30. Maya
30
Maya
My wolf didn't just give over control. She sank deep in me, almost as if she were retreating to lick her wounds. Rhyson's look of disgust had broken us both, and when I emerged, I started to shift. Nobody said a word as someone handed me some clothes.
"Is there any way to fix it?" I asked without looking up. "Can you use magic to repair my bonds?"
Janelle looked over at Irene and then back to me. "Honestly, I have no idea. There isn't much information on wolf magic that's available to witches. I'm not even certain how a witch would have gone about removing them to begin with. Your best course of action is to find the witch that removed them and hope he knows how to fix it."
That didn't bode well. Even if I could somehow get the information from my father, it wouldn't do me any good. "Well, thank you. I did think I'd go my whole life never knowing what was wrong with my wolf. Turns out she's perfect." I forced a smile. "We were just fucked from the moment we were conceived."
"Maya, I know what it's like to have a shit father," Anna said gently. "Mine killed his mate, went insane, and basically became a serial killer and forced me to kill."
I blinked at her. "Wow. That's shit."
"It is indeed."
"What ended up happening to him?"
She glanced out the door. "Jax killed him right before he realized that I was his mate."
"Glad that worked out for you." I knew that she was opening up and sharing so I could do the same, but I didn't even know what to say. "My baby…will it be the same?"
Janelle looked at me helplessly. "My gut instinct is to tell you that it was an amputation procedure. A spell to sever them, and then it's over. However, it could be an active spell, something still inside of you. That might affect the baby. I really can't even begin to figure out what's going on."
Anna touched my shoulder. "We've figured out tough things. If you give us some time, we can figure this out as well."
"Jax isn't going to allow Rhyson in his territory much longer. We both know that."
"I'll talk to him."
"Rhyson isn't going to want to stay here much longer. He's here for information. Nothing else."
Anna wrinkled her forehead. "I feel like the threat of his baby not being able to form wolf bonds would be important to him."
Maybe, if Rhyson actually believed it was his baby. That was far too humiliating to admit right now. "I'm going to take a walk. Is there any place where I'm welcome or places I'm definitely not welcome?"
Anna grinned. "You think you can control that wolf of yours?"
"Why?"
"I could use a good run, and I'm thinking you can as well. Let's shift and run together. Let your wolf out, as long as she's not homicidal. Really blow off some steam. It's good for the baby, too."
Run my wolf when it wasn't necessary? How amazing would that be? "She's never really done that. She might go into hunt or protective mode," I said regretfully. "I don't know if it's a good idea."
"Maya, my wolf is submissive. She can fight if she needs to, and hold her own, but most wolves don't find her a threat. I imagine your wolf won't either, especially since she knows I'm trying to help her. No one here is going to hurt you, and if we need to take her down, we can do it gently without hurting her too much. I think you need this. I sure as hell would. I went a long time without shifting or running. I know how you feel."
After some reluctance, I nodded. "I'm going to look at a few books and see if I can get in touch with Lunessa about her recourses," Irene said. "We won't stop until we find answers, Maya."
Kind of them, especially since they barely knew me. "Don't bother. We won't be here that long, and if I go home, you won't be able to get in touch with me. I wanted answers. That was more than I ever thought I was going to get."
Before they could poke or prod further, I started the shift. Before, when my wolf thought Rhyson was in danger and snapped into shape, I'd plunged into the icy cold darkness, still stunned at the quickness of her shift. This time, I was hoping to control it a little better, but it was like all the other times: slow and a little painful.
My wolf rose to the surface, and I held my breath, desperate to see if she would take over. She didn't. Instead, she stayed, just high enough to enjoy the run but not enough to take complete control. I turned my head to see Anna, a small and scarred blond wolf, watching me carefully. When I chuffed at her, she bounded through the door, and I raced after her.
It was freedom.
I gave myself into the wonder and curiosity and tried to let go of the hypervigilance and fear. We sniffed and ran. Anna even tried to play with me, although I had no idea how to play as a wolf. When she bowed to me, I tried to run, and when she started to run, I wanted to hunt. In the end, we settled for running side-by-side.
Other wolves watched, but no one joined and no one approached. Finally, when it felt like we were hundreds of miles from where we started, we collapsed and started to shift back.
Reaching into a tree stump, she pulled out a bag of clothes and tossed it my way. "Ah. I did wonder how everyone always had access to clothes," I said without thinking.
Anna gave me a sideways look. "This is the most common method, at least here. How is it off the mountain? Do you not run for fun?"
"I can't tell you what it's like off the mountain," I said carefully. "You can't leave the mountain or come to the mountain, remember?"
Wrinkling her nose, she started to dress. "Right. Okay, then why don't you tell me what it's like where you're from."
I took a few moments to figure out what to tell her. Nobody had ever asked me that question before. My father's pack knew exactly how I lived, and everyone outside of it believed what my father told them. There was no point in trying to argue. Here, Anna was a stranger. She'd never meet him.
"My father is in charge," I said as I pulled on the leggings and oversized t-shirt. "He's so likable and charismatic. Even outside of our…group, he's well-liked and respected. He comes from a long line of dominant wolves, and no one ever questions his word or his leadership.
"He and my mother weren't mates. She died not long after I was born, so my father is all I've ever known. He calls me a princess, and I guess he's not wrong. I am a princess."
"Kept in an ivory tower?" Anna asked sarcastically.
"An attic. It has these beautiful dormer windows with small ledges that lead to the roof. It's isolated enough that usually no one can see me when I go up there and stare at the moon, or watch the other wolves play and run below." Sitting down, I stared straight ahead. "My father loathes me. He says I have too much of my lowlife mother inside of me. I've been kept alive and raised for one purpose: to wed the wolf of his choosing. When he's not beating me, he lets his second-in-command do it."
"How sweet," Anna said sarcastically. "And Rhyson is the wolf you're supposed to wed?"
I snorted. "Hardly. The night I met him, I was supposed to marry another alpha, and I was rejected and humiliated. Rhyson was there, and I used him for just one night for myself. My father was furious when he realized what happened. Apparently, he'd planned that I'd marry the alpha and then slit his throat so my father could steal his land."
"Ah. Not a terrible plan unless you know, you've beaten your daughter for all of her life instead of raising her to be just like you."
At that, I chuckled. Anna, it seemed, did understand a little of what I'd gone through. "I didn't know who Rhyson was, but when I realized I was pregnant, I thought he might help. Unfortunately, I caught up with him right as he was putting his years-long mission into play, and now I'm just swept up in it."
"He cares for you."
Was she blind? Just a few hours ago, Rhyson had stalked away from me, so disgusted that he couldn't even be in the same room as me. "You were rescued by your mate. That's not always what happens."
This time, it was Anna who snorted. "Oh, believe me, my life has not been a fairytale. I was rescued all right, and Jax couldn't stand to be near me for three years. It wasn't until recently that he realized he needed me and we were able to put our issues aside and learn to trust each other. Our wolves may have tried to make the decision, but in the end, it's the humans who have to make it work. Just because you can't have a mating bond doesn't mean you can't be happy."
"Maybe." I cradled my belly. "I'm probably not even going to be able to bond with my child. Maybe that's for the best."
"What do you mean?"
"Nothing. How far did we run and do we have to walk back on foot?"
Anna's phone rang, and she held up her hand as she pulled it from the holster strapped to her leg. "What's up?" Her eyes widened. "No, that sounds like fun. I'm on my way. Western border? I'll be there in ten minutes. And I might have a friend with me."
A friend? Did she mean me?
When she hung up, she grinned. "There's a monster heading straight for us. Want to help us take it down?"
"A monster?" My heart quickened. "Like, an oversized giant that kind of looks like it was a wolf once?"
"Exactly. You've seen one before?"
"It is a wolf."
"I know. We're going to try to bring it down humanely and see if we can reverse the effects. Our healer specializes in the drug that turns them."
She knew so much more about it than Gideon. I let the wolf come out. "Let's do this."