8. Jax

8

Jax

There were reasons I didn't spend much time around Anna. Fucking important reasons.

The security of my position as alpha was at stake. Just keeping her alive was enough to threaten it.

I could kill her now and be done with it. I wouldn't be the first wolf to live without a mate. It would be one of those rare instances where being alone made you stronger.

For three years, I stayed away. When Parker told me she was covered in scars, I said good. When he said she was terrified of everyone and everything, I told him it was justice. And when he told me she was taking an interest in the bar, I told him to shut it down.

He didn't. For the first time ever, Parker defied me. And for the first time since his mate died, he took an interest in life.

His reports changed in tune. He started berating me for ignoring her. When I finally snapped that she was lucky I didn't break her neck, he stopped reporting at all.

Damn it, he hadn't been there when Cora dragged her broken body back to my territory.

He hadn't been there when Saul went half mad when she died.

He wasn't there when we found those children sitting among the corpses. She'd had a hand in that. She'd fucking admitted it.

I would not forgive her.

Then, Parker blew his brains out, and now I had to protect her.

My witch was gone, missing for several weeks now, and I had to trust the coldest woman I'd ever met to find her.

"I don't think you've taken a breath in the last ten minutes," Saul said conversationally.

"That vein in your forehead is bulging."

It had been a few hours since he'd treated Anna. Since he'd looked into the eyes of the woman responsible for his sister's death.

He was holding up remarkably well.

"Why did you volunteer to come with us?"

"Irene is a friend. I am worried about her."

I shot him a dark look, and he smiled sadly. "It was time, and this was the best opportunity. I am focused. I could not fall apart while I sought answers."

"If she's hurt…"

"I will do my best to save her."

He didn't even hesitate. We walked a few more minutes when Saul started humming.

"You know, the last plea from my twin's mouth before she died was ‘you have to help her.' I thought it was a survivor or one of the children."

There were no other survivors at the camp. "Maybe she bonded with one of the children, or maybe Dirk killed someone else before we arrived."

We'd gotten the children back to Black Diamond territory. They were so terrified, they could barely speak. It was Irene who looked after them until I found their families in the Snake River pack.

"Maybe,' Saul murmured. "Why would the Darkwyn coven take Irene?"

I smiled, baring my fangs. "When we get there, I intend to ask."

"We need to make camp soon. She trembles with every step."

"Then she can shift and heal," I snapped. "We still have at least another good hour of daylight. I'm not wasting my time because she wants to hide her wolf."

"Why do you think she is refusing? She is clearly in pain."

"There were reports of a red wolf partnering with Dirk. They were never ever identified.

It's probably her."

"If it is her?"

I'd have to kill her.

Except I hadn't yet. I had her confession. The words had fallen from her lips that night and created a chasm between me and my wolf. He'd chosen her, and he had yet to forgive me for staying away from her.

At night, when it was quiet, and there were no other distractions, I could feel her in my mating bond. The desperate ache to be near me. The urgency to touch me.

It fucked with my head. Carnal images rise up, all the goddamn things I want to do to her body, and it has nothing to do with punishment. I wanted to fuck her so bad and lose myself in a single moment of belief that we could be okay.

"Jax?"

At the sound of Bridget's voice, I turned to see Anna stumble. With a grunt of pain, she fell. Everyone stopped and watched as she stood. Without a word to anyone, she started limping forward.

Seeing her pain should have brought me joy, but instead, it just made my chest ache. We were close enough to the border. "Camp," I said quietly. "Shift and hunt for your dinner and get plenty of sleep. Tomorrow, the real work begins."

We took a few minutes to set up a clearing, and then everyone except Saul, Anna, and me shifted. My wolf also yearned to be out, to sidle up to her and comfort her, and for that reason alone, I stayed human.

Saul went to Anna's side and inflated the pillow for her knee. I settled just out of their sight and listened to them talk.

"When Cora first went missing, we had our witch try and track her. Irene is a powerful white witch, and she couldn't track my twin more than twenty feet from our boundary," Saul said quietly.

Anna inhaled sharply, and Saul murmured an apology. After a moment, he continued.

"When Cora did return, she was in so much pain, she could barely speak. The only reason Jax found your father was because Cora had a strange map in her pocket. Step counts from a rock formation. It was lucky that Jax was familiar with the rock formation."

"Lucky," Anna repeated flatly.

"The only thing is that the map was not written in Cora's hand."

I stiffened. Saul had never said that to me.

"You want me to admit that I wrote the map and sent your sister out in hopes that she'd see someone who might care before she died?" Anna asked lightly. "Is that going to help you find closure, somehow?"

"Closure. That's an odd term. Do you feel closure now that your father is dead?"

My mate snorted. "Fine. I get your point."

And what exactly was the point that Saul was trying to make?

"Were there any other females taken with Cora? Any other females other than the children at the camp?"

"No. Just me. Why?"

"And the children. Did she know that they were there?"

Anna was quiet for a moment. "I think so. I don't really remember, but I probably told her to motivate her. Why?"

"So she never saw them."

"No. She never got that far. She'd spent less than twelve hours at the camp, and she spent all of that with me. Do you want to know what we talked about?"

"Yes."

"I don't remember," Anna said, and my gut tightened. Normally, it was easy to tell when one of my wolves was lying, but with Anna, it was always hard. It wasn't my bond to tell me that she'd lied just then, but I heard a tell in her voice. A slightly higher pitch. The words spoken a little too quickly.

So far, she'd told Saul everything that he wanted to know. Why would she lie now?

"I see," Saul said quietly. "Thank you for the information you did provide. I know that you didn't know Cora when she was at her best, but you were right. She was strong. A fighter.

She was born seventeen minutes before me, and she never let me forget it."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"I thought you might want to know something about the woman who saved your life."

"Since your alpha won't listen to me, and I'm probably going to die on this trip with the rest of you, I would argue that your sister did not save my life."

Saul chuckled softly. "We both know that is not true. I've spent a long time thinking that you had the heart of a killer."

"You agreed not too long ago that I was responsible for the death of your sister."

"The hand of a killer is not the same as the heart of one."

Enough of this bullshit. I didn't know what Saul was doing, but I moved into the clearing.

"Shift and hunt. I'll keep an eye on her," I said stiffly.

With a nod, Saul stood and walked away. I grabbed a pack and walked closer to her and tossed it to her feet. The light of day had dimmed, and she was lit up by the orange glow of the fire. I could see every line of exhaustion on her face and the pain still lingering in her gaze.

There was no point in bringing it up. She was stubborn. If she didn't want to shift, if she just wanted to be in pain, that wasn't my fault. I didn't give a damn.

"I have some dry packets for soup. If you refuse to shift and hunt, that is what you'll have to eat."

She didn't say anything, didn't even look at me.

"There's a pot and some water in the pack. You can make it yourself."

Still nothing.

"I won't be ignored, Anna."

"I'm sorry, I was waiting for permission to speak. Thank you so much for the soup, alpha. It sounds delicious."

At the flatness of her voice, I jerked. She still didn't look at me but dutifully reached for the pack. I watched as she assembled the items and hobbled closer to the fire. All of Saul's hard work would be destroyed, but she didn't ask for help. Just silently focused on her task.

Swearing silently to myself, I picked up the log she'd been resting on and dragged it closer to the fire. "Sit," I ordered. "Then make your damn dinner. And I'm not your damn father.

You can speak around me."

She looked up at me, and something strange glittered in her eyes. "No. You are definitely not my father."

Unsure of how I was supposed to take that, I watched until she ate every bit of her soup.

The other wolves had returned by then, so I left to hunt on my own. When I returned, my shifters had formed a protective ring around Anna. It wasn't, I knew, by choice.

She was still awake, staring up at the night sky with her leg elevated.

My wolf's own pain was too strong to ignore. For the first time in a long time, I gave him the reins, and he approached her cautiously and sniffed at her knee. Her whole body had gone stiff, and she'd paled.

She was afraid of him. Good.

No .

My wolf growled internally at me and nudged at her arm. After a moment of hesitation, she moved it slightly and placed it on top of his head.

Contact.

He shivered in pleasure and collapsed next to her. Feeling her body against his nearly undid me. She was so small. So frail. So goddamn broken. How was she even still alive?

I wanted to take pleasure in this moment. To soak it in. It was easy to hide behind my wolf. We were each half of the same spirit. To deny one half too long was dangerous. I could give him this.

He sensed them before I did. This contented wolf who only wanted to be by mate. I was distracted. Torn between him and myself, and by the time I realized there were other wolves nearby, there were already two on me, fangs sinking into my skin.

Anna screamed.