37. Maya

37

Maya

"What the fuck!" Furious, I tried to jerk my hand away, but there was no one holding onto me. I was completely alone.

"Easy," Irene's voice said in my head. "I'm right here, and you're fine. You're still sitting in my living room with the two of us. Well, three, if you count Jenson, but you're fine. Janelle is still trying to find her way…ah, there she is."

"Sorry, Irene, you went a little fast for me." Janelle almost sounded breathless, like she'd been running. I whirled around, but I still couldn't see anyone. I couldn't see anything.

"Where am I?"

"We're sort of floating in your thoughts. Once you target a memory, we'll all be pulled there. I'm not sure if you'll see us or not. This is a little bit different for everyone since everyone's brains look a little bit different. Let's start with something easy so we can calibrate. Think back to when you first walked into the room," Irene directed.

Immediately, the memory popped into my head, but it started to clash with others: the ATV ride here, how I felt waking up alone, memories of last night.

"That's hot," Irene said.

"God, how do I make it stop?" I moaned.

"I have really gotta spend more time with the wolves," Janelle said wistfully. "It's okay. It's too soon, and you're a little jumbled. You can pick a memory. A more isolated incident that you don't mind others viewing."

At this point, my mind was going all the way back to the first time I saw Rhyson. Squeezing my eyes shut, like that was going to do anything, I try to settle my mind. An image came up, and I felt something hard and rough under my butt. Opening my eyes, I squeaked. I was on a rooftop.

My rooftop.

"Oh, how lovely. Is this your land?" Irene asked. I turned and she and Janelle were both standing next to me. In front of me, staring at the sky was…well, me.

"Does she…I mean do I…this isn't really happening, right? She can't see us?" I asked as I studied myself. My hair was shorter. My father had gleefully hacked it off when he caught me staring at one of the boys outside my window. That would make this memory about six years ago, when I finally was able to pry my window open after years of trying.

"No, it's just a memory. It will play out like it always does. Okay, we're here and we're calibrated. Now, we need to find your wolf. Can you call to her?"

"Not really. She just knows when I want her. Kind of like she's listening to me. If this is just my mind, how will I…oh." My voice died as a wolf lumbered over the roof. It was a strange thing to see a wolf on the roof of a house. She was small, rusty red with black markings. Pretty. I'd seen my wolf a couple of times on this trip, in the reflection of water, but I'd never seen her like this. Still, I knew that she was me.

Patiently, she sat and stared at us. Unable to resist the urge, I walked over and placed my hand on her head. She stepped closer, leaning into me, and seemed to rumble with contentment. "I know it's not real, but it's the first time I've ever felt that I could connect with her," I whispered as I fought to keep the tears out of my eyes. "Thank you for this. I know it won't last, but it's amazing."

"You're welcome. So normally, there are threads connecting you to your wolf, and with those threads, you can follow other threads, other bonds. We need to see if there are any threads surrounding her, even if they're frayed."

"Like…check in her fur?"

Janelle chuckled. "I'm afraid it isn't going to be that simple."

Suddenly, the memory shot up with a gasp and started to scramble into the window. The scene around me started to shift. "Shit. I'm sorry. I can't hold onto it."

"No, it's all right," Irene said soothingly. "We'll travel with you wherever you go. No need to worry."

Afraid I would lose her, I kept my grip on my wolf's fur, and when the scene shifted, we were no longer on the roof. We were in the basement. There were so many memories that happened here, and my heart pounded with fear. So many but all with the same theme.

"Did you think that I wouldn't notice it?" My father's shout pierced the darkness, followed by my scream. "Who gave it to you? Who gave you the fucking bracelet, Maya?"

"Oh, God." I slammed my eyes shut so I didn't have to see the scene that appeared before me. My father had chained me to the wall and ripped my shirt off to make sure I wasn't hiding any other jewelry.

He'd used the cane that night.

Irene's hands circled my wrist. "Breathe. You can leave this memory whenever you want, but they can get tangled in your mind if you're in too much of a hurry to leave. Settle for something strong. Something that you can focus on the details. Something that gives you a feeling of peace."

"I don't have anything like that," I whispered, but the scene started to change around me. I didn't even know what would appear until we were already there.

"Oh. Well, this works. We don't need to watch again," Irene said with a soft laugh.

I gazed down at the bed. I was just waking up and realizing that I wasn't alone. Next to me, Rhyson slept soundly, the sheets twisted around us. "No, it's okay. I left not long after this. Nothing else happened."

I remembered staring at him for what felt like hours, wishing I could suspend the moment forever. Outside of that room, the rest of the world waited. My father. Fear. But here, I'd never felt such pleasure in my life.

I'd never felt so safe.

Little did I know how that would all change.

Turning from the scene, I blew out my breath. "All right, what do I need to do?"

"It's going to take a lot of meditation and concentration, and some work on your wolf's part. We need her to take us where she inhabits inside of you. Where she calls home. It's not a physical place, obviously, but a mental or maybe a spiritual one. That's where we should find whatever might be left of your bond."

When I looked up at Janelle with skepticism, she shrugged. "It's not an exact science. This kind of magic is used to help witches share power. It's not meant for wolves, and I've only successfully done it one other time. I didn't have Irene to power me, and it didn't go quite the way I imagined."

"What were you trying to do?"

Her face hardened. "When Emerson was an alpha, he severed his alpha bond with a wolf. I don't know if you've ever seen that happen, but it's excruciating both physically and mentally. I felt responsible. I was trying to help her heal. All I did was make things worse, but I could see her bonds, so I'm hoping to do the same here."

"I'll do my best." The memory of me was getting out of bed and searching for my clothes. This memory, this peaceful place I didn't even know I had, would fade soon, so I sat in front of my wolf and framed her face with mine. "Hi. We don't get to talk much like this, do we? I wonder if this is your first time seeing me, or if you can see through my eyes. Maybe you've seen everything. I'm sorry. You're so powerful and strong, and you're stuck in me, but maybe we can change that. Can you show us where you are? Can you take us there?"

At first, nothing happened. Disappointment crashed through me, and I rested my forehead on hers and closed my eyes. "It's all right. It was a long shot. Maybe you can't understand me, or maybe you just don't want us there. It's okay. We've made it this far just like this, and we're strong enough to keep going. I believe in you. I believe in us."

"Maya, it's all right," Irene whispered. "We're here."

Opening my eyes, I drank in the beauty of the space. A full moon in the darkest of night skies was reflected on a pool of water so still it looked like glass. The grass was lush and thick, and a dense forest surrounded us on all sides. It was so quiet. So peaceful.

"This is inside me?" I whispered. "I didn't even know that I was capable of this."

"It's a good sign. Your wolf is not at all troubled, and it's no wonder she's so strong. She's gathered so much power and magic to make this, and it's probably nothing to her." Janelle walked over to us and glanced down at my wolf. "It's beautiful."

I studied her face carefully. "And yet, you can't smile. What you're looking for isn't here, is it?"

"It is, actually. May I?" She held her hand out to my wolf, who slowly walked toward her. When Janelle touched her, she pulled her hand away and held a short thread that gleamed gold. My breath caught.

"That's it? That's my bond?"

"It's a bond. It looks relatively new. The problem, Maya, is that there are no bonds surrounding you. And if I can't attach it to anything, I have no idea how to repair it."