Chapter 18 - Leslie

When Kyle walks through the door, I’m so shocked that I don’t even hear the words coming out of my mouth. I’d only just gotten a text from Gina telling me that Kyle had reported to Bae and was on his way home. I barely had time to react before I heard the door slam.

I stare at him for a few seconds, my entire body frozen in place. He has blood stains all over him, and some injuries that are still healing. My heart twists in my chest, and my eyes fill with tears, but I hold myself still, desperate to keep my distance.

“Leslie,” he whispers gently.

Just the softness in his voice, the desperation, break down all my boundaries. I fly into his arms. Tears pour down my cheeks as I hold him, squeezing him around the waist to prove that he’s real. I press my cheek to his chest to hear his heart pounding, feeling relief flooding through me so powerfully that my knees weaken.

Kyle gently strokes my hair, his head bent towards me as he takes deep breaths of my scent. After a few seconds, it registers to me how cold his skin is, and I pull back to look up into his face.

“You’re so cold. I have to get you a blanket.”

“I’m perfectly fine now,” he says, stroking my cheek. “Everything is alright now.”

“You’re hurt, you’re bleeding—”

“Most of this blood isn’t mine,” he answers, his voice hard. I can see that closed, shut-down look in his eyes again, the same expression he wore when he was telling me about his childhood and life with the Sawpit Pack. Pain lances through me as I think of this gentle man being exposed to so much violence.

No one ever took care of him.

The thought brings more tears to my eyes, and I shake my head violently, tugging on his arms to bring him into the living room. I wrap blankets around him and curl up next to him on the couch, wrapping my body tightly around his.

“I didn’t think it was going to be such a tough mission,” I whisper, emotion choking my voice. “I thought it was just scouting or something.”

Kyle shakes his head. “Bae wanted us to cut off some of the Sawpit Pack’s allies from attacking in Silverton. When I went out earlier, I had no idea that any of our enemies were near Silverton. Once I found out, and I knew that you were there…”

A shudder runs through him, and I squeeze him even tighter.

“Are you hurt?”

He shakes his head. “No. I had a few wounds, but they healed.” He pauses, sighing. A little muscle jumps in his cheek, and my heart goes out to him.

More trauma. More nightmares. How much can this man take?

“What happened?” I ask softly.

He looks away from me, closing his eyes. My arms tighten around him, as if I could protect him from all the pain in the world.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” I add.

Kyle looks at me, his beautiful blue-green eyes wide and brimming with emotion. “The mission itself went well. We should have been in and out of there without too much trouble. Then I got into a scuffle where I recognized one of the Sawpit wolves… and he recognized me.”

“Oh no,” I cover my hand with my mouth, shaking my head. Kyle frowns, his face twisting in pain.

“Liam and Brody jumped in. It was fierce. Brody got badly injured, and Liam…”

Kyle looks away, shuddering. I just sit in shock, waiting for the story to come out.

“Liam died. He died because of me.”

“No!” I cry, shaking him. “Don’t blame yourself. It was a dangerous mission, it could have happened to anyone. This isn’t your fault.”

“But it is, Leslie,” he says, turning back to look at me. His face is very serious now. “They should have just let the other two rip me apart and retreated. It would have been better for everyone.”

“How can you say that?” I gasp, my fingers digging into him as I shake him again.

He looks away. “Those wolves will come after me ten times as hard for betraying them. If they just kill me on sight, they might not stop moving on us, but at least it wouldn’t have the strength of a vendetta. The others would have gotten away, reported to Bailey, and Liam would still be alive.”

Cold shock is creeping through me as I realize just how close I came to losing him. It’s terrifying to learn that he would so willingly sacrifice himself and take himself away from me.

If I ever needed a reason to guard my heart, there it is. I can’t stand to lose him, it would be like having my soul torn out!

“That’s not all,” he says, looking up at me and wrapping his arms around me. “They took Body, and I went after them. Seth told me not to. I completely disobeyed orders, but I couldn’t let Body take the fall for me, so I rescued him.”

“That’s good, though,” I answer, relieved. “You brought him back, yes?”

“Yes,” he replies, nodding. “But those Sawpit fuckers will come after me even harder now. You don’t understand—I’ve betrayed them over and over and over again. At first, they just wanted resources. Now they want revenge, too.”

He sighs, and I can see the pain written all over his face. When he looks back at me, his eyes seem devoid of hope.

“They will look for me, Leslie. They will want to destroy everything I love. They will kill with purpose now, trying to hurt me instead of just taking territory.”

I wrap myself around him, pressing my cheek to his chest. I can’t hear any more of this. I just need to feel the warmth of him close to me and reassure myself that everything is okay, at least for now.

The tension slowly bleeds out of him as he rests in my arms, and I listen to his breathing turn slow and gentle. I hold him while he sleeps, letting myself doze a little, but hoping I can keep the nightmares at bay. At least for a little while so he can get some rest.

I sleep lightly, tuned into Kyle’s every movement and sound. As the dawn light begins to creep into the cabin, I untangle myself from him and head into the kitchen to make him some breakfast.

My hands shake as I put on coffee and start frying up the bacon. Emotions are clashing inside me, and I can’t stop them.

I’m so afraid to lose him. Everything we’ve come through so far has done a lot to reassure me, but here I am, desperate to care for him, and twisted up inside out at the thought he might die.

That’s where my greatest weakness is, and I’m well-aware of it. The secrecy he kept our relationship in before, the idea he might have been with another woman—all of these things mean absolutely nothing in the face of seeing him hurt or dead.

I’d forgive him anything, anything at all, and that’s what terrifies me. I’d let myself be completely destroyed just to keep holding on to him.

Tears are welling up as I poke at the bacon with a spatula. I feel like a complete wreck, and I can’t see any way out of this without getting hurt.

I hear a sharp cry from the living room. I bolt in there and see Kyle shaking under the blankets, agony on his face. I rush over and grab his shoulders, shaking him gently.

“Kyle, Kyle! It’s me. Please wake up, you’re okay.”

It takes a few seconds, but he comes around, his eyes opening suddenly. Relief floods through him, making him slump in my arms.

“Leslie,” he whispers, holding me. I squeeze him tight, stroking his hair until he calms down.

I love you.

The words are in my heart and on my lips, but I can’t speak them. They won’t move past the lump in my throat.

Am I ready to trust him? To be vulnerable in front of him?

I take a step back and look into his face. His eyes are so wide and full of feeling, it takes my breath away.

“I love you, Leslie,” he whispers. “I always have, and I always will.”

Tears flood down my face as my chest aches so sharply, it’s as if he just reached into my chest and literally touched my heart.

“I love you, too, Kyle. I love you so much.”

He pulls me down to him and kisses me, and I fall into his arms. We tumble onto the couch, a mess of grasping hands and tangled limbs. His mouth is hot on mine, and I answer his kisses with all the passion I’ve been holding back since our wedding night.

Kyle wraps one arm around my waist and the other across my back, squeezing me tightly as I writhe on top of him. I grip his waist with my knees and rock my hips back and forth, almost trembling with the force of my lust.

“Wait!” Kyle says, turning his head away. “What’s that smell?”

“The bacon!” I shriek, leaping off him and running for the kitchen. I turn off the burner and move the saucepan before the blackened rashers can become a full-on oil fire.

Kyle comes into the kitchen behind me, chuckling softly. “I can think of worse reasons to burn breakfast,” he says, coming over to wrap his arms around me. I snuggle against his chest, leaning my head on his shoulder.

“I wanted to make you a big, hearty breakfast to help you recover from last night.” I brush my fingers across his bare chest, enjoying the feel of his skin on my fingertips.

So fragile. He looks so tough, but he is so, so delicate, and he doesn’t even know it.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” I ask. I can still see faint smudges of blood stains on his skin.

“Yeah, my injuries are healed. I could use a shower, though.”

“Okay, well, you go ahead while I try a do-over on breakfast,” I say, giving him a squeeze. “I’ll have it ready for you when you get out.”

“Thank you, Leslie.” Kyle shakes his head a little. “Thank you for taking such good care of me.”

I can’t help the tears that well up in my eyes as I look up at him. “It’s my absolute pleasure,” I whisper, meaning it.

He bends down and kisses me, and I melt against him, wrapping my arms around him and giving in completely to the love that sweeps through me. I can’t let go of him now, no matter what happens. I feel fear, but also a deep, ecstatic triumph that makes my soul sing.

I love this man—and I think he loves me!

Every moment of melancholy I suffered would be worth it if I come through to the other side and know his feelings were as strong as mine the whole time.

If there is any chance of true happiness here, then I don’t care what happens. I am going to hold on to him as tightly as I can, and I’ll never let go.