11. Jude

Chapter 11

Jude

I hadn't meant to kiss him. Hell, I hadn't meant to come barging into his apartment in the first place, but I'd caught the scent of his sudden fear, pungent and acidic, all the way outside through his open window to where my wolf was bedding down behind the box hedge outside. From that stage on, everything that happened was outside of my control. I took my skin, threw on my clothes, and was upstairs using my new key in under three minutes, with no thought to what kind of excuse I would give him.

Now that I'd tasted him, though, there was no going back. He was mine, and I would just have to deal with the consequences.

I had no memory of how he got here, but Morgan had somehow ended up in my lap, straddling my hips. I gripped his ass in both hands, the back of his pants damp with slick, and pulled him as close as he could get, until there was no space between us. There was no question that he wanted this; the evidence of his arousal was hard against me as I ground our cocks together, friction building.

No matter how hard I kissed him, it wasn't enough. Every whimper and moan he bestowed me, I devoured them. I plunged my tongue into his mouth, desperate to taste every single inch of him, inside and out. Was this what I'd been missing all this time? It suddenly made sense why Tristan had enjoyed the company of so many men and women. This was… everything .

Morgan's hands were in my hair, desperately tugging. "Gods, Jude," he panted into my mouth, gyrating against me.

My head swam with driving need, my heart racing. I couldn't think, couldn't breathe . It was too much! "Morgan," I gritted out, trying to draw back. My teeth had grown sharp in my mouth, the urge to mark him too strong to resist. " Morgan! "

"I know, me too," he groaned, sliding his hands down my chest.

I closed my eyes and clenched my jaw, my head spinning. Just because I wanted his body, that didn't mean I wanted to tie myself to him forever. Right? He said he trusted me, that he loved me, but this wasn't some kind of fairy tale. True love's kiss wouldn't break my curse. I would never be able to trust and love him back. I was too broken for that.

I wasn't prepared for when Morgan slipped his fingers under my shirt. Without warning, I flinched and jerked back, gasping, and I grabbed his wrists to stop him. Memories I didn't want intruding slipped in, of someone else's very unwelcome touch. Cold steel, the prick of a needle, blood and sharp pain.

"S-sorry—" Morgan said, blinking behind those glasses.

Shoving the lingering terror aside, in its place was guilt, burning hot, and I instantly relaxed my grip, rubbing my thumbs over the delicate bones in his wrists. I shook my head, trying to smile, even as my stomach twisted into knots. "Don't apologize. I just… Nobody ever touches me," I said by way of explanation.

A little crease formed between his brows. "That's sad. Everyone deserves human contact—or I guess wolf contact?" He huffed a little laugh.

The smile that crept across my lips was more natural this time, loosening the knot in my chest. I reached up slowly and removed his glasses. I wanted to look at him, really take him in without any barriers in the way. "Can you still see me?" I asked, holding the lenses up to my eyes and seeing the way it made his face all narrow and painfully sharp. I was curious about how they worked, because shifters didn't need glasses, but now was not the time to ask. I set them on the table behind him.

He nodded shyly. "Yeah, it just makes you a little blurry… softer."

I hadn't allowed myself to admire his features, not since I woke up in the cave with him in my arms. Looking at him now, at the way his hair curled over his forehead, at the gold and green flecks in his chocolate-brown eyes, it made him more real somehow. He wasn't just a figment of my imagination or something I'd dreamed up to torment me. This was my mate.

"How old are you?" I asked, tracing the curve of his freckled cheek and along his lightly stubbled jaw, then the outline of his full lips.

When he breathed out, I felt the shuddery brush of his breath on my fingertips. "I'm 25. You?" His Adam's apple bobbed with a swallow as he tilted his head back and exposed his neck to me.

His eyes drifted shut on a sigh, so he didn't see my shrug. "Yeah, the same," I said, though I honestly couldn't be sure of my age. It wasn't like I had a birth certificate or anything to record that kind of thing, but it had to be somewhere around there.

Dragging my hand down his throat, I felt his pulse thrumming, so fast the beats all blurred together into a low vibration. It blew my mind that he could simply trust me enough to literally place his life in my hands like this.

I wanted to trust him too.

As I brought my hands lower, I felt Morgan's softness, his curves, so unlike anything I'd ever experienced before. I lingered briefly at his nipples, pinching one lightly so that it puckered, tight and hard, which made him gasp, his eyes flicking open.

He reached for me but paused, his hands hovering a few inches over my chest. "May I? Touch you, I mean."

I nodded. I wanted him to, I really did, I just wasn't sure I could control my reactions. His touch was gentle at first as he watched my face to see if I liked it or not. I was wary, braced for the barrage of unwanted memories to hit me again, but I focused on the way he touched. There was no pain. It was soft and sensual, gently exploring, not invading or needling. Just long, slow sweeps of his hands. I relaxed into the sensation and let out a sigh.

"We could… kiss more," I suggested, moving my hands around to his back and pulling him closer again.

He nodded eagerly. "Yes, let's do that."

This time, I let Morgan control the kiss. From his position on my lap, he was slightly above me, and I tilted my head back and followed his lead. It wasn't as fast or hard, but I thought I might've liked it even more like this. It wasn't so all-consuming. It was the hot coals after a bonfire; still hot enough to blister but subdued enough to last all night. Under Morgan's tutelage, I learned it wasn't all or nothing. I could kiss him, maybe even more, without needing to mate for life. It was… nice. Safe.

Morgan continued his slow, careful exploration with his hands, fingering the buttons down the middle of my torso. I knew he wanted to take my shirt off but wasn't sure how to ask. He licked along my lower lip, though I could tell his attention was still on those damn buttons. What he didn't know, though, was that I was more comfortable without clothes than I was with them on. Maybe it would help.

"It's okay," I told him, reaching between us to loosen the buttons. "I don't mind."

I appreciated that he really tried not to be too eager, as he bit down on his lip to keep in the giddy smile, but his fingers shook as he helped thread the buttons through the holes. I started from the top, he started at the bottom, and we met in the middle. Then he pushed the sides of the shirt aside, his eyes drinking their fill, widening as his gaze trailed lower and lower.

"Wow," he said with lust-drunk awe.

A feeling of pride filled me that he liked what he saw. None of my packmates had ever looked at me with this level of hunger. It stoked those coals into a blaze .

He was being so gentle, just feathered touches with his fingertips, but it wasn't enough. I took his hands and placed them firmly on my body. "I won't break," I said. Although the way my insides were churning, I wasn't so sure I would survive this, but it was what I needed .

Morgan let out a little whimper, then leaned down and licked across my pec, laving my nipple, sending an electric tingle through me, headed south. It was such an animalistic move, and it broke something inside me. My cock ached, throbbing in the confines of these dreadful pants. With a growl, I gripped him under the ass and stood from the chair, marching toward the bedroom. "More," I grunted.

He let out a squeak but didn't complain, clinging to me like his life depended on it. When I reached the end of his bed, I coaxed him off and dropped him unceremoniously square in the middle of the mattress. "Morgan, I want to fuck you."

That was all the warning he was going to get, but he just said, "Okay," and peeled his shirt up and over his head, before tossing it aside. I loved how his freckles extended over his chest and shoulders, and I wanted to devour them all. Since he obviously needed help—because he wasn't moving nearly fast enough for my liking—I knelt on the bed, gripped the waistband of his pants and underwear, and pulled . Morgan giggled, flailing his arms to hold on to something to stop him from sliding down the bed with them.

All those pesky layers of fabric came down in one move, his cock springing back up against his stomach and the sweet aroma of his slick was unleashed into the air, making me lightheaded. "Oh gods," I groaned, closing my eyes and letting my nose lead me to the source. Bending down, I ran my nose up the inside of his thigh, his soft hair tickling my lips. I felt him tense as I reached the apex of his thighs, and I paused.

"Oh fuck, Jude, for the love of Gaia, don't stop!" he begged, fisting the sheets.

He was practically vibrating as I swiped my tongue through his slick crack, over his balls, and all the way up his shaft, collecting the bead of precum from the tip. The flavors exploded on my tongue and invaded every particle of my being. With a possessive growl, I gripped his thighs and spread them wide, baring his entrance to me, before I delved back in, greedy for more. I lapped around his hole, exploring the pleated rim, before spearing my tongue deep inside, as if searching for the well of his desire.

"Wow, oh wow…" Morgan panted, arching his hips off the bed. "You're going to make me come if you don't stop. "

I pulled back, wiping his slick from my face on the back of my hand, and gazed along his body to where he'd thrown his head back, his fingers gripping his own hair in a look of beautiful, tortured pleasure. "Isn't that the point?" I asked a bit cluelessly. Had I missed some kind of integral lesson in all of Tristan's boasting?

Morgan's chuckle was irresistible. "Well, yes, I suppose you're right. I just figured the first time, we could come together, with you… inside me?" He covered his face with his hands then peeked between his fingers at me.

I propped myself up on my elbows and observed him curiously. "Why are you embarrassed?" Was this a human thing?

He gnawed on his lip for a second. "I guess I'm just not used to asking for what I want," he admitted shyly.

Pushing myself up, I knelt between his spread legs. "If you don't ask for what you want, you're less likely to get it."

Morgan grinned. "True. Okay, let me try…" His face pinked up, but he found the courage to say, "I want you to take your pants off. I-If you're okay with that? I want to see all of you."

I didn't even hesitate to stand off the bed, gratefully ridding myself of the awful denim my packmates all seemed partial to. I would much rather be nude. My dick was hard—no surprise, since it had been hard pretty much since I first laid eyes on my mate. "See? Ask and you will receive."

His eyes were focused on my weeping cock. "And what a lucky boy I am," he breathed. "And what is it that you want?" he asked, sitting up and licking his lips hungrily. "I want to give you something too."

Oh, you sneaky human , I thought to myself. You've already given me far more than I deserve .

My mind echoed with one solitary thought: I want it all . I knew with a terrifying certainty that I would never get enough of this man. It made my skin go from hot to cold in an instant. What would our lives even look like? We didn't come from the same species, let alone the same world.

I grabbed his ankles, dragging him to the edge of the bed. "I want… you on all fours," I said before I could embarrass myself by gushing all the other things I craved, like to stare into his eyes while he fell apart. The alpha in me wished he was in heat so I could deposit my seed deep inside him and breed him, while the attention-starved man in me wanted nothing more than the promise of a lifetime with him.

But I knew better than to hope for the impossible. Resentment simmered below the lust. How dare he be so sweet to make me want him?

He was moving too slowly, so I gripped him by the waist and flipped him onto his stomach. He arched his back and lifted his hips off the mattress, presenting his glistening ass. "Fuck," I muttered, tracing the pretty pucker with a fingertip. I remembered vaguely something Tristan had said about stretching the hole, so with absolute fascination, I inserted the tip of my finger. Ohhh… This was new, but I liked it.

And it seemed that Morgan liked it too. He began to push back against me, pleasuring himself with my hand. "Add another finger," he instructed in a choked whisper. Then, "Another."

As enthralled as I was as I took the time to work my fingers in and out of his warm, tight channel, all I really wanted was to bury myself inside him. I could feel my wolf pushing hard to claim, to mark, to possess, but we both knew that whatever this was would never work. But I'd tried to ignore Morgan, and that hadn't worked either. My only hope was that fucking him would be enough to soothe this connection between us—enough for me to walk away.

He made a needy whine of complaint when I removed my fingers, and I stood at the edge of the bed, cock in hand, and lined the blunt head up with his entrance. There was more resistance than I'd expected, but Morgan pressed back into me, and I watched in awe as my erection disappeared inside him, inch by inch. He was so warm, so tight… It was everything I'd dreamed of and more! It was all I could do not to come right then and there.

"Morgan, you're incredible," I gasped.

My fingers dug into the tender flesh of his hips, and I began to move. My eyes fluttered closed as I bottomed out, then pulled back until only the tip remained, before surging forward again. With each thrust, he only seemed to get slicker, the sound of wet flesh driving me wild.

It was too much, it was not enough—it was everything .

I propped a knee on the bed between his legs, trying to get more leverage. Soon, my other knee followed, and I kept going until Morgan was pressed flat on his stomach. He was trapped beneath me as I rutted into him blindly. Soon, though, he began writhing and whimpering. Is he okay? I suddenly wondered in a panic. I couldn't see his face from this angle. Did it feel good? Did it hurt? Was I doing it wrong?

With a frustrated growl, I pulled out and flipped him over. "I need to see you."

Morgan's cheeks were flushed, his hair damp with sweat, and when he smiled up at me, it was lazy and blissed-out. "Hi," he said with a strange kind of innocence for such a carnal act. "Now that you can see me, what are you going to do with me?"

My heart gave a heavy squeeze in my chest. "I'm going to finish what I started," I said, trying to retrieve the pre-programmed mating instinct I'd felt in the beginning, but face to face was so much more intimate. It was harder to keep that distance between us.

I hooked a hand under his knee and brought his leg up over my hip. "Hold on to me," I instructed him.

Once I was sure he had a good grip, I thrust back into him, closed my eyes, and went hard. It was good. No, that was a lie, it was way better than good—it was life-changing. I gritted my teeth against the complicated storm of emotions building inside me. I didn't want to love this sweet, gentle human. The conflict between past and present, memory and reality, it was tearing me in two!

Tears welled in my eyes as I dropped my forehead to his shoulder. "You're destroying me," I sobbed against his skin between thrusts. I brought my hand up and closed it around his throat. Part of me wanted to destroy him in the same way, to wreck him as thoroughly as he had wrecked me. I felt his pulse under my fingers, the vibration of every moan .

A familiar pressure built low in my gut, my balls tightening in warning. "Why?" I moaned. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"Because I love you," he whispered breathlessly, his heels digging into my ass.

"You don't even know me," I said, my rhythm stuttering.

His hand caressed my cheek with the tenderest gesture I'd ever felt. "My soul recognizes yours."

Just when the pressure had reached a peak, I smashed my mouth over his to keep from sinking my teeth into his neck instead. I swept my tongue through his mouth, swallowing his moans as they reached a new pitch. I felt the second his climax hit him. His whole body seized, his ass clamping down on my cock, before he cried out and spilled his cum between us.

With a roar, I buried myself as deep as I could get and released into his depths. I felt a tightening at the base of my cock that could only be my knot. I gasped as it expanded and forced its way down my length, lodging itself inside him and locking us together. Spots appeared in the edges of my vision, my arms shaky, and I collapsed on top of Morgan.

As I came back to awareness, I realized my hand was still wrapped around Morgan's neck. I struggled to prop myself up, guilt flaring. "I'm so sorry, did I hurt you?" I grimaced.

He shook his head, offering me a dazed smile. "Are you kidding me? That was perfect. You could never hurt me."

Maybe not intentionally, but I knew it would happen whether I meant to or not.

I lapsed into silence, letting my forehead rest on his shoulder, as our breathing returned to normal. What was I supposed to say? We were both sticky with sweat and cum, but locked together, I couldn't do anything. I was startled to find… I didn't really mind. Normally, I didn't like to be trapped anywhere, but it felt different because it was with him. My mate.

Morgan carded his fingers through my hair, and I fully relaxed against him, loving the sensation. "Was that your first time?" he asked softly.

I froze, my eyes snapping open. "What—?"

"It's okay if it was," he continued, soothing me by running his hands down my back in long, soft sweeps. "I'm not judging. I just assumed, because you're obviously not a people person." His chest vibrated with his laugh.

"I—I mean—" I buried my face against his neck so he couldn't see my blush. I hadn't told him about my pack, about my trips to the city. It wasn't like I hadn't had plenty of opportunity, but it had never felt right. Now I knew, I'd been waiting for my fated mate this whole time.

"I'm actually kind of honored that you chose me to be your first," he went on, oblivious to my conflicted emotions.

I was grateful when my knot slipped free because it gave me an excuse to avoid talking about this. "Don't move," I told him, crawling off the bed. I grabbed a cloth from a shelf in the bathroom and wet it with warm water. I was almost surprised to see Morgan had listened and stayed right where I'd told him to. I cleaned him with gentle swipes of the cloth, avoiding his eyes.

"Stay with me?" he asked. He laced our fingers and drew me back down into bed with him. I didn't know what to expect next, I'd never done this before. Was I supposed to leave now? Was he? But then he curled into my side with a sigh, setting his cheek on my chest.

He dozed off, his breathing deep and even, but I didn't think I would ever sleep again. I was still awake, watching him, as the bruises began to bloom on his pale skin. Whatever pleasure I'd felt turned sour as I traced the outline of my fingers on his neck.

As if this wasn't more proof that we would never work. Humans were so damn fragile. How had I ever thought Morgan was dangerous? Maybe I'd been wrong all along. I was the one who was dangerous.