CHAPTER FIVE

CHAPTER FIVE

JUSTIN

November

"Stay close, Pepper!" Justin called. "Don't make me get a leash!"

It was an empty threat. On these autumn walks along the trails behind the farm, Pepper—a brown and white English Springer Spaniel—simply had too much fun scampering to and fro, chasing scents, barking at squirrels, annoying chipmunks, and being mocked by birds too high for her to reach.

It was mid-November. He'd been living at the farm for a while now, settled in with routines and everything. On the pregnancy front, he was early in his second trimester, but at least the morning sickness was starting to fade.

These days, Justin found he had little desire to leave the farm except for these walks into the woods for exercise. Sometimes he went into town with Aunt Katie to help buy supplies every week or so, but those trips usually stressed him out. He felt as if everyone in every store was staring at him. Judging him. Thinking how he was a freak. Whenever he left the farm, he always felt like an outsider again, so he avoided it.

But the hikes helped him in ways that visiting town didn't. He felt close to nature, to the trees, the land, and the Goddess. The tree leaves had long since turned and were falling in earnest. When there was wind, it was as if the sky rained down leaves all around him. Out here, he had a chance to breathe, a chance to think. Early on, much of that thinking was nothing more than grieving. But he was healing—slowly, but healing—from the wound deep inside him when the man he loved sent him away.

Pepper scrambled off the path toward a fallen tree trunk. She sniffed all around the base, her tail wagging. She barked twice at something he could hear inside the trunk.

"Pepper, stop terrorizing the locals and get over here," he called, and she sort of obeyed. She trotted back over to him on the path, at least, even though he knew from experience she wouldn't stay close for long.

Pepper was the only dog Justin usually took on these walks in the woods. Once, he'd tried to take five of them along (Yipper wouldn't leave the farm, still traumatized by her run-in with the bear). It had been an unmitigated disaster. Five dogs ranging in size from huge to medium-small, all of which only loosely respected his authority? Yeah. He had no idea what convinced him that would be a good idea.

But for some reason, Pepper seemed to have adopted Justin. The rest of the dog pack fawned and adored Aunt Katie, but Pepper clearly had an eye for the underdog. Or at least she was willing to be his emotional support animal for the time being. Goddess knew he needed one.

He smiled as he continued along the trail half-hidden by fallen leaves. The woods around the farm were as beautiful as he remembered, full of aspen, birch, maples, and the occasional white pine. He'd walked them often as a moody and broody teenager. The main trail was still here, more or less. The other trails were mostly deer trails. He could smell the deer whenever he hiked them. Their scent stirred the interest of his wolf, although Justin's scent probably greatly upset the deer.

Look at me! The terrifying omega predator! Rawr!

He crested a hill and made his way to a little cleared area. Here, part of another fallen tree trunk had been carved and sanded into a decent bench, although decorated with moss and wild mushrooms. This clearing had a good view to the south, with part of the farm visible beyond the trees lower on the slope. Pepper scrambled over and panted at him happily, then ran in a wide looping circle with her tail wagging.

"You're the most excitable dog I've ever met, you know that?"

She glanced at him, her doggie ears twitching. Probably trying to figure out if any of the words he'd used meant food. Disappointed no food was forthcoming, she put her nose to the ground as if she were tracking something and headed westward through the underbrush.

Justin turned his attention back to the view as he rested his legs and hips. I wonder what Richard's doing right now…?

It was not a new thought, but at least it crossed his mind less often now. Maybe once a day instead of every half an hour or tormenting him during long stretches of sleepless nights. Nights when he couldn't get comfortable no matter how he changed position or fluffed the pillows. Nights when his mind raced frantically and replayed memories that only hurt him. Happy memories, ironically. Or they had been happy memories once. Now they were tinged with loss and regret. He hadn't spent his nights crying, but he had spent many of them awake and remembering.

Yet, he couldn't deny that things were getting better. He was sleeping better, and what sleep he got felt more restful. It was the way of things. A guy couldn't spend all his life reliving what he'd lost and constantly licking old wounds. Days passed. Time went on. The pain, so razor sharp at the beginning, slowly became something like an ache. And Justin could deal with that.

Speaking of moving on, he'd found a doctor in Green Bay to replace the one he'd used in Boston. He'd gone to see her exactly twice and had been stress-sweating the entire time, uneasy in the city after the quiet and isolation of the farm. She was human, but there weren't any major wolf packs in this part of Wisconsin. The closest big pack was in Milwaukee. Sure, there were a few individual wolves, like his aunt, scattered about, but this was all a huge change from Altaden where humans were the rarities. In the palace, he'd always felt like an outsider because he'd been an omega wolf, gay, and a commoner. In the human cities, he felt like an outsider because he was a shifter, gay, and pregnant, which earned him stares and the occasional cutting comment intended for him to "overhear."

That said, he rather liked his new obstetrician, even though she seemed fascinated by him. She tried really hard not to show it, but he could scent her curiosity, which made him a little uncomfortable. But she was the best of the options he had, and part of him appreciated her valiant attempt to maintain an "I've seen it all/been there, done that" professional medical demeanor. She was also supportive, positive, and empathetic, which he needed right now. Being pregnant was all very new and terrifying and rather squicky. His aunt had never had children, and she seemed just as uneasy about his pregnancy as he was, which really didn't help.

Still, Goddess love her, Aunt Katie was a lifesaver. Every day he worked with her making cheeses of various kinds. Cheddar. Brie. Swiss. Gouda. Havarti. Cheeses that needed bacteria cultures and cheeses that were pressed in molds. Justin had no idea how she'd kept this place running on her own. His respect for her bordered on hero worship. He also helped with the dogs by feeding them and sometimes giving them baths, which was always a challenge, even for someone without a growing belly getting in the way. He chipped in with the housework and sometimes the cooking. He patiently listened to his aunt explain the most minute details about Cheddar Wolf Farm, which might not sound like work, but it was. Sometimes it seemed as if she could talk about cheese for days and never repeat herself. And no one could deny one of the upsides of living here: access to all the cheese he could ever melt. Sure, it didn't come anywhere close to replacing Richard in his life, but it was better than starving under a bridge.

Sometimes he wondered what Richard would think of him now. Did Richard ever think of him? Had the prince already been betrothed to a new mate? Did he fondly remember the first time they'd kissed, or had those memories vanished with Justin?

He certainly remembered. The moon had been brilliant, blazing white-silver in the sky and reflected on the Mystic River. It had been cold. Their steaming breath intermingled. Richard leaned in, his green eyes bright, intense. Justin closed his eyes with a gentle exhale, filled with anticipation. The prince had kissed him, his lips soft and warm. That warmth spread through Justin from the center of his chest and outward, bubbling from inside him like a hot spring.

There had been other kisses. Passionate kisses. Ferocious kisses. Kisses with plenty of tongue. But that first kiss near the river was Justin's favorite…

He sighed and pushed himself to his feet. Time to get back to the farm and help his aunt, maybe with preparing cheese, maybe with the milk cows. He took a moment to stretch because he'd been having leg and foot cramps along with some lower back pain. The walks helped but didn't eliminate the back pain or his occasional headache. At least he seemed to have seen the last of the morning sickness. He wouldn't miss having his throat constantly raw from puking or having his stomach muscles twisted into achy knots.

Justin turned back toward the trail and was alarmed to discover Pepper was nowhere in the clearing and nowhere in sight. He'd been vaguely aware of the dog as he sat lost in his thoughts. At some point, she'd been behind him, out of sight. Where had she gone from there? Chasing a squirrel seemed most likely—

Sharp barking seized his attention in a chokehold. He froze, eyes widening. His wolf immediately went on full alert. He knew the sound of that bark. It was Pepper's way of shouting "danger!" over and over again.

The barking wasn't coming from the path. It was coming from somewhere past the underbrush to the west, farther along the hill. He started toward the sound, scenting the air to catch her trail. The clearing was a chaotic mix of Pepper's scent because she'd been back and forth over every patch of ground, but he did find a fresh scent-trail once he started west.

Leaves crunched under his shoes as he pushed past the undergrowth and hurried toward the barks. There wasn't any breeze in the woods right now. The air under the trees was very still. If there had been a breeze in his direction, he might've caught the strong musky odor far earlier than he did.

A bear.

Justin stumbled to a dead stop. Adrenaline and fear rushed through him in a tidal wave, paralyzingly cold, leaving his mind feeling numb. He hadn't brought the bear spray along. He'd religiously carried bear spray in the beginning. But after months of never seeing a bear or scenting one on the trail, he'd grown careless. Deer? Sure. Squirrels? Plenty. Badgers? Okay, one. But never a bear.

Aunt Katie warned you. A bear mauled Yipper. You can still see the scars where her fur didn't grow back perfectly.

That was very true. And while he knew that bears tended to avoid people, sometimes they didn't, and they were huge. Justin was not huge. That was a terrifying thing to be reminded of right now.

Pepper was not huge either, but she maintained her rapid-bark assault, her yaps firing as fast as a machine gun.

He sucked in a deep breath, and that finally shook him out of his paralysis. He still couldn't see Pepper or the bear through the undergrowth, but they weren't far. The scents were too strong. The barks were too close.

"Pepper!" he called as his pulse pounded in his ears. "Pepper! Come!"

She was not the best-trained dog, even when there wasn't a bear causing havoc. Pepper didn't come at his call. Maybe she couldn't hear him over her barking. Maybe she was still too far away and couldn't see him through the trees and undergrowth. Maybe she believed she was the last line of doggie defense against bears menacing the world.

Justin took a step backward. He would run and get Aunt Katie. She could bring her rifle or the rest of the dogs and run this monster off. Finding his aunt was the only sane and rational thing to do.

A bellowing bear roar made his heart skip a beat. Pepper's sharp yipping whine made it skip a half dozen more. He couldn't tell if that was a cry of pain or fear, but his wolf lunged to the forefront of his mind in response. Scents immediately grew sharper and sounds clearer.

His wolf form was far faster than his human form. He might not be able to fight a bear as a wolf, but he could easily outrun it. It was the quickest way to reach his aunt.

Justin kicked off his shoes, shrugged out of his heavy coat, and yanked off his shirt. Cold air raised gooseflesh on his pale skin. Jeans, boxers, and socks came next. The first moments of being naked outside were always odd, but this time, he barely noticed.

His thoughts, focus, and self turned inward. In the center of his mind, he faced his wolf, staring into its golden yellow eyes. It stared back unblinking, eyes sparkling like ancient coins flashing in the sunlight. He reached to embrace his wolf with all that he was. That contact, as the two parts of him connected, filled him with what many called the "peace of the Goddess." It was a sense of wholeness and serenity that only lasted seconds but reached into the core of him and triggered the change.

The shift took him without pain, without blood and rearranging bones. This was what the priests called the "gift of the Goddess." Mass shifting, rearranging, completely restructuring on a cellular level in less than half a minute. His body there and not there at the same time as two parts of his being changed places in reality. All he felt was a euphoria that was better than any chemical high.

But this time, his shift from man to wolf was different than any previous shift. It wasn't because of the danger he faced. It was because, when merging with his wolf being, he clearly sensed the presence of the other life held inside him, different from him, a new ember of being wrapped within. He'd known that shifters could change forms without risking the life within the womb, but that was intellectual knowledge. Feeling this sparked a firework rain of emotions inside him. That life was safely kept within his womb, whether he stood on two feet or four, and knowing it was something he'd created with Richard made it precious to him.

When Justin opened his eyes again, he saw the world in the yellows and blues and differentiated grays of wolf sight. Scent trails drifted through the trees like vibrantly colored dust swirling in beams of sunlight. The sound of Pepper's barks was sharper, louder. To his wolf, they sounded as if the dog was now yelling at the bear to "go away!" But the barks were clearly edged with terror, and the stink of fear drifted in the air between the trees. Pepper was afraid for her life, but she couldn't escape.

Justin lifted his muzzle and let out a long, trailing howl that echoed across the woods. Then he shot off running toward the sound of Pepper's barks, his claws digging into the soft soil and leaves.

He charged through the undergrowth, effortlessly dodging trees. The scent of bear and dog and fear intensified. He came upon the scene of Pepper backed against a tree trunk and a huge black bear watching the dog with dim malice, stinking of aggression.

Justin-wolf didn't bother trying to plan or strategize. He sprinted down a little slope and skidded to a stop in front of the Springer Spaniel. The bear was maybe sixteen feet away, a huge beast of dark fur and muscle and fat, six hundred pounds easy.

The dog cowered behind him. From his glance, it didn't look as if Pepper had been hurt—or if so, she wasn't badly injured. He didn't smell blood. That chilling yip-whine had caused him to fear the worst.

Justin-wolf growled low in his throat, baring his teeth, but at the same time, he slowly moved backward. Carefully. Step by step. Showing the bear that he didn't want to tangle with it but also showing he had teeth too.

Pepper finally shut off her flood of barking. Now she trembled with her tail between her legs, huddling close to his side.

The bear's eyes stayed on him. They seemed dull, almost uninterested, but then it roared and took a lumbering step toward him. Not charging, not yet, but the bear was clearly not ready for them to slink away unchallenged.

The human side of his mind filled with fear now that he was facing a real bear, but he continued to back away, growling, his hackles up. He remained ready to turn and sprint if the bear charged. Pepper was going to have to take the hint and run with him because he refused to be eaten by a bear today. Rushing to Pepper instead of running back to the farm for help might have been a huge mistake. Maybe he should have stuck with the original plan…

Something crashed through the undergrowth on his left. The bear glanced that way, turning ponderously. It wasn't anywhere near as nimble as a wolf, but its mass made it seem like a black-furred mountain.

Justin caught the scent before he risked a look in that direction. It was Aunt Katie in her wolf form. Her gray, brown, and white wolf streaked across the leaf-strewn forest floor as she charged the bear.

The bear started to react, but it was too slow and too surprised. His aunt's wolf leaped through the air right at it. The bear started to draw back. Her jaws snapped shut on one of its ears instead of near its throat, the target he thought she'd been going for. As her momentum carried her past, her jaws clamped tight and ripped away part of the bear's ear.

She landed and raced out of striking distance before the bear could react with anything but a bark of pain. Her wolf came to a sliding stop parallel to Justin but a dozen feet away. If the bear charged, it would have to choose one of them to go after, and she'd hurt it, which made her the prime target.

Her muzzle was streaked with blood. She kept her head low, eyes locked on the bear. A menacing growl rumbled from between her sharp teeth, and her fur bristled.

The bear—a normal bear, not a bear shifter, thank the Goddess—didn't appreciate the new odds. It bellowed a roar to keep up its masculine pride, then turned and began to lumber away. It didn't run, and its swaggering plodding couldn't be counted as fleeing, but it was leaving. The bear didn't glance backward either, as if daring them to attack.

Neither of them was recklessly foolish enough to do anything of the sort.

On second thought, maybe Justin was a reckless fool. He'd charged to the rescue of a dog that wasn't even his when he had a cub growing inside his womb. Now that the adrenaline and rush of fear were fading from his bloodstream, he felt incredibly lucky not to have been mauled…or worse.

The bear disappeared through the trees and into thicker undergrowth. They could hear it retreating even after they could no longer see it. Justin wasn't sure that a bulldozer could make more noise if it tried. The sounds of crashing, scraping, crunching leaves, and breaking branches left them reassured the bear wasn't circling for another attack—maybe to seek revenge for a half-ripped-off ear.

His aunt's wolf padded over to him. She gave him a nudge with her head and another to Pepper. Pepper was decidedly less enthusiastic and excitable than usual, her tail hanging between her legs and her ears flattened.

His aunt's wolf took off at a quick pace through the trees, heading in the opposite direction from the bear. He scrambled to follow, and Pepper ran alongside him, her doggie legs pumping to keep up with the faster wolves.

His aunt led Justin to his clothing. He shifted back into his human form while she remained on guard as a wolf, her eyes scanning the trees and her muzzle up, scenting for trouble. He quickly dressed, awkwardly pulling on his shoes while trying not to get his socks too dirty. As if that mattered when he'd almost been eaten by a bear.

When he was dressed, his aunt's gray wolf padded closer. She licked his hand and bumped him on the thigh with her weight, the way a cat might brush against a person's legs. Her wolf was big and solid enough to make him shift his footing to keep his balance. She glanced up at him with golden eyes and then jerked her head toward the trail back to the farm. It was a human gesture and looked rather odd when performed by a wolf.

He nodded and picked up Pepper. She wasn't exactly a tiny dog, but she was still trembling uncontrollably. No barking or any of her usual excitable shenanigans. Pepper remained utterly terrified even with the bear gone.

You're not the only one, girl.

He murmured soothing words to her as he followed the gray wolf along the trail. She set a brisk pace, but he didn't have much trouble keeping up, even carrying Pepper. She led them all the way back to the back gate in the rail fence, which was closed and loosely chained but not padlocked. The five other dogs had gathered at the fence, barking wildly in a mix of joy at seeing them again and frustration at having been kept here when all the action was out there. Except for Yipper, who wasn't barking and looked as grim as a dog could look. Maybe she smelled the bear on them.

When they reached the gate, Justin set Pepper down and opened it. Some of the dogs charged for the opening. One warning growl from Aunt Katie's wolf had them scrambling backward, ears flat and submissive.

After they were inside the fence, he shut the gate again, chaining it. Meanwhile, his aunt shifted back to her human form, heading to the trail of clothing strewn along the ground on the way from the barn to the gate. She wasn't shy about nudity, but then again, the majority of shifters weren't. After all, they were always without clothes as wolves. You got used to running with your furry ass shaking for the entire world to see.

Justin turned his attention to the trail leading from the gate, up the slope, and into the trees. He was still tense, still haunted by the fear that the bear would come roaring out of the woods, determined to have its ursine revenge. Charging like a monster from a horror movie that kept coming no matter what.

But there was no bear to be seen. The dogs crowded around his aunt as she simultaneously dressed and scolded them. Everyone was safe, though. Rattled and shaken but somehow safe. Even Sweetie made an appearance, watching from a porch railing, her expression one of a cat who'd seen it all.

After Aunt Katie had her boots back on, they started toward the farmhouse, leading the dog pack. His aunt picked up Pepper, but the look she gave Justin was harsh.

"What were you thinking, facing off with a damn bear? If I hadn't heard your howl and come on the double, you might be in the hospital right now. Or dead."

Worry and reaction vibrated in her words like an off-tune piano key. He could scent her fear, an acrid, bitter smell. Her words were sharp, but they also touched him. Not to mention how she'd come running to save him without hesitation…and, well, he already owed this woman everything. Why not owe her his life too?

She effortlessly carried Pepper as if the forty-pound dog was a sleeping bag or shoulder satchel. Pepper stared at him with big, scared-doggy eyes. She let out a little whine and licked her nose with a pink tongue.

"Pepper ran off into the woods while I was sitting in the clearing," he replied carefully. "She started barking like mad, so I went to see what was wrong. I caught the scent of the bear, but Pepper wouldn't come when I called her. I had to shift. So I could outrun it."

She gave him the look of a teacher who did not, in fact, believe his homework had been eaten by the dog. "Outrun it? You were headed in the wrong direction if you were trying to outrun it, Justin."

"I…" Why had he gone charging off to find Pepper when he'd intended to get help? Was it because she was so small and feisty and harmless and didn't deserve to be ravaged by a bigger, meaner creature? Now that it was all over, he had no idea. Reaction to the fear and adrenaline settled in, making him shaky and turning his knees to rubber. "I didn't want to fight it. But Pepper—"

"I love Pepper, but she's a dog. You're my nephew, and you're a pregnant omega. You need to stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about the cub that's coming."

He flinched, her words biting home. Hadn't he been chastising himself for the very same thing? He'd never been brave, but somehow, he'd ended up charging ahead to face off with a bear.

He struggled to come up with some answer to satisfy her. He couldn't think of any that she would accept. "I know. I'm sorry. Maybe it was practice? For when I'm a parent…?"

She stared at him hard, then closed her eyes and sighed. "Look, it's just that I haven't been that terrified in years. When I heard your howl, I knew it was you and—" She stopped and shook her head, her eyes shadowed. "The dogs were barking like crazy, all piled up at the fence line. I knew something was wrong. I didn't think I'd get there in time. I probably won't in all the nightmares I'll be having about this for the rest of my life."

"You and me both," he agreed unsteadily. He'd stared that bear right in the eyes…and he'd never felt so small in his life.

"Why didn't you bring bear spray? It's right on the porch! I told you to always take it if you go beyond the fence!"

He flushed and couldn't meet her hot gaze. "I know. I…uh, left from the cheese hut." That was the silly name they called the outbuilding where the cheese magic was made. "I didn't even think of it. I fell out of the habit. I'm sorry. It was stupid."

She suddenly hugged him fiercely. "Goddess. I'm just glad you're okay."

"You and me both." He hugged her back, hesitated, and then asked, "Are you going to kill the bear? With your rifle, I mean?"

The look she gave him was pained. "I don't know. Maybe he'll go away. It's a male black bear. Males are typically assholes and don't even have the excuse of protecting their cubs. No offense."

"Um, none taken. Was it the bear that mauled Yipper?"

"No. The scent was different. The bear that messed up Yipper hasn't been around since I took a shot at it."

"Oh." He sucked in a deep breath. With each passing second, the whole confrontation seemed more unreal in his mind. "Thank you, though. For coming for me."

"Was there any doubt I'd come running?" She looked honestly surprised. "It's something family does for each other."

"Not always." He was thinking of Richard and the king. His heart suddenly bled for his ex-mate.

"Listen to you, getting as cynical as I am. I'm a bad influence." She sighed. "All right, enough about this. Let's get cleaned up. I'll make some dinner. Tonight, we're having pie. With ice cream. Because it's a pie with ice cream kind of day."

He managed a grin. "Sounds good. I'm going to go take a shower."

The stink of sweat, stress, and adrenaline was bleeding out of his pores. He wanted to get rid of those smells ASAP. Besides, hot showers relaxed him. The steady fall of water, the clouds of steam, the simple task of washing, and knowing that was the only thing he needed to focus on at the moment. Some people might believe it strange, but a hot shower had always been a refuge for him.

"That's fine," his aunt replied. "I want to settle the dogs down before I start cooking. Maybe I'll walk the fence line first. Make sure it's still good all the way around the property. Goddess knows we don't need any more surprises."

The tremor in her voice for that last sentence seized his attention. He turned to glance at her. She was watching him, her expression troubled. As soon as she caught him looking, she smirked and flapped a hand at him as if shooing him away.

But a short time later, when he had his hands braced against the shower tile, his head down as he let hot water run over his body, he was amazed to discover that the fear had gone. He didn't feel afraid.

Oh sure, he'd been terrified facing off with the bear. No doubt about that. But he'd saved Pepper. Him. A dinky little omega wolf that everyone believed was soft and weak and submissive. Justin Turner had faced off with a bear and lived to tell the tale.

It had been incredibly, excessively stupid and reckless. And yeah, he could never again risk the child he carried. Ever. But he had faced down something terrifying to save the life of a smaller creature. One who needed him. He was a mother bear defending her cubs. After today, there was no doubt in Justin's mind that he would defend his baby to Hell and back. No matter what. He didn't need an alpha wolf like Richard. Justin had his own strength. His own fangs. Today, he had shown them.

Harder times were coming, and he knew it. Money—the lack of it, specifically. Medical debt. Not to mention all the twenty-four-seven challenges of pregnancy. Labor. Then raising a child on his own…

But he would face them all. For his child, he would make every sacrifice, and there wasn't a bear in the world that would dare come between them.