Chapter 8 - Leah

I couldn’t think of anything worse than having to relive my trauma after the night I just had.

“You insist I tell you?” I asked Killian, propping myself up on my elbow and turning to face him.

“Maybe insist wasn’t the right word,” Killian said, backtracking.

I raised an eyebrow at him, wondering why he cared so much about my reaction. It wasn’t like he held any affection for me anymore. Why should my feelings be any of his concern?

“Leah,” he said earnestly, “I can’t forget the way you looked at me tonight. You were terrified of me, and I have no clue why. I know I was upset, but you must know I wasn’t angry with you. Please, help me understand what you were thinking.”

My mate’s obvious worry couldn’t be explained, but it couldn’t be ignored, either.

“You really want to know?” I asked. My brain scrambled to find an explanation that didn’t force me to divulge the truth about my past. I had never said it out loud, although Sienna had guessed at what happened at home behind closed doors. There had never been anything that could be done about it, though, so I had never asked her for help. The closest I had come to telling her the truth was when we were on one of our long runs and she saw bruises on my ribs when I had taken off my shirt to cool down. In the end, I had lied, covering up my parents’ abuse and choosing to continue to suffer in silence.

“Please,” Killian practically begged.

I sighed, steeling myself to begin my explanation.

“When you were angry and sort of threw your hands up in the air, I thought you might hurt me,” I said tentatively.

He didn’t react right away, just took in what I said.

“And then you took a step toward me, and I just… froze,” I finished.

“I never intended to hurt you—or even make you wonder whether I might hurt you,” Killian said, looking shocked by my revelation. “I thought you were going to say that you were frightened by my facial expression because you’d never seen me angry before, or that you thought I was going to hurt Andy. Not that I would hurt you .”

“It wasn’t necessarily… you that I was afraid of,” I said.

“I’m confused.”

I felt like I was too close to disclosing uncomfortable truths about my family, but I didn’t want him to walk on eggshells around me for the rest of my life, either, thinking that I was constantly afraid of his presence.

“It was the motion of you raising your hand and stepping toward me,” I said, trying to sound nonchalant. “Just some sort of trauma response or something.”

Oops. I hadn’t meant to use the word “trauma.”

A crease appeared between his eyebrows, and I saw the wheels start turning in his head as he started to figure out what I meant.

“You had a trauma response,” he repeated.

There was no question, just a statement that I had no response to.

“A trauma response. To someone raising their hand in the air?” Killian asked, his voice escalating in anger.

He sprang up and began pacing next to the bed as he took deep breaths. I didn’t want to upset him further, so I remained silent as he attempted to get his feelings under control.

“Who?” he asked, stopping near the door.

“Who, what?”

“Who was the scum that hit you?”

“It really doesn’t matter, does it?” I asked. “I don’t live in Sparkle Hollow anymore.”

Killian closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. Muscles tensed and flexed in his jaw, and I could see that he was struggling not to explode in rage. I had no idea he would be so affected by finding out such a small part of my past, but it was too late for me to take back what I told him.

He took a deep breath and exhaled forcefully before opening his eyes. Slowly, carefully, he walked back towards the bed and sat down gently next to me.

“Leah,” he began, moderating his tone as he took my hand in both of his. “I promise, on everything I have ever loved, that I will never raise a hand against you. I will never hurt you.”

I was shocked by the honesty in his voice, and although I nodded my head in understanding, I wasn’t sure if I believed his words. He had hurt me before. Not physically, of course, but through his actions, my heart had been broken. There was nothing to keep him from hurting me again.

Nothing but his promise.

***

The following day began quietly, with no rush of movement or thoughts as my eyelids flickered open. The only change I felt was an uneasiness in my stomach as I remembered Killian’s promise to protect me from himself.

I looked to my left, peeking over the pillow wall to see that he was already awake and had left the room. His side of the bed was made up with the quilt tucked into the corners and his pillow lying neatly on top.

I climbed out of bed and put on my slippers before heading toward the kitchen. I expected to find him waiting in the kitchen or living room, but they were empty. Instead, I saw a piece of paper on the kitchen island next to an empty bowl, a spoon, and a box of chocolate cereal.

I don’t remember buying that at the store, I thought.

I picked up the note from Killian and read:

Leah, I hope you don’t mind that I snuck out early. I had some pack business to discuss with Alpha Jasper, but I needed to go to the store and grab this cereal for you first. I remember that it used to be your favorite.

I’ll be back later today. Help yourself to whatever you need around the house. I left a credit card in case you want to go out anywhere.

Have a great day,

Killian

Now that I had picked up the note, I saw the credit card that had been sitting underneath it. I had no plans of leaving the house today—I had gotten plenty of pack exposure for the time being—but even if I had, I wouldn’t feel right using Killian’s money.

I poured myself a bowl of the chocolate circles, added milk from the fridge, and wandered out to the living room to turn on the television. The first channel that popped up was some kind of reality show. As I ate my breakfast, I watched a handful of men and women make fools of themselves while trying to find love as they competed in challenges. It wasn’t my usual choice of entertainment, but my brain seemed to latch onto the simplicity of it all.

Once I had finished eating, I switched the TV off and rinsed out my bowl. I hadn’t gotten a chance to unpack everything yet, and that seemed like as good a task as any.

For the next hour, I unpacked everything I had brought with me. It took less time than I anticipated, but luckily, I had plenty of books. I got lost in one of my favorites, and before I knew it, I heard the key turning in the lock at the front door.

“Hey,” I said, marking the page in my book and placing it on the couch next to me. “How did your meeting with Jasper go?”

“It went well,” he said, heading to the kitchen and pouring himself a glass of water. “Nothing too serious, just going over some of the details on who belongs to which pack. Luna April wants to hold a formal ceremony where each member swears their fealty to their respective alphas, but I think that’s a bit overkill.”

“I think that sounds like a good idea, actually,” I mused.

“Really?” he asked.

“Having clear boundaries is never a bad thing,” I pointed out.

Killian nodded, and I could tell he understood that I wasn’t just talking about the packs.

“Can I ask you a question?” I said, eyeing his glass of water. “You used to drink, but ever since I’ve been here, you’ve only had water or coffee. Do you not drink anymore?”

“I do,” he replied. “Just not as often as I used to.”

I could sense there was more to that, but if he wasn’t ready to talk about it, I didn’t want to pry.

For the remainder of the day, Killian acted like the perfect gentleman. He didn’t tiptoe around me, but he did give me space to do my own thing. When we interacted, he was kind and open without seeming to overcompensate for our argument the previous day. Never once did he mention my revelation about being abused or push me to talk about anything I wasn’t ready for.

The following morning, I awoke and immediately wondered if his behavior yesterday was a one-off occurrence, but he continued acting as kind and respectful as ever. Over the next week, we fell into a rhythm as we learned how to live together.

As promised, Killian asked for my input on which chores I wanted to be responsible for and which ones I would rather have him take care of. Both of us were used to doing everything on our own and were reluctant to give up control of the things we felt we were good at, but with his empathetic communication style, we were able to come to an agreement that seemed fair to both of us.

Since it had been a few years since we had known each other, we also talked about how we liked to spend our days. Killian’s job kept him away from home each day, as did his pack duties, so I was left to my own devices for large stretches of time, which suited me just fine. I had always been an introvert. I enjoyed being able to let my guard down and just be.

What truly surprised me was that each time Killian returned home, he brought me a gift—everything from fresh flowers to my favorite candy. One night, he brought home a movie that I had mentioned wanting to see, and I was amazed that he had not only remembered it but had gone out of his way to find it for me.

As much as I tried to fight the instinct to warm up to him, I could feel my walls starting to crumble. I still didn’t trust him, and I knew he didn’t hold any real affection for me, but it was hard to argue with the fact that his actions matched his words.

Still, a large part of me believed that he was only being nice because he needed the alliance with Sparkle Hollow to work out. Without their support, he wouldn’t be an alpha for long.