9. Arabella

Chapter 9

Arabella

M any years ago, even centuries ago, the Angels were a lawless race, just like the other races. We weren't contained to just Aeris and the Angel lands. We roamed free and did as we pleased. Some Angels chose to stay to themselves and live their life in peace, others tried to control the other races to the best of their abilities. The Angels that lived near our current-day Aeris were some of the first who had banded together to create a colony. They lived in peace but always wanted more. They fought for their land, to carve a small piece for themselves to protect themselves and the few young that they had.

The texts in the library say that those angels were the first Seraphim, our leaders, and those who could speak with the Divine. I call bullshit on it. I think they were just the harshest angels who knew how to use their powers in a way to manipulate others. I can't prove it, but I've seen the stories in the journals from my older family members. One of them had belonged to that very first settlement and even helped them fight their way to more land. He never once said that they forced others to call them Seraphim but it was implied.

I hated knowing my family was capable of something so terrible like that. It explains where I got my manipulation powers from, and I knew I never wanted to be like that. I would never stoop to their level and mistreat others. I would give up the Seraphim title in a heartbeat if I could without risking my mate.

This is my second time reading this journal from the beginning and I'm still just as confused. The words on these pages make it seem like the Angels were the bad guys. All my years of schooling said the opposite. They said one day we were lawless, and the Seraphim banded together to create a safe haven for Angels, but this makes it sound as if they forced the laws on others, angels and other species alike. This may be why the Angels claim to be the superior race because they bullied their way into the title. It actually sort of makes sense with how my father acts.

Also, what manipulation power are they talking about? I've never heard of it, not in any of my classes or any of the readings I have done. I tried to search the books here at the Academy and nothing exists on it, or at least nothing that I've found yet, which is extremely irritating. Skipping further ahead, I flip to the section I know the author wrote about the powers.

I tried hiding it. For the past six months, my powers over emotional manipulation have been growing exponentially. At first, I thought by hiding them from everyone, including my family, I was doing them a favor. Now, I think I've done everyone a disservice. Controlling the power is getting more and more difficult every day. Just this morning I was with my best friend and she was complaining about all the stress she was under. In a split second, that stress was gone, and she was acting like a new person all because my power slipped out, and I wished for her to no longer feel that stress. The second I realized what happened, I ran. She called after me and tried to follow but when I took to the skies I lost her. For two days, I hid in the skies, flying from mountain to mountain trying to find some semblance of peace, a balance within myself. Nothing worked.

If it hadn't been for my father sending the archangels after me, I would have hidden longer. They forced me to return with them. My father spent two days questioning me as to why I would run off. Why I would try to hide and not return? I couldn't give them an answer, or at least not one that he found satisfactory. I was scared to admit I was losing control of my powers. I knew what would happen if I couldn't control them and that wasn't a risk I would take.

Whoever this author is, they sound exactly like me. The tough family life, though not a mention of abuse, the inability to control all of their powers, and being afraid of them. That is me. For the longest time, I thought I was the only one going through these struggles, that there was something wrong with me that the Divine missed when making all angels. I was terrified that it wouldn't get better, that I was all alone.

One of the things this journal has taught me so far is that I'm not alone, far from it. Other angels out there have struggled with the same thing as me, just different powers. I've also learned that everything the angels have been teaching us is manipulated, or at least parts of it. What the Fallen Angels were saying in class today could be the truth, at least according to this journal.

I can't decide which is scarier, that the Fallen are correct or that the Angels who rule us are capable of such a terrible lie. Neither is a good option. If this news were to get out, it would mean the possible downfall of the angels. Chaos would ensue and a war would begin. The Seraphim will never give up their control, and I know that many angels would side with them but there would also be a large portion who would fight for change. That alone terrifies me.

Anger, fear, sadness, joy, all of the emotions tumble through me on repeat trying to sort through my thoughts and decide what the best course of action is. If I continue down this path, I could learn more. That knowledge though could force me to become a fallen, or it would mean I could rise up and be the change I've always wanted to be. Would the risk be worth it?

I have no idea.

One thing that I do know is that the answer isn't going to find me tonight. Reading this journal isn't going to give me the answers either. I could talk to Harper and Isis about it but I don't want to drag them into something. We all have our own things to work through before going back home. No matter what it would need to be their choice, but I know if I take the route of telling them, then I need more research to back up my claims. This journal and the questions from the Fallen won't be enough evidence. It shouldn't even be enough to convince me. If I was back home it wouldn't be. Why it is now, I have no idea. Maybe it's because I'm desperate for a way to continue to separate myself from my father even more, I'm not sure.

"What am I supposed to do, Divine? How can this be the plan you have for our lives? Why did you let this happen? Did you?" I softly question out loud as I close the journal and put it inside my nightstand.

Looking at the clock beside me I realize it's three in the morning. Once again it will be a night of little sleep. I know eventually my body will crash and require me to sleep, but one more night of only a couple hours should be good enough. Now I only hope that my dreams will be peaceful and I can find some sleep. That's been the issue for several nights in a row, my dreams keeping me awake. I can feel a change coming and it feels like everything is about to get worse before it gets better.

Hopefully, the world won't change too much when it happens and the Angel Realm will remain standing in the end.