Chapter 1 - Kyle

The morning after the big opening of Sam’s bar, I stagger into Gladys’s diner, holding my head. It’s very early, and there’s only a couple of people inside. I think both packs will be sleeping off the effects of the party for a few hours, at least.

Maybe even a few days , I think to myself as the room swims around me. I make it to the counter and grab hold of it like it’s the rail of a ship about to pitch me into the deep.

“Coffee, dear?” a kindly voice asks. I look up to see Gladys, the owner of the diner and Alpha Decker’s mate.

“Please,” I mutter, climbing onto the high stool with some difficulty. Gladys chuckles.

“I’ll make it black, at least for now. I don’t think your stomach could take cream at this point.”

My stomach heaves in my guts. “Dear God, no,” I answer. “Make it black for now, please.”

“I’m going to start frying up some bacon and egg sandwiches. I know you think you can’t eat much now, but once you smell them, you might want to try some. Big breakfast is the best thing for a hangover.”

“Okay, thanks,” I murmur, reaching for the tall cup of steaming black coffee. I don’t believe her about the food, but I’ll humor her, anyway.

I take a look around at the few people in the diner. A couple of them look like me, survivors from the party trying to regain their lucidity. One or two look like workers from town, up early to start their day.

I’m about to go back to staring dully into my coffee when I see Jack and Bailey heading towards the doors. The two of them look far too bright and chipper for guys who partied well past three am.

They have such serious looks on their faces, I can’t help watching them as they cross the street to come into the diner. Bae’s eyes light up straight away.

“Kyle! There you are. We’ve got something to discuss with you.”

“Me?” I ask, incredulous.

“Yeah,” Jack says. “Sorry, I know it’s early. Are you up for it?”

“Sure,” I nod, wondering what could be so important. My hangover is definitely clearing, but this has sent my guts into an all-new spin.

“Head out the back, dears,” Gladys says, smiling. “Decker’s waiting for you.”

Now my curiosity sparks into anxiety. Both alphas and the beta want to see me—privately?

Maybe they found out!

Play it cool!

I’m sweating a little as I follow the others out the back. There’s only one thing I can think of that they want to talk to me about. I don’t think this is going to be pleasant.

Decker welcomes us with a smile and gestures for us to sit down. True to her word, Gladys has made bacon and egg sandwiches, and a whole plate of them is sitting in the middle of the table. My gut growls, and I take one immediately, surprised that it actually does settle my stomach. It also gives my mouth and hands something to do while I quietly stress out about the situation.

“Sorry to call you in like this, especially so early in the morning, but we made a decision last night,” Bailey says. He looks at the others, and Decker gives him a nod.

They know!

Calm down, maybe everything’s okay. Don’t fuck this up by saying anything.

I take another bite of my sandwich, waiting for Bae to go on.

“You know we had troubles with the Sawpit Pack, right?” Bae asks.

I nod, surprised at the direction this is going. “It was the main reason we sought an alliance with Decker,” I say. “But they haven’t made any noise for a while, so we weren’t worried.”

“Actually,” Decker says, “we are. Bae almost got torn to shreds by those guys. He killed the alpha, and they elected a new one—Bae’s spies, Kelta, Driss, and Nate, have been keeping an eye on it.”

“Oh,” I answer, finishing my food. It looks like this meeting has nothing to do with my little secret, but I still don’t want to give myself away if I don’t have to.

“Yeah,” Bae says. “But it looks like that one recently got killed in a leadership challenge. The new one, Jethro, is worse than the one I killed. He might move on us.”

“Fuck!” I can’t hide my shock. All-out war is something packs should avoid, not encourage.

“Yeah,” Jack chimes in, nodding. “So, I know this is a big ask, but we need someone to go undercover over there and report back to us any useful information.”

There is a very deep and complete silence as all of them look at me. It takes a moment for my brain to catch up.

“Wait… me? You want me to go?”

Bailey nods. “Yes. I’m sorry, but we’ve chosen you as the best candidate. There really isn’t anyone else we can trust with the skills for the job.”

A slight chill runs through me, and for a second, it’s like the tattoos on my arms and chest burn. Bailey is referring to the old me, the one that existed before I finally settled down and started taking care of myself and heeding the pack.

Bae’s eyes glow gold, just for a second. His wolf speaking to mine. He values my inner savagery, my experience with violence, and my knowledge of street criminals. At the moment, it seems as if this has made me extremely useful.

“Look, I know this isn’t ideal,” Jack says. “You’ve got a girl, we all know that. Darla Simmons, isn’t it?”

I nod, feeling sweat trickle down my sides. They all believe I’m with Darla.

Good.

“I am asking you to put your personal feelings aside, just for a while, and be of service to your pack,” Bailey says. The firm look on his face and the hard glint of his eyes speak volumes. He isn’t going to force me, but he also wants me to prove my loyalty and show that I’ve put my dark past behind me.

“I should be the one going,” Jack says. “And I will, if I have to. But I’ve just settled in with Lena and the baby, and I did you a massive favor by stepping in to take on the arranged marriage. You were the first choice for that. I wanted you to keep your girl.”

I can’t stop sweating now. This feels like a disaster on every level. I can’t refuse, though.

“Okay,” I say, nodding. “I’ll do it.”

“You’ll be gone for quite some time,” Decker speaks up. “Maybe a year. This will also be very risky. It might not end well for you.”

I laugh softly. “I doubt they could throw anything at me that I haven’t already seen,” I mutter.

“What about Darla?” Jack asks. “Are you sure you can leave your mate?”

My stomach twists a bit. “I’m not sure she is my mate,” I say. “I think she’ll be fine with some time apart. We aren’t right for each other, anyway.”

“I thought you were buying her a ring?” Bailey asks.

I shake my head. “I had a look at the rings. But honestly, watching you guys pair up has made me realize I’m not quite ready to quit sowing my wild oats yet, if you get what I mean.”

The others all have a laugh at that. I feel like absolute hell right now. I’m not even lying, and that’s partially why I feel so bad.

“Okay, then,” Bae says. “Get yourself ready. I’ll meet with you later this evening before you go. Let me know when you’re ready to leave town.”

“I will,” I answer, standing up. Bae comes over to me, and I give his hand a firm shake.

“I won’t let you down, alpha,” I say. “I can and I will complete this mission and prove myself to you.”

Bae nods. “I have faith in you, Kyle. I know you can do this.”

The meeting breaks up, and I head out of the diner. Before I start getting ready to leave, there’s something I have to do first.

I walk away from the diner towards the nearest line of houses. Leslie’s house isn’t far away, and it won’t take me long to walk there.

Jack wasn’t the only one who picked up a girlfriend in Silverton during the peace talks. I hit it off with Leslie one night in the diner and couldn’t get enough of her from that moment on. The trouble is, it seems like our relationship was doomed from the start.

I wasn’t regularly invited to meetings, so I had no good reason to be at Silverton. It was very difficult getting away to see Leslie. Then the whole thing with Jack and Lena went down, and he was forbidden to see her.

Jack told me the whole story one night when he was drunk. How much he loved Lena, but was kept from her because of Decker and Bae. I couldn’t stand to have that happen to me, so I kept my mouth shut.

I hung out around town with Darla a lot, and it doesn’t surprise me at all that people assumed she was my girlfriend. In fact, she’s one of the only pack members who spoke to me like a real human being after I returned. We’re close, and I love her a lot, but it’s not romantic at all.

Or sexual.

Leaves crunch under my feet as I head off the footpath into a less populated area. I cut across a field and into the woods, disappearing into the trees. I’m almost at her house now, and I can feel a fire igniting inside me.

No one, ever, has made me feel this way.

My breath starts coming hard as I trek through the woods, finally seeing her house. The strength of my reaction scares me. This is one of the reasons I have to do this—I’ve been leading the poor girl on. I can’t keep doing it.

If I am that afraid of a permanent connection, the honorable thing to do is make a clean break. I know that Leslie was hoping we could go public with our relationship soon, especially after the success of Jack and Lena, so this will probably be a shock to her.

Still. It’s the right thing to do.

I sneak up the side of the house and knock on the bedroom window. I hear the thump inside as Leslie jumps out of bed. A couple of seconds later, her pretty face appears in the window.

The smile that breaks across her face makes her look absolutely radiant. It lights up her pale gray eyes and makes her cheeks dimple and glow pink. She looks amazing, her light brown hair tumbling in curls across her shoulders and her big, soft curves wrapped in a fuzzy white nightgown.

“Hey, Kyle!” she says, opening the window. “Do you want to go for a run in the forest? Or come in for some… coffee?”

I smile back at her, I can’t help it. She’s used to me coming to the window because we didn’t want anyone seeing me coming and going from her house. But my smile dies on my face as I try to find the words for what I need to say.

“Leslie, look. I’ve got something to say.”

She loses her smile so quickly that it feels like a physical blow. Now she looks fragile, and vulnerable, and I’m the piece of shit that’s going to smash her into tiny pieces.

It’s for the best. You’ll only hurt her more.

“What?” she asks softly.

“I can’t see you anymore,” I say it firmly, with finality, as if that settles everything.

“What?” she asks again, her eyes huge and round.

“You know this hasn’t been perfect,” I snap, feeling like a complete douche. “We’ve been sneaking around, trying not to get caught. It’s getting old.”

“But I thought we could tell everyone soon,” she protests, her voice getting high. When she sniffs back tears, I almost break and take the words back but urge myself to stay strong.

“Lena and Jack are doing so great. I thought both packs would welcome our romance—”

“You don’t know that,” I cut her off. “There’s still a lot of restructuring going on after Peter. Even if we wanted to stay together, there’s no guarantee it would be allowed.”

“I want to stay together,” she whispers, her eyes full of tears. “What are you saying, Kyle?”

“I’ve just been playing around here,” I say. “That’s the truth. I’ve got to go away for a bit, and I wanted to tell you before I go. It’s the decent thing to do.”

“But Kyle—”

“No!” I turn around, waving my hand. “This conversation is over. You’re better off without me, Leslie.”

There. True words, finally.

I hear her start to cry behind me, but I force myself not to look back. My heart is screaming in agony, and my wolf is demanding to be set free, howling in torment in my soul.

This is the most painful thing I’ve ever done, and I’ve done some shit that would curl Alpha Bailey’s hair.

Leslie doesn’t know it yet, but I’ve done her a favor. I’m bad news. Always have been, always will be. I don’t deserve someone like her, and it’s only fitting that I’m going to spy on the savage and brutal Sawpit Pack.

It’s where I belong. Amongst killer wolves, criminals, and liars.