43. Anna

43

Anna

After dinner, Jax excused us, citing pack business that needed seeing to. I had no idea where we were going, and he didn't say a word until we reached The Fanged Smile. With a few quiet words, he dismissed the guards, and we headed straight up to the small apartment I used to call home. When he closed the door behind us, he leaned heavily against it and closed his eyes.

"How are you feeling?" Agitated, I started to pace the small area.

"Drained. The spell saps you of the change, but it's takes everything we have in us. That ability is written in every cell of our body. It'll take time to recharge. Why are you running from me?"

Running? It took me a moment to realize that he meant my pacing. It had taken me all the way across the apartment.

"Habit," I said restlessly. "In this space, I'm not really used to welcoming others."

"You're angry with me." Locking the door, he moved to the armchair and sat heavily in it.

Ignoring his statement, I walked to the opposite window and stared out. "You sent the guards away. Is that wise?"

"Not away. I wanted some privacy, so they're guarding a larger perimeter. Do you see that new wall cabinet?"

Curious, I walked to the new piece of furniture and opened the door. Six security monitors flared to life and showed me a quarter of a mile perimeter around the restaurant.

"What is this?"

"Security," he said dryly.

"I can see that. Why is it here?" Was he about to kick me out of his bedroom? It wasn't like I wanted to be there, but he'd made such a big deal about me staying there, and now he was doing this?

"When the alphas are gone, you'll have a choice," he said carefully. "For now, I might consider putting the maiden here. She won't be safe with the other witches, and this building is already heavily guarded. Of course, that's assuming I trust these guards. I have no idea the damage Bridget has done or how widespread the treachery grew."

So not now, but in the future. A future where I apparently have the choice of staying here but not in Jax's bed. I swallowed hard. "I doubt Dean and Bridget expected to be caught, and they wouldn't recruit lightly. We should be able to track their movements, but I doubt we're looking at too many others."

"Anna?"

"Hmm?" Tearing myself away from the monitors, I walked to the little kitchenette. What other changes had he made?

"Please look at me, mate."

The bond brightened within me, and I immediately surrounded it with my darkness. "We're alone," I said finally as I turned. "You don't need to call me that."

"It's true."

"And yet you've apparently spent all this time thinking that the bond doesn't affect me.

Punishing me."

"Anna…"

The annoyance had built into pain and anger, and I couldn't hold back anymore. "You could have asked. At any point, you could have asked me how I felt. I would have told you the truth.

Told you how this mating bond cuts through the voice. Annoyingly so. How I feel you all the time. You invade my dreams. You influence my actions. You make me feel everything."

"I know."

Frustrated tears gathered in my eyes. "You brought me back against my will. You keep me here because I'm a null, but you also spent all this time pushing me away for the very same reason. Is this how we're going to be, Jax? Fucking like we can't stay away from each other any longer, but circling each other the rest of the time?"

"Anna, I'm sorry."

"Sorry," I snarled. "What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?"

"Remember that I am in an unfamiliar situation and navigating it poorly, I hope. Every point that you've made is correct. You deserve better. You deserve better in a mate, but I'm what you're getting. I can learn, Anna. I've made so many fucking mistakes in the past. I treated you like shit for years after we first mated, and you should leave me, but I don't think I can let you. If you walked away, I would chase you. I'd haul you back here because I need you. My wolf needs you, and I need to spend a fucking lifetime making it better. Keeping you safe. Making you feel secure. I don't deserve another chance, but I'm asking for it. And I know I just said I wouldn't give you a choice in the matter, but it's okay if you just want to hate me and make my life miserable. Just be here when you do it, and one day, I'll do this mating thing so right that you won't feel like hating me anymore. I'm begging you."

Begging. I truly never thought I'd see the day. I wanted to hold on to my fury. For so long, that was all I had, but not when he looked at me like that. Not when he said those words. At his apology, the fight went out of me, and I slowly walked toward him. Now that we were no longer in the presence of the other alphas, his wolf had retreated. I'd never seen Jax look so weak before. Climbing into his lap, I rested my head on his chest and placed a hand over his heart. Thankfully, it was still beating strong under my touch.

With my anger gone, I didn't know how to talk to him. Communicating intimacy wasn't something I was good with. It was unfair for me to expect anything different from him. "I'm not going anywhere. We'll keep working at it," I said lamely.

"Thank fuck," he growled, as his arms came around me. We stayed like that for a few minutes until I couldn't handle the silence anymore.

"Lunessa may cause problems."

"True."

"But if she hadn't shown up when she did, Finn would be dead. Maybe you as well."

"Also true."

If the other alphas found out, they would be even more suspicious. Emerson had done an excellent job in fostering a hostile environment. "What will you do about Bridget's treachery?"

Jax tensed under me, but we needed to make a plan. "I'll need to tell Jenson and Amelia.

Otherwise, I'll need to keep her disappearance quiet. No need to give the other alphas any more ammunition against us. Afterward, I will deal with replacing her.

His voice was clipped in anger. Bridget's betrayal cut him deeply. It would take some time for that to heal.

"I'll assign Amelia to you. I want you to visit Finn tomorrow and see if he has anything to add. Then take Amelia back to the spot where Bridget and Dean met and see what else they might have buried. When the alphas are gone, I'll see to it that the cause of Parker's death is rectified."

Silence overtook us as I closed my eyes and tried to relax. Jax was warm beneath me. We weren't the most comfortable bit, but the moment helped me feel a little more whole again.

"I could feel you inside me. It was a strange sensation," he said quietly. "For just a split second, when I thought I would die from the oozing pestilence inside me, I felt you absorbing it.

Sucking it through the mating bond and drawing it out of me."

"Best sucking you've ever had in your life?" I asked jokingly. The awe in his voice made me uncomfortable. Uncomfortable Anna tended to be inappropriate in situations.

"Anna," he growled. "Really?"

"If you say you've had better, I'm going to really need to work on my skills."

"I'm trying to have a serious conversation."

Using the back of his chair, I pulled myself up and straddled him. "And yet you're hard as a rock."

Growling, he caged my waist with his hands and pulled me more snugly against his erection.

"And whose fault is that?"

"Mine."

"You sound proud of that."

"I am," I admitted. "A little bit, but I suspect you are in no shape to take care of that problem yourself. I am more than happy to…."

"No."

Confused, I frowned. "No?"

"You're using sex to distract me, and we're not going to do that anymore."

Well, damn. Wasn't that what I'd just said? Here he was agreeing like a good little mate.

"Emerson is here, and you don't want to feel vulnerable. I understand, but when I tell you how amazing you are, it is not to make you vulnerable. It's so that maybe you can finally start to see your true self. I wish I'd done more for you sooner, but I'm here now, and I won't let you keep hiding from yourself," he said softly and ran his fingers under my chin softly.

Leaning into his touch, I sighed. "If we're not going to have sex, then we should head back.

We can't hide here forever."

"Not hiding, Anna. Strategizing, and I wanted some time with you alone. Time when you weren't staring at the door worried that Emerson might come through at any minute."

Shifting again, I settled against his chest. It felt strange to cuddle up to him like this since we weren't having sex, but I needed the comfort. Wolves were touchy creatures. I'd been absent of that for so long that I hadn't even realized how much I needed it.

How much I needed him.

"Do you really think a rogue wolf killed his witch?"

"Yasmine was powerful and with him a long time. I doubt she just strolled outside the boundary and let a wolf take her," Jax said absently as he stroked a hand down my back.

"That doesn't mean it's connected to what's going on now. Did Emerson ever visit your father with a witch?"

"No. He always came alone. I never saw any other females around my father except the ones he'd kidnapped." I paused. "He'll try to take Irene again."

"For her magic? Do you think he'll need it again?"

"It doesn't matter. Even if her magic doesn't return to its full potential, he'd need to take her again. He won't be able to stand that a female got away. My father wanted females to breed with.

Emerson just wants females to hurt. He likes holding the power over them. He must hate that she slipped through his fingers."

"You did as well," Jax reminded me. "He'll try to take you too, null or not."

"He has a plan. It obviously hinged on Bridget and Dean. Maybe we've already thwarted it."

"Emerson is methodical," Jax murmured. "He has a back-up plan. I just don't understand what the point of all this is. He can't take in the magic. What does he need it for? What does he need a null for? There is an end game, I just can't see it."

"If the Darkwyn coven are to be believed, we know one thing. I'll end in death." I glanced up at him. "We should ask Lunessa what her connection is to Janelle. Emerson might just want to throw suspicion on the most powerful coven around, or he's right. They did try to kill her."

"That'll have to wait," Jax said as he slowly eased me up and off of him. "It's time to go deliver the bad news."