43. Maya

43

Maya

"There is still blood in your hair."

Irene sounded almost impressed as I reached up to where she was indicating. Sure enough, there was a dried speck of blood on me. It wasn't from the fight with the group of rogue wolves last night. I'd showered. But when I'd stepped out of the shower and Rhyson walked in covered in blood…

It was definitely the dirtiest sex I'd ever had.

Blushing at the thought, I quickly raked my hair back into a hairband. "Red hair. Hard to see all the blood sometimes."

Smirking, Irene pointed to the circle she'd outlined with chalk. "Sit here."

"Why?"

"There is really old magic in this den, and it has a mind of its own. It likes things nice and tidy, so we have to perform our spells in a chalk circle. If we don't, and the old magic doesn't like what we're doing, your bonds won't be the only thing amputated."

Too late to turn back now, right? I quickly stepped into the circle. "You already have something to try?"

"No. I want to run a few tests on you while Janelle is doing research."

"What kind of tests?" I asked nervously.

"I'm looking for the residual magic from when the first spells were laid on you. Magic often has a signature. Obviously I don't know every witch, but one powerful enough to do this should be recognizable."

"Even if they were off the mountain?"

Irene looked troubled. "That will definitely be a problem. Let's see what we can do. None of this will be painful. You can lay down and take a nap if you like."

As if. Chances were that Rhyson and the others wouldn't even be back tonight, and that meant it would be the first night I'd spent away from Rhyson since we got here.

It had only been a couple of weeks, but I hated the idea of sleeping alone. Fucking ridiculous. He wasn't mine. He would never be mine. I needed to get used to sleeping without him.

But I lay down in the circle and closed my eyes. Irene started humming something soothing, and my skin tingled. "Where's your wolf?" Irene asked in a soft voice. The music continued, so it wasn't her humming. I frowned, but I didn't feel compelled to open my eyes.

"I don't know. I can't feel her. I can usually only feel her when she's close to the surface."

"Can you invite her out?"

"I can. It takes a while."

"Not to shift. Just to the surface."

I'd never done that before. The only time I tried to communicate with my wolf was to shift, or to pull control from her.

"I don't think she'll hear me. Or understand," I whispered as a wave of grief swept through me. How strange. I'd never been able to communicate with her, and now the mere thought of a continued future like this made me want to cry.

Must be the baby starting to make me hormonal.

"That's all right. Pretend you're calling her for a shift. That's instinctive for a wolf and doesn't require a bond, but I want to see if I can spot the line of communication."

That sounded really technical. Like she was following a telephone wire.

Hello , I thought softly to my wolf. I know you can't hear me, but I am trying to help us. Are you sleeping? Can you come to me? Not to shift, but just to visit?

Nothing happened, and I swallowed. "Sorry, I don't think it's working."

"It's all right. I've sent a tracking spell inside of you, and I'm trying to find where you and your wolf connect without a bond. Keep talking to her."

It's not your fault that we're like this. It's not my fault either. You deserved to find your mate. To find someone who would fight next to you and protect you and love you. Maybe one day we can make that happen. Or maybe we can just stay here. It's nice here. No more violent than at home, am I right?

I chuckled at my dark humor, but all I heard was an echo. Still, it was nice chatting with her, even if she couldn't hear me or chat back.

I'm in a tangle with Rhyson, and I don't know how to extricate myself. His idea of us co-parenting is sweet, but it's born from naivety. He can't just kill my father, and my father will never let Rhyson have control of this child. There are only two roads for me, and both of them are bleak.

I wish you could help me make the decision. He's your child too. Your little wolf cub. I bet you'd be an excellent mother.

"Maya, you can stop now. Are you in pain? Open your eyes."

At the sound of Irene's urgency, I opened my eyes and stared at her. Janelle was in the room, and they were both staring at me. "What? What happened?"

"You were crying, and you weren't responding to me. I've been trying to get you to sit up for a few minutes now. Is the magic hurting you?"

Reaching up, I wiped my face with my hand, and it came back wet. "Sorry. I've never really talked to my wolf like that before. I don't think I've ever talked to anyone like that before. I guess I got a little lost and overwhelmed."

Embarrassed, I turned away and tried to gain control of myself. I was crying in front of two women I barely knew, and my wolf hadn't even budged.

"Your internal monologue is therapy. Mine is constant arguments," Irene said with a chuckle. "We should feed you and get you some water. We're under strict instructions to make sure you eat every two hours, or I believe your mate will rip out one of my eyeballs. His words. Not mine."

"Again, he's not my mate, and I'm sorry he said that. He's used to bossing people around, and he's out of his element here. Having said that, I am hungry. Why did Anna go with them?"

"She's a null. Oh fuck," Janelle grumbled. "You tricked me."

I chuckled. I'd been trying to get that information out of them all morning. There was something strange about Anna, and I wanted to make sure she'd be helpful to Rhyson. I'd seen her fight. I knew she was a badass, but he'd be worried about her constantly.

Over dinner, they explained what a null was, and I was impressed. "It makes sense that so many different creatures could thrive here on the mountain. Outside, wolves are too worried about society, and about hiding who they are, but also status and power. There is that here, but not to the same extent. It's so much wilder and closer to nature."

Janelle's lip twitched. "You like it."

"I love it," I admitted. "This is the safest I've felt in a long time."

"Would that have anything to do with a certain king who can't take his eyes off you?" Irene asked. "The one you say isn't your mate?"

"It's just lust," I said, hating that there was a ping of regret in my voice. "He needs a mate for his wolf, especially given his station outside the mountain, and he'll never have that with me. Not to mention right now, he just feels guilty. He made some assumptions about me, and he's struggling with that. And he's worried about the baby. His baby."

I placed my hand over my belly. I was worried about the baby as well. Worried about whether he'd live long enough to be born. If he'd be born with my curse. What his future looked like. Whether I'd be a good mother.

Whether I'd be his mother at all.

Janelle and Irene both looked at me with sympathy. Hating that, I quickly changed the subject until we could get back to the spells. An hour into my strange salt circle, with Janelle still poring over books and Irene chanting softly over me, the door to the coven room opened, and Anna stumbled in. She was covered in blood.

"Shit blew up right in our faces. I think Nash is dead, and Rhyson is gone."