15. Jud

FIFTEEN

JUD

“Are you ready?” I rumbled low.

I looked on from where I stood behind her. Chills skated down Salem’s arms while she watched Juni drive away with Trent, Eden, and Gage.

The party had wrapped, and Eden’s trunk was loaded down with the presents people had brought. Friends and family had drifted off into the night, everyone high on the life Eden and Trent shared.

Slowly, Salem shifted. Felt the ground quake when she did. Energy blistered through the dense night air.

Girl stood there in that skirt and blouse, and fuck, my insides took a tumble into greed.

“I’m sorry.” My confession toppled like stones.

Hard and jagged and heavy.

It was the truth.

Salem’s gorgeous face blanched, that body flinching like she didn’t know what to believe. “Why are you doing this, Jud?”

Confusion thick, my head barely shook. “Don’t know. All I know is I can’t stop thinking about you. Can’t stop going back to the shop. To your fear. Way it felt when I touched you.”

The edges of that seductive mouth quivered, and she hugged her arms across her chest like she could block this out. “And we already established it doesn’t change things, though, does it?”

“Doesn’t it?”

Attraction blurred the lines.

Whipped and lashed and curled, rising around us like a dark, dark storm.

Her tongue darted out to wet her lips. “My daughter is and will always be my first priority, Jud. It’s clear you have a problem with that.”

Agony staked through my chest. Yeah, it’d hurt like a motherfucker when I’d first seen that precious thing come flying out the door. When my mind had gone there, taunting me with that penalty I could never fully pay.

But I thought the wall that had gone up between me and Salem might have hurt worse.

I forced the brittle words from my tongue. “I was just surprised.”

Her face pinched. “And you are a liar.”

Nerves rocked me back, and I rushed an agitated hand through my hair, blinking toward the ground like it would hold an answer.

A reason.

“I’ve got shit, Salem. Dark, ugly shit.”

The fuck did I think I was doing? But the confession had slipped out before I could think better of it. A proclamation I shouldn’t offer.

But there it was, hovering in the deep, summer night.

Bare and raw.

Salem’s jaw clenched against it, that scar dancing on her gorgeous face. “Isn’t that true of us all?”

My throat tightened, the words gravel, “Not like mine.”

Guilt clutched and clawed, and still, I stood there, a criminal looking for vindication.

“I don’t know what you want from me,” she finally said.

Girl so stunning. A mystery. Perfection.

“Want to paint you.” It came out on the urging of my fingers.

I’d officially lost it.

Her brow curled, and her voice turned to an accusation. “You want to paint me?”

“Think you’re the beauty I’m always trying to capture.”

That stormy gaze flashed through a million things. Adding up. Like she was back to standing soaking wet in my living room, and she was asking about those paintings.

I’d shut it down then, unable to answer the questions she’d wanted to ask.

But tonight, I didn’t know how to stop from inviting her in.

“Jud…”

“Come home with me, Salem.”

Reservations sent her skating a step back.

“As friends,” I clarified.

Salem all but rolled her eyes. “Seriously?”

“Just…wanna be with you. Don’t want to take you home yet.” I eased forward, and my voice lowered the closer I got. “Hated the last three days, Salem. Fuckin’ hated the way you looked at me. Hated that I hurt you. Hated that things were tense between us. Just fuckin’ hated it.”

My fingertips brushed her chin.

“Jud…”

“Please.”

Thunderbolt eyes struck me hard. “My heart can’t take falling in love with you, Jud.”

“Who said anything about love, darlin’?” A hint of a smile twitched the corner of my mouth, soft and real and wishing all of it could be different, and Salem smiled, too.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“Tell me somethin’ I don’t know.”

She blinked up at me, and those tender fingertips found the thrumming at my chest. “That I like you…too much.”

My hand covered hers, pressing it close to my chest. “Think I like you too much, too.”

Her smile turned somber. “We’re a mess, Jud.”

“Yeah, a beautiful fucking mess, and I wanna show you what that looks like to me.”

Her attention turned to the empty street where her adorable daughter had gone. This little girl who’d stolen a chunk from my soul. Her eyes the color of her mom’s and her spirit the drumming of faith.

“She’ll be fine with Trent and Eden,” I promised. “My brother might look like an asshole, but he’s got the best heart there is. Dude would take a bullet to protect the innocent, and I promise you, your daughter is included in that.”

Meant that literally.

She set that gaze back on me. “I don’t trust easily.”

I squeezed her hand in mine, brought her knuckles to my lips.

Tried to ignore the flames and the fire.

Tried to calm the roaring of possession that went sailing through.

The protectiveness that surged at the memory of her fear.

This girl was in trouble.

I knew it. Knew it to my soul.

And I was the fool who wanted to wrap her up and guard her from whatever that was.

“You might not be able to trust me, baby, but you can trust them.”

Her voice was wry when she said, “Charmer. And you want me to go home with you?”

“Just sayin’ it straight.”

She hesitated. “I think what I’m afraid of is I might not be able to trust myself. There’s something special about you, Jud.”

My chest fisted. “Nah, baby, think it’s the other way around.”

For a second, we stood there gazing at each other while the world spun on around us. People filtered in and out of the restaurant, cars zipped by on the street, and the heavens twinkled with the lush expanse of stars.

Finally, I stretched out my hand. “Come with me.”

She wavered for only a second before she accepted my hand.

Heat streaked up my arm.

Salem made a needy noise, and I knew I wasn’t the only one who felt the force.

Gravity.

We should fight it.

Turn our backs.

But I led her down the sidewalk to where I’d parked my bike.

Salem came to stand beside it.

All black hair and tempting curves and unrelenting eyes.

My dick wasn’t the only thing that stirred.

Had to fist my hands to keep from reaching out and taking what wasn’t mine.

Still, I edged that way and freed the helmet I’d left dangling from the handlebars, my regard unflinching as I placed it on her head and fastened the strap. I had left my Harley facing out, and I climbed on, guiding the girl on behind me, loving the feel of that tight body pressed to my back.

Way her form fit against me like she was molded for my shape.

A tremor rocked through her, and her arms were shaking as she wrapped them around my waist.

My hands squeezed hers, then I started the engine. The roar filled my ears and sent a crash of adrenaline pounding through my veins.

I pulled out onto the main street that ran through downtown Redemption Hills.

The air was warm, but crisp enough up high in these mountains that shivers raced our flesh.

Or maybe it was just this feeling that wrapped us tight.

The sense that the heavens hugged us in an embrace.

That there was a reason for this insistent attraction.

This feeling that I couldn’t let go.

Emotion grew with every mile that passed beneath us. As the road blurred and the night deepened and her spirit caught me in a trap.

The truth that I didn’t want to be anywhere else than here with her when I eased into the Iron Ride lot.

Blasphemy.

Still, I slowed and tapped the button to open my garage bay.

Easing inside, I spread my feet out to keep us steady then killed the engine. Silence bound the dense, dense atmosphere. The only sound was the panting of her breaths and the thunder of her heart.

Shit.

What was I doing?

Bringing her here like this?

But I couldn’t stand the thought of dropping her in front of her house without at least making her understand the way she made me feel.

What I saw.

The beauty she sparked in my heart and mind.

I helped her off, and I climbed to standing, grinning at the way she quickly unwound the strap and handed it to me, girl all nerves while she stood there like a vixen in the middle of my shop.

This enchantress that held me in her sweet, sweet spell.

“Fuckin’ fantasy, you standing there.”

Her throat tremored when she swallowed, and she fidgeted with her hands. “I have no idea what I’m doing here, Jud.”

“Going to show you.”

I reached for her hand again, and we crossed the space, her heels clacking along behind me as I led her to the stairs. Shifting, I ushered her ahead of me. “Up you go, darlin’.”

Warily, she took the first step, and I couldn’t do anything but lean in and breathe near her ear as she passed. “Don’t worry, baby. I’ll catch you if you fall.”

Thunderbolt eyes struck me from over her shoulder. “And what if you’re the one who sends me tumbling?”

I quirked a teasing brow. “Now why would a friend go and do something like that?”

Deep laughter rolled up her throat. “Friends, huh?”

I gave her an exaggerated nod.

Pure innocence.

Girl saw right through it.

Fact I needed her here. A hunger had lit, and I wasn’t sure I would ever get my fill. How I’d ever be sated. How I’d ever stop wanting more.

That kiss had only evoked a feeding frenzy.

We climbed the stairs to my loft, and I punched in the code on the keypad and opened the door.

Dusky, hazy light echoed back.

I held open the door so she could step inside my home.

A home that normally felt vacant and vast.

Artificial warmth in the dark woods and fabrics, but the only thing I ever really felt were the ghosts howling back. The demons that thrived in the shadows.

Salem stepped inside. Immediately, her attention went to the floor to ceiling paintings hung on the far wall.

An expression of my dreams.

The nightmares that chased me into sleep.

My sins I could never escape.

Could feel the questions rush from her skin, the way she looked back at me, asking me to let her see what lived in the recesses of my mind.

I set my hand on the small of her back. Severity zapped through the connection. “I’ll show you.”

Salem leaned down and removed her heels the way she’d done the last time she was there.

It dropped her four inches.

This barefooted girl sexy as fuck.

She hooked them in the fingers of her right hand at the same time as she wound the fingers of her left with mine.

Peace.

It whispered beneath my skin.

A slow burn that flooded my veins and threatened to seep all the way to my soul.

A motherfucking fool, but still I led her across the loft, through the open living room and along the far-right side of the kitchen, to my bedroom double doors.

Stalling, Salem swung her attention to me, her tone incredulous. “Your bedroom?”

A low chuckle rumbled out. “Thought you trusted me?”

Her eyes narrowed. “I never said that. Besides, you’re the one who just told me I shouldn’t.”

“I changed my mind.” The words were close to a growl.

“Touch me and I stab you.” Mischief glinted in those blue eyes.

A bolt of laughter boomed from my chest.

Shit.

This girl was too much.

My little wildcat.

I reached out to open the right side of the double doors.

Salem warily looked through the opening.

Ripples of need.

Waves of unease.

I shifted around to face her, tugging at her hand while I walked backward, luring her in.

Her attention raced across the rambling bedroom. Entire thing was this extravagant show of the wealth I had built. A reminder that I was doing it right for a change.

Had to wonder if that applied right then.

I kept moving across the room to the door on the left wall.

I paused outside it with the girl facing me.

The room dark. Her gaze bright.

“Just what are we doing, Jud?”

Disquiet rattled me to the bones.

“Should I be concerned?” She attempted the tease to break through my apprehension. “Is this where you hide your victims?”

I reached out and brushed back the lock of hair from her face, tucked it behind her ear, my voice close to shaking when I muttered the truth, “No one has been inside here except for Trent.”

Not even Logan.

A frown marred her gorgeous face.

I watched as her expression shifted, as she realized I was giving her something I rarely shared with anyone.

A view into my forsaken soul.

I punched in the code that unlocked the door and let Salem into my studio. A studio that took up half the area of the loft.

The soft glow of recessed lights barely illuminated the massive space, just a drizzled white seeping over the shadowy room.

There wasn’t any furniture except for the easels that were littered about and the stacks of canvases piled everywhere.

Buckets of paint and supplies were strewn all over. Ladders and scaffolding climbing the walls.

Salem stumbled in, her eyes wide and a gasp leaving her mouth as she took in the scene.

Paint covered every inch of the room.

I didn’t only utilize the canvases.

My art spilled onto the floors and the walls. Every surface cloaked in the artifices of my mind.

A kaleidoscope of images—images I’d painted and repainted again. Where the strokes were almost manic, my thoughts and fears and shame imprinted in the scenes.

Place a nightmare.

A mess.

A dream.

Surprise wheezed from her lips, and Salem eased deeper into the studio. In the middle of the room, she slowly turned around, studying it through the dim, hazy light.

“You said you didn’t know me.” I uttered it low. A morbid confession.

The heels slipped from Salem’s fingers, and they clattered to the floor. She all but floated to the far wall, her feet so soft it felt like I was watching a slow dance in the darkness.

She glanced back at me once before she turned and ran her fingertips over the deranged depictions smeared on the wall.

Demons climbing from Hell.

Angels falling from the heavens.

Whispers of dreams.

Half, undefined faces.

Scourges and eternal fire.

So much fire.

Some were rudimentary outlines of my family.

Brushstrokes of hope and joy and desperate devotion.

Indistinct intonations of those that I’d lost and others that I clung to.

They were all haphazardly woven together across every flat surface.

As if she were drawn to it, she moved, her fingers quivering over the crude image of the child that would forever haunt my mind.

Salem’s chest heaved and her body shook as she traced the cryptic shape.

The air locked in my lungs as a rush of old agony froze my blood.

“This is me, Salem.” I shoved my tatted hands into my pockets. Shame came at me tenfold.

She swiveled back to look at me. Tears soaked her cheeks.

“Jud.” My name was a whimper.

“Warned you it was ugly.”

Her head shook. “It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” She touched her chest. “And the most devastating.”

There she was, looking at me in a different light, in the way I should have shown her from the start.

Because what everyone else got was deception.

They didn’t get the scars and the tragedy.

But Salem?

Felt compelled to show her this.

A fucking fool.

But there I was, laying it at her feet.

“And you see me like this?” She whispered that, a spec of horror and confusion, her brow pinching in the most gorgeous way.

That frozen blood thudded.

Pulsed harder. A warning that lit in my veins.

Or fuck, maybe it was straight-up liberation. This moment I’d found with an enchantress who floated through my studio.

“No, Salem. Think that’s the problem. I see you in an entirely different way. In a way that fucks with my head. Because when I’m looking at you? I see beauty. I see light. I see a treasure and goodness and every fuckin’ thing that is right.”

She slowly shifted, her gaze soft as she carefully padded in my direction. Waves of energy rippled with each step. She stopped in the middle of the room, the girl warring, though she lifted that chin.

“And I see a man who found me in a storm where I was lost. A man who took the time to rescue me. A man who’s a protector. A man who’s good and kind. A man who’s also broken. I see the pain, Jud. I see it. I feel it because it lives in me, too.”

“Enchantress. You’ve got me transfixed. Don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.”

Energy crashed from her spirit.

Need fisted my guts, and the words left me on a low demand. “When do you feel the most beautiful, Salem?”

This fierce, unrelenting girl actually blushed. Heat exploded from that delicious flesh.

She lifted that stunning face. “I think I might have forgotten.”

I took a step forward. The air trembled and shook. “It’s all I see when I look at you. Beauty. You’re the definition of it. You don’t have to be shy. Don’t have to be afraid. You’re safe with me, darlin’.”

The savage promise stoked the flames. Truth that I wanted to erase that fear from her eyes.

The truth that I was asking her for some of that trust I didn’t deserve but wanted right then, anyway.

I should run from the fire.

But I took another step deeper.

Salem swept her tongue across her plump lips as those eyes were doing that thing that slayed me through.

Intense and wild and seductive.

Girl became a vixen in a beat.

Alive under my stare.

“I want to see, Salem, how you feel when I’m looking at you. Show me.”

Attraction blazed through the dull, dusky light.

Sparks and flames.

She hesitated—contemplated—then she stared me down as she reached around to loosen the zipper at the back of her skirt.

She let it go and it fell to her ankles.

Motherfuck.

I gulped. Tried to breathe.

She kicked the fabric aside, and the girl stood there in that loose, flowy, knit blouse and a pair of white underwear.

Those legs were bare.

Curvy and luscious and…fuck.

My mouth went dry.

Had to physically restrain myself from going for her.

She adjusted the swoop of the neckline, letting it drape off one delicate shoulder, and she slowly sank to her knees on the floor. She spread them apart, and a pant rasped from her mouth when she did, like the girl was impaled by the same bolt of lust that skewered through me.

“Shit.” It curled from my mouth hard and low.

She angled her head just to the side so that scar was exposed, her hair rolling down her shoulders like a river of black.

I felt held.

Compelled.

A spell rippling through the shadows that took me hostage.

Black-fuckin’-magic.

Salem smoothed her hand over her stomach, those eyes piercing as she stared at me from across the space. “This, Jud, this is how I feel when you’re looking at me. Like I matter. Like I don’t have to hide. Like for the first time in years, I am seen. Like I exist .”