Are you okay?"

"Fine," I forced out through gritted teeth.

"Right… I was just wondering if you have a second to help string up a swing for the kids, but you look… busy." His eyes flicked down to the tented material over my crotch.

I nodded. "Yep, super busy." It was times like these I wished I'd given up my tent in favor of the newly built cabin Shan had reserved for me. Four walls and a door that locked sounded divine right about now.

Mary and Sasha were walking across camp and saw us gathered. "Hey, who wants to help with dinner? We're having… Gods, Jude, are you okay? You don't look so hot."

"I gotta get out of here," I muttered, shoving past them.

What I really needed was someone I could talk to about this whole mate business. Tristan was right out of the question because he was nosy as hell, and in his mind, the answer to every problem was sex. Shan would be respectful, but there was no way he would understand why I wasn't going all in with my mate; he was so blissfully in love. There were others here in camp, but they were all a bunch of gossips. That left only one option: Vesta.

It was a long jog to Vesta's cabin. I would normally just take my fur and be there in no time, but I couldn't trust my other half not to go rogue. It was nearly dark by the time I broke through the tree line into her little meadow. Something didn't feel right, though. The wildflowers that normally bloomed here from spring through fall were dry, their heads drooping, and their usually vibrant hues were faded. The walls of the cabin seemed to be sagging even more than usual, and there was a dank smell of mold and rot tickling my nostrils.

I stepped forward uneasily, a chill crawling up my spine. There was a flickering light from the window, and I raised my hand to knock. I'd missed dinner, and I was starving. Maybe she'd have a pot of stew on that she wouldn't mind sharing.

She didn't answer the door, though. I knocked again, listening. "Vesta?" I called, then finally tried to the knob. I ducked through the low doorway. "Vesta, are you home?"

I found the old shaman asleep in her rocking chair beside the fire. "Vesta?" I whispered softly, trying not to scare her from her sleep, but she didn't even stir, her breathing deep and slow. The frenetic energy that had carried me all the way here had shifted to something else—concern—and my wolf felt it too.

Vesta had always been old, but there'd always been this youth and vitality about her. She had a wicked sense of humor, a sweet tooth that ran bone-deep, and a love for the pack, and she had never failed to lead us in the right direction. Now, though, for the first time, she looked her age. She seemed to have shrunk these last months, as if she were withering away. Her spark was just… gone.

I knelt down in front of her and took her hand. Her skin was like tissue paper, cold and soft. "Hey, Vesta?"

She startled and jerked her hand back to her chest. "Who's that?" she gasped.

"It's me, Jude," I said softly. Though she'd always been blind, this was the first time she hadn't recognized me, whether by my voice, scent, or whatever unearthly power she possessed.

"Jude?" She blinked a few times, frowning. "Right. Yes. Of course." I wasn't sure if my name meant anything or not for a moment, but then she seemed to relax and reached out for me again. "Is it morning? Why are you here?"

"No, it's not morning. It's barely nine. You must've fallen asleep in your chair after dinner." Except now that I thought about it, there was no lingering scent of stew, no bag of bread or crumbs on the table. No sign that she'd eaten anything today.

"Oh… Is everything okay? Why are you here?" She sat up a little straighter, regaining some energy .

As much as I'd needed to talk to her about my unwelcome mate, this was not the time. "Don't worry about it, nothing important. It can wait until tomorrow. Can I help you get to your bed?" I asked.

She smiled, but it lacked any real happiness. Vesta looked… tired. "That would be nice. Thank you."

Her bed was a simple pallet in the back corner of her cabin. She hadn't made the bed this morning, so I straightened out the mound of blankets and held them up until she'd lain down. I made sure she had a drink of water, then I tucked her in carefully, noting the cool draft. It felt like there was a hole in her cabin wall.

"Sleep well, Vesta. I'll come check on you in the morning, okay?" She murmured something in reply, but I couldn't make out her words. She was already asleep again.

Sighing, I stood up, looking around the small space. This wasn't the home I'd come to expect from her. She'd never let her blindness stop her from keeping a tidy house. She usually had various salves, concoctions, and natural remedies laid out on her table, but now, there was only dust. How long had she been like this?

I understood that her independence had always been important to her, but this couldn't go on. I needed to talk to Shan .

Since my wolf was just as worried about Vesta as I was, I risked taking my fur. I left my sweatpants there, and together, we cut the run back to camp in half. Shan must've sensed something through the pack bond, because he was standing outside his cabin, waiting for us, when we loped out from the trees.

He strode forward, a crease between his eyebrows. "What happened?" he asked, straight to the point.

I took my skin, but I waited to tell him when I saw light spill from another doorway, Tristan trotting over to join us. "Hey, we talked about this. You can't have a pack meeting without me." He smiled grimly, but his joke fell flat. He nodded for me to spill.

"I just got back from Vesta's." Tristan tensed up. He had a special bond with the shaman that went far deeper than I would ever understand. She was like his second grandmother, and it was because of her that he'd met his mate. I sighed, bracing myself for a tough conversation. "I don't think she's doing very well. She was confused and really tired, and it didn't look like she'd eaten anything today. I think…" I paused, wondering if I was stepping out of line by suggesting this. "I think maybe we should think about moving her here. She can have the cabin you built me, since I'm not using it. She can still have her own space, be independent, but that way, we can make sure she's eating, help her out with anything she might need."

Shan frowned, and I could practically feel the guilt coming off him. "We should've been keeping a better eye on her. We knew this was a possibility, ever since…" He trailed off, but his eyes flicked over to Tristan.

Our Beta was staring down at his feet, his shoulders hunched, fists clenched. "Ever since Pax was born. I know. You don't have to tiptoe around me."

"I'm sorry," Shan said softly, reaching out to squeeze Tristan's shoulder, but he sidestepped the contact.

"Nothing we can do about it. She knew it was coming and said she was ready," he said gruffly, turning back toward the cabin. "I agree with Jude. We'll go get her in the morning, bring as much of her stuff as we can carry. We'll make her comfortable here, keep her safe. We'll treat her like a queen for as long as we have her." His words cut off as he stalked back to his cabin, almost like his throat was too tight.

Shan and I stood there for a long moment, just listening to the nightlife resume its song after the interruption. Crickets chirped, bats swooped overhead, and even a few fireflies flickered their mating beacon.

Eventually, Shan turned to me, his eyes reflecting moonlight at me in the dark. "Thank you for checking on her." I grunted in reply, but he wasn't done. "Did you get the answer you were looking for?"

I huffed, nostrils flaring. "No. It wasn't the time to ask."

"Fair enough." He nodded. "Did you wanna talk about it?"

I respected that he wasn't outright prying. I considered it for a moment, telling him about my past, where I came from, everything I went through at the hands of humans. I could tell him about how I'd been waiting to find my fated mate this whole time, only to discover that he was human and that he represented all of my greatest fears.

In the end, I shook my head. "No. But thanks."

We had enough on our plates for one day. My own problems could wait.