41. Penelope

41

PENELOPE

E verything is starting to make sense—the way Colt was acting, him not wanting to touch me, going hot to cold. He felt guilty after what he did. I believe that. He never told me the truth, but how mad at him can I really be?

I slept with his brother and never told him either.

The glorified perfect couple shattered to pieces, and now the puzzle comes together in a messy, ugly array.

I stand out on the dock, looking out of the water and hear Lola’s car leaving before I feel Linc behind me.

“What is it you do when you go into the lake?” I turn to look at him. “Do you hope the water will carry you away?”

He shrugs his large shoulders and looks out over the water. “Sometimes, but I’m too strong of a swimmer for it to happen.”

“Show me.”

He turns to me slowly, examining my face. “Okay.”

It’s early morning. People could see us, but somehow it doesn’t matter as I lift his shirt off and over my head and he pushes his sweats and briefs down. Both of us wade into the water and swim further into the lake.

When we can no longer touch, we tread water, and he floats on his back, looking up. “I just lay here and look up at the sky, think about all the shit that’s happened and the weight of it all starts to pull me under.”

I lay on my back, my ears going under as I float, but I can still hear. “But you fight?”

“Yes.”

We lay like that for what feels like an eternity, and I get lost in my thoughts. My past fills my heart, and I feel myself physically start to go under as my arms and legs tire and feel heavy.

Linc must sense it because he holds onto me, flipping over and pulling me to where we can both touch bottom. I wrap my arms around his neck as he hardens against me.

“Don’t ever let it take you under, P.”

“I don’t know how much strength I have left.”

His lips press against mine as my tears fall, and his fingers sink into my wet hair. “You are strong.”

“I thought your father cared about me.”

“He doesn’t care about anyone.”

My nose brushes over his. “I thought Colt cared about me.”

I see the pain on Linc’s handsome face, and his lips press against mine again as we cling to each other in the water, his hardened cock prodding between my legs. “He loved you. He fucked up.” He presses into me, and I groan, loving the feeling of him sinking inside me. “We all fucked up.”

I hold onto his shoulders as he thrusts into me, my legs wrapping around him in the murky, blue water.

“I feel so guilty, and I’m so fucking mad at him at the same time.”

I move my hips back and slowly slide forward on his dick, reveling in the feeling, my teeth sinking into his shoulder as I feel the buildup deep inside, already close to coming. Because it feels wrong and dirty. Apparently, that’s what turns me on the most.

“Come with me, P. Just let it go.”

We’re fooling ourselves. But as the orgasm rolls through me, we both let the illusion take over and get lost in each other.

When we’re both satisfied, we swim back to the dock and pull on our clothing, walking back into the house, both of us unable to talk about it.

Knowing we can’t live like this forever.

When I open the sliding glass door, I immediately see Lola sitting on the couch. Linc follows, looking at her with irritation. “Jesus, Lola. Just let yourself in.”

She stands, unbothered by Linc. “I couldn’t leave without talking to Penelope.”

Linc nods to her, giving an unneeded blessing. “I’m going to go take a shower.”

He leaves, and I take a seat on the couch, following Lola’s lead. “Lola . . .”

She holds up a hand to silence me. “Penelope, I’m so sorry he betrayed you.”

I stare at her, uncertain about what to say. “I betrayed him too.”

She looks saddened but not shocked. “So, you and Linc . . .”

I nod, hating the secrets that have been weighing me down for over a year now, maybe longer than that. “Yes.”

She takes a deep breath but doesn’t seem angry. “Before he died? Or after?”

Don’t lie. Do not be a coward . “We had sex the night of my senior prom. And then after Colt died.” She nods her head, absorbing the information. But I don’t want her angry with Linc. “It was all on me though. I was the one in the relationship, no matter how flawed it was or if I thought we were apart. I shouldn’t . . .”

She silences me again, placing a hand on my shoulder. “Penelope. To me, you’re my sister. We all mess up. We all have flaws, and it’s no secret how much you always loved both of them.”

That’s a scary thought. “Really?”

She nods. “Colt, he . . .” She closes her eyes in painful silence and then opens them again. “Everyone always thought it was Lincoln who was the troubled one, but they were all wrong. It was Colt. He was in this glass cage his whole life, struggling to be perfect, and then he just snapped. But I’m not excusing it.”

“How can I be mad at him for essentially doing the same thing I did only because he did it first? It’s not like I knew.”

“Didn’t you though?” Her eyes are full of wisdom beyond her years, kind like her mother’s.

I feel the sobs bubbling up in my throat. I could feel it. I knew something was wrong. “Yes.”

“I have no idea what the last year has been like. The pain. The guilt. The punishment you’ve no doubt inflicted on each other.” She knows us both entirely too well. “But I can’t just leave you like this. I’ve been lost this year. I haven’t been a good sister, but I’m here now. I’m stronger.”

“Lola, it’s not your job to clean up our messes.”

“I know you’ve always been in love with Linc, long before Colt died. I was too busy with my career, trying to impress my father and get his approval that will never come.” Her eyes meet mine. “Go with me.”

“Where are you going?”

“California, I think. I love it there.”

I stare at her in confusion as she stands up pacing the floor. “I can’t be my father’s daughter anymore. I don’t want to work there and help the rich get richer. If I’m going to work for wealthy assholes, at the very least, I’m going to make the world better-looking.”

“What are you talking about?” I watch her in awe because I’ve never seen her like this, a fire burning inside her.

“I have my trust fund. I’m quitting my job with my father, and I’m moving somewhere pretty where it rarely snows. And instead of living on the lake, I’m going to live on the beach.”

I smile, liking this side of her. “That’s great. What are you going to do though?”

“Interior design. I’ve always loved that. And so did you. We can do it. I snuck some classes in, and I’ll pay for you to go to school out there for that. I know you’re bored to tears here. We’ll get you on the fast-track to something you love.”

Suddenly, it feels like I’m suffocating as I stand up, my hand covering my throat. “What? No. I can’t leave.”

“Why? What the hell is here for you anymore?”

My eyes involuntarily drift down the hall to where Linc is taking a shower and then move back to Lola’s knowing eyes. “It could be great, Penelope. You can find out who you are without either of the Sterling brothers. We can build a business together and live near the ocean.”

I’m struggling to take a breath, hating how good that sounds to me and how intensely terrifying it is. “I can’t leave, Lola.”

“Look, I know you love him, and if you’re ready to be with him, and I mean really ready, then I’m all for it. Stay here, love him deeply and be together. But if there’s doubt there, if you’re lost and just hurting each other over and over, come with me. Give yourselves the break. Build a new life and learn to move on from all of it.”

I take a seat on the couch, clutching my throat, fighting the inevitable tears as she sits next to me, hugging me to her side.

“Just think about it.”

I nod dumbly, and she stands up, straightening her skirt and lifting her chin. “I’m going to go quit my job. I’ll call you later.”

“Okay.” I smile at her through tears. “Good luck.”

She nods toward the hall and then back at me, a sure smile on her face. “You too.”

I look down the hall of what has become my home, whether Linc or I meant it to be or not, and feel a chill.

I’m going to need more than luck.