Chapter 12

Zoe's mindwas in complete chaos.

She and Colt hadn't had much conversation since they'd left the church. Her insides were jelly, and her introverted self just wanted to huddle away in her condo and not see another living soul for at least a month. She'd felt like a zoo animal on display, which wasn't all that dissimilar to when she had to go on a book tour and be in large crowds of people. She put on a smile and shook hands and somehow gave intelligible responses to questions, all the while shaking on the inside and wishing she was at home in her pajamas.

She was still in that dazed stupor of not knowing what was coming next, and Chewy must have had the same thought because he rested his head on her shoulder from the back seat as they crested over the hill and onto O'Hara land.

White rail fences lined the road and pastures for as far as the eye could see. There were horses grazing in one pasture and cattle in another. She'd grown up with parents who had influence and she'd taken horseback riding lessons as a child, along with every other kind of lesson that could keep her out of her parents' hair. Her mother had fallen madly in love with the riding instructor until he'd cast her aside for a younger woman, and that had been the end of her time at the stables.

A big white farmhouse sat at the end of the long drive with a big front porch that had black rocking chairs and ferns that hung from the eaves. As they got closer she could see that additions had been made onto the house from the same river stone as so many other places in Laurel Valley.

There was another big red barn with a metal roof close to the house and in the middle of the two was a structure made of glass where there was a pool and hot tub.

"You grew up here?" Zoe asked, watching the dogs chase kids through the yard and around to the back of the house.

"Oh yeah," Colt said. "Pretty amazing, huh? Every kid's dream."

"It's incredible," she said.

"And more work than you can imagine," he said. "My dad and uncle run the ranch together, but all of us kids learned how to do everything from mucking out stalls to bidding on fillies at auction. And of all of us kids only my cousin Levi has the heart to keep the legacy alive for another generation."

"All it takes is one, doesn't it?" she asked.

"That's true," he said. "And Dad and Uncle Tommy were also good about not pressuring us, though I'm sure it had to pain them a bit to see most of us move on with different interests."

"It's a beautiful home," she said. "It looks like a place meant for children and laughter. I bet Christmas is amazing here."

"I can't imagine being anywhere else," he said. "You'll see when the time comes. Though we didn't have all of these things. The pool house is new and the family barn. My mom decided once she started having grandchildren that she wanted to have a place where they'd want to come. And Dad doesn't even make them muck out the stalls."

"I guess grandparent life is different," she said.

"Have you ever thought about having children?" he asked as they parked behind all of the other cars.

The question gave her pause. Maybe for a moment she'd thought about having children with Todd, back when she thought she was in love and could dream of a future with him. But even with stars in her eyes the thought had given her pause. All she knew was how she'd grown up. What kind of parent would she make? It wasn't a great thought.

"Those are heavy thoughts for a simple question," Colt said.

"Maybe not so simple," she said. "I don't know. I don't have any experience with kids."

"That's okay," he said. "I've got lots."

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked, but he was already out of the car and coming around to open her door.

"Colt!" said a myriad of small voices, followed by dogs barking.

Chewy was unsure of the children and the other dogs so he sat in the car until both had sniffed him out.

"It's okay, Chewy," Colt said. "They're friends. Go have a good time."

Chewy jumped down from the back seat and all the dogs ran off.

"Will he be okay?" Zoe asked worriedly. "I don't know how he interacts with strange dogs."

"He'll be fine," Colt said, bending down to pick up a little girl who couldn't be more than three. "And how's my best girl?"

The little girl giggled and nuzzled her head in his neck, the love there pure and sweet and innocent, and it made Zoe's heart sigh.

"This is Zoe," Colt told the girl. "And Zoe, this is Mary Catherine. She's my brother Duncan's daughter. You've met his wife, Hattie."

The little girl batted big blue eyes at her. "Oh, isn't she sweet," Zoe said. "I do know Hattie. We had lunch once with Raven and Dylan downtown. But I haven't gotten to meet Duncan or Mary Catherine yet."

"Yes, well Duncan doesn't get out much. He likes to think of himself as a recluse, but he always makes it to family dinners. Fortunately he likes food almost as much as he likes to paint."

"I've seen one of his paintings at the Met," she said. "It's a little intimidating to meet him."

"Nah," Colt said. "He's just a guy like everyone else. When he was fifteen and I was thirteen, he was trying to impress a bunch of girls out on the lake on his paddleboard, and Hank and I snuck up in the water behind him and pulled down his swim trunks. Just think about that when you meet him."

Zoe laughed and closed her eyes. "I do not want to think about your brother naked when I meet him. That does not help the situation."

Colt grinned and set Mary Catherine back on her feet so she could run off with the other kids.

"Well, if it makes you feel better Hattie has all your books on the bookshelf at their home, so you're kind of even in a way. Maybe he's just as nervous to meet you as you are to meet him."

"I doubt your brother is a reader of women's fiction novels."

"I wouldn't put it past him," Colt said, leading her toward the red barn. "He's a sensitive brute our Duncan. And a man of mystery."

"We're going to the barn?" she asked. "I should have worn different shoes."

"This isn't an animal barn," Colt told her. "At least not anymore. As the family started getting bigger my mother said she was tired of people traipsing in and out of her house and messing up her kitchen, so she renovated the barn to be a gathering place."

"Ahh," Zoe said, remembering. "Your lone shopping trip with your mother you mentioned."

"It was traumatizing," he said. "If you look across to the other side of the lake you'll see Uncle Tommy and Aunt Simone's place. My dad is the oldest so he got the land where the original homestead was located, and everyone on both sides kind of gravitates over here."

Zoe felt the tightness in her chest as they moved closer to the barn, and she knew there were dozens of people on the other side who all shared the O'Hara name. They were waiting anxiously to meet her because they loved Colt. Because they knew he was bringing the woman he loved home for the first time. And she was afraid she was going to be nothing but a disappointment to all of them.

The closer they got the tighter her chest became, and her steps faltered.

"Hey," Colt said, squeezing her hand. "Are you okay?"

She was having trouble getting oxygen to her lungs and panic started to take over. What was she doing here? She didn't belong in a scene like this—where white picket fences and family dinners were a reality.

"I can't do this," she managed to get out between gasps of air. "I'm sorry."

The look of concern on his face was her undoing and she felt the tears well up in her eyes. She couldn't remember the last time she'd cried. Not since she'd been sent home from boarding school her third year because she'd gotten pneumonia.

"It's okay," he said. And he picked her up in his arms and carried her back to the car.

Things went fuzzy after that. She didn't remember Chewy getting back in the car, or the looks of concerned people as they drove off the way they'd come. All she knew was she needed air and space. She leaned her face against the cool window and let the tears fall, but only because she couldn't get them to stop.

She didn't know how long they'd been driving—she must have fallen asleep—but when the Bronco stopped she didn't recognize where they were. Colt got out of the car and said, "Be right back. Just stay put."

So she did, rubbing the grit from her eyes so she could better see her surroundings. The trees were thicker here, but there was a clearing of open land and she could see a lake, though this lake wasn't the same as the one behind her condo. It was smaller and it would take a little more work to get down to the shore's edge because their elevation was higher.

Then she saw Colt appear from out of the trees and into the clearing with a big red plaid blanket and an ice chest. He spread the blanket out in the sun and then came straight for her.

She rubbed at her face again, sure it was swollen and red from crying. What had come over her? She never cried. And she especially never cried in front of people. She'd spent the last decade dealing with everything from a stalker to irate fans when she'd once killed off a beloved character, but she'd always kept a level head and handled the situation with calm.

Embarrassment flooded her as he opened the door and she said, "I'm so sorry, Colt. I don't know what happened. But you should go back and be with your family. I'll apologize to them tomorrow."

He just scooped her up in his arms again like she weighed no more than Mary Catherine had, and he let Chewy out to run free and explore. He didn't put her down when they got to the blanket.

"Colt, what are you doing? I'm fine now. I promise. Put me down."

"You know," he said easily. "I find that sometimes when things get to be too much a simple cure is to come out and soak in God's creation, lie on the grass, and let the sunshine heal your soul. Did you know the sun is one of nature's best medicines?"

"No," she said, her voice husky. It was all she could say. Who was this man who had such deep wells of compassion and understanding? Would he never cease to amaze her?

He laid her down on the blanket and he took off her shoes and set them aside. And then he lay down next to her. He didn't try to fill the silence with conversation. His presence was enough. And he'd been right, the sun soaking into her skin felt life giving. After a while he took her hand, and they watched the clouds roll in lazy patterns across the sky.

"Where are we?" she asked.

"Redemption Road," he said and she could hear the humor in his voice. "My cabin is just back there behind the trees."

"Where'd the name come from?"

"To tell you the truth I don't know," he said. "All the roads that lead to the different plots of family land have names like that. My dad used to say that when we go down those roads less traveled it's sometimes good to have a reminder of where we've been and where we're going. I always remember that whenever I see the sign that leads to this place."

"Your dad is a wise man," she said.

"I'm realizing that more and more the older I get."

The winds had shifted with the seasons and there was a change in the leaves as they began to flutter to the ground, but the afternoon sun was enough to keep her warm.

"I'd never met anyone like Todd before," she said, her voice hoarse. "I'd spent so much time focused on my career and writing and traveling that I was a bit na?ve when it came to men. Other than a boyfriend from college that fizzled as soon as I quit school, Todd was the first man I'd met who really caught my attention."

"You must be the most unaware woman on the planet," Colt said. "I've seen men trip over their own feet at the sight of you. You literally walk into a room and the earth stops moving. You have beauty and brains and an incredible sense of humor. Men were probably throwing themselves at you and you just didn't notice."

Zoe turned her head to the side so she could see him. "I think I'd notice a bunch of men throwing themselves at me," she said dryly. "But I appreciate the vote of confidence."

He chuckled and squeezed her hand, and she felt herself relax. She could tell Colt anything. All of her past mistakes, and the future consequences, would be heard without blame or judgment. She could trust him.

"I'd decided giving myself a solid financial foundation was more important than trying to find a husband and start a family," she said. "I guess I was so young when things really started to take off that I figured I had plenty of time for that. I told you before being free from my parents' home was my priority.

"And then the week before my thirtieth birthday I was jogging in Central Park like I always did. You get to know the regulars. Not that we ever spoke or hung out, because New Yorkers like to pretend they're the only ones who exist in whatever world they're living in at the time, but you see familiar faces and give a civilized nod. I don't know what it was about that particular day, but I stopped to stretch by a park bench and I really started to look at what was around me.

"Even at that time I'd already started thinking it was time for a change. I'd visited Laurel Valley for a book signing years ago, and I'd fallen in love with it from the moment I got here. There was nothing that tied me to New York. It was just a familiar place, and I'd bought a great apartment on the Upper West Side in an eclectic building filled with celebrities of various mediums.

"It's when I really stopped to look that afternoon that Todd came into focus. He was…dazzling. He said all the right things and he was so handsome. Apparently he'd done some modeling in his early twenties before he'd become a consultant on Wall Street. I still don't know if there's any truth to any of the stories he told me."

She watched the clouds and felt the weight of relief lift as she continued to speak. She'd never shared her life—the secret places in her heart—with anyone, not even with a girlfriend or her attorney during the divorce. She'd had no one.

"He told me he'd been waiting for me to notice him for weeks, but I never did so he'd just jog past me and look forward to seeing me the next day. And the next. He made me laugh, and he was spontaneous, surprising me with concerts in the park and weekend trips to Paris or the wine country.

"He didn't bother my work schedule and I didn't bother his, but it was those flutters of first love. Endless text messages and phone calls late into the night. He made my head spin. Which was the point, I guess. And I agreed to marry him only a few weeks later.

"It wasn't a big wedding. Neither of us had a close circle of friends or family. So we did everything at the courthouse and then sent out announcements. He moved into my apartment because it was bigger than his and more convenient. Of course, I'd never even seen his place so I couldn't make a comparison. But I didn't really care one way or the other.

"He was good at entangling our lives and finances very quickly. I started thinking something wasn't quite right about a month after the wedding, but I didn't have any experience with con men. I just had this feeling in the pit of my stomach that he wasn't everything he said he was. But I still wanted to believe him. I let the charade go on for months, knowing in my gut he was lying to me.

"So one day I decided to do what I do best. Research. And I started with his work. It's the first and only time I've ever called my father, but he was happy to help because I was talking about what he loves most—money.

"Ironically enough, he'd never even opened my announcement about the marriage, so he didn't recognize Todd's name when I asked him if he'd ever heard of his consulting firm. I just told him Todd said he was an independent broker on Wall Street and he wanted to invest some money for me. A packet was couriered to me from my father's office a couple of hours later with all kinds of information. It turns out Todd had been investigated by the SEC and had gone to prison for a while. He'd also been married twice before, to women who had very nice portfolios that he'd helped himself to.

"I felt so stupid," she said, a familiar hollowness inside her chest as she remembered how devastated she'd been in those first days of understanding she'd married a fraud. "I confronted him, of course." Her laugh was brittle. "I didn't realize how bad things were going to get."

"He targeted you?" Colt asked.

"Oh yeah," she said. "Just like he had his first two wives. He'd recognized me running in the park one day, and I'd been in the paper because my latest book had been chosen for a celebrity book club and I'd sold the movie rights to her production company. I wasn't completely vulnerable because I am my father's daughter in some sense of the word. And early in my career I'd had the foresight to reach out to one of his financial managers to set up LLCs and trusts and different real estate investments under different companies.

"Todd didn't know all that at the time, so that was at least a nice surprise when he tried to take me to court for half of everything I owned, including the books I'd written and all investments. The discovery packet I received was insane. I had to send it to my financial guy to fill out because even I didn't know all the answers to all the questions."

"I guess that's the thing about con men," Colt said. "They do their homework."

"Oh, yeah. I'm not sure I ever had a chance. It turns out he'd even read all my books. He told me when he read them what he saw between the lines was a woman who was lonely, with little self-confidence and abandonment issues. Apparently, I have common themes about a longing for family, no matter what story I'm writing."

"Seems like he could have used skills like that in a law-abiding way," Colt said.

"I guess there's not as much money guaranteed doing it that way. The divorce proceedings took more than two years. He even tried to get hold of all my future rights of books or movies. It was unbelievable. In a heartbeat, I saw everything I'd worked for go down the drain. All the promises I'd made myself to never have to rely on my parents again or be under their thumb or roof—I thought I was going to lose it all.

"My financial advisor worked for my father's firm, and he fired me as a client. He told me the orders came directly from my father. Apparently Richard Green doesn't want clients or daughters who are going to bring him bad press. And their name was brought up many times in depositions and newspaper articles.

"He might have fired me, but he did a great job of protecting all my assets. The judge eventually ruled that the trusts several of my LLCs were in couldn't be touched. But Todd was still entitled to half of our combined accounts, my retirement funds, and the apartment we'd shared for the few months we were married. By the time it was all said and done and the apartment was sold, he walked away with about twenty million dollars. Not too shabby for a con that lasted less than a year."

"My God," Colt said. "I can't even imagine the emotional turmoil of dealing with that for so long."

"The book I just turned in," she said. "That's the first book I've written since Todd and I were married. It was all just too much. I couldn't think. I couldn't concentrate. I didn't even know who I was anymore. And I was scared to death to start writing again and maybe discover that I could no longer do it. That he'd taken that part of me just like he'd taken my material possessions.

"That day you met me," she said, licking her lips. "I'd just gotten the final divorce papers. After all that time it was finally done. The judge had ruled against him getting half of my work or any future work, but in exchange I have to pay him alimony for five years."

"I'm so sorry, Zoe," he said. "I don't know what to say other than I'm glad you're free of him."

She sighed. "Almost free of him." That was the hardest part. Realizing there would be a tie with Todd for the next five years. How could she move on while they were still connected?

"I think he hates me," she confessed. "He'd had more success with his first two wives, and he wasn't expecting that he'd be denied more of my assets. I've been paying spousal support since I filed for divorce, and every month he runs out of money so he'll text and text and text, asking for an early payment or telling me how I owe him so much more. Apparently, I made his life miserable for the months we were married and I'm terrible at everything—my writing, the clothes I wear, the makeup I don't wear, and the way I make love."

"Don't let him have power over you," Colt said fiercely. "He's a liar."

"Because you have so much experience where I'm concerned with all those things?"

"All but one of them," he said intently. "And there is no doubt in my mind when the time comes that we will fit together like we were made for each other. Because we were."

Her breath caught at the intensity of that promise. She wanted to believe him. And she ached with the desire that had been building inside her since they'd met. Even though her time with Todd had been short, the damage he'd done had been plentiful.

"I've read a couple of your books too," he confessed. "And do you want to know what I saw?"

"You read my books?" she asked, the immediate fear of why rearing its ugly head. Todd had read them a research tool so he could con her more thoroughly. Why had Colt read them?

"Writing is a part of who you are," he said. "Why wouldn't I read them? I told you I love you. I love all of you. And I support what you do. You have a tremendous gift. When I read your books I see a woman who has an intimate understanding of people. Someone who is empathetic and compassionate, and someone who understands the heartaches of real people. I see a woman who might not have experience with family, but she understands what family should be and keeps searching for it. And I see a woman who loves and wants to be loved in return. And you craft it all so brilliantly in the stories you tell, while taking the reader on a journey of not just personal understanding but also a journey of hope for the future."

The tears she'd been holding back started to fall. No one had ever seen the woman inside the work before, and she was blown away, and a little embarrassed by, his assessment.

"I want you to see yourself how I see you. You're amazing. I'm glad you found your way home to Laurel Valley, even though there were a few detours along the way. And I'm really thankful you got a concussion."

She laughed and rubbed her hands over her eyes.

"Yeah," she said, blowing out a sigh. "I guess all things considered, I'm glad too. I needed to tell all of this to you today. I've been holding it inside for a long time, and I know you've been waiting for explanations about my past."

"I know you've been healing," he said softly. "There's not a timeline on that."

"See, that's what I mean," she said. "You're just this unending well of understanding. How are you not impatient? How can you not demand more from me than I've been able to give?"

He rolled to his side so he was looking directly at her. "Baby," he said. "That's what love is. How are you supposed to learn what it means for a man to love a woman—really love her—if I can't model it? Not every man is like your father and ex-husband."

"I'm starting to see that," she said, rolling to her side to face him. "I needed to tell all of this to you today, before we were bombarded with your family. Because I love you."

* * *

Colt had thought about what it might feel like the first time Zoe told him she loved him—if she told him at all. But nothing had prepared him for the punch to the solar plexus her words had given him.

She loved him.

After listening to her story he knew what a big deal it was for her to trust him and confide in him. There was a lot going on inside of him—the most prevalent being anger. His fighting days were over, but he couldn't promise he would hold back if he ever crossed paths with her ex-husband.

"Are you going to say anything?" she asked nervously, biting her lip.

"I'm not sure words are the right response," he said. And then he leaned in and kissed her with all the pent-up passion and desire he'd been holding on to for these weeks. He'd been going insane with his need for her.

He realized very quickly if he didn't stop things would get out of control. Their breaths and bodies were entangled, and all he could hear was the blood rushing in his ears.

He pulled away from her and rolled over onto his back, his chest heaving as he closed his eyes and willed himself back under control. And then he heard the whimper and his eyes snapped open and he turned to see Zoe curled up on her side, her lips swollen with passion and her face pale.

"Did I do something wrong?" she managed to ask, though she didn't make eye contact.

"Oh, Zoe, no. You did everything very right. But if I didn't stop us we would be very naked right now, and that's not how I want to do this."

Her lashes fluttered open and she glanced up to meet his eyes. "Why did you stop? I want—I've never wanted so bad in my life."

He groaned and closed his eyes. Being patient with Zoe was going to kill him.

"Because I love you and I want to marry you. When you're ready," he said, before the panic could kick in. "And I want to do this the right way. I want you to know I want you for you and nothing you own. I want you to know that I treasure and respect you. And I want you to know that when you're ready, I can be the family you long for."

Her lips trembled and it was everything he could do not to reach out and pull her close again. She finally reached out and took his hand, and he breathed out a sigh of relief. She wasn't completely appalled by the idea of marriage, so that seemed like a good thing.

Chewy came over to sniff them both, and deciding they'd come to their senses he plopped down in the middle of them.

"Maybe we can give it another try with your family before we start talking about marriage."