Chapter 16 - Leslie

A couple of days after our adventure to Montrose, I wake up next to Kyle and spend a few moments watching him sleep. My chest hurts with the strength of my love, and my continued resistance to it.

All I want is to be consumed by this feeling, but the last time I trusted him, I completely lost myself.

My eyes slide across the room, picking out the details of the beautiful gray dress where it hangs on the outside of the closet door. We bought it, of course. I think it’s gorgeous. I’m just not sure I believe that it looks amazing on me.

I close my eyes, feeling my body awaken at the memories of that time in the dressing room. I can hear Kyle’s eager whispers, feel his hot breath on my cheek, and the urgency of his hands on me.

He truly seems to worship me. These memories are so tempting to give in to, but my heart just can’t jump. The cavern is too deep, the pain too intense.

How can I trust? How?

As if he can sense my thoughts, Kyle’s eyes flicker open. He smiles at me, and I smile back. Just looking at him brings me so much joy. I truly can’t stop smiling when I’m with him.

“Hey, you,” he whispers.

“Hi,” I whisper back.

He grins and stretches out an arm, pulling me close to him. I snuggle against his body, running my fingers across the smooth skin of his back. For a minute, I listen to the beat of his heart and feel the steady rise and fall of his chest. There’s so much that I want to say, but there’s still far too much fear in me to even try.

I begin to feel a certain urgency rising in him, and I untangle myself from his arms and get up, wrapping myself in a robe. I can’t keep being so intimate with him while my heart feels cracked open in my chest.

This is literally killing me, and I thought the last twelve months without him were bad.

In the kitchen, I put on the coffee and stare out the window, not really seeing the pretty line of trees or the rugged mountains beyond. I hear Kyle step behind me and turn around, trying to smile and not show my inner conflict.

He’s so hurt and damaged, and he knows what he did to me was wrong. There’s no point in making him feel bad for it. He’s already trying as hard as he can to make it up to me.

“Want some coffee?” I ask.

“Sure, yeah,” Kyle answers, sitting down at the table. He has his phone in his hand, and after a quick flick across the screen, he lets out a sharp gasp.

“What is it?”

“It’s Bae,” he says. “I’ve got to go and meet everyone at Shelley’s right now.”

I turn around so fast, I almost drop the cups on the floor. “What do you mean? What’s happening?”

“The biker pack is on the move. The scouts have called in, and they need reinforcements. Seriously, that’s all I know for now.”

He looks up at me, his eyes pained. I can tell by how drawn and pale he is that this is causing him an extreme amount of stress.

“Oh, Kyle,” I whisper, hurrying over to wrap my arms around him. “You’ve been through so much. Surely they can do this without you.”

He shakes his head. “No way, babe. I’m sorry, but this is exactly what I went undercover for. They don’t know these guys like I do, and without me, people are going to get hurt. I guarantee it.”

I cling to him for a few seconds, wondering what the fuck I’m supposed to do when he leaves. I know I’ll go crazy just sitting around here worrying about him.

It’s hard enough to restrain myself right now, but I can because I need him to see how strong I am. But once he’s gone, I’m going to fall apart.

My phone beeps next, saving me from examining that thought. I’m not exactly relieved to see it’s from Lena. I’m being sent back to Silverton to help them prepare.

“What is it?” Kyle asks.

I flick across my screen with one finger as I read the messages. “I’ve got to go back home to Silverton. Lena and Jack need me over there.”

“Good,” he says. “You’ll be safe there, especially if Jack’s covering that area. I feel a lot better going away, knowing you won’t be here alone.”

I stare at him for a few seconds, wondering how to tell him everything that’s in my heart. All my emotions are welling up in my chest, causing so much pressure inside me, I feel like I have to scream.

Don’t go. Please don’t go!

I manage to take a deep breath and let it out without sobbing. “So, that’s settled, then. I’ll get ready, then head out to Silverton.”

Kyle nods. “I’ll be out of here in ten. I can’t let Bailey down.”

He rushes from the room to get changed. I feel abandoned and very alone, as well as terrified for Kyle. For a few seconds, I can’t even move, but when he returns, I manage to smile.

“Okay, well… I should go,” he says.

I nod. “Yes. You should.”

We stare at each other for a few seconds. Finally, Kyle walks over to me, holds my shoulders gently, and kisses my forehead.

“Bye, Leslie,” he says. “I won’t be gone long, I promise.”

“Okay,” I whisper. “I’ll hold you to it.”

I watch him go, then hurry to get myself ready, so I won’t have time to think. It doesn’t take long to change and throw a bag together.

I hit the road, singing loudly to the radio to distract myself. I can’t help the horrible ideas that keep running through my head, though.

What will Bailey ask him to do? Will he send Kyle into danger? What if it turns into an all-out fight?

Stay safe, Kyle. Please stay safe, my love.

My heart is aching, and tears are burning my eyes. I don’t know who I’m trying to fool here. It’s obvious that my heart and soul are entangled with this man, whether I like it or not.

And that’s what’s terrifying. I can’t stop myself from loving him, no matter how scared I am of losing him.

When I arrive in Silverton, I head straight to Gladys’s diner and find a decent amount of people meeting out back. Gladys and Belle have a table set up with food and coffee, so I grab myself something to eat and mingle a bit.

“Hey!” Lena says, cutting through the crowd to grab my arm. “I’m so glad I found you—it’s getting chaotic in here.”

“Yeah, I might have noticed. What’s the word?”

“Jack is going out on perimeter with Decker and some others. You and I are going to be stocking up safe houses. There are other prominent pack members going around to individual houses to warn others and tell them where to retreat to if things get hot.”

“Is it really that bad?” I ask, my stomach twisting in fear.

“Yes,” Lena says, her face grave. “These guys are really bad news, and Bae doesn’t want a single person getting hurt. He knows how nasty it can get, and we have to go to great lengths to make sure everyone is protected.”

Jack comes out to the front of the table, calling for everyone’s attention. He gives a basic rundown of what everyone is supposed to be doing, then breaks up the meeting. Before he leaves, he comes and gives Lena a deep, passionate kiss. She clings to him, obviously not wanting him to go.

I turn my head away, trying not to think about Kyle.

If something happens to him and he doesn’t know how I feel, I’ll never forgive myself.

After Jack goes, Lena leaves baby Gray with Belle and we head out to her car. We spend the next few hours supplying safehouses with nonperishables, bottles of water, as well as blankets and other equipment.

The safehouses are far out of town, small cabins that are very isolated and scattered far apart. It takes a lot of time to get to each one, and some are set far from any roads, meaning we have to hike out through the woods.

By the time we stock up five cabins, the sun is sinking towards the horizon and the wind has begun to scream as it cuts its way through the peaks, bringing ice on its breath. We stagger back into Gladys’s diner, heading for the table to grab cake and coffee. Gladys hurries over and throws a blanket around my shoulders, giving me a quick hug.

“You’re such a good girl, Leslie. You must have worked so hard today.”

I nod, wrapping my hands around the mug of coffee to absorb its warmth. “Are my parents safe?”

“Yes, dear. They are still at home, but they have their instructions if they need to relocate. Word on the wind is that the biker pack will sweep in, kill anyone they see, and tear the place apart to take anything they can use. They are desperate, apparently.”

I nod slowly, taking sips of hot coffee as I try to warm myself up. “Have we heard back from the scouts?” I ask, trying to sound casual.

Gladys tries not to react, but I see her eyebrows shoot up.

“What is it?” I ask, my voice croaking in my throat. “What have you heard?”

“Five shifters went out to join the wild scouts,” she says. “They were to set a perimeter and determine how serious the other pack was about invading. We haven’t received an official report yet.”

I can see something lurking in her deep blue eyes. She knows something, but she doesn’t want to tell me. I put my coffee down and glare at her.

“What aren’t you telling me, Gladys? Kyle went straight out to join Alpha Bailey—surely they have an update by now. That was first thing this morning!”

“Oh, Leslie,” she says very softly. “I’m so, so sorry, honey.”

For a second, I just stare at her. A sense of horrible vertigo hits me, and I feel like the floor is rushing up to me, about to smack the life right out of my body. Hundreds of horrible images crowd through my brain, and my stomach lurches so hard, I feel like I’m going to barf up the coffee I just drank.

“Gladys, what are you talking about?” My voice comes out trembly and soft. “What the hell happened?”

She puts her hands on my shoulders, her mouth twisted as she looks into my eyes. “Kyle was one of the five shifters who went out with the wild scouts. The reason we don’t have much intel is because… only two of them came back, and they were badly injured.”

I stare at her, praying as hard as I can that she is going to tell me Kyle is alright. I can’t conceive of her saying anything else.

“Leslie… three of the shifters who went out are still missing, and Kyle is one of them.”

It takes a few seconds to absorb the words. At first, I don’t understand her at all. I shake my head, denying the truth.

Gladys pulls me into a hug, her own eyes full of tears. As her words finally penetrate my mind I cling to her, feeling tears running down my cheeks.

I never told him. I never told him that I forgive him, and now he’s gone and I’ll never get the chance.