26. Linc

26

LINC

ONE YEAR AGO

“ Y ou really aren’t going?”

I hate how disappointed my brother sounds. I know it’s really fucking hard for him to understand that I won’t be joining the family this time. It’s been a long-standing tradition. The day after school lets out, we go to the lake house as a family.

P and Colt graduated last week, and Asher’s last day of his sophomore year was today. Lola is back from college, and she’s going.

I shake my head as I watch him pack his clothes into his black duffle. “Nah. I can’t do the happy family bullshit anymore.”

He looks disappointed as he sits on the edge of the bed. “It means a lot to Mom.”

I scoff and shake my head, crossing my arms as I lean against the doorway to his room. “Yeah, that’s because it’s the one time of the year Dad pretends to give a shit.”

He winces, and I almost feel bad, but it’s true.

He’s been different the last few weeks, and it started before prom. I have no idea what’s going on with my little brother, and it bugs the hell out of me.

I guess I’ve been different since prom too. I haven’t been around much. I can’t watch P and him, the perfect fucking couple.

Knowing I’ve been inside her and he hasn’t. And yet somehow, they’re the ones in love.

I walk into his room and sit next to him. He’ll always be my brother first. “You and P okay?”

He turns to look at me curiously. “Why do you ask that?”

I shrug, trying to seem casual. “I don’t know. She seem upset on prom night.”

“Yeah.” He runs his hand through his hair, looking tortured and so unlike himself. “I guess maybe I’m tired of the facade too.”

“What’s that mean?”

He tries to shake it off. “Nothing. I’m fine.”

I grasp the back of his neck and force him to look at me. “You don’t have to be who they want you to be.”

He swallows, his face full of sorrow, sending a sick feeling through me. “We’re brothers, no matter what, right?”

I stare at him, hating the look on his face. The worry. That’s not Colt. He’s always calm and optimistic, but there’s a darkness there. “That’s a fucking weird thing to ask.”

“It’s just nice to hear it sometimes.”

I study him and then nod my head slowly, still holding his neck with my hand. “We are brothers, no matter what.”

He looks slightly relieved by that, but I know there’s something under the surface. “Good because, to me, nothing is unforgiveable.”

I stare into his light blue eyes and try to decipher what the fuck he’s talking about. Does he know I fucked Penelope?

Would he be this fucking calm if he did?

Colt is the one person I would think could remain peaceful knowing that, but when it comes to P, I have no doubt he would keep that calm only until the knife was being driven right into me.

He won’t let her go without a fight.

He stands up from the bed, pulling away from me and starting to pack again. “Well, I still wish you’d go. I know Dad is no prize, but it’ll be fun. Penelope misses you.”

I swallow hard, thinking about P. I don’t think any part of her misses me.

I remind her of our mistake .

“I think you’ll all get along just fine without me.”

He smiles, that easy bright smile he’s always had as he shrugs his shoulders and packs his swim trunks. “Maybe I miss you too, asshole. You ever think of that?”

I smile, feeling a stab of pain in my chest, knowing that whether I regret having sex with Penelope or not, I do hate that him knowing I fucked her would kill him.

I pull the green trunks from the bag and hold them. “Why even bother packing these? You going to finally get over your fear of the water?”

He laughs and takes them back from me. “I’m not afraid.” He shrugs. “I just don’t like to swim, but I never say never, and I know Pea would like it if I went swimming with her once."

My parents begged him to learn how to swim for years, but he always hated it. He’d kick and scream every year when we were little and Mom would sign us up for swimming lessons. It was the only time I can think of that he ever gave my parents a hard time. I suppose if it really meant a tremendous amount to them, he’d have tried harder, but they gave up pretty quickly.

What did they care if he liked to swim?

He packs the swim trunks, and I laugh. “Well, good luck with that.”

He laughs. “Yeah. It probably won’t happen this time, but I like to pack them just in case.”

I walk toward his door. “I’ll see you when you get back, okay?”

He nods. “Okay. See ya. Try not to get into too much trouble while we’re gone.”

I glance back at him as I turn to leave. “I make no promises.” I smile at his laugh as I walk back to my room.

Maybe Penelope was right, and it wouldn’t be worth telling the truth. I can’t stand the idea of hurting him.

I’m sure they’ll be very happy together.