Chapter Thirty Four

Lillian

Everything is dark at first and I can’t seem to see anything. My eyes feel heavy, but I manage to slowly open them and see that I’m back at Grandmother’s cottage. I rise from the bed in her bedroom and then collapse into the softness of the bed, the dizziness threatening to consume me.

What just happened to me?

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Grandmother sticking her head through the open door to check on me. She smiles softly when she sees I’m awake. “I’m so glad you came back to us. It was scary for a while and I thought you might fight your wolf too much.”

"Can you explain what happened after I blacked out? Is that what happened?”

She comes into the room, hobbling around with her cane in her hand, and plops down at the foot of the bed, her skirt swirling around her feet. There’s something in her hand, which she quickly hands to me. “Here, you are going to need this.”

It looks like some kind of medicine we usually use for headaches. I quickly take it without drinking anything. “So, are you going to tell me what happened?”

“So, the short answer is that you shifted into your wolf and made it to the other side, then you slept for a week.”

"What's the long answer?"

Grandmother chuckles low and looks at the door.. "Well, you shifted in a solid white wolf, which hasn’t been seen in two hundred years and then galloped like a horse around the entire village. Everyone in the pack was in awe of you because they’ve never seen one like you. Then you came back here and fell over as soon as you crossed through the threshold. Your body wasn’t exactly ready for all that.”

"So, I’m the first solid white wolf in two hundred years?”

She shifts slightly, looking rather uncomfortable. “Yes. Our family has had white wolves in it for a very long time, but none have been solid white since Emily. “

“Emily? I don’t know that name.”

Grandmother covers her mouth in a snicker. "Emily is your twice great grandmother. She died when I was young. I know for a time she used her middle name, Lira, because of something that happened back then. A lot of our history starts with her, though there are parts that go back eight hundred years to when Dark Moon began.”

"You still can't tell me anything, can you?”

She sighs as she looks out through the door. “My dear girl, the decision had to be yours and yours alone. I’ll never be able to tell you that enough, but I can show you the books containing the pack’s history. I thought once Natalia was dead that our problems might lessen, but sadly, that isn’t the case and another issue has been raised.”

Then it all comes flooding into my mind. I nearly choke on my own saliva as I realize the beast is missing, and I haven’t seen him. “What about the monster in the woods? I need to check on him right away. Natalia did something to him and then he was just gone.”

I slowly shuffle out of the bed as I throw back the covers and my feet land on the wooden plank flooring. But then I fall onto the bed as weakness takes over. Of course, I’m not one to quit, so I try again.

“Oh, child. You won’t find him in the woods.”

"What do you mean? He has to be in the woods, and I have to go to him to finish everything, so he can be free. The full moon was his last night before becoming trapped in them forever.”

“I guess I need to clarify what I mean by that. You have been out cold for a solid week, Lillian. I sent everyone out into the woods to scour every single inch of the forest to find him, all the way to the other territories. He’s gone, sweetheart. The curse has taken him.”

“Gone? He can’t be gone. That isn’t part of the curse, is it?” I finally sit up and stand, but then I fall to my knees on the floor as I try to remember what he told me. “This isn’t how it is supposed to go. He can’t be dead.”

Grandmother rises from the bed and leans over to pat me on the back. “I don’t think he’s dead, but there was more to his curse. What did he tell you?”

“He had two nights of freedom. One on the night of the new moon and one on the night of the full moon. But there were conditions that he didn’t clarify. I just know that he becomes trapped after that.”

Grandmother’s brow raises when I look up at her and I realize that she knows, but can’t tell me.

“Can I free him even after he uses up those two days?”

She doesn’t get a chance to answer as my wolf surges forward and takes over. Excruciating pain hits me, causing me to hunch forward onto all fours. Each wave of pain is pure agony.

Grandmother uses her cane to steady herself and squats down beside me to rub my back. “You shouldn’t be having another painful transition. I understand why your first one was, but I don’t remember anything about this happening.”

Mate. Must find a mate. Alpha. Must have a mate.

"Mate," I cry out.

“No, a mate has nothing to do with your shifts.” Her brow furrows as she thinks about it, then it all sinks in. “No, not this.”

I want the beast. I could go for him, scraping his teeth against the back of my neck right now. Anything to get rid of this pain.

“Grandmother, what is this and why am I suddenly really hot?” Sweat beads along my brow and drips to the floor. “Why am I so sweaty?”

“Mating heat. I thought you might have more time because normally this doesn’t happen right away after shifting, but you are twenty-four and an alpha, which means you are of age to take a mate. An alpha’s drive is worse than most, too.”

“You mean now that I have all my alpha abilities, I’m going to go insane until I take a mate? Are you joking with me?”

She only chuckles, but I can tell by her pained expression she knows what else is going to happen.

“Spit it out, Grandmother. Just tell it to me straight because my patience is wearing thin.”

“Yes,” she admits coldly. “Yes, you will, but I know how I’m going to help you.”

“Help me?” I ask as my voice becomes higher pitched. “What do you mean by that?”

She quickly walks to the other room and returns a few minutes later while I suffer from the mating heat. All I can see is a dusty stack of old books in her arms.

“I don’t know which one contains what you need to know, so I brought them all. It will help get your mind off the heat.”

Instead of laying them on the small oak table in her room, she sets them on the floor in front of me.

Suddenly, everything resides, and I breathe a sigh of relief. "I think it stopped, grandmother."

"It seems it has. We best work quickly through these and see what we can find." She tries to get comfortable beside me on the floor and opens the first book.

I quickly sit up and pull one over to me. The History and Myths of Dark Moon Pack.

The book isn't very thick and is well worn, though it is almost too dusty to read. I flip it open to the first page and take in the hand-written notes. I scan the names, but they don't seem familiar.

"Grandmother, who are Roman and Lydia Ryan? It says here they had two sons, Logan and Lucian and they were alphas as well, but Roman didn't want the pack, so Emily’s family led."

She glances up, her eyes lit up. "You are on the right track. Read further."

A picture of the cottage is on the next page, with what I assume is them. I find myself tracing the face of the older boy repeatedly. "Lucian. Why do you seem so familiar? Grandmother, is this your cottage?"

“Yes, that is the cottage we are in now. They lived here well before I was ever born or thought of.”

I look through the next page and a few pages after that, but they’re not giving me much information. The only thing I notice is that Emily took a mate named Randal, but it never says what happened to the Ryan family.

I slam the book shut out of frustration. Why does he seem so familiar and why does it feel like I know him? Are some of his descendants in the pack?

“Grandmother, when did the Ryan’s move out of this house?”

She only shrugs as she finally looks up. “This house was vacant for over a hundred years before I came out here. No one lived in it after the Ryans.”

"What happened to the Ryans? Why wouldn’t Emily be with Lucian or Logan? They were the next strongest, with their father being an alpha. It would only make sense for the two families to join together.”

She sighs. “One day they were here and the next they weren’t. The beast showed up right after their disappearance and rumors spread that he killed them. That is the only thing I can tell you. But I think you and I both know what that means.”

“The beast in the woods is Lucian or Logan, but I don’t know which one.” It’s like a candle flickering until it grows into a blaze. Everything makes sense. “He told me about Natalia and she has a sister, Emmeline. They wanted Logan and Lucian.”

Grandmother nods. “What else have you figured out?”

“The story my parents told me about the wolf who loved a woman so much that he asked to become one. It was the reverse. It was her who hunted him and begged to become a wolf or to know how to be mates with one.”

Grandmother reaches over, taking my hand in hers. “You are on the right path, but the past is very shrouded with secrets and curses that still run through our blood today. This entire pack has been cursed.”

“It’s because of Natalia. She couldn’t have one of them, so she made the beast and then cursed the pack. That’s why everyone forgot them and then our family could never speak of it as the alphas. But where does this leave Corbin’s family? What part do they play in it?”

They are the only piece I can’t figure out, but I know Corbin has witch blood. He’s resistant to silver, which should have been a dead giveaway, but I thought the witches of this pack had long been gone and the magic had been bred out.

“You will need to find Corbin to figure that out, but he is also missing.”

I give her a soft smile and place my other hand over hers, leaving the book in my lap. “We will figure this out together.”

As we return to our research, time ticks by. We eat, sleep, and start again the next day.

Sadly, more unbearable moments come with each minute that passes by. Each time I feel the mating heat, it seems to get worse.

Grandmother tries to tell me they will pass, but I don’t know if I can keep this up. I know I’m on the right path and have it narrowed down, but how can I find the beast?

We finally take a break to have some lunch. Once I’m sitting at the table with a spoon in a bowl, I look down at the soup. Grandmother tried to make me something that wouldn’t upset my stomach, but looking at it makes it sour.

“You need to eat. You look like walking death,” she says as she eyes me again, looking more concerned than before.

“How many more times will it force my shift and make me feel like this? My skin feels too tight and like I might burst out at any moment. I thought you said it will get better, but this isn’t better,” I mumble.

Each breath between words feels heavy, but I keep pushing on.

“Your body is making up for all the times it hasn’t shifted along with that stupid mating heat. It’s worse because you are an alpha.”

“Was it really wise to stop my shifts, then?”

She nods. “We had to so you could grow up and not become tied to Corbin. We knew what Nigel would want.”

I reach across the table and take a cloth off of it to wipe the sweat from my brow again. Fur prickles through my skin and vanishes just as fast. “Looks like it may be calming down, but I still feel awful.”

After we finish lunch, we return to the books until it’s time for bed. The rest of the night is uneventful, and it seems like things might finally calm down.

When I open my eyes, the morning light is streaming through the window. My vision is weird and almost sharper somehow. I glance around at the ceiling, watching the dust particles float by. I can make out all the fine details and notice swirling intricate patterns in the wood. Has it always been this way?

The scent of Grandmother’s cooking hits my nostrils and I inhale deeply. Why does everything smell savory and make my mouth water? Food has never smelled like this.

I slowly get out of the bed and make it to the kitchen, my mouth pooling with drool. She has an entire table laid out with so many dishes that it makes my head spin. Meats, eggs, and plenty of vegetables are on their own little plates, just waiting for me.

“Your wolf may not like vegetables at the moment, but you need balance. Are you hungry?” She turns toward me, her eyes locking onto my mouth as drool drips down my chin. “That answers my question. Nevermind.”

I stand there for a moment longer, wondering if I can just eat it all, when she finally clears her throat.

"Eat.”

I become too animalistic as I sit down at the table and clean the eggs up immediately. Next, I find a chicken she must have killed and roasted overnight, but I don’t remember when she got it. There are some slabs of beef and I remember those in the refrigerator yesterday.

"Lillian, slow down."

"I can't. Must eat.”

Sighing, she turns around to stir the pot of whatever she’s cooking. I indulge in every single whim until I’m stuffed to the fullest. Finally, my wolf is satisfied.

Not a dish goes untouched. All the meat is gone and most of the vegetables. I had to make myself eat those because my wolf was grossed out over them.

Now that I’m feeling better, I lean back in my chair and try to figure out how to find the beast.

“Grandmother, if you were a witch who wanted to send someone somewhere, where would you send them?”

She finishes stirring the pot and picks it up to bring to the table with her. It lands on the table in front of me and she sits down in a chair on the other side of the table with a huff. “I don’t know, but I’d say he is not around here. Corbin is probably the best connection you’ll have, but he’s gone, too.”

“Why does it always have to be him?”

Her brows raise as she looks at me straight. “I don’t know that he knew that his mother wasn’t his mother, but he knows the past.”

“It makes sense, since he is part witch. Could his location be in one of the books? We’ve scoured every inch, but I don’t know that it is in there.”

She shakes her head. “I don’t think it would be, because if Natalia has done what you have said the beast told you, then she’d want him somewhere only she or her sister could reach.”

“Go grab the book with the Ryans. I think there is a list of pack members there. Maybe we can figure it out.”

I know she is only saying that because she knows my hope is running then, but regardless, I go grab the book. When I get to the table, we flip it open and find a list of the pack members and dates of their death.

Oddly, I find where it says Natalia left with her sister. “It says she left, but she was here as Corbin’s mother.”

Then I look at when Corbin’s father took over the pack. He wed Alana, whose grandmother’s name was Rose. She was a new member of the pack only a few years after Natalia left. Rose is Natalia. She introduced herself as Natalia Rose Bardot.

For a moment, I’m trapped in my thoughts as I think back to what the beast tried to tell me. He mentioned that she revealed herself so he could speak up. Corbin was her descendant.

“I need to find Corbin. If he has her magic, then I can use him to find the beast and fix everything.”

Grandmother only nods. “I believe you are on the right path and will succeed.”

“But where could he be? Surely, she wouldn’t send him to where the beast is? He has to be here, because she wants us together. I think she wanted me with Corbin so I couldn’t break the curse.”

Sighing, I reach up and rub my hand across my face.

Grandmother sits there for a moment longer. “You have to find him.”

“I’m going outside to take a look around where he disappeared. If I can catch his scent, then I will track him.”

“The other packs have been cut off from us for so long. You will have to carve out time to speak with them at some point.”

“Other packs?” I try to think of if I ever knew about them, but I don’t recall anything about it. “How many are there?”

She shakes her head, dismissing my question. “Five others. Don’t worry about it right now. Your primary focus is finding Corbin to find the beast. Be careful, though. The pack is a little disgruntled and uneasy about what's happened. Plus, you haven't officially claimed them all as the alpha."

"Oh, that's right." I pause for a moment as I pick up the book from the table. "I guess I need to do that, too."

"You'll have to do this alone. I can come if you want me to for support, but the rest is all up to you. You may get some challenges for the position. Are you up to it?"

I make my way toward the door and grab my mother’s red cloak hanging on the hook. The edge of my lips pulls up in a smirk. "I'm ready for anything.They can challenge me all they want, but I know I can win."

The journey to the village seems to take forever, though it's the same thirty feet I've walked hundreds, if not thousands, of times.

"Do you think they will rebel?" I whisper, hoping no one will overhear me.

I cut my eyes over at my grandmother, uncertain of what will happen next. My wolf is certain we will win, but I'm exhausted and really don't want it to come down to a challenge.

She huffs out a breath. "If they know what's good for them, they'll show their respect and accept you."

"Grandmother, you know you can't help. I know that look on your face."

Her eyes glance up at mine, and I instantly see the fire in them. "I know that, but oh, how they ruffle my feathers. But my bone to pick with them goes back years."

As we come into the village, the few who are out and about glance up at me. It’s like a chain reaction after that. The pack comes out of their houses, all with forlorn expressions as if they were summoned by me, but I did no such thing.

I don't make them come close. They'll be able to hear me loud and clear.

"There have been a lot of changes since the full moon. My body had to deal with shifting multiple times and becoming the alpha I was always meant to be. I stand here before you all today as your new alpha. I am the granddaughter of the old alpha, Finn, and I’m taking what is rightfully mine.”

It's so quiet, I can hear a pin drop. Nobody says a word as their eyes are glued to me, so I continue.

"I'm claiming this pack."

I nervously glance over at my grandmother, unsure of how this will work because it's not like I've been trained for this. Without a second thought, my wolf takes over for me, causing my eyes to wince as the power flows out of me. Within seconds, everyone’s knees hit the ground with their necks bent in submission to me.

"No challenges?" I whisper as I glance around, but no one utters a word.

"No challenges, Lillian. The pack is yours, unattested.”

It all feels too easy, but then again, I have a hard road ahead of me, even with the pack’s submission. I roll the power back in and they all rise. "Now that this is settled, I need to ask some questions. Can anyone tell me anything about Corbin? Have you seen him?"

Several exchange glances before nodding silently. I look to my right and get the same response.

"Well, this is going to be difficult. What do we do now?"

Grandmother leans over and whispers, "Maybe he's just not here. You don't know what the witch did to him or if he got up and snuck away."

I turn and ask again. "Are you sure none of you have seen him or heard where he went?"

Once again, I'm met with the same look from each pack member I make eye contact with. Sighing, I look at Grandmother over my shoulder, completely exasperated.

"Why couldn't this be easier? I just need to find him and I do not know where he could have gone."

I rub my face out of frustration as Grandmother tilts her head back and inhales.

She stops and seems dazed. "We will find him, Lillian. Unless the witch banished him somewhere. If that is the case, then we'll dig through the books again."

"I know, but I just have this feeling he's right under my nose in the village. He's her descendant, and she was so determined to have him mate me. I don't think she would banish him or make him go far."

"Maybe so, but where?"

I turn and look around. The wind suddenly changes directions and blows the smells from the pack's barn. At first, all I can smell are the animals, but something catches my attention.

Underneath all the animal smells is Corbin's scent.

I follow his scent all the way to the barn, leaving the pack behind, but once I arrive, he is nowhere to be seen. "Odd, I just smelled him. It's like he's all over the place, but not."

Grandmother excuses herself to go walk around the barn. After a minute, she returns with a confused expression. "I smell him everywhere, but he's obviously not here. Maybe he left."

I take another breath, but the scent is too fresh. Then I look out at the pack, who have started going about their business again as if I didn’t just claim them. Odd people. This could be because of the curse, though.

"No, he has to be here,” I say as I turn my attention to the animals in the barn.

We search the barn, flipping over haystacks and going through every animal pen there is. It feels hopeless, but I continue looking for a trapped door or somewhere he might hide, but no luck.

"Where could he be? His scent is so strong, I know he has to be here."

One of the pigs comes over and bumps me in the legs. I have an odd thought to lean closer and sniff. Corbin's scent is all over the pig and I gasp. "Grandmother, the pig smells like him."

"All the animals do, my child. It's not just that pig."

"Would the witch turn him into a farm animal?" I'm horrified but amused at the same time.

It’s definitely an interesting thought.

"Well, it's possible she did, but which one? They all smell like him."

I pass each animal, leaning close to sniff before moving on to the next animal. Each smells faintly of Corbin, but they don't act differently than they normally do. The only one who even comes near me is the pig, which is odd. Maybe Grandmother has it wrong, and that pig is him.

I circle back toward the pig and squat down in front of him. "Okay, Mr. Pig. I need to know if you are Corbin."

His little eyes sparkle at me before another pig squeals, and he turns his head in excitement. He goes running off to jump in the mud with the other pigs. "Well, if that's Corbin, he's enjoying the mud now. I don't get it. His scent is all over the place, all the animals smell like him, and yet he's not here."

Sighing, I sit back on the ground on the wooden flooring.

Grandmother steps over closer, sticking close by my side. "I bet he's here and we're just overlooking him."

"I wish he would give me a sign." A bucket clangs from up in the rafters and I glance up, but don't see anything. "Maybe he's a ghost. That is the only other reasonable answer."

"A ghost can't leave scents, dear," Grandmother chides.

"True, but it would be like something he'd do." I rise from the wooden boards and stand, looking around at the animals one last time. His scent is so saturated here, so it doesn’t make sense that he’d be anywhere but here. "Maybe it's just a dream, and it's an old scent. He's probably moved far away from here if she didn’t send him somewhere. I know he wouldn’t want to be here if he wasn’t going to be alpha.”

As I go to leave the barn, the bucket in the rafter clangs again. It falls as if it's pushed and now hangs on one of the rafters by a rope.

"Odd, what pushed that bucket?"

Suddenly, a goat comes out of the rafters and lands on a cow. It jumps down and causes all the animals to run away. The next thing it does is go to aggravate the pigs as it runs them out of their mud.

"What is wrong with the goat? Did we spook it?"

Grandmother shakes her head in disbelief. "I've never seen a goat act like that."

The pig that I had been certain was Corbin, makes its way toward me to hide behind my legs, which just makes me think it’s definitely him. Until I look up at the goat coming my way.

It approaches slowly, almost as if it is calculating how to terrorize the poor pig further.

Two seconds is all it takes for me to recognize that look all too well.

Then its scent hits me, and I choke back a laugh as it confirms my thoughts. "I found Corbin. He's a blasted goat.”