30. Jax

30

Jax

"You haven't said a word since we left Irene's," Anna said finally as we pulled up to the house. When I didn't turn to look at her, she let out a frustrated sigh. "Look, I don't know what you saw. Was it through your eyes? Did you feel yourself kill that woman? I can't change what happened, but at least tell me what's going through your head."

Climbing out of the vehicle, I closed the door and finally made eye contact as she did the same. "I already knew that you were a killer."

"Knowing what I did and feeling what I did are two different things."

Taking out my keys, I headed to unlock the door. When I stepped through and Anna didn't immediately follow me, I turned around to glare at her. She wasn't even looking at me though. She was staring at her hands, and I saw the mistake that I was making.

At her most vulnerable, Anna lashed out. She built walls and isolated herself. Now, here she was trying to reach out, and I was shutting her down.

But what the hell was I supposed to say? It wasn't the vision itself that had me on edge. It was the fact that I'd seen the vision in the first place. Irene was shocked that our mating bond could affect me so profoundly that I'd been able to see the vision.

Just one more reminder of how the bond affected me, and I'd have to live with the knowledge that it didn't touch her. Null. Impervious to even wolf magic.

"You're right," I lied. "It's different, but it's not new information. Come on. It's late, and we should get to bed."

Her expression softened just a little, and she followed me inside. "I need a shower," she muttered.

It was no wonder. We went straight from sex to a bloody vision. Hell, I needed a shower.

"Go ahead and take one. I need to make some phone calls."

After a small smile that didn't reach her eyes, she headed up the stairs, and I instantly felt her absence, like something had just been pulled away from me. Running my hands through my hair in frustration, I looked up at the top of the steps.

I needed to distance myself from her. I had the most powerful wolves coming to my doorstep in a matter of days, and the last thing I needed was to split my focus. None of the other alphas were mated, although I suspect at one time, Maeve had been mated. Maybe the others had as well. They just didn't announce it.

We loved our power. To mate with someone was to share.

Focus would be on Anna. It wasn't just because we were mated. Her father's actions had put a spotlight on her, but as my mate, it was my job to protect her. That meant split duties.

The more I needed her, the harder that would be.

I shot off a few texts and started up the stairs after her. After stripping off my clothes along the way, I joined her in the shower. There was fear in her eyes when she whirled around, but I just turned her back and took over massaging the shampoo in her hair.

"You haven't said what you want from me yet," she said hesitantly, her voice echoing off the shower's walls.

My cock stood at attention. "What do you mean?"

"When the other alphas are here. Do you want me out of sight? I have plenty to do at The Fanged Smile, so that will keep me busy. Should I stick close to Irene? Finn and I can be an extra level of protection."

"You'll stay with me," I growled.

Her body tensed, and I continued to wash her hair in silence. So much for trying to find some fucking distance.

Finally, she cleared her throat. "I don't think that's such a good idea."

I wanted to push back. She was my mate, and her place was by my side. "And why is that?"

"Because at some point, they're going to see how you really feel about me, not to mention how your pack really feels about me. I don't know much about being an alpha, but I know that any time you show weakness in your leadership, others are going to exploit it. What's done is done with the mating bond. I think you should use it to your advantage to show your strength."

"What do you mean by that?"

"That you are able to navigate this situation with the same ease that you lead your pack."

"Our pack," I said automatically and turned so I could rinse her hair under the water. My gaze was steady as I met hers. Warm water ran down my hands as I massaged her scalp. "Are you suggesting that I tuck you away again?"

"No. I wouldn't be safe," she whispered and averted her gaze. "When we first greet the alphas, I can be there along with Jenson, Bridget, and your council of elders. I should eat with you, and…sleep with you, of course."

"Fine, but you do not leave this house without Finn. I mean it, Anna."

"That will not be an issue." Slowly, she put a hand on my chest and raised her eyes to meet mine. "I have a feeling you didn't enter the shower just to wash my hair."

"No." There was no hiding my hard cock, but she didn't make a move to step closer or do anything about it. "But I think sleep might be a better option."

Her hands dropped, and she reached for the washcloth. Without a word, she started to scrub herself. The mood had shifted, or maybe I was just now realizing that we weren't getting back what we had before we visited the witch.

The vision flashed before my eyes, and my skin felt sticky with blood again. I'd killed as a wolf. I'd killed as a human, but I'd never felt that twisted anguish in my gut. I'd never killed and felt such regret before.

This was what Anna carried with her every time she closed her eyes. When she showered tonight, she wasn't just washing off the day. She was trying to wash away her own history.

When she emerged from the bathroom, she was fully dressed.

"Sorry," she murmured. "I didn't expect to see you in the bed."

"Where else would I be?"

She prowled around the edge of the room and glanced at me warily. "You're hard to read," she said finally as she stopped at the bed.

"All you need to know, going forward, is that everything I do is to protect you." Pulling the sheet back, I gestured for her to climb in. "I need you."

She hesitated. "And when you don't need me anymore?"

"Our original deal still stands. You can leave." She acted like she had a choice. Our one ace up the sleeve was that whoever was attacking the witches didn't know that she was a null.

Form her vision, she had to know that was probably no longer true. She was safest with me.

"You haven't been the most trustworthy. I don't know anything about you. I don't even know how you became an alpha." Slipping in the sheets, she turned her back to me.

The silence grew between us. "Parker didn't tell you?" I said finally.

"I never asked. It didn't seem important at the time."

Staring at the ceiling, I grimaced. "Parker was supposed to teach you about pack dynamics and our history. What the hell did he do all those years?"

"Kept me alive."

The simple statement squeezed my heart, and I closed my eyes. Parker had kept her safe.

From others. From herself. The toll it must have taken on him. He died, and barely two months later, one of mine had tried to rape her.

He'd done a damn fine job of protecting her, and here I was, berating him for not doing his duty.

"My family has been alpha of this pack for six generations. I have some early memories of my grandfather before my father killed him. Then he raised my brother and I to do the same."

"You have a brother?"

She wouldn't have blinked an eye at the fact that my father had killed his father. Every wolf in high status was open to challenges, and many of those came from families. If the losing wolf didn't yield, and many times they didn't, the challenge ended in death.

I couldn't exactly accuse her of having no sense of what family was supposed to mean after what my family did.

"Not anymore." Thinking of my brother made me cold, so I turned and gathered her in my arms. She stiffened but didn't pull away.

I continued. "I think there was a time when we were good leaders, but my father was all about power. He took it forcefully rather than let it be handed to him, and he took it before he was ready. He held on to it with an iron fist. He had ten years of rule before my brother challenged him. Connor was eighteen. By then, the pack had suffered. My father wasn't a brutal man, but he was so focused on growing a powerful army that he forgot that the pack was more than military. The money dwindled. Other packs were too afraid to trade and do business with us. The pack suffered.

"No one blinked an eye when Connor challenged my father and killed him. I think they were hoping that a younger man could be guided and the pack would thrive. They were right, but Connor wasn't that man. On my eighteenth birthday, I followed in Connor's footsteps, only I didn't have to poison him beforehand to win. I was the more dominant wolf."

I'd begged him to yield. He was the last of my family, and I hadn't wanted to kill him. I didn't regret it. There had been no other way. Connor had taken my father's lust for violence and turned it inward. The other packs had taken notice of our weak alpha. We were about to be invaded.

I did what I had to do.

Starkly, I realized that Anna felt the same. I'd been protected by pack rules, and she'd been punished. I wasn't even haunted by the blood on my hands. Not anymore.

"Sounds like your family wasn't a picnic either," she said, coming to the same conclusions. "But you earned respect. At least, until I came along."

"I sacrificed my family to save this pack."

"Is that a warning?" Anna tried to pull away, but I wouldn't let her.

"Not a warning," I said tiredly as I yawned. "I told you that I would protect you. Now get some sleep. The next week is going to be difficult."

"My whole life has been difficult."

I didn't sleep until I felt the even rhythms of her breath, and I finally let myself drift off.

And I dreamt of a hollow laughter and blood.

And Anna's screams.